Kobe Bryant's 60 Point Final Act

The Informer: “Did you see what Kobe just did?”

Friend: “No what happened?”

The Informer: “The Lakers were down 10 points with about 2:16 seconds left in his last game ever and he scored 13 straight points and the Lakers won. It was awesome. Oh and he also finished the game with 60 points.”

Friend: “Bull f*****g shit!!!”

The Informer: “Seriously, I couldn’t make this up if I had to.”

That is the text exchange I had with a friend last night after watching Kobe Bean Bryant, playing in the final game of his illustrious 20 year career, score 60 points while willing the Los Angeles Lakers to a 101-96 victory over the Utah Jazz.

I am sharing this exchange for two reasons 1) Who in the hell was not watching Kobe last night? 2) The “bull f*****g shit” line is the perfect way to describe what took place last night in Los Angeles.

Kobe Bryant was ridiculous. He was amazing. He was larger than life. He was whatever word you can think of that basically means “bull f*****g shit there is no way that actually happened”.  

Now, The Informer knows exactly what you are all thinking right now because I am thinking the same exact things: How does a 37-year old man score 60 points in his last NBA game (P.S – it was his sixth career 60 points game which is the second most in NBA history)? And how does a 37-year old man shoot the ball 50 times in a single game? Most importantly, how in the blue hell did the Lakers actually win a game when a 37-year old man shoots the ball 50 times?

The last question is what gets me the most about last night’s game. To quote Herm Edwards: “The Utah Jazz were playing to win the game.” They were not rolling over and letting Kobe Bryant do this. No, they were trying to win this game. They wanted to win this game. And for most of the night, they were on pace to win this game. 

The only problem was, Kobe freaking Bryant gave absolutely zero f***s about the Utah Jazz’s desire to win. 

Nope, in the end April 13th, 2016 was Kobe Bryant's night.

And by Gawd he was not going to let the Jazz, or ESPN (who moved his final game to ESPN 2), or the Golden State Warriors, or Father time take it away from him.

Hell, even when the Lakers were down 10 points late in the fourth quarter there was a sense that Kobe was going to do something magical. 

Then he scored his 50th point to make it a six point game on a shot that had The Informer reminiscing about 2006. Then he hit a pull up jumper from 15 ft. Then there was the fade-away three that had no business actually going in to pull the Lakers within one. 

We were all witnessing Kobe having a nam-like flashback to his “Black Mamba” days and somehow the Lakers were within reach of actually winning this game.  

And then the flashback became a reality.

Kobe drained a jumper from the top of the key to give the Lakers their first lead of the fourth quarter. He followed that up by making two more free throws to push his total to 60 and the Lakers lead to three. Finally, Kobe threw a perfect full court pass to Jordan Clarkson which ended with a dunk (making Kobe’s last NBA stat ever an assist #IsntThatIronic?)

After that Byron Scott decided Kobe had done enough, so he substituted "White Mamba" Ryan Kelly into the game enabling Kobe the chance to walk off the court with just four seconds remaining in his career. Of course, this was done so the stunned/excited/joyous Staples' Center crowd could serenade our hero one last time with chants of "Kobe . . . Kobe . . .  Kobe!!!"

And man was it awesome.

Honestly, it was a performance that The Informer will never forget.

And in the end, there really is only one word to describe what took place in Los Angeles on April 13, 2016: “KOBE!!!”

#ThankYouKobe #LegendsNeverDie #MambaOut

(The Informer after the blog note –  In the spirit of never forgetting Kobe's great night, here are The Informer’s favorite tweets/reactions from last night’s Kobe game.)

Lol pretty funny #HatersGonnaHate pic.twitter.com/p5WtmrHLrm

— The Informer (@therealinformer) April 14, 2016

60 in his final game?! 81(on me)in his prime. Incredible. Insane discipline! Congratulations @kobebryant.

— Jalen Rose (@JalenRose) April 14, 2016

I can't even take a real picture. Whoever made this so fast ... my cap is tipped pic.twitter.com/Y17vghx7nn

— Marc Stein (@ESPNSteinLine) April 14, 2016

I'll remember this night forever #MambaOut

— LJ (@KobeB_fan24) April 14, 2016

Just texted my wife and asked if we could change The Informer Jr. Name to #Kobe #He is the man #I'm not joking

— The Informer (@therealinformer) April 14, 2016

Great tweet right here pic.twitter.com/d8kUiTaeUy

— The Informer (@therealinformer) April 14, 2016

It's a heckling fan when you're already pissed
It's a 60 point game that ends with an assist
Isnt it ironic, doncha think

— Patrick Vint (@HS_BHGP) April 14, 2016

"Kobe doesn't pass."

The last stat of his career was an assist."

— Nim Possible (@nimmy_turner) April 14, 2016 

And finally . . .

Just when you thought Kobe gave you a lifetime of memories, he reached down one last time. pic.twitter.com/M3gVzCKozI

— CBS Sports (@CBSSports) April 14, 2016

The Informer's 2015 NFL Picks Challenge: Week 4

Ladies and gentlemen, The Informer is not going to lie; he is freaking excited. After three weeks of the 2015 NFL Season your favorite sports writer has posted a career best 31-16-2 (including last night’s push) record against the spread.

Now, just to put my record into perspective, here is a list of how The Informer stacks up with some of the "National Experts" (Their records are on the far right) . . .

Setting aside the fact that the graphic looks like complete dog sh*t, if you look closely you will notice that out of all the "National Experts" (from Grantland, Yahoo, Five-Thirty-Six, CBS, USA Today, Fox, etc.) who make weekly picks against the spread; there is not a single person who has a better record than The Informer's 31-16-2.

That is not a typo folks. The simple truth when it comes to handicapping the NFL is this: If you are looking for the best picks money can buy then The Informer is your Huckleberry.

Anyways, which means please do not interrupt The Informer while he is stroking his own ego and watching Tombstone clips, now that we got all the "look at me bragging" out of the way: How about we crack open the Natties and get on with Week 4 of The Informer’s 2015 NFL Picks Challenge?

BALTIMORE RAVENS @ PITTSBURGH STEELERS (+3)

Here is what The Informer tweeted out Thursday morning before the world found out Josh Scobee is a double agent for the Baltimore Ravens . . .

I am betting Pittsburgh +3 tonight...And also taking the under 21.5 for the first half #LetsDoThisPittsburgh

— The Informer (@therealinformer) October 1, 2015

Needless to say, Josh Scobee as a "football player" -- The Informer is sure he is a nice human being -- is a no good motherless mother ****** #TheInformerHatesYourStinkingGuts!!!

Moving on from the Scobee boning, The Informer would like to point out that the first half under in Prime-time is now 8-2 on the year. For you non math majors, that means it is hitting a staggering 80% of the time. In other words, make sure you adjust your fake illegal wagers accordingly in New Orleans and Seattle this weekend.

Pick: Steelers (+3 PUSH)

NEW YORK JETS @ MIAMI DOLPHINS (IN LONDON +3)

Here is my dilemma: Normally on Sundays, The Informer runs home from working the night shift, chugs five Natty Lights, then takes a three hour nap in order to wake up for the noon games. It is a tried and true routine that has worked well for the past three seasons.

The problem this Sunday is the fact that there is a NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE game being played at 8:30am Central time.

So the question becomes: Should The Informer stay up (without a cat nap) to watch the Jets-Dolphins while trying to chug Natties for 14 hours straight after working the overnight shift? Or should The Informer take into consideration that this game features Ryan Fitzpatrick and the New York Jets (boring) and skip it all together while sticking to the normal Sunday routine?

Talk about a conundrum (How in the hell do you spell conundrum?).

"Hey Informer: Why don’t you just call in sick to work? That way you can get some sleep on Saturday night, but still be able to wake up and start crushing Natties at 8:30 while not missing any football action. That is your best option as an alcoholic football fan. Oh and by the way, even a blind mice gets lucky with their picks every once in awhile; so don’t get used to the success because you are bound to come crashing back down to Earth. You want to know why? Because you suck . . . You jackass."

Well . . . Other than the last part, which was really mean-spirited and rude, the figment of The Informer’s imagination has a great idea. Now I guess the question becomes: Which one of The Informer's five kids is going to get the flu on Saturday #WorkExcuses.

Pick: Dolphins (+3)

JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS @ INDIANAPOLIS COLTS (-9)

Dear Colts fans who are upset about the nightmare that is your offensive line right now, please keep in mind that it could be worse; you could be trapped in this elevator . . .



#ThatPrankIsF******Up #ImFreakingOutMan.

Pick: Jags (+9)

(Editor's Note - This pick was originally Colts -9, but with Andrew Luck not playing I am changing the pick to Jags +9. For the sake of having accurate picks, I have embedded the tweet that proves my change of mind took place before the game. Sorry for the confusion.)

Andrew Luck is not playing...Means I am changing my pick to Jags +9

— The Informer (@therealinformer) October 4, 2015

HOUSTON TEXANS @ ATLANTA FALCONS (-6)

Do you all remember in last week’s article how The Informer wrote a gushing section about Antonio Brown and how the guy was on pace for over 2,000 yards receiving and a historically great season? And then the next day Brown’s quarterback got injured followed by Brown’s NFL record streak of 35 straight games with at least 5 receptions and 50 yards getting snapped in his first game without the RoethlisDoubleBaconCheeseberger?

Yea . . . Because of the above scenario, The Informer is going to decline comment on this game and any participants involved who may or may not be having a historically great start to the 2015 NFL Season #TheInformerJinxIsReal.

Pick: Texans (+6)

CAROLINA PANTHERS @ TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS (+3)

Shhh . . . Don’t tell Vegas the Carolina Panthers are a really good football team and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are a pile of worthless sh*t #LionKingLockOfTheWeek.

Pick: LKLOTW Panthers (-3)

NEW YORK GIANTS @ BUFFALO BILLS (-5)

The last time The Informer was excited to watch a Bills-Giants game this happened . . .



Too soon?

Anyways, which now means please don’t interrupt The Informer while he is getting death threats from every single person in the greater Buffalo area, The Informer is thinking Da Bills are going to circle the wagons while riding Tyrod "The Cannon" Taylor’s arm to some sweet-sweet revenge 24-years later.

Pick: Bills (-5)

OAKLAND RAIDERS @ CHICAGO BEARS (+3)

The Informer swears to "Tebow" he almost made the Raiders his Lion King Lock of the Week. To answer the next question: No . . . The Informer was not drunk when he wrote that sentence.

Pick: Raiders (-3)

PHILADELPHIA EAGLES @ WASHINGTON REDSKINS (+3)

If The Informer ever bets that dumpster fire Kirk Cousins again you all have the right to kick me squarely in the d*ck. Seriously, that dude is the scum between The Informer's toes.

Pick: Washington (+3)

KANSAS CITY CHIEFS @ CINNCINATI BENGALS (-4)

As Kevin Costner once said, you ride a trend until she bucks you, or you don't ride at all. And right now there is no better gambling ride than a Red-Hot (& Headed) Andy Dalton at home giving less than a touchdown.

Pick: Bengals (-4)

CLEVELAND BROWNS @ SAN DIEGO CHARGERS (-7.5)

Next . . .

Pick: Chargers (-7.5)

GREEN BAY PACKERS @ SAN FRACISCO 49ERS (+8)

The Green Bay Packers are on a short week, after winning a huge Monday Night game, they are traveling to the West coast, 80% of the public is betting on them to cover and they are playing against a quarterback they have never beaten (Kaepernick is 3-0 all-time against Rodgers).

Basically, all the normal gambling rules say to bet against Green Bay this week. Then again, all of the normal gambling rules don’t take into consideration that the Packers will be starting the 2X NFL MVP Aaron Rodgers against the team that passed on taking him in the 2005 NFL Draft in favor of Alex Smith.

The Informer is sorry he is not sorry, but at this point in time if you bet against Aaron Rodgers you are a moron.

Pick: Packers (-8)

MINNESOTA VIKINGS @ DENVER BRONCOS (-6.5)

According to the National Media Peyton Manning is old; washed up; not capable of throwing a pigskin; has to eat his Blimpies with dentures; has to use a wheel chair to pick up his legalized "hippie lettuce"; is paralyzed from the waist down; has erectile dysfunction; he can't feel his arms; his left leg is missing; rigor mortis has set in; and that he has actually been in a coma for the last four seasons.

Now, despite all of those things going against him, The Informer has no choice but to once again back Manning and his Laser-Rocket-Duck-Launcher.

Pick: Donkeys (-6.5)

ST LOUIS RAMS @ ARIZONA CARDINALS (-7)

Remember how Vegas likes to build Casinos and not give away money to public bettors? Well, because of that fact, The Informer needs to point out that 86% of the public is betting Arizona on Sunday.

Listen, The Informer thinks the Cards will dominate the entire game and win, but somehow, some way, Vegas/St. Louis is going to backdoor cover on Sunday; which means you have to bet the Rams.

"Hey idiot, don't you remember your own rule about never betting against a Bruce Arians coached team at home? And are you seriously going to take Nick Foles on the road against the hottest offense in football? Man, you really are fatter and stupider than I originally thought."

You know what? The made up people in The Informer's head are right. The number one gambling rule for 2015 is that you never bet against Bruce Arians and the Arizona Cardinals when they are playing at home. Forget about the new Casinos and just listen to Bud Kilmer on Sunday #StickToTheBasics.

Pick: Cardinals (-7)

DALLAS COWBOYS @ NEW ORLEANS SAINTS (-3)

Did you know the last time the Saints played a Sunday night game in October they beat the Green Bay Packers? Did you also know since that time they have lost six straight games in the SuperDome? Well, as The Informer has always said, when your team can’t win a home game the best remedy for the problem is to schedule an appearance by Brandon Weeden.

With a healthy Drew Brees back in the lineup, the Saints will get their first win of the season.

Pick: Saints (-3)

DETROIT LIONS @ SEATTLE SEAHAWKS (-10)

At some point Matthew Stafford is going to realize that he has "The Shredder" Calvin Johnson on his team, right?

Pick: Lions (+10)

And on that note, if you will please excuse me, The Informer has three weeks worth of fake illegal gambling money that needs to be wasted on Blimpies, Natties, Gator Boots and the pimped out Gucci suits . . .



#StillFly #BigTymers #NFLPicks #WinnerWinnerBlimpiesDinner #HaveAGreatWeek4

2015 RECORD: 31-16-2

The Informer's 2015 NFL Picks: Week 3

After picking 11-5 against the spread in Week 2 of the 2015 NFL Season, The Informer is once again ready to make the people money. So with John Football Clipboard hand gestures on the mind, let’s crack those Natties and get right to Week 3 of The Informer’s 2015 NFL Picks Challenge.

WASHINGTON REDSKINS @ NEW YORK GIANTS (-3.5)

Here is the deal folks; only an absolute moron would pick Kirk Cousins on the road in Prime-time against an 0-2 Giants team that was playing for their season. So if you know someone who was actually dumb enough to bet Kirk "INT" Cousins last night, you have The Informer’s permission to kick that d-bag squarely in the gonads.

Trust me, they deserve it.

For everyone's information . .. The Informer is taking Washington +3.5 tonight and also riding the first half under #FirstHalfUnderIs6-1

— The Informer (@therealinformer) September 24, 2015

Before we wrap this game up, here is The Informer’s Week 3 stat of the day: Did you know through his first 15 NFL games the great Randy Moss had 64 receptions for 1,281 yards and 16 TDs (an NFL record for TDs through 15 games)? Did you also know through his first 15 NFL games the "ODB" Odell Beckham Jr. has 110 receptions for 1,574 yards (an NFL record for receptions & yards through 15 games) and 14 TDs?

Just saying; enjoy what you are watching in New York, because right now it is pure greatness in the making.

Pick: Skins (+3.5)

PITTSBURGH STEELERS @ ST LOUIS RAMS (+1.5)

Speaking of greatness: Antonio Brown is on pace for 144 receptions 2,624 yards and 16 TDs. Now it would be absurd to think Brown can keep this up (164 yards a game is ridiculous), but if he is able to keep up a semi-pace – like say 120 yards a games – than he would become the first NFL receiver to reach 2,000 yards in a single season. Again, it is early in the season, but with this Pittsburgh offense, and the greatness of Brown, it is not out of the realm of possibility, right?

As for the gambling portion of this game; since the line is a tossup, The Informer has no choice but to bet against 85% of the public.

Pick: Rams (+1.5)

SAN DIEGO CHARGERS @ MINNESOTA VIKINGS (-2.5)

The last time Adrian Peterson played the San Diego Chargers at home was in 2007 and this happened . . .



So yea . . . The Informer is betting Adrian Peterson on Sunday.

Pick: Vikings (-2.5)

TAMPA BAY @ HOUSTON TEXANS (-6.5)

Do we really live in a world where Ryan Mallet and the Houston Texans are favored by 6.5 points even though they are playing without Arian Foster and possibly DeAndre Hopkins (he was undergoing concussion treatment on Thursday)?

Give The Informer the points and the rookie quarterback on the road against J.J. Watt. I mean, what could possibly go wrong?

Pick: Tampa Bay (+6.5)

ATLANTA FALCONS @ DALLAS COWBOYS (+2)

Gambling rule #700: If the spread is less than three and you have the chance to bet against Brandon Weeden –YOU ALWAYS BET AGAINST BRANDON WEEDEN!!!

Pick: Falcons (-2)

PHILADELPHIA EAGLES @ NEW YORK JETS (-2.5)

The Informer is going to lose so much money this season betting against the New York Jets #EventuallyRyanFitzpatrickWillRealizeHeIsRyanFitzpatrick.

Pick: Eagles (+2.5)

NEW ORLEANS SAINTS @ CAROLINA PANTEHRS (-4.5)

Shhhhh . . . Be very very quiet. We don’t want to let Vegas know the Panthers and Cam Newton, despite playing without wide receivers, are actually a really good team.

Pick: Panthers (-4.5)

CINNCINATI BENGALS @ BALTIMORE RAVENS (-2.5)

There is no way on Tebow's Green Earth that the red headed gunslinger is going to make history by handing the Ravens their first 0-3 start in the history of Harbaugh, right?

Pick: Bengals (+2.5)

OAKLAND RAIDERS @ CLEVELAND BROWNS (-3.5)

Things The Informer would rather do than have to watch this game: Excersice; eat right; stop drinking Natties; check my cholesterol; shave my you know what parts with a Rambo knife; give up Blimpies; smoke crack with Lawrence Taylor (allegedly); trade places with Andy Dufrane during that time when "The Sisters" took a liking to him; break into Edward Norton's house in the middle of the night; cross the streams; have unprotected carnal relations with Jenny Gump; take a right hook from Mike Tyson; stab my eye out with a soldering iron; drink milk from a saucer; watch every episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians; and finally, bet against 5X NFL MVP Peyton Manning in Prime-time.

In other words, this game sucks donkey balls.

Pick: Raiders (+3.5)

SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS @ ARIZONA CARDINALS (-6.5)

The Informer has no idea which 49ers team is going to show up. Is it the team that played flawless "run and play defense first" football in Week 1? Or will it be the dumpster fire that got boat-raced out of Pittsburgh in Week 2?

Since we can't predict which 49ers team we are getting, The Informer has to go with the surest team in the NFL. Also, there is the whole never, even if there is a fire, bet against Bruce Arians thing.

Pick: Cardinals (-6.5)

(The Informer after the pick stat – Last week, after his first career three TD game, Larry Fitzgerald became just the 10th receiver to join the 12,000 yard 90 TD club. The "Original Predator" is now forever linked with; Randy Moss, Jerry Rice, Chris Carter, Terrell Owens, Marvin Harrison, Tim Brown, Issac Bruce, Tony Gonzalez and the great Steve Largent.)

INDANAPOLIS COLTS @ TENNESSEE TITANS (+3)

The Informer: "Hey Andrew Luck, will you please eat a Snickers?"

Andrew Luck: "Why?"

The Informer: "Because you play like a drunk Jay Cutler when you are hungry."

Seriously, Andrew Luck has been "Jay Cutler" awful through two games this season. Don’t worry though, that trend is not going to continue. It was just a byproduct of the greatest young QB in NFL history getting to know his new teammates (Frank Gore & Andre Johnson), some horrible "Pep Hamilton System" play calling (Stop trying to be a run first pound the ball offense . . . For the love of Tebow you have freaking Andrew Luck as your quarterback . . . F***ING USE HIM!!!) and of course the fact the Colts have played two of the 10 best defenses in the NFL.

Going 0-2 under those conditions could happen to anyone. That all stops this week though as Luck rights the ship and starts the march to his fourth straight 11 win season.

Pick: Colts (-3)

CHICAGO BEARS @ SEATTLE SEAHAWKS (-14.5)

What a dilemma. Should The Informer follow the "two touchdown underdog rule" or the "always bet against Jimmy Clausen on the road against a desperate 0-2 Seattle team during the same week that Cam Chancellor returns to the lineup no matter how big the spread is rule"?

This really is a hard one.

"Hey Informer, did you hear that unnamed sources have confirmed that HGH sales (allegedly) have reached an all-time high in the Seattle area this past week?"

No figment of The Informer’s imagination, I had not heard that obviously concrete fact (allegedly) about the Seattle area. Talk about a game changer. Now, are we sure it was HGH and not just over the counter non performance enhancing Adderall so Seattle could study better?

Either way, if Seattle is going to be laser-focused in their home opener than there really is only one way to bet this game.

Pick: Seattle (-14.5)

BUFFALO BILLS @ MIAMI DOLPHINS (-3)

Ace Ventura, would you like to say a few words about this game?



Well said Ace.

As for the pick, The Informer is backing the home team while preparing for a push (this is going to be a last second field goal game).

Pick: Dolphins (-3)

JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS @ NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS (-13.5)

The NFL gambling rules clearly state whenever a team is getting two touchdowns, you bet the dog. You don’t ask questions, you just do it. And since The Informer already ignored this rule once, there is no choice but to back the Jags on the road against Tom Brady and Rob Gronkowski.

"Holy f***ing s**t Informer . . . Will you please re-read that last sentence. You just said to bet Blake Bortles on the road against Tom Brady during Tom Brady's 'I am pissed at the NFL and going to win the 2015 NFL MVP Award in spite season.' Seriously, picking the Jags this week maybe the dumbest most idiotic thing you have ever done. Take it back right now before I have to threaten your life you fat-fat moron."

Listen, for the bottom of The Informer's black liver "I apologize" and take it all back. The Informer had one too many Bortles & James wine coolers and one thing led to another. I know that things were said and for that "I am sorry." It was wrong and it will never happen again. The Informer promises. And so we are all clear, there is no way in the bluest of blue hells The Informer is going to bet against Tom Brady this weekend. The above sentence was one drunken mistake. Nothing more.

Pick: Patriots (-13.5)

DENVER BRONCOS @ DETROIT LIONS (+3)

Everyone say it with me . . .

5X NFL MVP IN PRIMETIME . . . 5X NFL MVP IN PRIMETIME . . . 5X NFL MVP IN PRIMETIME . . . 5X NFL MVP IN PRIMETIME . . . 5X NFL MVP IN PRIMETIME . . . 5X NFL MVP IN PRIMETIME . . . 5X NFL MVP IN PRIMETIME . . . 5X NFL MVP IN PRIMETIME . . . 5X NFL MVP IN PRIMETIME . . . 5X NFL MVP IN PRIMETIME . . . 5X NFL MVP IN PRIMETIME . . . 5X NFL MVP IN PRIMETIME . . . 5X NFL MVP IN PRIMETIME . . . 5X NFL MVP IN PRIMETIME . . . 5X NFL MVP IN PRIMETIME !!!

Somebody please get Simba on the phone, because The Informer just found his Lion King Lock of the Week.

Pick: LKLOTW Donkeys (-3)

KANSAS CITY CHIEFS @ GREEN BAY PACKERS (-6.5)

Everyone say it with me . . .

2X NFL MVP AARON RODGERS IN PRIMETIME . . . 2X NFL MVP AARON RODGERS IN PRIMETIME . . . 2X NFL MVP AARON RODGERS IN PRIMETIME . . . 2X NFL MVP AARON RODGERS IN PRIMETIME . . . 2X NFL MVP AARON RODGERS IN PRIMETIME . . . 2X NFL MVP AARON RODGERS IN PRIMETIME!!!

Pick: Packers (-6.5)

Have a great Week 3 everyone. May it be filled with Blimpies, Natty Lights and enough winning parlays to buy dem apple bottom jeans and the boots with the fur.



#NFLPicks #FloRida #WinnerWinnerBlimpiesDinner