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Thursday, November 29, 2012

Week 13

Dear Drew Brees,

The Informer Hates Your Guts...You Make Me VOMIT… You are scum between my toes

Love, THE INFORMER and the rest of the degenerates that chose to bet the Saints!

If you can't tell the Informer is not very happy with how Thursday night turned out…

Lucky for you the fake reader, the Question put together a lot of hard work for this weeks blog,  so the Informer is going to spare you the sob stories about Gambling, Direct TV and High Cholesterol…

However, before we get started the Informer must remind you that last week he picked 8-6-2 against the spread, while the Question finished 9-5-2...

If your scoring at home, that means the Informer and the Question both made you guys money last week…

And that’s even with the LKLOTW getting screwed over by the refs in the Bronco’s game… #that is another gripe for another day…

(Informer Note - Before you read the next four paragraphs the Informer must tell you all that Mr. Simmons was right and the Informer was wrong... He did in fact go 9-6-1... As always the Informer should probably give up the booze...thanks and enjoy the rest of the blog)

Finally, if you’re a reader of Bill Sports Guy Simmons, The Informer’s idle, you will notice that on Grantland.com Mr. Simmons has his record as 9-6-1 last week…

Well the Informer has gone back and did the math and Mr. Simmons was actually 8-7-1...

The Informer has taken it upon himself to update the proper standings for Mr. Simmons…

The Informer has tweeted him, wrote a angry email and placed the correct records at the top right corner of this blog…(For those reading via cell-phone you will not see the standings… But if you read from your computer it shows up under The Informer vs. The Question challenge)…

The point of all of this is that Grantland has Mr. Simmons with a false record…

The Informer is telling you this so that there is written record of the truth when the Informer beats Mr. Simmons this year in head to head NFL PICKS…

(Informer Note - The Informer is having a "Mano Y Mano" duel with the Sports Guy in NFL picks this year… Mr Simmons in no way has any idea that this is taking place, yet the Informer feels that it would be cheating if someone didn’t point out that his records were added up wrong…#Informer needs to get a life)

Now that we have taken care of the possible cheating scandal, how about you let the Informer make you some dolla dolla bills ya’ll…

***********************************************************************************

BEARS*         vs.    SEAHAWKS    +3 1/2

THE QUESTION

Informer, you are correct. 

The Bears are a different team when they have Jay Cutler, but their defense is old and slow.  

They rely on turnovers to maintain such a staunch defensive rating. 

But, the Bears are at home playing against a rookie quarterback and a team that can’t seem to figure it out on the road. 

I am cool with those circumstances. 

Pick - Bears


THE INFORMER

Let the Informer finish what he started saying last week…

SEAHAWKS ARE BAD ON THE ROAD….SEAHAWKS ARE BAD ON THE ROAD….

Also, the Seahawks top two corner backs are being suspended for doing illegal drugs…

And Lions love to eat Seahawks…

Wait that doesn’t make sense…

Lions and Seahawks and Bears… O MY….?

“Informer what the hell are you yapping about… There are no Lions in this game?”

That’s were you are wrong Mr. Fake Reader…

Cause this week the Bears will be a Mighty Pick… The Best there ever was…

Sorry the Informer is drunk…

What he is getting at is the Bears are his LION KING LOCK OF THE WEEK…

The Seahawks are not a good road team…

The Bears with a healthy Jay Cutler will roll baby…

Pick - LKLOTW DA BEARS




PACKERS*          vs.           VIKINGS  +9

THE QUESTION

This game offers up an in conference matchup,  with one team giving up almost double digit points? 

The Vikings are expecting Percy Harvin, a major component of their offense during their winning run early in the season, to play. 

This is a good sign for the Vikings, plus don’t overreact to the poor performance of the Vikings last week against the Bears… That was a pride game for Chicago. 

The Packers are turning their season around, but this is too many points. 

Pick - Vikings


THE INFORMER

Why would anyone Ponder taking the Vikings on the road this year…

They have not been good…

At all…

Not once…(They are 1-4 on the road… So technically once,  but you get the idea)

And the Informer learned on Thursday night why he hates taking Underdogs…

Because once the sh*t underdog team falls behind 17-0 and then gets “BOATRACED” you end up looking and sounding like a f*cking moron to your 56 followers on twitter…#follow the Informer on twitter please

The Informer is not going to make the same mistake twice in one week…

The Packers are going to come out with something to prove at home…

The Vikings are going to come out  and still have Christian Ponder at QB on the road…

Pick - Packers




49ERS                  @         RAMS*    +7

THE QUESTION-

Three weeks ago, these teams played in San Francisco and TIED!  TIED!  Let me repeat TIED!... 

Now the Niners are on the road and favored by 7? 

Lt the Colin Kaepernick era start Go Niners! 

Pick - Niners


THE INFORMER

The 49ers took the Rams lightly the first time around and tied…

That is not going to happen a second time…

Especially with Kaepernick giving the 49ers a shot in the arm for an excitement level…

Pick -49ERS

Informer Thought - For everyone that is up in arms about the Niners benching Alex Smith the Informer has one word for you…STOP IT!!!..

There was not a single writer/sports analyst last year who believed in what Alex Smith brought to the table..

Now,  all of the sudden he is Phil Simms and getting screwed over by Jeff Hoestettler… #1991 Super Bowl Champ Giants…##Wide Right…TOO SOON?

The Informer‘s point is, you don’t get to call for Alex Smith’s head saying your team can‘t win the big one with Smith at QB(All of Last year) and then react like the 49ers are screwing over the golden boy when the head finally gets cut off…

What’s next, you want to eat your cake to…?

Sometimes the Informer hates mainstream media…

There is to much 24-7 “We need Stories NOW…”

Here is your story…

The 49ers are still on track to make a deep playoff run..

And if Kaepernick sucks, he will get benched and the 49ers will still be on track to make a deep playoff run…

SO PLEASE STOP WITH THE NON F*CKING ALEX SMITH STORY!!!!!!!!

And with that the Informer is putting his high horse in the barn for tonight…




JETS*        vs.             CARDINALS                   +4 1/2

THE QUESTION
If you have been following along with these picks all season, you know about 5 weeks ago switched to a rule base format. 

Well one of my rules was to take underdogs in a matchup of mediocre teams. 

Well the Cardinals quarterback situation disallows this game from meeting the criteria. 

The Jets at home can cover these points with their defense alone. 

Pick - Jets


THE INFORMER

Couldn’t agree more…

That Arizona QB is worth at least 2 pick sixes a game from here on out…

Pick - Jets…




PANTHERS           @       CHIEFS*   +3

THE QUESTION

Let’s not waste our time. 

Chiefs fall into same category as Cardinals. 

Pick - Panthers


THE INFORMER

There is also a rule that states you are to always bet against K.C…

Especially a week after they pulled out all the stops to lose by only 9 points against the Broncos…#The Chiefs Kitchen Sink game let the lose by less then 10 points… That’s pretty good..

And don’t forget that Camster Newton is very good when things are going his way…

Well after Monday’s nights easy win against a depleted Eagles team, things got even easier this week against the decrepit Chiefs team…

Is Decrepit the right word? Decrepid? Decrpepdted? The Informer means the Chiefs are Putrid…

Pick - Newton and Panthers




LIONS*       vs.     COLTS  +5

THE QUESTION

If a Colts cheerleader, player, or really anyone at the game shaves their head I am taking the Colts in this matchup. 

If they do not I think you should still take the Colts. 

The Lions seem to get in their own way and make mistakes. 

The Colts will hang around and then let their will to win for Chuck to take over. 

Pick - Colts

THE INFORMER

Pick - Andrew Luck and the Colts… The Informer is scared but when in doubt take the team playing for a head coach who maybe dying over the team that refuses to throw the ball to the MEGATRON on everyday….





BILLS*                             10:00 AM                             16 JAGUARS                       +6

THE QUESTION

Two mediocre teams playing against each other… Check.

No elite QB on either team… Check.

Take the points…  Jaguars


THE INFORMER

PICK - The Informer can’t believe he is going to say this…. Take the points…Jags






PATRIOTS                      10:00 AM                             18 DOLPHINS*                   +7 1/2

THE QUESTION

The Dolphins are in trouble this week. 

Their new car smell quarterback is starting to wear off. 

Defenses have figured out how to hamper him enough to start making mistakes. 

The Patriots are beginning to look like the Patriots of old. 

This is an old fashioned we can go faster than you can. 

Meaning the Patriots offense will score too many points that Dolphins just will not be able to catch up. 

Pick - Patriots


THE INFORMER

The Patriots usually struggle with the Dolphins in Miami…

No really, this game causes the Pats trouble damn near every year…

And there is the little known rule, NEVER BET AGAINST RT1 at home…

But this is the Patriots. . .

They  are coming off ten days rest…

They are the better team…

Are you really going to be the guy that bet a rookie QB against Tom Brady? #Remember Andrew Luck?

By the way, Brady is now only 10 games away from breaking the NFL’s consecutive games with a TD record…

That’s right, Drew Brees had his 54 straight games streak snapped Thursday night…

Now Tom Terrific is lurking in the darkness with 44 straight games…

And if there is one things we  know about the racist Pats, they will do whatever it takes to break records…

Sorry RT1, but this week the Informer can’t pick you as Tommy gets one game closer to another NFL record…

Pick - Patriots


Informer Thought - Does anyone else think that Brees is about to become the NFL's most all-time overlooked QB…

Seriously the guy has some of the best numbers and records in NFL History, but he will always be looked upon as second teir behind Brady and Manning…(Even though he beat Manning head to head in the Super Bowl... )

There is not much else Brees can do, he has all the numbers but he is still always considered second best...

That's why last year he finished second in the NFL MVP race even though he broke an NFL record that had stood for 30 years, while playing for a playoff team...

There is nothing he can do...

The Informer wants to put on an ugly sweater grow a beard and just tell Brees “ITS NOT YOUR FAULT”…ITS NOT YOUR FAULT…ITS NOT YOUR FAULT….






TEXANS           @      TITANS*  +6

THE QUESTION

The Texans may have had one of the brutalist schedules in NFL history. 

They are coming off of their 96 hour 2 overtime game performance last Thursday. 

A few days to rest and recover and this team will be ready to pound an under manned division foe. 

The Titans are back to being more of their mediocre selves this week. 

Pick - Texans


THE INFORMER

Pick - Texans…They are still playing for Home-Field Advantage… They need to get these easy victories…




BRONCOS*     vs         BUCCANEERS  +7

THE QUESTION

I realize I am getting close to moving into a Manning Hater territory, but this Bucs team is on fire. 

Given they lost, like everyone else in the league, to a less than impressive looking Falcons team, but this Bucs team can play. 

They will put up the points necessary on the road. 

This is a game the Broncos can afford to lose to try and stay healthy and try a few new things. 

This is a must win for the Bucs. 

Take the Bucs on the road in a must win position. 

Pick - Bucs



THE INFORMER

Peyton Manning has not covered the last two weeks…

But the Bucs are a warm weathered team going into the mountains in December…

The Informer is not sure but that has to mean something…

The Informer is full of Chalk this week…

Pick - Broncos… The Informer will never quit the MVP…



RAVENS*   vs. STEELERS  +7

THE QUESTION

Charlie Brown?  No Charlie Batch. 

Just take the Ravens. 

Pick - Ravens

THE INFORMER

You mean to tell me that Charlie Batch lost by 7 to the Browns,  at home,  while turning the ball over 8 times and is only getting 7 points on the road…

The Informer can’t say this enough… RAVENS

Pick - Ravens…

Way to many favorites this week… The Informer needs to find some underdogs…



BROWNS    @   RAIDERS*   PK

THE QUESTION

I do not feel comfortable taking either one of these teams to win a ball game, maybe getting points but neither to win. 

The Browns at least appear to be playing to get better as their QB and RB are trying to prove themselves this season. 

Take the Browns as the Raiders have quit. 

Pick - Browns


THE INFORMER

The last time the Informer picked the Raiders in a Pick-em they lost  miserably at home against the Chargers…

That was week #1 for those who don’t remember bad gambling beats…

The Informer only makes the same mistake over and over again if he has a good reason…

That reason is Brandon Weedon , a rookie QB on the road… Right?

“Informer didn’t you tell us five weeks ago how the Browns would be a good cover team and then you picked against them every week while they covered… Follow your own advice man…”

Well, when you put it that way…

Pick - BROWNS



BENGALS      @       CHARGERS*   +1 1/2

THE QUESTION

After thee 4th and 29 play last week do the Chargers quit showing up to practice and just show up on Sundays? 

It looks like they have been doing that anyways. 

Well this is a league of redemption and teams playing to prove a point. 

This week the Chargers get motivated, oh wait did I just say Chargers? 

Let’s see them win a game first. 

Pick - Bengals


THE INFORMER

Bengals playing a must win game in order to make the playoffs…

The Chargers playing a must find excruciating ways to lose so their owner will fire Norv Turner…

The Sickness vs. the Suckness that is San Diego Offense…

This seems pretty simple…

Pick - Bengals




COWBOYS*  vs.     EAGLES  +10

THE QUESTION

Wow, I think we just established the bottom of the gambling barrel in no specific order:

Cardinals, Chargers, Chiefs, Eagles, and Raiders. 

Those five teams have given up on this year…

Give the Cardinals a pass due to their QB issues,  but everyone else has immensely under achieved. 

Although this is WAY too many points for the Cowboys because Jason Garrett is still their head coach and the Cowboys seem to figure out ways to screw it up, the Eagles are still starting a rookie in Nick Foles on the Road on a Sunday night. 

This stage is too big. 

Pick - Cowboys


THE INFORMER

This Eagles team is the worst…

Please lord tell the Informer that this game is getting flexed out of Prime-time…

Is that to much to ask for…

Pick - Eagles 10 points is to many, just ask the damn Broncos



GIANTS      @ REDSKINS*    +2 1/2

THE QUESTION

Everyone that is reading this has seen “Any Given Sunday” right? 

Well if not educate yourself it is a good football movie. 

Well RG3 and Willie Beamen (Yeah he keeps the ladies Cre…, oh right family friendly) He’s steamin! Got his fans… Screamin’ Yeah he’s RG3. 

Well after Willie tears up a few teams and is on top of the world he gets abruptly brought back down to reality with a terrible less than super human game. 

This week is the fall of a game for RG3. 

Last week RG3 had his breakout I am here statement game (as predicted by the Informer), but this week the Giants D line is ready to put him in his place. 

It would be their greatest pleasure. 

Take the Giants,  we are out of November, they seem to play a bit harder. 

Pick - Giants



THE INFORMER

The Informer would like to ride the wave, if that wave were six points…

The Informer can’t in good faith tell his readers to bet RG3 against a Giants defense that is healthy and ready to tame the Rookie Sensation…

This is a lot like last weeks 49ers/Saints game…

Yes the Redskins are hot and firing on all cylinders but the Giants just proved last Sunday Night that they are still on top of the NFL Pyramid…

This game will most likely be close and a shootout…

The Informer will stick with Eli Manning in that situation…

You can’t spell making money without ELITE Manning…

Pick - Giants

Its simple folks…

The Informer has made you money all year…

Why stop listening now?


Monday, November 26, 2012

Week 12 List

“Hey Informer you have been working really hard lately how about you take it easy this week and just do a full blog using list…You know like your top five favorite foods of Gobble Gobble Game weekend..”

You know Mr. Fake Reader, that’s a good idea…

In fact the Informer even likes your suggestion, so why don’t we start our End OF Week 12 “All LISTS” blog with it…

Top 5 Favorite Gobble Gobble Foods

5. Brisket and Turkey Sandwich on Homemade Croissant Rolls - This was the day after Turkey day meal for the Informer and instantly moved into number two spot on the greatest sandwich the Informer  has ever eaten… The Informer washed it down with some Nachos and an “ICE COLD BUDWEISER”.. And to answer your next question, “Yes if the Moon were made of BBQ Spare Ribs the Informer would eat them.. #There is always room for a Will Ferrell "Harry Carry" Jokes ##Old-school SNL

4. Cheesy POTATOES - The Informer ate Cheesy potatoes two separate times during Turkey Day week… And both times the Informer left thinking the same thing… “PLEASE GOD WHEN I DIE LET THEIR BE CHEESY POTATOES IN HEAVEN”#That’s not even a joke…


3. Stuffing - To steal a line from Will Ferrel… “If you don’t like STUFFING…Then F*ck You!”


2. Garlic Cheese Bread with a twist - -The Informer’s sister in-law made homemade garlic cheese bread using some kind of special mayonnaise ….Well you obviously had the Informer at Garlic cheese bread but add in the word mayonnaise and hide the woman and children…#FAAAAAAAAAAAAAT

1. Macaroni and Cheese Corn Casserole - The Informer can not describe the joy he had while eating this delicious delicacy of food… You know that feeling you get after you successfully use the “Lion King Line” on a Skank at closing time and it works…Well take that feeling times 48.5,  then double it, subtract four and add sixteen... That is how f*cking good the Macaroni and Cheese Corn Casserole was…#FAAAAAT!

Honorable Mention - Pizza… The Informer ate 6 pieces of Casey pizza Friday night (Taco and Hamburger) a full Tombstone Pizza on Saturday afternoon (Supreme) and then washed that all down Saturday night with three slices of Valentinos Pizza (2Cheeseburger and 1 Hamburger and JalapeƱo)…

And yes the Informer said he washed down pizza with more pizza…#Well you get the point the Informer no longer has pants that fit when he uses the top button…

Top Five Worst Gambling Stories of the Week…

5. The Informer has a buddy who bet the Ravens and 49ers in a two teamer on Sunday… At halftime of the Ravens game when said Ravens had played their sh*ttiest half of the year,  the Informer’s buddy, we will call him Jay for the sakes of this blog, decided to count his two-teamer loses and load up on the Super Chargers in the second half… Well the Super Chargers came out in the second half and sucked balls, the Ravens came back and won… And “JAY”,  thanks to his halftime bet,  ended up down 9 dollars…#IDIOT

4. The Informer has another buddy who was one game away from hitting a three-teamer on Saturday Night… All that had to happen was Miss State beat OLD MISS… Now last week the Informer told everyone about backing your bet and turning it into winning, not gambling… So what happens this week with the Informer’s buddy, he decided not to back the bet… After the game started and it was apparent that the game could go either way the Informer’s buddy was distraught because he did not BACK HIS BET…

Wait, it gets better... Because with the game tied at the end of the second quarter the very nice people of Vegas offered up a pick-em line for the second half... So all the Informer’s buddy had  to do was place some second half money on OLD MISS and he would be guaranteed money…

As you have probably figured out the  Informer did not back the bet and OLD MISS ended up blowing out Miss State in the second half…#The Informer meant his buddy did not back his bet…Allegedly…

(Informer Note - As always these stories are completely false and the names were changed to protect the innocent… The Informer in no way condones illegal gambling and these stories are untrue and are about people using fake money to make fake illegal wagers…Allegedly )

3. Matt Prater - Really what did the Informer ever do to you Matt Pratter…

Was your sister the girl the Informer drunkenly made out with that one year at SPRING BREAK 07 in Vail Colorado?

Is that why you took a huge number two on the Informer’s LKLOTW…

Please feel free to explain yourself,  because at this point the Informer hopes you never order coffee while the Informer is working his second job at the Starbucks because he will SPIT IN IT…

THE INFORMER HATES YOU…#2 EASY missed field Goals? Really? And yes the Informer is picking up a second job…THANKS A-HOLE

2. The Informer has a buddy who put money against RT1...#Rule Number Uno is you never bet money against RT1 Getting points…##The Informer wrote in his blog how the Seahawks suck on the road and still picked against RT1...

As always the Informer is a moron…

1. And finally the Informer has a buddy who tried to make a late run by betting the Giants/Packers game over 50 points…

After the first half in which the two teams combined to score 41 points the Informer’s buddy was feeling pretty confident so he doubled down with the Packers laying three points in the second half…

You know since they were down by three TD’s one would naturally assume the Packers would play with some intensity in the second  half…

If you were not watching,  not only did the Packers NOT play with any intensity in the second half,  neither team wanted to score… The game that was 38-10 with 2 minutes left in the third quarter finished 38-10...

If your scoring at home, that means not only did the Packers not cover the second half, their lack of offense kept the game from going over 50 points…#DOUBLE WAMMY…THAT’S A KICK IN THE D*CK…The Informer feels for his buddy…

(Informer Note - If you haven’t figured it out yet the Informer doesn’t have a buddy, he was actually talking about himself… If these stories were real that is… Remember these are only for entertainment purposes… And are no way true accounts of the Informer’s Sunday….Allegedly...Final Thought - To keep Mike Vick haters happy there were also no dogs hurt during the re-telling of said fake stories)

The Informer’s Favorite Bet of the Week

1.  The Informer has mentioned that he is in an NFL Picks contest once or twice…

Well the person who is leading said contest is beating the Informer by 1.5 games and had picked the Packers on Sunday Night…

The Informer really needed the guy to lose,  so the Informer did what he had to do to make it happen…

If you don’t understand what the Informer is talking about , re-read the previous list…

What does the previous list explain to you?

If you said that the Informer sucks at gambling you would be correct…#The Informer loaded up on the Packers jinxing the sh*t out of them and moving the Informer within a half point of first place…


"Informer did you just say that your favorite bet of the week was a bet in which you actually paid fake gambling money to your bookie? You really are a moron..."

Hmmmmm... Can the Informer interest you in his TOP FIVE FAVORTIE TV SHOWS

1. Jesse Ventura Conspiracy Theory - Listen, the sooner all the Informer readers start watching the sooner you will all realize it is the greatest show ever invented... For godsakes did you know that all of the world leaders are actually Lizzard People... And that the Govt caused the Oil Spill in the Gulf of Mexico... Or that the govt used time travel to help George Washington to win the revolutionary war? See what the Informer is saying... This is must watch TV...

2, Sons Of Anarchy - Needs no explanation...

3. Vegas - Highly recommend

4. WEDDING BAND - Its has Brian Austin Green... Of Course the Informer is going to watch... Plus its really really funny... And if you don't know who BAG is then you may as well stop reading this blog and eat a bunch of Bleach...#90201 four LIFE

5. FRANKLIN AND BASH, Psych and Its Always Sunny - The Oldies but goodies...

Enough with non-football mumbo jumbo...

Ten Things the Informer Liked from Week 12 in the NFL

1. RG3 with his Turkey day moment - The Informer mentioned this before, but RG3 had his Randy Moss moment on Turkey day…

For those that do not remember during Moss rookie year he had 3 catches 163 yards and 3TDS in a win over the Cowboys…

That game was Moss signature moment and catapulted him to the Rookie of the Year Award over future greatest QB of All-Time Peyton Manning…

Well, the Informer is calling it now…

RG3 will win the ROY over Future Greatest QB of All-Time Andy Lucky…

His performance on Thursday will be his signature moment while the whole world was watching…Award OVER MAN…

2.  Janerious Jenkins - The rookie CB had two pick sixes against the Cards on Sunday… The Informer likes this because he told you in his Saturday night blog that the Cards were starting Ryan Lindley at QB and everyone should take the free money… Janorious proved the Informer to be a profit…#Go ahead and ignore the spelling in that last paragraph...##A second grader has better writing skills...

3. Cleveland Browns - With their win over the Steelers on Sunday the Browns officially eliminated Pittsburgh from the Playoffs…

 The Informer thanks you Browns,  because the Informer does not like the boring Steelers…

“Informer the Steelers are 6-5 and totally alive in the Playoff race, what in the blue-hell are you talking about?’

Well Mr. Fake reader maybe you didn’t know but since 1998 the Steelers have lost to the Browns a mere five times… But, each of those five loses coincided with a season in which the Steelers went on to miss the playoffs… #The Informer is not making this up…##Steelers season is over…

4. MVPeyton Manning - Even though they didn’t cover, the MVP still had 285 and 2 TD’s… And the Donkeys have won six straight…#MVP…MVP…MVP…MVP….

5. Calvin's Johnson - Just keep putting up those numbers sir… Don’t worry about wins or loses, people will not remember wins or loses ten years from now…#8 catches 140 and a TD…

6. Randy Moss - Did you see Moss make the key block to during a early rushing TD for the 49ers…

NO, you didn't?

You guys were to busy watching the 2nd year QB make plays and defeat Drew Brees…

Well it happened the Informer promises…#Hey we are just here for the ring…

7. THE BLITZ - WHOOOOOOOOOOOOP

8. Julio Jones - 80-yard TD catch… Jones dominated the BUCS Helping the Falcons get the W…#10 wins is over 9.5... If the Informer had made that bet…

9. The Raiders - The Informer gets a lot of joy out of  watching you get BOAT RACED week after week…

In fact if this were a weekend where people gave thanks,  the Informer would be thankful for the Raiders…#FREE MONEY

10. ELITE Manning - Welcome back ELITE…

Did you enjoy your annual two week November vacation…?

It was nice to see you back and playing ELITE football…

For those scoring at home the G-Men boat raced the Packers…#The Informer’s fake Bears to win the Central Division bet is looking better and better right?

10a - Bonus Like - RAY RICE..4th and 29? No problem… Helped give the Ravens and improbable cover…Very Nice…

FIVE THINGS THE INFORMER DID NOT LIKE

1. Aaron Rodgers Porno Stache - Channeling your inner Jeff Hoestetler…? The Informer has so many thoughts that he really should not put into writing for fear of being sued… On second thought the Stache maybe the gift that keeps on giving…#Hey Weiss the Informer has some things to discuss with you..#Inside joke…##Its ok nobody reads this blog anyways so the Informer will continue using his inside jokes…

2. The Informer’s Picks - The Informer is currently sitting 7-6-2 on the week… The Informer should be sitting a cool 10-4-2...

If you don’t believe the Informer check out the lead to his Vikings pick where he starts out talking about Jay Cutler being healthy…

The Informer was getting ready to write how that makes the Bears good again but he got swayed by people saying it would be a good idea to Ponder the idea of taking the Vikings on the Road…#THE INFORMER IS A MORON…

Next look at the Steelers pick when the Informer said over and over again CHARLIE BATCH ON THE ROAD… #If the Informer would listen to himself his picks would be so much better..

And finally the Informer told everyone the SEAHAWKS suck on the road and then picked the F*cking Seahawks on the road…Against RT1... Is the Informer an idiot…? O that’s right, he is… Lets just move on…

3. Fox NFL SUNDAY - At halftime of the Bears/Vikings game the guys at fox decided everyone in the greater Omaha area was tired of watching said game and switched over to the Falcons/Bucs…

WHAT?

Halftime?

Don’t you think the Vikings Fans wanted to have the chance to watch there team try and comeback…?

Listen the Informer gets the change to a better game if its in the 4th quarter and the starters are no longer playing…

But Jay Cutler and the Bears were still playing…

Adrian Peterson was still in the game…

Their fans want regional coverage for a reason FOX…

STOP TRYING TO BE THE NFL REDZONE CHANNEL… YOU OBVIOUSLY DON’T KNOW HOW TO PULL IT OFF….

4. Matt Prater - Nough Said

5. MATT PRATER - Hey, you missed two field goals, you get two dislikes from the Informer…

And the second time the Informer doesn't like you he is going to write your name in full capital letters to show you that he is channeling his inner Stephen A Smith Inside Voice…#YELLING REALLY LOUD AT THIS POINT….F*CK YOU MATT PRATER

Listen the Informer is exhausted…

He spent half the night putting Baby Girl Informer back to sleep so the Informer is going to call it a weekend…

Happy Thanksgiving to all and to all a Good Night…8330

Saturday, November 24, 2012

"Sunday After Thanksgiving"

Do you remember that movie "The Day After Tomorrow?"

Well for the Informer it is the Sunday after Thanksgiving...

After two solid days of eating piles upon piles of turkey, brisket, ham, stuffing, green bean cassarole, mac and cheese corn cassarole, cheesy potatoes and of course mashed potatoes and gravey (FAT) the Informer feels like his days are numbered...

You know like he was bombarded with a Blizzard/ICE STORM of FOOD...

Get it...

The Informer is saying its the day after tomorrow for him but not because of some global warming storm, because he ate to much GOBBLE GOBBLE FOOD....

The Informer was making analogies from a movie that hasnt been relevant in ten years...

"What in the Blue-Thanksgiving Hell are you yapping about Informer?"

Sorry, pretty sure the Informer is dying from stage three ON-SET DIABETES,  throw him a bone man...

"Informer you don't need a bone, you need a diet... And maybe some deodorant"

Well now your just being mean fake reader...

Especially after The Informer went 2-0-1 on Thursday making you the fake readers free fake money hand over fist…

Also the Informer predicted that RG3 was going to have a coming out party on Turkey Day, in Dallas,  like Randy Moss did 15 some years ago...

It happened exactly like the Informer predicted…

You know what that means…

DJ HIT THE BUTTON;…..

“Informer for Gosh-Damn Sakes its Thanksgiving please no Korean Techno Rap…We The Fake readers and the Millions of real people not reading this blog beg you… Have mercy on us…”

What? 

You guys don’t like the “HAPPY DANCE” video…?

 But there has never been anything like this before…

A foreign worded song that turned into a dance craze…

This is a once in a lifetime chance for us to dance around and make ourselves look like IDIOTS…

 


Can the Informer at least post the Video of MC Hammer joining the Korean guy on stage merging “Gangnam Style and To Legit To Quit?”

“Informer did you just f*cking read what you wrote… MC HAMMER… REALLY? Grow Up Peter Informer…CHEESE AND RICE MAN!!!!”

Fine but at least click on the link…

Its seriously MC Hammer and Gangnam Style sharing the stage…

Or as the Informer calls it Porn…HAMMER GANGNAM STYLE TIME

Since the Informer is pretty sure that not one single person is going to read the blog this week,  since its Thanksgiving and all,  the Informer is just going to cut to the chase…

FREE MONEY FREE MONEY FREE MONEY NO WAMMMMY!!!!!!!!!!

(Informer Note - The Question had to do family things this weekend, like a normal human, but he was kind enough to wish us all a Happy Thanksgiving and did send his picks along, without comments this weekend…)



BENGALS*        10:00 AM         8 RAIDERS         + 8

THE QUESTION Picks -THE  Raiders

THE INFORMER

Mr Question The Informer knows what your thinking taking the points here…

Like everyone else,  your saying eight points is a lot in the NFL…

Especially when its two semi-mediocre teams…

There is a problem with this theory though, the Raiders are not a mediocre teams…

They are a garbage team…

The last time the Raiders went on the road they gave up 55 points…

The last two times they played at home they got boat-raced by the Bucs and Saints…

Start doing the math and you get the Bengals at Home… In the cold… Against a Carson Palmer led teams...

The Informer will lay the points…

Remember when in doubt always bet against the Raiders…

Pick -Bengals



STEELERS      vs        10 BROWNS*         + 1½

THE QUESTION PICKS - Steelers

THE INFORMER -

Charlie Batch on the Road…CHARLIE BATCH ON THE ROAD…CHARLIE BATCH ON THE ROAD….

Why would anyone pick Charlie Batch on the Road… Right…?

The Informer really doesn't want to do it,  but he has no other choice… Sorry Browns…

Even with Charlie Batch at QB they are still the Steelers and your still the Browns…  

Pick - Steelers



COLTS*        10:00 AM         12 BILLS          + 3

THE QUESTION PICKS - Bills

THE INFORMER

The rule says that you should not lay points with a rookie…

The Informer is a stickler for the rules…

Of course the Informer never follows his own rules, so he obviously is going to take Mr. Lucky in a bounce back win…

Pick - Colts



BRONCOS        10:00 AM         14 CHIEFS*         + 10½

THE QUESTION PICKS - Chiefs

THE INFORMER

The LKLOTW is sitting at 8-4 on the year…

Its about to go to 9-4 when Peyton Manning and the Donkeys ride into Kansas City…

The Informer knows the dangers of a 10.5 point spread and if it were any other team the Informer would take the dog…

But the Chiefs at home is the worst place Kansas City can play…

Lots of Booos….

Lots of Romeo Crapmel playing QB roulette with guys like Brady Quinn and Ricki Stanzi…

The Informer can’t put enough money on this game… SERIOUSLY…

These are the games Peyton Manning lives four… Trust the Informer you don’t win 4 MVP awards without some stat filler games…

The MVP goes off for 4td’s and 350 yards while the Donkeys BOAT RACE the Chiefs…

LKLOTW… ITS 8-4 Folks… FREE MONEY

Pick - Broncos

(If your scoring at home the Informer's new favorite gambling word is "BOAT RACED"... What the H. E. DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS does BOAT RACED mean? The Informer has no idea but its fun to say.. BOAT RACED...)



TITANS        10:00 AM         16 JAGUARS*         + 4

THE QUESTION PICKS - Jags

THE INFORMER PICKS - Titans.. When in doubt take the road team coming off the bye week…



BEARS*        10:00 AM         18 VIKINGS         + 5½

THE QUESTION - Vikings

THE INFORMER

News on the Street is Jay Cutler is going to play in this game…

Sadly Jay Cutler does not play defense, and will not be able to slow down a fully rested Adrian Peterson…

And we just discussed this, but the rule says take the team coming off a bye…

Pick - Vikings…



FALCONS        10:00 AM         20 BUCCANEERS*         + 1

THE QUESTION - Falcons

THE INFORMER

The Informer really likes the Falcons in this game…

This was the Informer’s there is no way the Falcons are going to lose this game, game…

Then the Informer found out that Julio Jones may not play…

That’s not good for business in Atlanta…

But Matty “ICE” really can’t play much worse then he did last week…

A game in which he threw 5 INTS and the Falcons still won…

Pick - Falcons… But the Informer does not like this one bit…(Stay away)



SEAHAWKS        10:00 AM         22 DOLPHINS*         + 3

THE QUESTION PICKS - Dolphins

THE INFORMER

Seattle is miserable on the Road… Seattle is Miserable on the Road… Seattle is Miserable on the Road…

Pick - Seahawks… Hey its not like the Dolphins aren’t miserable at home…



RAVENS        1:05 PM         24 CHARGERS*         + 1

THE QUESTION - Ravens

THE INFORMER

The Chargers are quitting on Norv Turner…

Their season officially ended last week verse the Broncos..

Now The Informer is supposed to believe they are even with an 8-2 Ravens team?

Really?

Why?

Because this is a semi-let down game for the Ravens after last week's Steelers game?

Even if it is a let down game the Ravens still win this by more then one point...

Thanks for the free money Vegas

Pick - RAVENS RAVENS RAVENS… LOAD UP RAVENS



49ERS        1:25 PM         26 SAINTS*         + 2

THE QUESTION PICKS - Niners

THE INFORMER

So everyone is back on the Saints for Playoffs bandwagon…(Which the Informer started in the pre-season for those that may have forgotten...)

And Joe Vitt for coach of the year?

Dont forget Drew Brees for MVP…

Add in the QB controversy in SAN FRAN and this seems like a good week to bet against the better team…

However, the Informer has been crunching the numbers and they are adding up one way…

JIM HARBAUGH against a HEAD-Coachless team…

Only giving 2 points…

SOLD…

PICK - 49ers



CARDINALS*        1:25 PM         28 RAMS          + 2½

THE QUESTION PICKS- Rams

THE INFORMER PICKS -  Rams… The Cards are starting some rookie named Lindey… Or Lindley… He wasn’t drafted in the first round…




GIANTS VS PACKERS +3.5

THE QUESTION - Packers

THE INFORMER

The Giants are coming off a bye week…

But it is still November when the Giants are not good at football..

This will probably turn into a shootout…

The Informer is feeling a Packers Sunday Night Victory in said shootout…

Bet the Moneyline to make a little extra…

Pick - Packers



PANTHERS        ESPN         5:40 PM        32 EAGLES*        + 2½

THE QUESTION PICKS - Panthers

THE INFORMER

There is no Mike Vick…

There is no Lesean McCoy…

There is still a Andy Read…

Wow Free Money

Pick - Panthers…

Happy Turkey Day….


INFORMER NOTE - Heard this song on a country radio station un-edited at 10:45 in the morning on Turkey Day... Yup even the part about Masterbaiting with hair shampoo... Dont even have a joke here..Just wanted to share that piece of info with you the fake reader...


Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Trukey Day

The Informer and the Question are both taking the Texans -3, Redskins plus 3.5 and the Pats -7 on gobble gobble days...

The Informer is also taking the Texans in his Super Picks Contest...

Happy Thanksgiving the Informer will be back Saturday Night with all new picks blog

Monday, November 19, 2012

"Sunday Night Thoughts"

The Informer is filling good this week…

Thanks to the Ravens not covering the Informer has just moved into first place in his NFL Super Picks Contest…

You know what that means, DJ HIT THAT BUTTON….



Enough dancing…

Lets get serious…

The Informer does have to apologize to the fake readers for his 6-6 overall  performance on Sunday…

But hey,  with a nice easy 49ers cover on Monday Night we will have four straight weeks of the blog making you money…(Not counting the Thursday night game,  which isn’t  in the blog..)

Also the Informer gave you not one,  but two Lion King Locks of the Week pushing the season record to 8-4...

So if your only reading the Informer for his LKLOTW,  you would be up huge sums of money…

Like the Informer said last week,  he is in the business of making faking money for his readers…

“Informer aren’t you going to bitch about the damn Chargers costing you an above five hundred week with their late meaningless touchdown”

That’s a great point fake reader and normally you would be accurate to assume the Informer would bitch and moan about a last second gambling bad beat…#Different week same sh*t

In fact, The Informer was fully prepared to write this blog complaining about said late touchdown…

But if you really want to get technical, which the Informer always does, the finish of the Tampa/Carolina game where the Bucs miraculously covered the spread and an Informer fake-teaser  probably makes it even with the Gambling gods this week…#Tampa’s Miracle cover also saved the Informer in the Super Picks Contest

So instead, how about we toast our “Grown Up Orange Juices” to the LKLOTW and finish out week 11 in the NFL…

20 Things The Informer Thinks and Likes about week 11…

1. Andrew Lucky meet Tom Brady -  Luck will have better days in the NFL, and for a few quarters it looked like he was ready to go toe to toe with the evil racist… But in the End Tom did what Tom does when a young QB comes to town… Beats them by thirty points…#Do you guys remember Tebow’s Donkeys in the Playoffs…

2. In Fact New Gambling Rule - When a young QB is getting a ton of attention and then has to travel to Foxsbourough to play Brady, just bet on Brady… The Informer has picked against Tom in these situations for the last time…

3. The Sickness AJ GREEN -  Welcome to the top of the Informer’s list to replace Randy Moss when the “Sick Mother You Know What” decides to retire… You move into a tie with the Megatron whenever you score a TD in 9 straight games….

(Informer Note - The Informer just spent an hour on the Randy Moss Widipedea page and it does not say what Moss’s longest streak was… But nine is f*cking impressive… And if you think your not getting a 5,000 word blog on Mr Moss Wikepedia page this offseason then you do not know the Informer at all…And if your wondering why the Informer does not know this off the top of his head, he has noanswer... But he does know what Bo Jackson's real name is... Does that count...Your move Brach... What is Bo's real name and where did Fred Jackson go to college....GO..Sorry the Informer had a nam like flashback to Sunday Funday's in Western Nebraskaj...Lets Just Move On...)

On with the Top 5

Here is the Order of the Informer’s list…

Its goes AJ, Calvin, Luck and RG…Adrian from Minney, Julio and then T.D….(Trenton Richardson)…

If your having trouble understanding that last line pretend your rapper Eminem and singing that one song where he gives the order of his list…

It goes Reggie Jayz Tupac and Biggie, Andre from Outkast Nas and then Me…


 See it makes a ton of sense if you channel your inner Eminem and gangster rap-style the list…

4. Tampa Bay Green Bay and San Diego - 4th quarter covers the way they were made to be…

The Informer benefited from two of the three, thus giving the Informer his first week where he was not joined in the showers by the guys from that movie with the black guy from batman Narrating the hole time…#Clean shower jokes…#Shawshank Redemption…#20 year old movie references never get old…#The actor from the Batman movie the Informer is talking about is Morgan Freeman…

5. Calvin’s and Andre’s Johnson Fully Exposed and on display - Calvin had a meger 135 yards receiving and a TD… Andre went out and put up a 275 yard receiving day…#Good day to be Andre’s Johnson… Ok day to be Calvin’s…#Lions lose late… Its ok Calvin you cant play defense…

6. Not your average Blackmon - 236 yards receving?  IT’S A BOUT DAMN TIME…

(Informer Note - The Informer just threw a number out their… It was well over 220 yards receiving in one game…If you need the actual total yards they have a website called espn that can help)

 That is a lot of receiving yards Mr. Blackmon…

Not even Randal Pink Moss has ever done that…

You guys should know by now, but there is always another spot for a Blackmon on the Informer‘s favorite list…

7. Dez Bryant - He has quietly put together a few monster games the last month… Finished on Sunday with 12 catches over 100 yards and a TD..#FANTASY ALERT FANTASY ALERT!!!!!

8. Saints and Bengals - The Informer offered up two LKLOTW and provided two winners… That makes theLKLOWT 4-0 over the last three weeks..#FREE MONEY…

(Informer Note- For the new fake readers the Lion King Lock of the Week is used in fake gambling and hooking up with Skanks at a bar... You see, if you really want to take an alleged skank home just ask her to come home and watch the Lion King...Its a guarantee you will have said skank back in your apartment...Hence the Informer guaranteeing you money when he picks a Lion King Lock of the Week...#50 percent of the time it works everytime...)

On another side note,  the Saints and Bengals are both 5-5...#PLAYOFFS ALERT…PLAYOFFS ALERT…

9. THE MVP - A Ho Hum three TD Passes Game… Another win (2nd All-time in NFL HISTORY)…And for the first time in team history the Donkeys have scored over 30 points in 5 straight games…#John Elway was their QB for two decades…#MANNING FOR MVP

(Informer Note - For those scoring at home Peyton Manning is now second all-time in Total TD passes... His draft partner Randal Moss is second all time in TD Catches... Just asking where does Charles Woodson rank in his own draft class...#Three Hall Of Famers... Three Heisman Finalist/Winner)

10. The new OT Rules - Did you know the Texans were the first team in NFL history to score twice in O.T..?

That’s cause the new rule makes teams have to actually try for TDS…#Degenerates Last Chance at a Cover...

Well in this game, The Texans made a field goal…

The Jags came back and tied the game with a field goal of their own, and then the Texans made a TD to clinch the game…#Gamblers love the new rules…#So do the stats, just ask Andre Johnson’s 51-yard td on his record setting day…

11. RG3 - 14-15 passing 200 yards with three TD’s… O and he also threw two deep balls that traveled over 60 yards in the air…#He got a arm…

Sadly he takes over the top spot for ROY… #Good for the Informer’s rookie cards… Bad for the Informer’s Andrew Luck ROY bet…

Once again this week’s performances change up the ROY running, with RG3 slightly ahead of Mr. Lucky and barely ahead of the Ham Wallet…

Or is it Wallet Hampster?…

You know that guy in Tampa who they named that dance craze after…#TEACH ME HOW TO DOUGIE…TEACH TEACH ME HOW TO DOUGIE…


12. KOBE - The Informer knows its not NBA time yet, but the Informer has been watching every Lakers, Heat and Thunder game this year and only one of the star guys on these teams is playing every night like the best player on the planet…

The Informer is calling Kobe for THE MVP Watch officially started…#Its Lebrons to Lose… Then Durants to Lose… But if Kobe keeps messing around and putting up “Triple Doubles” like he did Sunday Night he will be in the conversation…#LAKERS HOMER..KOBE FANATIC..#TRIPLE DOUBLE

(Informer Note - Kevin Durant also had a triple double on Sunday Night but the Informer didn’t watch that game and is not a Sonic’s homer so he is going to pretend like Kobe is once again the best player on the planet… Thank You)

13. Kansas City Chiefs…

“Informer why in the blue hell would the Chiefs be on your like list…?”

Because they are free money my friend… #Keep betting against Crapmell and Cassell…

Thank the Informer and the Chiefs later…

14. ROB GRANKOWSKI- AKA the Gronk… First Tight End in NFL history to have at least 10 td catches in his first three seasons…#Moss did that to, but not as a tight end…

Sadly Gronk broke his arm or leg and is going to be missing in action for the foreseeable future…#FANTASY NOT GOOD ALERT…FANTSTY NOT GOOD ALERT…


15. Jim Rome On Showtime - The Informer loves himself some Jim Rome…

Jim Rome is why the Informer loves to say the word Skank…

And why the Informer jokes “Why Do You Even Ponder Passing?”…

Not sure how the TV show will turn out, but the Informer promises if you listen to his radio program 
you will not be disappointed…

If you are still convinced,  just click on the video to the right...#LOUD NOISES....

Speaking of TV shows…

The Informer cant say this enough…

TRUE TV CHANNEL 245 ON WEND NIGHTS>…..JESSE VENTURA CONSPIRACY THEORY…GREATEST SHOW THE INFORMER HAS EVERY WATCHED>…. I AM NOT SHITTING YOU.. AND YOU KNOW THE INFORMER MEANS BUISNESS BECAUSE HE USED HIMSELF IN THE FIRST PERSON AND TYPED THE SENTENCE WITH ALL CAPITAL LETTERS…

(Informer Question - Is it first person  when you say I, or second person… The Informer has been using the third person for so long he has forgotten the rules of natural English…#Who gives a F*ck about grammer?)

16. The Informer’s Falcons Over 9.5 wins bet - You know, if gambling were legal… And if the Informer had made such a bet…#allegedly…

17. BERMAN AND TOM JACKSON - Sorry the Informer took the last five minutes off because he refuses to blog during Tom and Berman time...

It needs to be said on a weekly basis, because on a weekly basis the f*cking blitz is getting shorter and shorter… Hey ESPN the Informer loves him some Trent Dilfer, but COME ON MAN…LESS DILFER… MORE BERMAN…WHOOOOP!!!!!!!!!!!!


"Informer you do know that the readers have no idea when you take a five minute time out to watch obscure sportscenter moments,  right?"

Ummmmmm....

Can the Informer interest you in old school NFL
PRIMETIME FROM 1994?

PS Berman and Jackson 2013 just Informed the Informer that the last nine Super Bowls have involved Peyton Manning, Tom Brady or Ben Roethlisburger...

That is Sh*t you need to know...

Especially if your a Ravens or Texans fan...#Sorry guys doesn't look good... 

Side Note - Its 2013 right? or is it 2012... God the Informer needs to quit drinking...

18. Bye weeks for Chris Johnson and Adrian Peterson - Get your rest boys, the Informer needs one of you to win him a Fantasy Football title, and he needs you Chris Johnson (The Other) to win him an illegal fake gambling bet…#once again, ALLEGEDLY

19. NFL MOBILE - If you own a Verizon phone and your stuck working on Sundays each week you need to have Verizon NFL MOBILE… FOR FIVE DOLLARS A MONTH you get to watch the NFL REDZONE on SUNDAYS, THE Sunday Night Game, the Monday Night game and every Thursday Night game…#Why does the Informer f*cking pay 200 dollars a month on cable?

20. The Informer watching Randy Moss in T-Town for the third time this year…#The Informer has watched Moss twice in T-Town and Moss had a TD each week…BISP ALERT…BISP ALERT…

Things The Informer did not like

1. Matt Stafford - You missed a wide open Megatron at least 4 times… The Informer is not talking about normal misses… He is talking about wide open Robots that turn into cars who could have walked or drove into the end zone for easy TD’s …. You have to make those plays… That is why your team sucks this year…#Last Year You completed those passes…

2. JETS RAMS - The Informer did not watch one play of this game…#Why would you…?

3. Matty “Ice” - 0 Tds and 5 INTS…REALLY?… #THEY PLAY TO WIN THE GAME…WHICH THE FALCONS DID…The Informer's Fantasy team on the other hand did not…#A WIN IS A WIN

4. Leshean McCoy and Ray Rice - Quite possibly the two biggest waste of fantasy talent in the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE…

Is it any coincidence they each play for teams with bird mascots…#Its for the birds…

“Informer do you even know what the phrase “Its for the birds means?”

Mr. Fake Reader the Informer is not here to know sh*t…

He is here to be the Informer…

And Shady McCoy and Ray Rice are here to be fantasy football studs, not decoys for your offense…

Just saying, maybe instead of putting the ball into Nick Foles hands you should give it to your stud running back…

And the Informer promises the Ravens could have scored more than 13 points if they maybe tried handing the ball off to one of the top five most dangerous RB’s in the NFL…

Just a suggestion..

The Informer knows he is not a "Harbaugh" so his skills as a coach are not going to be appreciated,  but simple math states… “GIVE THE BALL TO YOUR F*CKING STUDS…#Fantasy Owners everywhere…

“Informer aren’t the Ravens 8-2?”

Seriously fake reader, the Informer is drunk, quit nitpicking his f*cking arguments…

5. Nick Foles - This is no shit,  the Informer just watched you throw a pass ten yards backwards…

No the Informer was not surprised that said pass was then dropped and became a fumble..#Pretty much sums up the Dream Team…#Eagles

6. Second Half Bets - Lets just say the Informer would have had an even bigger BISP if he wouldnt have been able to make second half bets on Sunday… The Informer is talking once again about you San Diego…

That was a double bull-s*t cover…

In the Words of Ron Burgandy…

F*CK YOU SAN DIEGO!!!

7. WWE SUVIVOR SERIES - The Informer knows at least a dozen of his fake readers were waiting for a blog on the WWE PAY PER VIEW…

Sadly the Survivor Series has went the way of the Dough Dough Bird for the Informer and is no longer must see Wrestling…#Somewhere Shawn Michaels and Brett Hart are crying…##Survivor Series 97 in Montreal…###The Informer will be back for Royal Rumble in January…

If your scoring at home the Informer just used a double hash tag followed by a triple hash tag…#The Informer has no f*cking idea how to use a HASHTAG….

Or what the blue F*cking Hell a Dough Dough Bird is…

8. Ravens and Steelers - Did anyone enjoy watching that garbage of a game…?

Hell even Baxa would have rather been watching Family Guy then this sh*t… #WHY IS THIS GAME ALWAYS IN F*CKING PRIMETIME?

Also Joe Flaco…Wait maybe this needs its own number..

9. JOE FLACCO -  Maybe you didn’t get the memo but the Informer thought you would throw for over 240 yards…

For god sakes you’re a quarterback in the National Football League…#Things the Informer would say if he had made a fake illegal gambling bet on Joe Flaco during Sundays night game…##Allegedly..

How in the blue hell do you spell Flaco?

10. Andrew Bynum - Injuring your other knee bowling…

THE INFORMER TOLD YOU ALL HE WAS A BUM AND YOU DIDN’T LISTEN…

“Informer its football season…Stop talking about worthless NBA basketball…”

Sorry lets try that again..

10. DIRECT TV - Hey direct TV thanks for sucking dick and balls…

The Informer is not making jokes…

You guys are horrible…

The Informer would not refer a friend to your system if he had Reggae’s “D*ck”…

The Informer hates you…

And he also hates the fact that you have a NFL monopoly so he can’t quit you…

For those wondering at home, Regae is the guy in the sex-video with the chick that used to date Reggie Bush…

You know that chick from the TV show about skanks being sisters…

The Informer was going to end his blog with the big Kim Kardashian moment until he saw a commercial for "BURGER KING" asking their eaters to share their "Whopper Stories" for the 55th year of the Whopper...

The Informer has three...

3. A girl the Informer knows in college delivers a drunken past out Informer two double whoppers with cheese... The Informer easily devours both without opening his eyes...

2. The Informer is introduced to the Ultimate Triple Whopper which contained eight pieces of bacon and four pieces of Cheese... The Informer devoured without evening trying...

1. Eddys Mom delivers Lunch - The Informer was working his real human job one day when his buddy/co worker said that his mom was delivering lunch from BK so guys go ahead and order...

The Informer ordered the Triple Whopper Meal, a Rodeo Cheeseburger and A Spicey Chicken Sandwhich...and a Hersey's Sunday Pie

Gross right?

After the Informer's buddy  finished giving the order,  his mom took a second and asked...

"That Last Order Is For The Informer Right?

The Informer could not make this story up if he had to....#She used the Informer's real name but its a damn true stroy...#55 years of the whopper...#Finished it all in one sitting

And on that the Informer is calling it a night…

HAPPY TURKEY DAY!!!!

GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE

Thursday, November 15, 2012

"Week 11"

“Informer who is Bill Simmons and why is he now apart of your Informer vs. Question NFL Picks Challenge?”

Glad you noticed that Mr. Fake reader…

Mr. Simmons is a writer for ESPN dot com and the editor and starter of Grantland dot com…

He is the Informer’s hero when it comes to writers…

You could say in the Informer's book, Mr. Simmons is the Randy Moss of Sports writing…

Here is a little background….

As a Junior in high school the Informer discovered a writer who went by the name Sports Guy (Bill Simmons)… He talked about all things 90210, NBA, NFL, Saved By the Bell, Celebrity sex tapes, Friends and The OC…

The Informer was hooked instantly, Simmons was hitting on all cylinders when it came to trying to make the Informer a fan…

And so for the past 11 years the Informer has not missed one “Sports Guy Article”..

He has read both Sports Guy books…

He listens to all the Sport’s Guys podcast while playing his NBA LIVE Game from two years ago because EA Sports sucks at making basketball games… Sorry that’s a whole different story…

Anyways, which means please shut the flying F*ck up and let the Informer continue his story,  what the Informer is trying to say is that his goal as a writer is to one day be a successfully paid blogger,  and his inspiration was The Sports Guy Bill Simmons…

Who also writes a NFL picks column on a weekly basis…

And it just so happens that after 10 weeks of NFL picks the Informer has a better record…

So the Informer has decided to add Mr. Simmons into the NFL Picks challenge with the Informer and the Question…

“Informer that is the stupidest thing I have ever heard.. The Sports Guy doesn’t give three shits that he is losing to a piece of trash blogger like you in NFL picks… For gods sakes you need to get a life…”

Listen fake reader this has nothing to do with the Sports Guy…

This has to do with the Informer proving to all his readers that he is not a joke…

You the fake reader can spend all your money reading the experts (Like Simmons) or you can read the Informer and win free gambling money…

See the difference…

One way you make money..

The other way you spend money to lose money…(Obviously the Informer is not talking about his Thursday Night Dolphins Pick..)

“Informer not only is the Sports Guy a real writer,  he also rights for a free website, so no money is being spent… And any goon could get lucky and pick a few games correct, your blog is a joke and so are you… O and your FAT!!!!”

Well Mr. Fake reader, besides the fact that you don’t know how to spell writer, you were correct on the overness of the Informer’s weight…

However, the Informer would like to point out that he is currently above .500 for the second straight year…

If the Informer continues at this pace he will have two straight years of making the fake reader free fake-money…

That’s what the Informer is talking about… #The Informer does not condone illegal or legal gambling.. These picks are to only be used with monopoly money or pieces of ham...

Maybe it is dumb to compare himself to Bill Simmons in the the picks challenge, but the Informer is just harnessing his inner Micheal Jordan to reach the Hall of Fame...

If your new to the blog,  the Informer is talking about Grantland dot com not choosing the Informer as their fantasy football writer...

The Informer has taken it personally...

The Informer now fully plans on pulling an MJ, growing six inches, making the varsity and then becoming the greatest NFL Picks Blogger of all time…#The Informer promises to have a HOF speech as epic as Jordans..

And if you don’t agree with that….

Well, then your probably using common sense and most likely are not six “Grown Up Orange Juices” deep like the Informer…

Enough with the Jibber-Jabber lets do some WEEK 11 Picks..

(Informer Note - As always the Informer hopes you will use your fake gambling winnings to buy things through the Amazon links and make the Informer a little money so he can pay off his bookie and buy his children Xmas presents… No pressure fake readers…)


WEEK 11

Teams coming off byes Browns, Packers, Cardinals, Redskins



REDSKINS*        10:00 AM        4  EAGLES         +  3½

THE QUESTION

 This is going to be a terrible week, 11 favorites out of 13 games. 

No chance of success this week, but you try to find a few more dogs Informer I dare you.

As for this game, team coming off a bye… Check…

Pick - Redskins

THE INFORMER

Challenge accepted Mr. Question..

The Informer promises he is going to bet a few dogs this week, and since Mr. Vick is not playing in this game maybe he can give the Informer some inside tips…

You know since he will have more time to spend on his second alleged occupation…

Whats that?

Your talking about underdogs in football…

You could see where the Informer would get confused…

As usual the Informer only has one point to fall back on…

DON’T SMOKE CRACK…

Or bet Nick Foles on the Road…

In his first NFL start..

On a team that quit on their head coach…

And cant block the defense…

Pick - This would be the LKLOTW, but the Informer isn’t prepared to put that kind of pressure on a Rookie QB…

Side Note - Is anyone else kinda disappointed that Vick isn’t going to play in this game, and that Vick wasn’t good this year…

Remember when the schedule came out and almost everyone and their dog circled this game and said Vick 1 vs. Vick 2..

And then got huge BISP’s…

That was only the Informer?

Fine, but the Informer is still upset we don’t get to see these two play against each other…

Consolation prize- -Free money with the Redskins this week…

PS - If your new to the blog,  the video on the left can explain what a BISP is... Just think SweatPants instead of slacks...



PACKERS        10:00 AM        6  LIONS*        +  3

THE QUESTION

We all know I love taking teams coming off a bye week, especially against this Lions team who hasn’t found an identity this year. 

The Packers roll this week, even on the road. 

Pick - Packers

THE INFORMER

This Lions teams has an identity MR Question…Not covering the spread…

Especially against the good teams…

In this case the Packers would be your good team and the Lions would be the Lions…

Pick - Will not make this the LKLOTW because of Calvin’s Johnson…

But remember A-Rodge and the boys have been lighting up the eyes and will continue to do so against a bad Lions teams..#3 Ninjas reference

PACKERS



FALCONS*        10:00 AM        8  CARDINALS        +  9½

THE QUESTION

The Falcons finally lost, everyone knew it was coming too, everyone except the Informer. 

I am glad they lost, now those old farts from Miami can pop their champagne and enjoy being the only undefeated team to win the super bowl. 

Good for them they earned it. 

The Cardinals are coming off a bye, however this is a team with too many injuries to go on the road and compete. 

The Cardinals will make too many mistakes and give this one to the Falcons easily. 

Pick - Falcons

THE INFORMER

Julio Jones may not play…

 Here is something you may not know, the Falcons are not good on offense without Julio…

Plus the Falcons follow this game with a Thursday Night Thanksgiving day rematch with the Saints…

Call the Informer a moron, but….

Pick - Cards coming off a bye

(PS - Falcons barely covered at home against the Raiders, Panthers and Lost to a bad Saints team…Take the points)




BUCCANEERS        10:00 AM        10   PANTHERS*        +  1½

THE QUESTION

Informer, you are absolutely correct,  I did predict the Bucs would be the surprise team to get into the playoffs this season. 

They are on fringe at this point, but still have work to get done so let’s not count our chickens before their hatched or something like that. 

They have found an excellent offensive balance with a running game featuring ‘Muscle Hamster’ aka Doug Martin (what a nickname and he hates it). 

Also, Josh Freeman is starting to look like a quarterback in the National Football League. 

This will not be easy for the Bucs being on the road and already beating the Panthers once this year, but this will be all Bucs. 

Pick - Bucs

THE INFORMER

Mr Question I think you are thinking of the phrase “Don’t eat your eggs before the Easter Bunny Sh*ts them out covered in bunny Chocolate…”  That’s how Easter eggs are made right?

Also, what in the blue hell is a “Muscle Hamster”…?

That sounds like some weird “Sex Act” that a depraved Informer would tell his friends he read about on the internet..

You know like the “Bucking Bronco”…

(Informer Note - Please do not look this up in the Urban Dictionary, just take the Informer’s word for it… It is hilarious and not smart… And for God sakes if you decide to not just take the Informer’s word for it, do not try this on your wife slash significant other after looking it up in the Urban Dictionary… If she is a one night skank on the other hand, this maybe kinda funny… You have been warned)

As for this game…

The Panthers are still not good…

The Informer told everyone last week to please bet against the Panthers…

He made it his Lion King Lock of the Week…

This week the second hottest team in football (Donkeys are the 1st) is coming to town and all they have to do is win by 2 points…

Against one of the worst teams in the NFL…

Maybe the Bucs are candidates for a letdown game, but remember this team is not in position to take weeks off…

They need wins to make the dance…

And they must beat the sh*t teams if they want the Informers respect…

Pick - Ride the Muscle Hampster… Tampa Bay



COWBOYS*        10:00 AM        12  BROWNS        +  7

THE QUESTION

This game will prove as a prime example of why the Cowboys are 4-5 this season. 

They find ways to lose games against inferior (on paper) opponents. 

I admit the Boys will most likely win this game, but with their late game issues I don’t see them covering. 

Plus they got a win last week, so they are on top of the world in Dallas again, let down. 

Oh and Browns off a bye. 

Pick - Browns

THE INFORMER

This feels like one of those games where everyone jumps on the Browns bandwagon saying things like the Cowboys will let down…  And the Browns sometimes play good and cover…

So far the Informer has fallen trap to this game week after week…

Not this week…

The Browns have one win…

They are on the road…

The Cowboys are coming off a game where they actually played good…

With their starting running back coming back from injury…(Demarco Murray should play)

Pick - Cowboys get an easy one this week to get their fans all excited… This is the Raiders Ravens game of last week… Don’t over think yourself… If you don’t think the Underdog can win bet the favorite…



RAMS*        10:00 AM        14  JETS        +  3

THE QUESTION

The Rams are a much better,  let me repeat for dramatic effect MUCH BETTER team when this Danny Armandoula character is on the field. 

They are at home against this Jets team that is looking forward to the draft. 

The Jets stay on the skids this week, they can’t run the ball effectively enough to offset their atrocious passing game and you can only run fake punts a few times a game. 

Pick - Rams

THE INFORMER

Mr Question who in the blue f*kcing hell is Armandoula?

Are you talking about the vehicle that AJ and the boys had to use to find Harry Stamper in the middle of a Giant Astroid?

That is called an Armadilla…



But the Informer gets what your trying to say…

When the Rams are playing with nothing to lose just trying to get home to their families they are dangerous…

The Informer agrees…

But don’t forget,  when two crap teams are playing you should always take the points…

Unless one of the said crap teams continually refuses to play the alleged son of you know who…

The Informer said alleged so its not blasphemy…

Also if he is not the son of you know who, he is at least a very religious man who spreads the good word and does nothing but win football games…

But go ahead Jets,  you keep writing your magazine articles proclaiming that Tebow is the reason your team is 3-6...

Because you would be right…

Him not playing is the reason your team is 3-6...

And as long as they continue to play the Sanchize you the fake reader would be dumb to put money on them…

Pick - Rams

Informer Note - If you have not seen the documentary made in the mid-90’s about Harry Stamper the Informer highly recommends you check it out…

You maybe surprised to learn that the world was almost destroyed…

It’s a true true documentary…

Its called Armageddon…

Fair warning you will cry…



PATRIOTS*        1:25 PM        16  COLTS        +  9½

THE QUESTION

I fell into this trap last week. 

The Patriots secondary is not good enough to be laying more than a touchdown on a regular basis. 

The Pats are the perfect team to steal a back door cover against, especially going against a guy who just “gets” it. 

The Colts are riding an emotional high, playing every game for their coach with cancer. 

This team just wants it more. 

Pick - Colts

 THE INFORMER

Sorry the Informer just found out that his DVR that costs him 200 dollars a month did not f*cking record the all new episode of  “Its Always Sunny In Philadelphia”

Everyone should know by now that the Informer f*cking hates “Direct TV”,  but in case you don’t…

THEY ARE F*CKING CROOKS AND THEIR PRODUCT SUCKS….

Ok the Informer apologizes for that outburst…

He just really enjoys his shows…

Which brings the Informer to his biggest point of the week…

PLEASE START WATCHING JESSE VENTURA CONSPIRACY THEORY… HOLY SH*T IT IS GOOD… LAST NIGHTS EPISODE PROVED THE GOVERNMENT HAS SOME SORT OF DEATH BEAM THAT CAN KILL ANYONE…

The Informer will not ruin the episode for you, but the guy who gave Jesse the tip ends up dead…

The Informer can’t make this sh*t up, even if he wanted to…

He is not that good of a writer…

Speaking of Conspiracies…

Are the Patriots doing this on purpose?

Not covering against the Bills…

Really?

You all know the saying…

Fool the Informer once shame on you…

Fool the Informer with Arizona, Seattle, and the Bills… Shame on the Informer…

Pick - ROY gets a cover against the alleged racist ass hole cover boy… COLTS



TEXANS*        10:00 AM        18  JAGUARS        +  15

THE QUESTION

This is way to many points in the National Football League. 

The Texans are coming off of a short week after a grind it out slobberknocker. 

Yeah those are two strikes against the Texans, but they are at home, fairly healthy, and playing a MJD-less Jaguars team. 

This thing could get ugly fast. 

Pick - Texans

THE INFORMER

PICK - There is no way…. RIGHT?

TEXANS


BENGALS        10:00 AM        20  CHIEFS*         +  3

THE QUESTION

I am glad the Chiefs decided to cover last week, that means I can still pick them this week. 

I am not going to but it is nice to have that option. 

The Bengals are a better team and probably are not good enough to be laying points on the road, but I am not taking the Chiefs off of a short week against an actual competitive team. 

The Bengals at least win. 

Pick - Bengals

THE INFORMER

8 straight games with a TD for the sickness…#AJ GREEN… One more good week and you move to #1 on the Informer’s list…

Also, the Bengals are playing against a Chiefs team that just had their hopes and dreams shattered on National TV..

Playing in a home stadium where the crowd is going to do nothing but boooo the Chiefs….

And no they are not booing because their team name is allegedly racist, they are booing cause the Chiefs suck and have Matt Cassel at QB…

Add in a Bengals team that all of the sudden has playoff hopes…

The Informer likes where this is going…

Pick - LION KING LOCK OF THE WEEK- - -BENGALS


SAINTS        1:05 PM        22  RAIDERS*        +  4½

THE QUESTION

The Saints and Raiders are on two different trajectories the past 2 weeks, Saints are 2-0 and Raiders are 0-2. 

The Saints are back in the playoff hunt only 2 games back with 7 games remaining. 

It isn’t unfathomable to think they could make the playoffs. 

The Saints are dialed in and will be good enough to take down the hapless Raiders. 

PICK - Saints

THE INFORMER

The Raiders are not good…

The Informer does not want to understate this… THEY SUCK!

The Informer does not care if they are at home..

Do you remember two weeks ago when an NFC south team went into Oakland and curb stomped the Raiders…

The Informer does…

Cause he bet the Raiders…

Pick - Saints… Second best bet of the week….LKLOTW 2... Can the Informer give out 2? Just bet the Saints…


BRONCOS*        1:25 PM        24  CHARGERS         +  7½

THE QUESTION

The Chargers mailed in the season… right?

I mean Phillip Rivers is not a NFL QB anymore… is he? 

Well I will tell you who is a NFL QB and that is one Peyton Manning.  I have officially given in, I will be jumping on the Broncos bandwagon this week after 10 solid weeks of Peyton Manning hating. 

Go ahead and mark up a noodle arm week for Peyton Manning as my stink will officially give the Peyton Manning bandwagon a flat tire. 

Pick - Broncos

THE INFORMER

It is hard for an NFL team to beat the same team twice…

Unless that team is led by Norv Turner and his team of quitters…

Fun stat - Takeo Spikes has been an NFL starting Lineback for about 12 years now… He has  Chargers… You see where this is going San Diego fans…

Pick - You don’t stop riding the Cyberian before you finish…


UMMMM….

Yes that’s a sex joke…

Not sure how that ties into Peyton Manning…

Listen just bet the Broncos this week… (Do not look up Cy… You get the point by now right?)



RAVENS       NBC       5:30 PM        26  STEELERS*        +  3½

THE QUESTION

The Steelers without Big Ben will now depend even more on their defense than they have all year…

This is a big game and the Ravens will step up and put some separation between themselves and the Steelers in the division against a Big Ben-less Steelers. 

PICK - Ravens

THE INFORMER

The Informer is still up in arms with ESPN.COM…

How do I not get credit for two defensive TD’s in my fantasy league… And no the Informer’s drunken letter to ESPN was not responded to… The Informer is not happy…

This week do not  bet Byron LeftManWHICH….

Get it, the Informer said his name like a sloppy joe, just like he does with Big Ben and Hamburgers… #The Informer is clever…

But nobody picks a ManWhich over a Whopper…

Pick - Ravens

PS - The Informer doesn’t remember the exact stat but the Ravens have not lost to a Roethlisburgerless Steelers ever…#true statment i think

Trust the Informer before you start saying things like “Leftwhich hasn’t started a NFL game since 2009 so we know he will be fresh…”



49ERS*       ESPN       5:40 PM        28  BEARS        +  4

THE QUESTION

ESPN or Fox did a special a few weeks ago on how Jay Cutler never smiles. 

He is always in one of those ‘someone pee’d in his Cheerios’ moods. 

Well this week Jay Cutler is smiling. 

He isn’t required to be on the field when the Niners front seven destroy the Bears terrible offensive line. 

This game will not be close as the Niners from seven will be to much for the Bears. 

PICK - Niners

THE INFORMER

We all know what happened the last time Randy played on a Monday night… He led his team to a double digit victory…

The Informer was pretty excited for that Cappernickle guy to start so that Randy would get a least two deep balls thrown to him, but it sounds like Alex Smith with be back and ready to play…

Either way…

Jason Campbell…

Yes that’s the Bears QB…

Pick - 49ers by a lot…

Even though the Informer has started the week 0-1 he is going to deliver you the reader some more free money…

Its what the Informer is trying to do…

Enjoy your 11th week of NFL fake imaginary gambling people…

Only six weeks left…

WHAT?

Only six weeks left... Thats not a happy thought..

In fact that is a terrible way to end the blog…

If only there was some video that could make everything better...

ENJOY…