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Thursday, April 26, 2012

"77th NFL Draft"

“Informer the only thing you write about is the NFL and your not even going to post a blog about the first round of the NFL draft?”

“In the words of Chris Carter…COME ON MAN!!!”

Well Mr. Fake reader for the first time in a few years you actually made a great valid point…

You see the draft is not what it once was..

Back in the day you woke up early on Saturday morning and watched football draft coverage all day…

It was literally all day..They wouldn’t stop coverage until 10:00PM at night…

And if you were like the Informer it was another reason to either drink Mountain Dew and eat candy all day (Jr High)….Drink beer and chew all day (High School/College)…Go to the bar and do shots all day…(After 21)

Seriously the draft was like a Holiday…

Then the NFL decided it was time to screw with what works…

Now we have the draft spread out over three days with Saturdays coverage barely even mattering rounds 4-7...

COME ON MAN!!!

Anyways the Informer went to work tonight and followed along on twitter but there was no all day boozing…

There was no I have to text Dauber or Mitch moments…

Nope it was just another random watered down sports night…

And the NFL wonders why we don’t need the PRO BOWL anymore…

Everything has been watered down and saturated…

There are to many long drawn out events…

And no having one round of the Draft on a Thursday and two rounds of the Draft on Friday night foolowed by all day coverage on Saturdaay is not a good solution..

For GOD sakes name one person who sits around and says "Welp Im not leaving my couch for the next three nights to watch the draft…"

For the most part one full day of draft and maybe catching the highlights of Sundays draft was hard enough to pull off…

But the Informer is done playing his “Welp Getting Married on May 1st aka Zestys birthday so now I Have to work instead of watch football card”…

Lets talk football…

In order from 1-Thirty Something….

Indy Colts -

I saw one picture of Andrew Luck on the Podium and the guy looks like he may be a little slow…Seriously does he have down syndrome?

On a bright side the Guy is the best prospect since John Elway and Peyton Manning both of which were drafted by the Indy Colts on draft night and now both are a part of the Denver Broncos franchise…

So you got that to look forward to one day Andrew…Playing for the Broncos…Mark it down…

Informer Rank - -The Informer likes

Washington Redskins-

RG3.…

If he turns out to be the Next Cam Newton the Informer is going to have a semi mega huge “BISP”….

If he turns out to be Michael Vick the Informer is going to have a semi mega huge “BISP”….

If he turns out to be Ryan Leaf..(You remember the guy drafted second behind Peyton Manning and also the starter in week one of the Informers first every fantasy football team) then he is not going to want to live in the state of TEXAS…In case  you didn’t see Leaf has a Fugitive Arrest Warrant out for himself right now….That’s a lot of downside…

Informers Grade - The Informer likes…

Browns -

They drafted that running back from Alabama…They traded up to do it…

Everyone says that Richardson is fast and strong and a stud….

The Informer has never really been all that impressed…He seems kinds small…And we saw the ceiling for running backs from Alabama last year with Mark Ingram…

On a side note who else were the Browns really going to draft…

There running back is a white guy trying to be Mike Alstott….

Informers Grade - hmmmmmm….luke warm..I mean anytime you can upgrade from a white running back to a stud who runs a 4.38 you have to do it…just saying…Also the Informer totally plans on drafting Richardson way to high in his fantasy football draft next year…

Vikings-

Traded down to draft some Tackle from USC…Here is hoping he is Tony Basselli…Remember that guy..The Jags drafted him along time ago and he was really good I think…Or did he get injured a lot? Remember when the team drafted Robert Gallery second overall? Man I bet they wish the could do that over…

Informers Grade - Did you know you don’t even draft Tackles in fantasy football…..Plus Adrian Peterson no longer has a knee so why do you even have to draft blockers for him…They should have drafted Bill Gates son and then convinced him to invest in a new stadium…That would have been a good pick…

JAGS---

The Informer has wanted to root for the JAGS for two years…Basically since he met his buddy brach who is a huge Jags fan…

Sadly the Jags never traded for TEBOW and always sucked….

Just when the Informer thinks he will never be a JAGS fan they go and do something like this and totally redeem themselves…

MR. BRACH may the Informer introduce you to a “Black Man”…In fact its Justin “Black Man”
Congrats buddy your going to have to go see your doctor after your “Black Man” BISP lasts for over 4 months…

Informer Grade - “Rocked Up”
COWBOYS

They traded up and drafted the best player from LSU which was the best defense in college football last year…Also the Cowboys have that guy who coaches them who is fat and kinda looks like the Jets head coach…So he really is going to like this Claiborne….

Maybe next year the Informer will watch a few college football games so he knows who these cants are…

Informer’s Grade - If this helps Dez Bryant the Informer likes it…Plus Tony Romo used to “Bone Sexual Napalm”…aka Jessica Simpson back when she was Dukes of Hazzard Hot…

Tampa Bay

They drafted a safety from Alabama….

Informer Grade - Not going to lie things are going to get a little dicey cause the Informer has no idea who these people are…Going out on a limb does this cat of “Dread Locks?”

Dolphins -

Drafted their first QB in the NFL since 1984 and we all know how that turned out…

See Verno the Informer can be optimistic for you….

Informer Grade - This made me lol….

Panthers - -

Drafted some linebacker from Boston College..Just curious but was this dude Cacausion? How do you spell Cacasion? You know a “White Guy”

Bills - -Stephen Gilmore…He is not the Canon but the Informer hears good things about this guy…Just saying the Bills defense could get scary good….

Informer Grade - -Anything to help the Canon old team is a good pick in the Informers mind…

Chiefs - -Drafted Edgar Allen Poe’s third cousin Dantae…The Informer has no idea who this dude is  or what team he played for but if he can write poetry like his uncle then he may have a future in this business….

Eagles - -Fletcher Cox….This would have been funnier if Vick had been accused of Cox fighting….Seriously how does the Informer even make a joke about dog fighting with a last name like Cox…Made my job kinda difficult Andy Reed….

On a side note the Informer officially has no idea who the last four guys drafted where…

Cardinals - -Drafted a WR from Notre Dame who is supposedly bad ass….On a side note the Informer will continue to draft Larry Fitzgerald in Fantasy football…the Guy is a f*cking Stud….

Do you think the Cards could maybe trade Larry now…I mean its only fair…Nobody should be that good and have Kevin Korn off the Kolb as your starting QB…

Rams - Seahawks -JETS

All three drafted defensive lineman that the Informer has no idea who they are….On a side note the Jets have Tebow and the Rams and Seahawks do not….

Bengals - Drafted some dude named DRE who wants to be Deion Sanders…

You bet your damn ass the Informer loves this pick…

If this guy isn’t using straight cash to pay his fines in four years the Informer will retire from blogging…

Chargers and Bears drafted guys…

No seriously that is all the Informer knows…Don’t know there names position or even college they went to…..

Titans - Drafted a WR from Baylor…Which is like drafting a brain surgeon from “Helen Keller School For the blind”…The Informer is saying this guy has to suck right?

Patriots --

They drafted a guy named Chandler Jones which read to the Informer reading a tweet saying it was that Boner Jones guys brother…You know the UFC fighter…Is this true?

If so the Informer thinks that is badass and will totally root for that boner guy from here on out…

The Browns drafted a QB who is older then the Informer…This is no sh*t…Not making it up…

On a side note the Informer is f*cking irate that Kobe did not go for the scoring title…Seriously Kobe…

Lets just close this out some guy from the Iowa Hawkeyes got drafted by the Lions which means the Lions def wont be able to be the Nebraska Cornhuskers next year…Get it cause Iowa lost to Nebraska just five months ago….Seriously look it up…Nebraska beat Iowa…Pretty easily if the Informer remembers correctly…Hashanah iowa sucks….

And with that the first round was pretty much over…The 49ers the Informers new favorite team drafted a WR which is smart considering they didn’t have one WR make a catch in the NFC Title game last year…

Then again if the man can still walk on water the 49ers only worry should be if Alex Smith can actually throw a football….

And with that this blog is done..

Short and sweet…to the point…

Much like Thursdays first round…

No long overdrawn marathon of words from the Informer…

Just like no marathon of NFL draft coverage…

And the Informer knows exactly what your thinking….

‘COME ON MAN”