Sunday, December 15, 2019

The Informer's 2019 NFL Picks: Week 15


Before we get to this week's NFL picks I thought we could answer a few questions from The Informer's many followers on Twitter. As always, please remember these tweets/questions came from actual real life Twitter accounts. 


I get this question a lot and here is almost always my answer: Did Kelly Kapowski leave Zack Morris for a professor at California University only to realize her mistake in time to fall back in love with Zack so they could run away to Vegas and get married? Did Chic know that Harry Stamper would blow up that Asteroid just minutes after saying goodbye to Gracey because he knew that Harry didn't know how to fail? Is this the worst answer to a "Flat Earth Question" ever? Is the person who tweeted this question actually The Informer pretending not to be The Informer? Was Gordon Bombay minutes away from realizing his dreams of becoming a professional hockey player only to get blindsided in the knee by some cheap minor league goon?  Is The Informer drinking Natty Lights at seven forty five on a Sunday morning? Is The Informer 115-90-4 against the spread on the season? Will more than six people read this blog? Does 6x6=36? Did Jackie Joyner Kersey win a Gold medal at the 2000 Olympics (I actually don't know this one, so if anyone has an answer hit me up)? Could Happy Gilmore beat Tiger woods in a long drive contest? Has The Informer's point been made? Can I move onto the next question now?


I did three lineups today, they are:

QB: Mahomes
RB: Ekler
RB: Miles Sanders
WR: Larry Fitz
WR: King Cooper Kupp
WR: Javaris Landry
TE: Tyler Higbee
Flex: George Kittle's are for winners
D: Texans

QB: 40oz of Matty Ice
RB: Dalvin Cook
RB: Run CMC
WR: Valdes Scalding
WR: Tyrell Williams
WR: Mike Williams
TE: OJ Howard
Flex: Phillip Linsey
D: Chiefs

QB: Mahomes
RB: Ekler
RB: Gurley
WR: Julio
WR: Landry
WR: Mike Williams
TE: Higbee
Flex: OJ Howard
D: Patriots


It is physically impossible for me to just pick one, so here are five players that will absolutely not be on any of my teams next season unless they are auto drafted or there is a fire:
  1. Melvin Gordon
  2. David Johnson (this one hurts, I had him in a ton of leagues this year)
  3. Cam Newton
  4. Evan Engram
  5. Alshon Jeffry


Listen y'all, I am willing to start talking about James Harden if the conversation is "Who are the 5 greatest scorers in NBA History". But if you all start slandering the great Mamba's name with words like "Harden is better than Kobe" than I am going to start a riot and once said riot is over I am going to write a strongly worded letter where I explain to you how I no longer think we can be friends.

You know I am starting to really like this @NotInformers guy. Not only do we have similar names on twitter, but he seems really smart; he is asking excellent questions; and on top of all that he is giving The Informer compliments. I mean I don't want to make anything official, but keep things up like this @NotInformers and I have a feeling you are going to win "The Informer's favorite person on Twitter this week" award.

As for the question: I really suck at picking just one game. Hell, I really suck when I have to pick my Top 5 favorite games. But what I am really good at is picking every NFL game while making money for you the readers. So I decided this year that is what I was going to focus on. No more "I love this bet the most" talk. Just take em all and we make money. 

 It is that simple. #NothingIsAStayAway

 (The Informer after the thought note -- Let me show you what I am talking about. Last week The Informer went 12-3-1 against the spread (again money money money), but do you want to know what my record was in my "pick five games Super Pick contest" ? It was 2-3. I literally picked all three of my losses instead of some how picking 3, 4 or 5 of my 12 wins. So long story short, we pick and bet every game and we make money. Its that simple.)



I do not. My rule for the first half under is to bet it early in the year while it is the best bet in sports history, but once middle October hits and Vegas starts messing with the lines and NFL teams start rounding into shape I jump off the ship before it sinks.



According to NFLPickwatch dot com I would be tied for 2nd place amongst all the paid experts from the major websites.

Oh man, I am not sure I have drank enough Natty Lights to answer such a serious question. But since you asked I guess I would go with:

PIZZA PLACES
  • Casey's General Store
  • Pappa Murphy's
  • Pappa John's (there is no mountain without Garlic Butter sauce)
  • Pizza Hutt 

TYPES OF PIZZA
  • Casey's Taco
  • Cheese
  • Stuffed Crust
  • Supreme

I liked a lot of movies in 2019 but didn't really love a lot, so I am just going to go with Captain Marvel. I thought it was fun, lighthearted and my daughter loved it. As for TV show there is nothing I enjoyed (and cringed watching more) than Yellowstone. And finally, my favorite new song of 2019 was definitely:


(The Informer Note - Technically this happened in December of 2018, but I did not see it until January of 2019 so it wins for me. Plus this is my blog so if I want to change the rules I can totally change the rules.)


I am not sure why you used the word "seriously" here, but okay. My favorite game day food is called "Super Mucho Potato Ole". 

 Here is how you make them:
  • Cook some frozen potato ole's/coins
  • Layer bean dips over said coins
  • Layer the cooked hamburger meat on next
  • Then spread nacho cheese on top. 
  • Take a jar of salsa and dump it on next.
  • Finally put a crap ton of shredded cheese on top of it all and cook for 7-10 minutes.
  • Once cheese is melted serve with sour cream, lettuce and guacamole. Also, this can be eat with a fork, with a chip or in a taco shell. 

I am not going to say this Nacho Ole recipe will change your life, but I will say if done correctly this Nacho Ole recipe will change your life.

Please enjoy.



Ummmm . . . I literally have no idea what you are talking about @NotInformers. Also, speaking of Social Security Numbers . . .



Check your DM's in 7-10 business day's Mr Anderson. I'll make sure it is emailed to you promptly.

So basically I need to beat a Giant who could drink 100 beers in one sitting and another guy who once drank 60 beers in 7 hours? I mean, I definitely wouldn't be betting against myself if that is the case.


The Saints vs the Chiefs, Patriots or Ravens #GottaSeeWhoIsHealthyGoingIntoPlayoffs.


No.

Is it that time already? Okay then, here are The Informer's Week 15 NFL Picks. 

 As always please remember these picks are only to be used for illegal and degenerate purposes. Any other use or broadcast of these picks without the written consent of The Informer is strictly prohibited by absolutely no one.

Jets (+17)

Lions (+5.5)

Eagles (-6.5)

Packers (-4.5)

Patriots (-9.5)

Texans (+3)

Panthers (+7)

Chiefs (-9)

Giants (-3)

Bills (PK)

Jags (+7)

Cardinals (+3)

Falcons (+11)

Rams (-1.5)

Vikings (-1)

Saints (-9)


THE INFORMER'S 2019 NFL PICKS RECORD
Overall: 115-90-4

 Last Week: 12-3-1

 Overall Winning Weeks: 10-3-1


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