The Prodigy's 2019 NFL Picks: Week 8

The Prodigy: What is the difference between the Miami Dolphins and The Informer?

The Informer: This should be fun, what?

The Prodigy: The Miami Dolphin's parents still love them even though they are 0-8 losers on the season.

The Informer: Wow. . . That was cold even for a 9-year old. You know words hurt right?

Also The Informer:

Okay, so young AC didn't really say The Informer's parents don't love him anymore. But the kid did imply that The Informer and the Miami Dolphins are vary similar when it comes to their suckatude (Is suckatude a word? Can I say suckatude while talking about a 9-year old's NFL Picks?)

Either way, the facts are The Prodigy is kicking  backside and taking names when it comes to NFL Picks this year. So I would implore you all to take his picks seriously. Also if you want to know the how and why, watch the video below.

With all that said; here are The Prodigy's Week 8 NFL Picks:

The Prodigy Straight UP: Viking, Hawks, Saints, Bears, Jags, Lions, Bucs, Bills, Rams, Colts, 49ers, Pats, Texans, Packers, Dolphins

The Prodigy ATS: Vikings, Hawks, Saints, Bears, Jets, Giants, Bucs, Bills, Colts, Rams, 49ers, Browns, Texans, Chiefs, Steelers

For Records sake here are The Informer's Straight Up Picks: Vikings, Hawks, Saints, Chargers, Jags, Lions, Titans, Eagles, Colts, 49ers, Pats, Texans, Packers and Steelers

The Informer's 2019 NFL Picks: Week 8

Here are The Informer's Week 8 NFL Picks. As always, please remember these picks are only to be used for illegal debauchery things such as online gambling, parlays, teasers and Super Pick contests. Any other use of this blog, its accounts or any information provided without the express written consent of The Informer is strictly prohibited.

Washington Redskins @ Minnesota Vikings (-17.5)

I am taking Washington +17.5 on #TNF

— The Informer (@therealinformer) October 24, 2019

Pick: Washington (+17.5)

New York Giants @ Detroit Lions (-6.5)

When two mediocre teams play against each other the gambling rule book dictates that a person should always take the points and hope Saquon Barkley has a "Barry Sanders like" flashback while keeping the Giants close enough to win in the end.

Pick: Giants (+6.5)

Tampa Bay @ Tennessee Titans (-2.5)

Tennessee and Tampa Bay are The Informer's kryptonite this season. If I back them to win or cover; then they lose and don't cover. Likewise, if I bet against them they both will show up and play like they are the 2019 New England Patriots. It is very frustrating. But, since I am going to lose no matter what I do here, I am going to ride the home team because I want to root for Derrick Henry.

Pick: Titans (-2.5)

San Diego Chargers @ Chicago Bears (-3.5)

Before the season started I had a dream that the San Francisco 49ers easily beat the Chicago Bears in a Week 16 game. During said dream I also uttered the words "the 49ers with Jimmy G are a great bet, while the Bears are not who we thought they were".

Now, because I needed a reason to bet against the Bears this week, I have decided that this dream was not meant to represent just one game (especially considering the Bears and 49ers don't play this season) but rather that the dream was a metaphor for how the entire 2019 season was going to play out.

So from here on out; I will be betting against the Bears and backing the 49ers until my insane dream theory proves to be wrong.

Pick: Chargers (+3.5)

Seattle HGHawks @ Atlanta Falcons (+8)

To answer everyone's next question after reading the previous section: Yes, The Informer is drunk again.

Pick: HGHawks (-8)

New York Jets @ Jacksonville Jaguars (-6.5)

I love Gardner "Milksteak" Minshew as much as the next guy, but I find it hard to believe he should be an almost touchdown favorite over another NFL team. Especially a team like the Jets who were just embarrassed on Monday Night Football. So theoretically they should be playing extra hard to redeem themselves on Sunday.

At least that is what I tell myself as I am flushing my "I bet the Jets" money down the toilet.

Pick: Jets (+6.5)

Philadelphia Eagles @ Buffalo Bills (-2)

Josh "The Canon" Allen is 5-1 as a starter when The Informer uses his section to post the Blimpie Best meme of the Week. So in the name of moving "The Canon" to 6-1 . . . Here is the Blimpie Best meme of the Week:

#This man had a family. 

Pick: Eagles (+2)

Cincinnati Bengals @ LA Rams (-12)

The Informer is putting a double Tenner on the Dodgy Rams because London games tend to be Wonkier than a Bespoke Wanker Chatting Up an Up for It Scouser. Just make sure you have a Bog Roll in case the Rams Shamble the bed, or that Knob Head Jared Goff Throws a Spanner in the Works like a Plastered John Thomas Seeing a Man About a Dog.

Either way, it will not matter if you have Twigs & Berries or a Fanny; if the Rams can break Todd Gurley out Of Her Majesty’s Pleasure -- and a few other Bits n Bobs go our way -- I think we will all be Starkers Daft Cows eating Bangers and Chips while counting our Dobbers’s before going Off to Bedshore.

Shag Strawberry Creams and Arse. Easy Peasy One Off Across the Pond wagers are Wicked Cool on Sundays.

Bob’s Your Uncle.

Pick: Rams (-12)

Arizona Cardinals @ New Orleans Saints (-13)

I think Arizona scores a late touchdown to backdoor cover. I have zero Scientific evidence or mathematical equations to support this theory.

Pick: Cards (+13)

Oakland Raiders @ Houston Texans (-6)

The Informer is not someone who like's to self promote, brag about, or say look at me (I am totally this type of person); but I made a music video using the theme song from my favorite new podcast on the internet -- The Crackin' Natty's Podcast -- and I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I did not use this section to completely ignore the Oakland Raiders and self-gloat about how catchy the tune is and how well produced the video turned out.

I created a song for my friends podcast #CrackinNattys, so today I thought I’d turn that song into a music video #NattysUp pic.twitter.com/sT2ZtkfTDD

— The Informer (@therealinformer) October 25, 2019

#LetsCrackSomeNatties

Pick: Texans (-6)

Carolina Panthers @ San Francisco 49ers (-5)

Have a dream that says the 49ers are a great bet. Remember the dream three months later and write about it in your blog so your readers can see how much a psycho you are. Finally, get rich after betting 49ers.

Seems like a totally logical gambling strategy.

Pick: 49ers (-5)

Denver Broncos @ Indianapolis Colts (-5)

I think the Colts are good. I think the Donkeys are trash. Therefore I will not be betting the Donkey's on the road against the Colts.

It really is that simple.

Pick: Colts (-5)

Cleveland Browns @ New England Patriots (-10.5)

Bless me Tebow for I have sinned. It has been five years since my last "I bet against Tom Brady in Primetime" confession. My gambling sin is this: Last week I ignored all your teachings and bet against Tom Brady in primetime even though I knew I was committing a mortal gambling sin. Even worse though, I told all the people reading this blog to bet against Tom Brady. So not only did I knowingly commit gambling adultery for the fourth time in my life; I also pressured others to join me. I promise I am truly sorry for what I have done. I know you are an all forgiving Tebow; so I hope you can see that this time I really did I learn from my mistake. I also vow that I will never again utter the words "I am betting against Tom Brady". I just hope that you can see my actions from last week do not represent who I truly am as a gambler. I ask for this forgiveness in the name of the Father Bill Belichick, the son Tom Brady and the Holy Ghost  Tim Tebow.

Pick: Patriots (-10.5)

Green Bay Packers @ Kansas City Chiefs (+5)

I will not bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime playing against a Mahomes-less Chiefs team . . . I will not bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime playing against a Mahomes-less Chiefs team . . . I will not bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime playing against a Mahomes-less Chiefs team . . . I will not bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime playing against a Mahomes-less Chiefs team . . . I really want to cry because I wish this was Mahomes vs Rodgers . . . I will not bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime playing against a Mahomes-less Chiefs team . . . I will not bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime playing against a Mahomes-less Chiefs team . . . I'll just drown my Mahomes-sarrows with Natty Lights . . . I will not bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime playing against a Mahomes-less Chiefs team . . . I will not bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime playing against a Mahomes-less Chiefs team . . . I will not bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime playing against a Mahomes-less Chiefs team . . . I will not bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime playing against a Mahomes-less Chiefs team . . . I LOVE YOU MAHOMES!!!!!!!!!! . . . I will not bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime playing against a Mahomes-less Chiefs team . . . I will not bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime playing against a Mahomes-less Chiefs team!!!

Are we all on the same "don't bet against the red hot MVP bound Aaron Rodgers" page here?

Pick: Packers (-5)

Miami Dolphins @ Pittsburgh Steelers (-14)

Nope next. And no I do not care that this is Monday Night Football. You can't make me write about this bag of bamboo sh*t the NFL is trying to call football.

Moving on.

Pick: Dolphins (+14)

Before we go here is The Informer's "I think this guy will be the MVP at the end of the season rankings (note I am not saying they are the MVP today, I am saying they will be after it is all said and done):

1. Aaron Rodgers - The media loves when Aaron Rodgers is great. Right now Aaron Rodgers is great. That makes him my MVP favorite as long as he keeps winning (and I think his defense is finally good enough to keep winning).
2. Tom Brady - If the Patriots go 16-0 or 15-1 or 14-2 Tom Brady will be in the Top 3 MVP discussions. In other news the Patriots are going to finish 16-0 or 15-1 or 14-2. So yea.
3. Russell Wilson - I have Wilson ahead of Lamar even though Lamar outduled Russ last week.
4. Lamar Jackson - So take these MVP mid season rankings with a grain of concaine and a fifth of Natty. 
5. Run CMC - Because The Informer can't tell the future. So all of these projections are based on what has happened and what I think "will happen" as the season goes on.

And on that note, we are done with Week 8. I hope y'all have a great Sunday filled with winning parlays, cold Natty's and enough back door covers to make your bookie go back to hooking.

Good luck.

The Informer Out.

THE INFORMER'S 2019 NFL PICKS RECORD

Overall: 58-47-1

Last Week: 8-6

Overall Winning Weeks ATS : 5-1-1

The Prodigy's 2019 NFL Picks: Week 7

The Prodigy: Knock Knock?

The Informer: Who is there?

The Prodigy: Owen.

The Informer: Owen Who?

The Prodigy: The Informer is Owen-7 against The Prodigy in our 2019 NFL Picks Challenge.

The Informer:

Okay, listen kid: The joke was hilarious. And also totally true (which makes it even funny). So I will give you that. Here is what I am going to say in response to that joke: You are no longer playing against just The Informer young AC. You are now playing against "The World".

Let me show you what I mean:

I got the kid 61-30-1 straight up (Top 3-5 on internet) and 53-38-1 ATS (Top 10)

— The Informer (@therealinformer) October 18, 2019

As the old saying goes: "To be the man, you have to beat the man." Well, so far you are beating the man (that's The Informer), and that is leading you to beating "The World."

So keep up the good work kid. Keep picking with confidence. And do not change anything about your approach. You do that and I assure you will be happy with almost all of the results come Week 17 (you will lose to me ATS . . .But that is another story for another day).

Anyways, without further ado, here are The Prodigy's Week 7 NFL Picks:

Straight Up: Chiefs, Bills, Jags, Lions, Packers, Rams, Texans, 49ers, Giants, Chargers, Wins, Ravens, Eagles, Pats

ATS: Chiefs (-3) Bills (-17.5) Bengals (+4.5) Lions (+2.5) Packers (-5) Rams (-3) Texans (PK) 49ers (-10.5) Cards (+3) Chargers (+2,5) Saints (+4.5) Ravens (+2.5) Eagles (+2) Jets (+10.5)

For those wanting to here why The Prodigy is heading into Week 7 betting the Eagles in the Big D here is his YouTube Video breaking down all of his best picks on the internet selections:

Also for record sake here are The Informer's Straight Up Picks:

Chiefs, Bills, Bengals, Vikings, Packers, Rams, Texans, Cards, Chargers, Saints, HGHawks, Eagles and Pats

The Informer's 2019 NFL Picks: Week 7

I am not going to lie; due to the Patrick Mahomes injury The Informer does not really feel like writing this blog today. I mean first it was Kevin Durant's achilles tendon. Then AJ Green's ankle gets mangled because the Bengals were practicing on the Sandlot. Then Andrew Luck retires from football altogether. And now Patrick Mahomes dislocates his kneecap doing a routine quarterback sneak?

That is literally all four of my favorite teams being taken from me in the middle of their primes. I suppose this is probably just the sports Tebow's sending karma my way for liking players -- and rooting for Tom Brady all the time -- but whatever is going on it absolutely sucks donkey balls and makes me want to cry.

Don't worry. I promise I will not cry (at least not until I drink a few more Nattys). But I do have to warn everyone reading; The Informer completely mailed this blog in. My mind is here (so the picks are solid), but my heart and spirit are to beaten down to make this an entertaining and informative read.

So I apologize in advance for my piss poor effort and execution today. It is just a really tough time in The Informer's life. I hope you all can understand that while also respecting The Informer's feelings in this terrible time of mourning.

Anyways, now that we gotten the excuses out of the way, here are The Informer's Week 7 2019 NFL Picks.

As always, please remember these picks are only to be used for illegal debauchery things such as online gambling, parlays, teasers and Super Pick contests. Any other use of this blog, its accounts or any information provided without the express written consent of The Informer is strictly prohibited.

Kansas City Chiefs @ Denver Donkeys (+3)

The Informer's proof of Thursday Night Football Pick:

I taking the Chiefs -3 #TNF

— The Informer (@therealinformer) October 17, 2019

Pick: Chiefs (-3)

Arizona Cardinals @ New York Giants (-3)

In the name of mourning -- and mailing this blog in -- here are 10 random stats about the number three heading into Week 7.

1. Tom Brady needs 3 TD passes to reach 530 total for his career.
2. Mathew Stafford needs 3 TD passes to move ahead of Tony Romo & Boomer Easison and into the Top 22 all time.
3. Russell Wilson needs 3 TD passes to move ahead of Matt Hasselback and Terry Bradshaw and into the Top 35 all-time.
4. Andy Dalton needs 3 TD passes to move ahead of Ken Anderson and into the Top 45 all-time.
5. Ryan Fitzpatrick needs 3 TD passes to move into the Top 50 all-time.
6. Newly minted Titans starter Ryan "RT1" Tannehill needs 3 TD passes to move ahead of Archie Manning and into the Top 105 all-time.
7. Jameis Winston needs 3 TD to move ahead of Chad Pennington and into the Top 130 all-time.
8. Carson Wentz needs 3 TD passes to move ahead of Bill Munson and into the Top 156 all-time.
9. DeShaun Watson needs 3 TD passes to reach 60 career touchdown and move into the Top 194 all-time.
10. And finally, Kyler Murray needs 3 TD passes to become the first 2019 NFL rookie quarterback to reach 10 career TD passes.

Pick: Cards (+3)

(The Informer after the stats note - Jags rookie Gardner Milksteak actually has 9 TD passes on the year. So chances are the man, the myth, the legend will be the first to reach 10 TD passes. But that little fact didn't really go with my theme here; so I fudged the numbers a bit to make them work in my favor. Again, The Informer is mourning the loss of Patrick Mahomes, so please ignore the actual scientific facts and pretend what I was saying works. Thanks. I appreciate it.)

Houston Texans @ Indianapolis Colts (PK)

With Patrick Mahomes officially out of the MVP debate, here are The Informer's Top 5 2019 NFL MVPs:

1. Russell Wilson - Explanation is simple: He is the 2019 NFL MVP through six weeks.
2. Tom Brady - If the Patriots go undefeated we will have to at least discuss Tommy right?
3. Run CMC - Dude is going to break the NFL All purpose yardage record. That has to count for something.
4. DeShaun Watson - If Watson goes into Indy and wins this weekend -- which he will -- I think he firmly etches his name into the Top 5 MVP conversation.
5. Aaron Rodgers - Packers have the Raiders and suddenly vulnerable Chiefs standing in the way of a 7-1 record. So yea, I think you are going to be hearing a little more Rodgers MVP buzz in the next few weeks. 

Pick: Houston (PK)

Miami Dolphins @ Buffalo Bills (-17.5)
San Francisco 49ers @ Washington Redskins (+10.5)

I -- like 95% of America -- have the Buffallo Bills in my "Winners" survivor poll and the Washington Redskins in my "Loser" survivor poll.

So yea.

I can totally imagine how these two "easy pick blowouts" are about to go.

Pick: Dolphins (+17.5) Washington (+10.5)

Minnesota Vikings @ Detroit Lions (+2.5)

Here are The Informer's favorite Draft Kings' lineups for today (note -- They all involve the "Lot Lazard" and the Miami Dolphins defense. So yolo wisely folks).

QB: Matt Ryan
RB: Saquon Barkley
RB: Lataveous Murray
WR: DeAndre Hopkins
WR: Julio Jones
WR: Lot Lazard
TE: Hunter Henry
Flex: Josh Jacobs
D: Miami Dolphins

QB: Kyler Murray
RB: Saquon
RB: Dalvin Cook
WR: Lot Lazard
WR: M. Sanu
WR: Mike Williams
TE: Evan Engram
WR: T. McLaruin (Washington Rookie Stud)
D: Dolphins

QB: Matt Stafford
RB: Saquon
RB: D Cook
WR: DeAndre Hopkins
WR: Cooper Kupp
WR: Lot Lazard
TE: TJ Hockenson
Flex: Mike WIlliams
D: Dolphins

QB: Matt Ryan
RB: Saquon
RB: Josh Jacobs
WR: Charks JR
WR: T.Y. Hilton
WR: McLaurin
TE: Hooper
FLex: Mark Andrews
D: Dolphins

Pick: Vikings (-2.5)

Oakland Raiders @ Green Bay Packers (-5)

If you couldn't tell from my last two sections; I totally think Aaron Rodgers is going to ride the Lot Lazard to a win and a spot in the MVP conversation this weekend.

Pick: Packers (-5)

Jacksonville Jaguars @ Cincinnati Bengals (+4.5)

Here is this week's Blimpie Best meme of the Week:

It is funny because it is true #BradyIsThanos.

Pick: Bengals (+4.5)

Los Angeles Rams @ Atlanta Falcons (+3)

I have lost all the money I was allowed to gamble with in 2019 betting the Falcons to cover the last four weeks. So I might as well lose all the money "I am not allowed to gamble with" betting them not to cover.

Man I love gambling. It is so much fun.

#PleaseDon'tShowThisSectionToMyWifeOrMortgageHolder

Pick: Rams (-3)

San Diego Chargers @ Tennessee Titans (-2.5)
Baltimore Ravens @ Seattle HGHawks (-2.5)

I am betting the Chargers. I am also betting the HGHawks. That is it for my analysis on these game.

Pick: HGHawks (-2.5) Chargers (+2.5)

New Orleans Saints @ Chicago Bears (-4.5)

When are people going to realize the New Orleans Saints --with or without Drew Brees -- are one of the Top 4 best "teams" in the NFL? I am guessing it will be on Monday after they beat the Chicago Trabanski's.

Pick: Saints (+4.5)

Philadelphia Eagles @ Dallas Cowboys (-2)

Call it a "Natty Light" hunch: But I think the Eagles win this game outright. So I will be grabbing the two points and enjoying the "Philly Special Cover" in Primetime.

(I told y'all The Informer mailed this one in #WhatTheFIsAPhillySpecialCover?)

Pick: Eagles (+2)

New England Patriots @ New York Jets (+10.5)

I want everyone to listen to me very carefully: Only the drunkest of fat morons would be dumb enough to bet against Tom Brady and Bill Belichick on Monday Night Football. I promise, this is not some kind of Natty Light mind trick into making everyone bet the Jets either. I am being 100% serious. There is literally zero logical reasoning to ever betting the Jets against Tom Brady, Bill Belichick and the New England Patriots in primetime.

Pick: Jets (+10.5)

That is a wrap for today. Again I apologize for my performance. I know it was not good enough. I will try to be better next Sunday. With that said; have a great Week 7. I hope it is filled with healthy players, lots of winning parlays and enough Natty Lights to cry yourself to sleep waiting for the great Patrick Mahomes' knee cap to heal.

THE INFORMER'S 2019 NFL PICKS RECORD

Overall: 50-41-1

Last Week: 7-7

Overall Winning Weeks ATS : 4-1-1

AC "The Prodigy's" 2019 NFL Picks: Week 6

Q: Hey Informer I got a question for you: Can you name a 9-year old that has now beaten you five week's in a row in NFL Picks? I know this is really a tough riddle that a novice like you would struggle with, but let me give you a hint: The answer rhymes with "High See Real Mother F****** G"?

Okay, first off kid, you are nine years old . . .Stop saying the "F-word". But yes, The Informer is very aware that you are 5-0 heading into Week 6. I am not even going to try and say words likes "fluke, everyone gets lucky, cheater, thanks a lot Al Gore"; nope I for one am a true believer.

I watch what you do every week and I say to myself: "Hell yes this kid has it."

Now I am going to give you a piece of advice heading into the future weeks: Do not start changing your process. You keep doing what you are doing the way you are doing it. Don't worry about words likes "ATS", or "Who is public betting" or anything that makes you rethink what you are doing. You have a winning formula and I want you to change absolutely nothing about it. Keep giving us your weekly winners with the score you think the game will finish at and then let The Informer figure out what that means for your picks against the spread.

Because I promise I can speak for everyone who used to read this blog to get The Informer's picks: We are all now on team "Prodigy". So please keep doing what you are doing and don't ever think about changing a thing.

With that said, and without any further ado, ladies and gentlemen here are The Prodigy's Week 6 NFL Picks. Bet against him only if you hate winning.

The Prodigy Straight UP: Patriots, Panthers, Eagles, Chiefs, Saints, HGHawks, Dolphins, Ravens, 49ers, Falcons, Donkeys, Cowboys, Chargers and Packers.

The Prodigy ATS: Pats (-17), Panthers (-2.5), Eagles (+3.5), Chiefs (-4), Saints (+2.5), HGHawks (-1.), Dolphins (+3.5), Ravens (-11), 49ers (+3), Falcons (-2.5), Donkey's (-1.5), Boys (-7) Chargers (-6.5) and Packers (-4)

For those wanting to here an explanation to why young AC is making these picks, please check out his YouTube Channel where he also likes to remind the world that An Informer maybe awesome, but he ain't no Prodigy.

Good Luck AC. Keep up the awesome work my man.

The Informer's 2019 NFL Picks: Week 6

Here are The Informer's Week 6 2019 NFL Picks. As always, please remember to use these picks for degenerate and illegal purposes only. 

I hope you all enjoy (and win).

New York Giants @ New England Patriots (-17)

The Informer’s Proof of Thursday Night Pick Tweet:

New England Patriots -17 #TNF

— The Informer (@therealinformer) October 10, 2019

Before we move on I would like to point out that there was no mention of the 1st half under in Primetime in the above tweet. This was done because for the foreseeable future I am no longer making the 1st half under a guaranteed great bet. So, until I say otherwise, the 1st half under in primetime -- while still my favorite bet of all time -- is not something I recommend on an automatic basis. It is now a case by case bet that I will make closer to kickoff depending on the points, teams and circumstances around the game.

Pick: Pats (-17)

Carolina Panthers @ Tampa Bay (+2.5)

Finally, The Informer has a Bloody excuse to start Hoovering down Pale Ale’s while the Buggers are still Kipping. 

Excellent. 

As for the Match itself; The Informer is putting a double Tenner on the Dodgy Bucs because London games tend to be Wonkier than a Bespoke Wanker Chatting Up an Up for It Scouser. Just make sure you have a Bog Roll in case the Bucs Shamble the bed, or that Knob Head "Run CMC' Throws a Spanner in the Works like a Plastered John Thomas Seeing a Man About a Dog. 

Either way, it will not matter if you have Twigs & Berries or a Fanny; if the Bucs can break Mike Evans out Of Her Majesty’s Pleasure -- and a few other Bits n Bobs go our way -- I think we will all be Starkers Daft Cows eating Bangers and Chips while counting our Dobbers’s before going Off to Bedshore.

Shag Strawberry Creams and Arse. Easy Peasy One off Across the Pond wagers are Wicked Cool on Sundays.

Bob’s Your Uncle.

Pick: Tampa (+2.5)

Seattle HGHawks @ Cleveland Browns (+1)

85% of the public is betting against the home underdog who is due for a bounce back game after Taking the Piss on Monday Night Football. To answer the next question: Yes, The Informer is one of the 85 percenters.

Pick: HGHawks (-1)

Houston Texans @ Kansas City Chiefs (-4)

Patrick Mahomes is sort of injured. The Chiefs defensive sucks more than a hooker eating an extra large black licorice lollipop. And finally, Kansas City is 2-3 against the spread on the year including three straight no-covers.

What I am trying to say is: "I am obviously betting Patrick Mahomes and the Chiefs". 

Pick: Chiefs (-4)

Washington Redskins @ Miami Dolphins (+3.5)

Hahahahahahahaha.

I love a good dumpster fire of a clogged toilet abortion joke. 

Well played NFL. Well played.

Pick: Dolphins (+3.5)

Philadelphia Eagles @ Minnesota Vikings (-3.5)

I’m supposed to bet Kirk Cousins as a 3.5 point favorite over the team many expect to be in the Final Four NFC teams come January?

In the words of Marsha Brady: "Sure Jan".

Pick: Eagles (+3.5)

New Orleans Saints @ Jacksonville Jaguars (-2.5)

Ladies and gentlemen here is the Blimpies Best Meme of the Week:

#MakesSense #ClassicMilksteak

Pick: Saints (+2.5)

Cincinnati Bengals @ Baltimore Ravens (-11)

I took the “every person in the history of NFL suicide polls is picking the Ravens” in my NFL winner pool today.

So naturally, that means the Bengals are going to come out and play their best game of the year. I am just hoping their best game is not enough to win on the road. But just in case it does mean they can win this game; The Informer is going to hedge with a Bengals +11 bet. 

Pick: Bengals (+11)

San Francisco 49ers @ Los Angeles Rams (-3)

Gambling rules clearly state: “A gambler should not get enamored with a road team coming off of a Monday Night Football win where they looked like the best team in the history of the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE!!!”

Pick: Rams (-3)

Atlanta Falcons @ Arizona Cardinals (+2.5)

I have never been a crackhead, but I assume that the cravings I get every week to bet the Falcons -- despite the thousands of dollars and teeth they have caused me -- is the same craving those heads of crack get when they go 24 hours without the rock pipe.

#Why can’t I quit you Matty Ryan?

Pick: Falcons (-2.5)

Dallas Cowboys @ New York Jets (-7)

Tennessee Titans @ Denver Donkeys (-1.5)

I am betting both the home teams. Feels like I am betting 0-2. #Yolo.

Pick: Jets (+7) Donkey’s (-1.5)

Pittsburgh Steelers @ San Diego Chargers (-6)

This game sucks, so instead of wasting my time pretending like I care what happens, here is an impromptu Twitter mailbag.

Ketchup on steak. WTF? Really, WTF?

Also, top 3 liquors of choice and why are none of them rum?

— Benjamin Ditlevson (@FFRabbitDad) October 13, 2019

Is Captain Morgan Rum? If so it makes my Top 3. My list actually goes: Vodka, Captain Morgan and Goldschlager.

(PS-Chup and well done steak is the only way to go through life my friends.)

Ok I have 3. Did the government hire Stanley Kubrick to fake the moon landing? Was Abe Lincoln president by day vampire slayer by night? And how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? https://t.co/qPsS1ktKw5

— JOE PEARSON (@Iowa_Joe86) October 13, 2019

Answers in order:

• Of course the moon landing was filmed in Hollywood. If you see it on TV then it is either fake, staged, rigged, scripted or all of the above. In this case; the government needed to keep the Flat Earth a secret so they hired Hollywood to fake a moon landing in order to keep the masses from knowing the truth. 
• Did Harry Stamper save the world from a giant asteroid? Is The Informer 14.5 beers deep at 8:30 in morning? Is Cocaine a hell of a drug? Does Tom Brady have six Super Bowl rings? Does The Informer put cottage cheese on his lasagna? Is Pussy Control Prince’s best song? Is The Informer losing an NFL Picks contest to a 9-year old prodigy? Does Ketchup belong on steak? Are you picking up my answer through all of these cryptic questions?
• Is it 14? I honestly don’t know.

Sure. Why did the dinosaurs die out?

— Bryan (@RedPlague55) October 13, 2019

The dinosaurs did not die, or go extinct. You know how I know? Because dinosaurs never really existed. They are a figment of Al Gore's imagination that Hollywood then used to make billions of dollars selling movies. Just like they did with Aliens, Predators, Sylvester Stallone and 1984 Delorean's with Lamborghini doors.

Why is Grown Ups in two of these surveys? Hedging are we, hmmm? 🤔

— John M Ward II (@JMW_InDaHouse) October 13, 2019

The answer to “why did you put the same movie into two different polls”, or "why did you spell 'insert any word' wrong in this tweet is simple: The Informer is an alcoholic.

What is a movie you don’t like that everyone else loves? And why?

— CapWize.com (@CapWize) October 13, 2019

The first Lord of the Rings (I have not seen the other two). I just did not like it so I skipped the next two.

Any thoughts on WWE Smackdowns recent move to FOX network? https://t.co/cB3Um9jZd1

— Kurtis Hoefling (@HoeflingKurtis) October 13, 2019

I find it interesting that Smackdown has now become the A show after USA treated the WWE so well over the past 26 years. With that said; I stopped watching wrestling full time because they diluted the product to the point that I now settle for reading recaps and listening to podcasts over actually watching. So definitely take my thoughts on this matter with a grain of 1980s WWF cocaine. 

And finally, I was asked by a private account (which means I can't use their tweet as proof) to name my favorite kid movies I have watched with my children. To answer this question, I decided to make a list to show me and my children's actual favorite movies to watch together. Then I made a second list to show actual kid cartoon movies that we enjoy.

Here is our actual Top 5:

• The New Power Rangers Movie
• The New Ghostbusters movie
• The Parent Trap
• 3 Ninjas
• The Original Ghostbusters movie

And here are our Top 5 kids (aka cartoon) movies:

• The Lego Movie
• Toy Story
• Frozen
• Moana
• The Lion King

Speaking of The Lion King: The San Diego Chargers are The Informer's Lion King Lock of the week. The reason for this bet is because I have no idea who in the bluest of blue Hells the Steelers QB is. So I’m definitely not betting on him to play well in his first NFL start, on the road, and in Primetime.

Pick: Lion King Lock of the Week Chargers (-6)

Detroit Lions @ Green Bay Packers (-4)

Everyone grab your "mid-evil times" religious flogging device and repeat after me:

I will not bet against Aaron Rodgers at home in Primetime . . . I will not bet against Aaron Rodgers at home in Primetime . . . I will not bet against Aaron Rodgers at home in Primetime . . . I will not bet against Aaron Rodgers at home in Primetime . . . I will not bet against Aaron Rodgers at home in Primetime . . . I will not bet against Aaron Rodgers at home in Primetime . . . I will not bet against Aaron Rodgers at home in Primetime . . . I will not bet against Aaron Rodgers at home in Primetime . . . I will not bet against Aaron Rodgers at home in Primetime . . . I will not bet against Aaron Rodgers at home in Primetime . . . I will not bet against Aaron Rodgers at home in Primetime . . . I will not bet against Aaron Rodgers at home in Primetime . . . I will not bet against Aaron Rodgers at home in Primetime . . . I will not bet against Aaron Rodgers at home in Primetime . . . I WILL NOT BET AGAINST AARON RODGERS IN PRIMETIME!!!!

Are we all on the same “I will not bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime” page?

Good. Great. Grand.

Pick: Packers (-4)

That is it for this week’s blog. I truly hope your Week 6 is filled with winning bets, covering teasers and all of the Natty Lights your liver can filter.

See you next Sunday.

Informer out.

THE INFORMER'S 2019 NFL PICKS RECORD

Overall: 43-34-1

Last Week: 8-6-1

Overall Winning Weeks ATS : 4-1

AC "The Prodigy" vs The Informer 2019 NFL Picks Challenge: Week 5

So here is the deal; the title of this blog has officially been changed from "The Informer vs AC NFL Picks Challenge" to AC "The Prodigy" vs The Informer's 2019 NFL Picks Challenge.

Why the change you ask?

Because when a 9-year old wunderkind is kicking your but up and down the street and twice on Sundays (aka straight up and against the spread) The Informer has no choice but to acknowledge that this blog no longer belongs to me.

So from here on out this is the AC Show and we are all just here to watch and win with his expert advice.

With that said -- and without any further ado -- Mr. AC take it away.

The Prodigy's Straight UP Picks: Rams, Bills, Texans, Ravens, Pats, Cards, Jags, Saints, Eagles, Vikings, Bears, Chargers, Packers, Chiefs and 49ers

The Prodigy ATS: Rams, Bills, Texans, Ravens, Pats, Cards, Jags, Saints, Jets, Vikings, Raiders, Chargers, Packers, Colts and 49ers.

THE PRODIGY's 2019 NFL PICKS RECORD

Straight UP: 44-18-1

ATS: 36-27

(The Informer's Straight UP Picks: HGHawks, Titans, Falcons, Ravens, Pats, Bengals, Panthers, Saints, Eagles, Vikings, Bears, Chargers, Packers, Chiefs and Browns)

The Informer's 2019 NFL Picks: Week 5

Los Angeles Rams @ Seattle HGHawks (PK)

The Informer’s proof of pick tweet:

I’m taking Seattle HGHawks (PK) and the you know what in you know what -23.5 #TNF

— The Informer (@therealinformer) October 3, 2019

Pick: HGHawks (PK)

Baltimore Ravens @ Pittsburgh Steelers (+3)

I think the Ravens win this game. So I will be betting them. With that said, after back to back losses, I have decided Lamar Jackson is no longer in The Informer’s “expert opinion” Top 5 MVP rankings.

Speaking of which: Here are The Informer’s “expert opinion” Top 5 MVP rankings:

1. Patrick Mahomes - The reigning 2018 NFL MVP had one of the worst games of his professional career last week and still ended up with 315 yards passing, 54 yards rushing and a 34-30 road victory. So yea, he is stays at number one for me.
2. Russell Wilson - The HGHawks leader gets the benefit of already having won his Week 5 game, but even with the one game advantage it is hard to argue against Wilson -- and his 12-0 TD-INT ratio through five games -- being in the MVP talks.
3. Tom Brady - One bad game (which the Pats won) does not take the great Tom Brady out of The Informer's MVP race. I am just saying; when the season ends and the Pats are 15-1 do you really think the voters are going to be talking about a Week 4 game against the Bills?
4. Dak Prescott - I got Dak ahead of Aaron Rodgers for now.
5. Aaron Rodgers - We will find out Sunday if it stays that way.  

Pick: Ravens (-3)

Chicago Bears @ Oakland Raiders (+5.5)

Normally The Informer would be a Skive Toff and put a Fiver on the Chav home underdogs. But wouldn’t you know it; this Bloody Match is taking place Across the Pond in Wembley Stadium. So the normal gambling Rubbish doesn’t count, even if It’s Monkeys Outside. So with that said; I like the Meat and Two Veg Chicago Bears to get Plastered and put the All to Pot John Gruden’s Into Her Majesty’s Pleasure. Obviously this bet won’t Horses for Courses. But if a few Bits n Bobs go Anorak, The Informer’s John Thomas will be going Off to Bedshore with an On the Pull Punter whose nice Strawberries and Cream are looking to get Up the Duff.

What The Informer is trying to say is grab some Fish n Chips, grill up the Bangers and turn the Telly on. Because on Sunday this Daft Cow is gonna Do Starkers like a Blighty Smeg creating a Dog’s Dinner for everyone.

Seriously you Wankers, this pick is Dog’s Bollocks.

Bob’s your uncle.

Pick: Bears (-5.5)

Arizona Cardinals @ Cincinnati Bengals (-3)
Jacksonville Jags @ Carolina Panthers (-3)

I am betting the two home teams. I literally have nothing else to add to this section of the blog.

Pick: Bengals (-3) Panthers (-3)

Minnesota Vikings @ New York Giants (+5.5)

Other than Dalvin Cook -- and maybe Evan Engram -- this game completely bores me. So instead of giving you hard gambling statistics as to why I am betting the Minnesota Vikings, here are three of The Informer’s favorite Draft King lineups for Sunday.

QB- Matty Ice
RB - Dalvin Cook
RB - Run CMC
WR - DJ Charks Jr
WR - Mohammad “What’s” Sanu
WR: Courtland Sutton
TE - Evan Engram
Flex - Miles Sanders (breakout week I think)
Defense- Panthers

QB - Thomas Brady
RB - Jordan Howard
RB - Run CMC
WR - DJ Chark Jr
WR - Courtland Sutton
Wr - Golden Tate
TE - Evan Engram
FLEX - Phillip Linsey
Defense- Patriots

QB- Lamar Jackson
RB - Leonard Fournette
RB - Derrick Henry
WR - Phillip Dorsett
WR- Mike Evans
WR - Courtland Sutton
TE- Austin Hooper
Flex - Mark Andrews
Defense- Pats

Pick: Vikings (-5.5)

New England Patriots @ Washington (+15.5)

Last night I had a dream The Informer was very upset that the Washington Redskins scored a last-minute touchdown to back door cover the spread and help Vegas screw 85% of the public who were betting the Patriots.

So obviously, since dreams are for suckers and never come true, I am going to be betting the Pats on Sunday.

Pick: Pats (-15.5)

New York Jets @ Philadelphia Eagles (-15)

Ladies and gentlemen here is the Blimpie Best Garner Milksteak meme of the Week:

#TheLegendContinues

Pick: Jets (+15)

Tampa Bay @ New Orleans Saints (-3)

My hard hitting gambling analysis is this: I am going to bet the Saints at home because I don’t see Tampa Bay beating the Rams-Saints on the road in back to back weeks.

Pick: Saints (-3)

Atlanta Falcons @ Houston Texans (-4)

I think this tweet pretty well sums up how I feel about this game:

My bookie: How much money are you going to lose betting the Atlanta Falcons this year?

Me: pic.twitter.com/C02XdJ55Pp

— The Informer (@therealinformer) October 6, 2019

Pick: Falcons (+4)

Buffalo Bills @ Tennessee Titans (-3)

Has anyone mentioned that this is a rematch of the “Music City Miracle” game? No? Just me? I am the only person in the entire internet who remembers the "Music City Miracle"?

That is strange.

Anyways, which means please don’t make me bring up Frank Reich’s comeback as well, I am betting the Bills because I love Josh Allen.

Pick: Bills (+3)

Denver Broncos @ San Diego Chargers (-5.5)

Me: The Denver Donkey’s really suck at football. I mean they are total garbage trash sh*t.

Also Me: Give me a unit on the Donkey’s +5.5. I got a good feeling about them this week.

Pick: Donkey’s (+5.5)

Green Bay Packers @ Dallas Cowboys (-3)

Aaron Rodgers getting points in Dallas is a bet I am willing to wager on.

Pick: Packers (+3)

Indianapolis Colts @ Kansas City Chiefs (-12.5)

I have decided that I am going to bet on Patrick Mahomes every single game from now until the day he reitres. I don’t care the points, the teams, or the situation: If Mahomes is playing The Informer is betting his side.

Pick: Chiefs (-12.5)

Cleveland Browns @ San Francisco 49ers (-3.5)

Before we get to my Monday Night football pick -- and wrap this blog up -- I thought we could do a quick impromptu Twitter mailbag?

Doesn’t that sound fun?

Okay, here we go:

Rank these movie villains in order, Darth Vader, Kate Winslet in Titanic, The Joker and Danielson in Karate Kid.

— The outstANDYing one (@TheDraftPodAndy) October 6, 2019

The Joker, Darth Vader, Kate from Titanic and Danielson.

What do you know of the #SabotageDrop in #FantasyFootball ?

— Benjamin Ditlevson (@FFRabbitDad) October 6, 2019

You mean where a disgruntled team owners drops all of his players and totally Throws a Spanner in the Works for the entire league? I absolutely f***ing hate it. If your team sucks, or a guy gets injured, or you didn't know the rules and drafted like a Tosser; don't be a Knob Head by "sabotage dropping" your team so that the entire league is ruined. Accept the fact that you are a Fanny Arse and take your beating like the Bugger you are.

What is the best meal you have ever had?

— WentzitErtzsogood (@LutherVanDamme1) October 6, 2019

I once ate a footlong Blimpe Best with an 8oz "well done" ribeye steak on the side --with ketchup of course -- and washed it down with a tall boy Natty Light. That's gonna be pretty tough to beat.

Is it true that Natty light can cure Herpes?

— Ken Saunders (@Ken_Saunders) October 6, 2019

There has literally never been anything truer in the history of the flat Earth.

NFL question:What do you think a out QBR and do you believe it's measured correctly

— ⱤØⱤɎ. (@RawrEWreckz) October 6, 2019

I have no idea what in the blue hell QBR is. So I don’t really know how or what they measure it by. But I will say if Patrick Mahomes is the current QBR leader then they are probably doing it correctly.

Thoughts on joker..

— prem (@premnath_92) October 6, 2019

I haven’t seen Joker yet, but it looks like a movie that I will probably watch when it comes available on DVD.

Here’s one for ya; if you were asked to leave say 5 things in a time capsule for people to see in the future what would they be?? For sake of this could be anything 🤙🏼

— 🌽 GO BIG RED 🌽 (@MSGTUSMC7212) October 6, 2019

I had trouble narrowing it down to just five things, so instead I went and bought a bigger time capsule box and put all of these items in.

• My Randy Moss Vikings #84 jersey I’ve had since 1998.
• A Blimpie’s free sandwich punch card.
• An Armageddon BlueRay disc.
• A Twinkie (since they don’t expire)
• A 40oz of Natty Light.
• My PlayStation3 (I’m not giving up my PS4 for a time capsule).
• This link to the “One Night in Paris” X-rated movie.
• Tom Brady
• A Nickelback greatest hits CD.
• A VHS tape of the Nebraska Cornhuskers winning the 1996 Fiesta Bowl.
• The October 1989 edition of Playboy magezine.
• A bottle of Heinz 57 ketchup (just in case they still have steak in the future).
• A pair of Allen Iverson “The Answer 3” shoes.
• A log of Skoal Mint long cut.
• It’s Always Sunny complete seasons DVd set.
• A box of Magnum condoms.
• Bill Simmons’ Book of Basketball
• A pack of Pall Mall reds.
• Rollerblades.
• And finally, this picture of Alex Rodriguez and Derek Jeter shirtless.

Top 5 Halloween Candy and the Horror Movie you’d pair them with?

— The Draft Podcast (@thedraftpod) October 6, 2019

1. Twix and Scream - Twix is my favorite candy and Scream is my favorite scary movie franchise. So obviously they go together like lamb and tuna salad.
2. Milky Way and Ernest Scared Stupid - When I think about my childhood I think about Milky Ways and Ernest (that’s not really true, but it sounds good so I'm gonna leave it in the blog).
3. Snickers and Friday the 13th - Snickers and Jason have been haunting camp counselors since they were invented.
4. P.B. Cups and Halloween- I feel like PB cups are the original candy of the world and Michael Myers is the original Horror movie villain. So naturally they have to be paired together.
5. Skittles and A Nightmare on Elm Street - Skittles have five flavors and Freddy Kruger has five knives as fingers? Does that work? Or is The Informer drunk again? Maybe we should move on?

Are chicken nuggets the world's perfect food??

— Erin Somers (@Esome1980) October 6, 2019

I searched the internet for at least six minutes and I could not find any scientific evidence, or Al Gore quotes, that would disprove the theory that Chicken Nuggets are the perfect food.

Who will tank the worst/best this year Miami/Jets/Bengals or Washington? Why is prime rib the greatest food ever? The Joker yes or no? All in the family is the greatest TV sitcom ever , debate me . Is Natty light really considered beer if you’re not a frat boy?

— Brian Gomes (@BrianGomes) October 6, 2019

Thank you for the great tweet and the many great questions. I really appreciate it. As for the answers: Miami. You misspelled Blimpies. Yes. All in the Family is not in my Top 10. And finally, Natty Light is not beer --it is the nectar of the Tim Tebow’s.

Ok, will the Browns make the playoffs? If you say no like the guy above said natty won’t cure the herpes you will get 😁

— Abe Froman (@216Homer) October 6, 2019

Yes the Browns will make the playoffs. In fact, not only are the Browns going to make the playoffs, I think they are going to beat the 49ers outright on Monday Night football. Which of course means I have not choice but to make the Browns (+3.5) The Informer's Week 5 Lion King Lock of the Week.

Pick: LKLOTW Browns (+3.5)

That is a wrap for folks. Once again I want to thank everyone on Twitter who took the time to ask me a question and helped make this blog great again.

I really do appreciate you all.

And finally, I hope everyone reading this has a happy Sunday filled with winning parlays, backdoor covers, Patrick Mahomes touchdowns and all of the Natty Lights your liver can handle.

Informer out.

THE INFORMER'S 2019 NFL PICKS RECORD

Overall: 35-28

Last Week: 8-7

LKLOTW: 2-2

Overall Winning Weeks ATS : 3-1