Here are The Informer’s Week 6 2017 NFL Picks. As always, please gamble with reckless abandon.
PHILADELPHIA EAGLES @ CAROLINA PANTHERS (-3.5)
My Thursday night proof of loss Tweet:
Pick: Panthers (-3.5)I’m taking Carolina -3.5 tonight #TNF— The Informer (@therealinformer) October 12, 2017
GREEN BAY PACKERS @ MINNESOTA VIKINGS (+3)
This is probably not going to be a huge surprise since 80% of the public is already making the same bet, but I am making Aaron Rodgers the Lion King Lock of the Week.
The logic is simple: Sometimes Vegas gives us the gift of Aaron Rodgers vs Case Keenum and we just needs to open our wallets and accept it.
Pick: LKLOTW Packers (-3)
MIAMI DOLPHINS @ ATLANTA FALCONS (-14)
NFL Gambling rules clearly state a person must always bet Jay Cutler when the "Drunk One" is getting two touchdowns on the road the same week one of his coaches resigned because of a cocaine scandal.
Pick: Dolphins (+14)
DETROIT LIONS @ NEW ORLEANS SAINTS (-5.5)
Pick: Dolphins (+14)
DETROIT LIONS @ NEW ORLEANS SAINTS (-5.5)
Q: Informer I was told last week you actually tried to inform people with real stats. Is this true? Did you for once give actual NFL facts instead of making constant jokes about your Natty Light abuse and how fat you are? If it is true, could you do it again this week? I mean, not an entire article, but maybe one section filled with some stats your readers need to know heading into Week 6?
Other than pointing out the part where you obviously misspelled "you're", I guess my answer to your request would be ask and you shall receive. With that in mind here are my Top 6 most favorite stats heading into Week 6.
Pick: Lions (+5.5)
Other than pointing out the part where you obviously misspelled "you're", I guess my answer to your request would be ask and you shall receive. With that in mind here are my Top 6 most favorite stats heading into Week 6.
- The great Adrian Peterson needs three rushing touchdowns to become just the 10th player in NFL history to rush for 100 career touchdowns.
- Speaking of the recently traded -- and hopefully rejuvenated --- Peterson, the Cardinals back needs just 484 yards this season to pass Thurman Thomas (12,074) Franco Harris (12,120), Marcus Allen (12,243), Edgerin James (12,246), Marshall Faulk (12,279) and Jim Brown (12,312) on the all-time rushing list.
- Larry Fitzgerald needs 15-yards to pass Steve Smith for seventh place on the all-time receiving yards chart.
- Antonio Brown will move into the Top 60 most career receiving yards if he hauls in 63-yards on Sunday.
- Sticking with receiving records: Demaryius Thomas (needs 49-yards) and Julio Jones (needs 95) have a chance to become the 92nd and 93rd players in NFL history to reach 8,000 career receiving yards.
- And finally, with a touchdown catch on Sunday, Chris Hogan will become the first Pats WR since Randy Moss in 2007 to catch a TD in five straight games.
Pick: Lions (+5.5)
SAN FRANCISCO @ WASHINGTON (-11)
Things I would rather do than watch the 49ers & Redskins play football on Sunday: Order a salad at Blimpies. Go up against Jay Cutler in a beer drinking contest. Put the urine from a Miami Dolphins assistant coach in my whizzinator. Purposely drink Milwaukee’s Best Light. Have Eminem free-style rap about me. Play Edward Norton's part in a live reenactment of the American History X shower scene. Bet Ben Roethlisberger's under total interceptions during a home game against the Jacksonville Jaguars. Give away my Rashaan Salaam rookie cards. And finally, I would rather bet against Tom Brady on the day he passes Brett Favre and Peyton Manning for most wins by a QB in NFL history.
In other words; I will not be watching the 49ers and Redskins play football on Sunday.
Pick: 49ers (+11)
NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS @ NEW YORK JETS (+9)
As I just said; I am not about to bet against Tom Brady on the day he passes Brett Favre and Peyton Manning for most wins by a QB in NFL history.
Pick: Pats (-9)
CHICAGO BEARS @ BALTIMORE RAVENS (-6.5)
Things I would rather do than watch the 49ers & Redskins play football on Sunday: Order a salad at Blimpies. Go up against Jay Cutler in a beer drinking contest. Put the urine from a Miami Dolphins assistant coach in my whizzinator. Purposely drink Milwaukee’s Best Light. Have Eminem free-style rap about me. Play Edward Norton's part in a live reenactment of the American History X shower scene. Bet Ben Roethlisberger's under total interceptions during a home game against the Jacksonville Jaguars. Give away my Rashaan Salaam rookie cards. And finally, I would rather bet against Tom Brady on the day he passes Brett Favre and Peyton Manning for most wins by a QB in NFL history.
In other words; I will not be watching the 49ers and Redskins play football on Sunday.
Pick: 49ers (+11)
NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS @ NEW YORK JETS (+9)
As I just said; I am not about to bet against Tom Brady on the day he passes Brett Favre and Peyton Manning for most wins by a QB in NFL history.
Pick: Pats (-9)
CHICAGO BEARS @ BALTIMORE RAVENS (-6.5)
Did you know that exactly 17 years ago on October 15th (in the year 2000) the Chicago Bears lost to the Minnesota Vikings 28-16 on Sunday Night?
I for one know this because that was the same night Randy Moss caught his 34th career touchdown in just his 38th NFL game.
Why does The Informer remember this obscure Randy Moss stat you ask?
Well, because that night a high school Informer had a girl over to his house for a date for the first time in his life. And well, without going all Penthouse forum on you, I would like the record to show that night ended with a celebratory "Randy Moss scored a touchdown" French Kiss.
In the words of Paul Harvey: "Now you know the rest of the story."
Pick: Ravens (-6.5)
I for one know this because that was the same night Randy Moss caught his 34th career touchdown in just his 38th NFL game.
Why does The Informer remember this obscure Randy Moss stat you ask?
Well, because that night a high school Informer had a girl over to his house for a date for the first time in his life. And well, without going all Penthouse forum on you, I would like the record to show that night ended with a celebratory "Randy Moss scored a touchdown" French Kiss.
In the words of Paul Harvey: "Now you know the rest of the story."
Pick: Ravens (-6.5)
PITTSBURGH @ KANSAS CITY (-3.5)
Here are this week’s “I am going to make fun of Ben Roethlisberger because he threw five interceptions against the Jacksonville Jaguars and cost me money” jokes of the week.
Q: What happened to the joke Big Ben Roethlisberger told his receivers?
A: It went over their heads.
Q: What is Ben Roethlisberger’s favorite lottery game?
A: The Pick Six.
Q: Why do Pittsburgh Steelers fans smell so bad?
A: So blind people can hate them to.
via GIPHY
(PS- Until the Chiefs don’t cover a spread (they are 5-0 this season), they are a must bet every single NFL Sunday.)
Pick: Chiefs (-3.5)
CLEVELAND BROWNS @ HOUSTON TEXANS (-9)
Some of you may not know, but this is the 10th NFL season I have been writing a NFL picks article. And since it is year 10, I thought I would try a new gimmick where I use something I wrote from 10 years ago to describe one of this week's games.
So with that in mind, here is an exact excerpt (I swear to Tebow it is word for word) from The Informer's Week 6 2008 NFL Picks article:
"Ummm . . . The Browns really suck!"
#SomethingsNeverChange
Pick: Texans (-9)
TAMPA BAY @ ARIZONA CARDINALS (+1.5)
As much as I love the Adrian Peterson trade for Adrian Peterson -- because I want to see him actually get a chance to run the football which Arizona should allow him to do -- I still can't pick the Cardinals to beat a Tampa team that just went toe to toe with Tom Brady and had 10 days to prepare for the free-falling Cardinals.
Pick: Tampa Bay (-1.5)
LOS ANGELES RAMS @ JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS(-2.5)
The Informer’s Gambling Rule #751: If you have a chance to bet against the Jacksonville Jaguars and Vegas is nice enough to give you 2.5 points . . . You always take the points and bet against the Jacksonville Jaguars.
Pick: Rams (+2.5)
LOS ANGELES CHARGERS @ OAKLAND RAIDERS (-3.5)
Gambling Rule #752: When you have two bad teams you always take the points. Especially when the favored team is starting a quarterback with a broken traverse . . . Whatever the hell that means?
Pick: Chargers (+3.5)
NEW YORK GIANTS @ DENVER BRONCOS (-12)
TENNESSEE TITANS @ INDIANAPOLIS COLTS (+6.5)
Ladies and gentlemen as you can see we have a two way tie for this week’s dumpster fire of atrociousness the NFL is trying to pass off as a "Primetime must watch" football contest.
This of course means instead of wasting any time discussing the trash the NFL is serving up as a main course, we are going to close this article by handing out the Blimpies Best Meme of the Week with a little help from our old friend Tyrone Biggums:
via GIPHY
(PS- Until the Chiefs don’t cover a spread (they are 5-0 this season), they are a must bet every single NFL Sunday.)
Pick: Chiefs (-3.5)
CLEVELAND BROWNS @ HOUSTON TEXANS (-9)
Some of you may not know, but this is the 10th NFL season I have been writing a NFL picks article. And since it is year 10, I thought I would try a new gimmick where I use something I wrote from 10 years ago to describe one of this week's games.
So with that in mind, here is an exact excerpt (I swear to Tebow it is word for word) from The Informer's Week 6 2008 NFL Picks article:
"Ummm . . . The Browns really suck!"
#SomethingsNeverChange
Pick: Texans (-9)
TAMPA BAY @ ARIZONA CARDINALS (+1.5)
As much as I love the Adrian Peterson trade for Adrian Peterson -- because I want to see him actually get a chance to run the football which Arizona should allow him to do -- I still can't pick the Cardinals to beat a Tampa team that just went toe to toe with Tom Brady and had 10 days to prepare for the free-falling Cardinals.
Pick: Tampa Bay (-1.5)
LOS ANGELES RAMS @ JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS(-2.5)
The Informer’s Gambling Rule #751: If you have a chance to bet against the Jacksonville Jaguars and Vegas is nice enough to give you 2.5 points . . . You always take the points and bet against the Jacksonville Jaguars.
Pick: Rams (+2.5)
LOS ANGELES CHARGERS @ OAKLAND RAIDERS (-3.5)
Gambling Rule #752: When you have two bad teams you always take the points. Especially when the favored team is starting a quarterback with a broken traverse . . . Whatever the hell that means?
Pick: Chargers (+3.5)
NEW YORK GIANTS @ DENVER BRONCOS (-12)
TENNESSEE TITANS @ INDIANAPOLIS COLTS (+6.5)
Ladies and gentlemen as you can see we have a two way tie for this week’s dumpster fire of atrociousness the NFL is trying to pass off as a "Primetime must watch" football contest.
This of course means instead of wasting any time discussing the trash the NFL is serving up as a main course, we are going to close this article by handing out the Blimpies Best Meme of the Week with a little help from our old friend Tyrone Biggums:
Pick: Giants (+12) Colts (+6.5)
#GO FOOTBALL!!!
