This can't be a happy blog because this past week has been the worst of my life.
I am writing this blog to vent out and to try and figure out my own emotions.
I am writing this more as a personal journal.
But I need to write this so that I can get back to normal.
Let me explain,
Last Tuesday morning my baby girl Zoey (She turns 1 on Wend) went into the hospital after a high fever caused her to start seizing.
From 7:20 in the morning until about 9am Zoey had three separate seizures to go along with her 102 degree temperature.
The doctors eventually were able to get her temp down and the seizing to stop. But for roughly three hours I had to sit helplessly as my daughter was in pain.
As her father I am supposed to protect her from the injustices in this world. I am supposed to protect her from all of the bad things. No matter what I am just supposed to protect her. But there I was powerless as my baby suffered.
I did what many fathers in that situation would do, I prayed.That was the only thing I could do, pray and wait.
I prayed that Zoey would not die. I prayed that she would not be mentally or physically damaged from this.
But mostly I prayed for things to go back to normal. I wanted my daughter to be happy and smiling and eating day old cheerios off of the floor because that is what she likes to do.I wanted my daughter crying for Dad in the middle of the night because she knows I am a softy and will always pick her up. Mostly I just wanted Zoey to be okay.
Thankfully after a day in the hospital and more tests then a little baby should ever have to go through, things checked out normal. Other than a high fever and having to be on seizure medicine for one week, my daughter is going to be one hundred percent fine. . . Thank You GOD!
That is when the Doctor said something that took me by surprise, he said that these seizures are actually very common.
Very Common?
I guess on the one hand hearing very common is a great thing. The Doctor was adamant that these situations usually lead to no long term damage and rarely if ever does the child experience seizures again.
That is good on the other hand why in the hell is this very common. I can honestly say without a doubt in my mind that last Tuesday was the worst feeling I have ever had. And it hurts my heart to think that this routinely happens. This is common? I feel horrible for all the other families that have to go through such an ordeal. (The Doctor said about 1 in 30 babies).
The helplessness that you feel when watching your baby suffer, the panic in your mind those first few hours when you dont know what the hell is going on, or why. Those are feelings that no parent should ever have to go through.Let alone one out of every thirty.
It has been Five days and the fever is gone, Zoey is moving around laughing and loving her life. Dad meanwhile will wake up every hour on the hour to check her temperature for the rest of his life, but I am damn thankful that I get that opportunity.
I am also thankful that I get to start getting back to normal routine. Whether it is writing this blog, writing movie reviews, going to work, hanging out with the family or just fighting with my wife over what is and isn't one to many beers.
I want things back to normal.
Honestly I dont know if that will happen. But just like Zoey learning to walk, baby steps will eventually get us there.
Before I stop writing I want to thank my wife. She is so amazing and strong. If being married to me is not hard enough she also manages to be an unbelievable mother to all four of her girls.
I am so thankful she was there last week because she was the one who held me and everything together. Thank you my love.
Finally, Happy Early Birthday To My Baby Girl. Daddy Loves You very much. You are the reason for my life and I will continue to thank God everyday for giving you to me.
PS - Please give your child an extra hug tonight. Or Maybe just give the person you love the most in life an extra kiss. If anything always remember to always tell the people you love that you love them. You never know when that opportunity will be taken away from you. Now if you excuse me I have a baby girl who needs her daddy to sing her to sleep.
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