Here are The Informer's Week 2 NFL Picks. As always please remember these picks are only to be used for illegal debauchery things such as online gambling, parlays, teasers and Super Pick contests.
Baltimore Ravens @ Cincinnati Bengals (Pk)
A.J. Green scored three touchdowns and the Bengals won so I don't even care that my Thursday night pick was once again the biggest loser on the internet. But for the sake of keeping good clean scientific data Al Gore would be proud of, here is my proof of Thursday Night Football loss tweet:
Im taking the Ravens (-1) and the 1st half under 21.5 #TNF— The Informer (@therealinformer) September 13, 2018
Pick: Ravens (LOSS)
Indianapolis Colts @ Washington (-6)
Before we get to why I am betting the Colts this week, I would like to share a few Adrian Peterson is really awesome stats:
With his 96-yards rushing in Week 1 against the Cardinals, Adrian Peterson passed Jim Brown for 10th place on the NFL's all-time career rushing list. Now, did you know A.P. needs only 367 more yards rushing to fly past Tony "The Hawk" Dorsett for 9th place all-time?
Sticking with Peterson's all-time rankings; with his next touchdown run he will break a tie with Marshall Faulk and Shaun Alexander and move into 7th place on the all-time rushing touchdown list. For those wondering; Peterson needs four more TDs to pass John Riggins and seven more to pass Jim Brown to move into the Top 5.
Okay, now that we are all caught up on Adrian Peterson's greatness, when it comes to gambling on this game I am taking the Colts +6 because I don't bet against Andrew Luck's sidearm when he is getting points a week after his tight end cost him a comeback win.
Pick: Colts (+6)
Carolina Panthers @ Atlanta Falcons (-6)
You want to hear something interesting?
There are only nine current NFL running backs with over 5,000 career rushing yards (Frank Gore, A.P, LeSean McCoy, Beast-mode, Jon Stewart,, Legarratte "Roll me a fat" Blount, Alfred Morris, Mark Ingram and LeVeon Bell).
Of course if things go right this season, there could -- and should -- be at least three more players added to that list. Lamar Miller who only needs 11 more yards, Chris Ivory who needs 145 yards and the great Cam Newton who needs 622 yards (which is only 41 yards per game).
I am not sure what any of that has to do with gambling other then the fact that it was a nice lead into me saying I will be grabbing the six points and backing the future Hall of Famer Cam Newton and the Panthers on Sunday.
Pick: Panthers (+6)
Minnesota Vikings @ Green Bay Packers (+7)
My "bookie" does not currently have a line for this game, so I am using my Super Picks contest line which is Packers (+7). I am also making this pick with a caveat so listen closely: If Aaron Rodgers plays on Sunday I am betting the Packers no matter the line. If Aaron Rodgers does not play on Sunday I am betting the Minnesota Vikings no matter the line.
We all clear on what is happening here? Aaron Rodgers plays the pick is G.B.. No one legged man, the pick is Minnesota.
Got it? Good.
Pick: With A-Rod Packers (+7) No A-Rod Vikes (-7)
Miami Dolphins @ New York Jets (-3)
I am taking the Dolphins because I don't think a rookie quarterback who plays for the Jets should be favored in his second career NFL start. But mark my words, if Sam Darnold acts like Sam Darnold did in Week 1 and covers this spread --I will never bet against him again as long as I live (or until Week 3; which ever comes first).
Pick: Dolphins (+3)
Los Angeles Chargers @ Buffalo Bills (+7.5)
I know the Buffalo Bills are the absolute most disgusting abortion of a dumpster fire the NFL has ever allowed to play football, but the gambling rules are the gambling rules. And in this case betting against the "dumpster fires" means a person would be breaking the 80% rule (currently 81% of the public is betting San Diego) and the "always be scared of home dogs" rule.
Listen all, I don't like this anymore then you do, but on Sunday the rules clearly state there is only one way to bet this game. So that means I am going to Informer up (aka drink 12-14 Natty Lights) and take Josh "The Torpedo Missile" Allen and the Buffalo "our fans are no longer allowed to attempt murder on tables" Bills.
May Tebow have mercy on my liver.
Pick: BILLS (+7.5)
Houston Texans @ Tennessee Titans (+3)
80% of the public is betting the road favorite; which, as we just discussed, means I am going to be betting the home underdog. Also, just so we are all on the same page, if the gosh damn Titans coach continues to ignore Derrick Henry I swear to everyone reading I am going to start an all out riot.
#Give the 6'4 monster the football and good things will happen.
Pick: Titans (+3)
Kansas City Chiefs @ Pittsburgh Steelers (-5.5)
Here is an "almost" exact quote about the Kansas City Chiefs from The Informer's Week 2, 2008 NFL Picks article: "Man I f***ing hate the gosh damn Chiefs. They are the nastiest no good sons of guns the NFL has ever scene, and I can't wait to watch them die of gonorrhea and go straight to heck for what they did to Tommy Brady in Week 1.
Now here is an "almost" exact quote about the Kansas City Chiefs from The Informer's Week 2, 2018 NFL Picks article: "Man I f***ing love the gosh damn Chiefs. Patrick Mahomes & Tyreke Hill are two of the nastiest sons of guns the NFL has ever scene, and I can't wait to watch them send Big Ben and the Pittsburgh Steelers straight to heck for what they did to my "pick a winner" contest selection in Week 1.
It really is amazing how much things can change in just 10 short years.
Pick: Chiefs (+5.5)
Philadelphia Eagles @ Tampa Bay (+3.5)
Cleveland Browns @ New Orleans Saints (-9.5)
Arizona Cardinals @ Los Angeles Rams (-13)
I am taking the Eagles, Saints and Rams. The reasoning is simple: I don't like betting on garbage teams against three Super Bowl caliber teams. Also, I think the Browns are a mess (see Josh Gordon), Tampa Bay is coming off of a huge win where they played perfect football and caught every break (time for a letdown), and the last time I checked the Arizona Cardinals are still the Arizona Cardinals.
Pick: Eagles (-3.5), Saints (-9.5) Rams (-13)
Detroit Lions @ San Francisco 49ers (-6)
Ladies and gentlemen it appears that it is time for the Blimpie Best meme of the Week. Now, since it is Week 2, I decided that we are going to hand out two winners this week. Here they are:
#I am probably joining the Steelers and going straight to heck for the second one.
Pick: Lions (+6)
New England Patriots @ Jacksonville Jaguars (+1)
Fact #1: Tom Brady is 8-0 against the Jaguars in his career.
Fact #2: Tom Brady is playing the Jaguars in Week 2 and is only giving one point.
In other words: Stick to the basic and take the Tommy's.
Pick: LKLOTW Tom Brady's (-1)
Oakland Raiders @ Denver Donkeys (-6.5)
If you have the stones to bet the Raiders on the road more power to you. I personally do not have those kind of stones, so I will be betting the Donkey's while watching Von Miller wreck havoc on the hapless Oakland offense.
Pick: Donkeys (-6.5)
New York Giants @ Dallas Cowboys (-3)
This is going to be a 3-point game one way or the other. So since the Giants are the team getting the points, I am betting the G-Men and will either take the push (if the lose by a field goal) or get the win (if they win).
Pick: Giants (+3)
Seattle HGHawks @ Chicago Bears (-3.5)
Before I make the last pick, here are 10 more useless stats/facts I came up with while researching for this week's blog:
- Rob Gronkowski needs three more TD receptions to become the 29th player in NFL history to catch 80 career touchdowns.
- A.J. Green has 61 career TD catches. Julio Jones has 43.
- Big Ben Roethlisberger needs 75 yards to pass John Elway for 7th place all time.
- The Informer went 9-6-1 against the spread in Week 1, which is the best Week 1 record I have had in 11 years writing this blog.
- Cam Newton's next rushing touchdown will be is 56th career rushing touchdown. It will also move him past Larry Johnson, Chris Johnson and Tiki Barber all-time.
- In 2010 Randy Moss officially burnt down Revis Island.
- Matt Ryan needs 93 yards passing to move into 15th place all-time.
- Ryan "I went to Purdue" Fitzpatrick needs 255 yards passing to move past Joe Namath for 60th all time.
- The 1st half under in prime-time is 3-2 on the year.
- And finally, if Brandon Marshall -- who used to play for the Bears but now plays for the HGHawks -- catches one TD pass on Monday night he will pass Calvin Johnson for touchdown receptions in a career (they both currently have 83 TD receptions).
Pick: HGHawks (+3.5)
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