Q: Hey Informer do you have any regrets about your 5-10 NFL Picks record in Week 5?
You mean like betting against Tom Brady at home in Primetime while he was playing the Colts? Or losing my Lion King Lock of the Week because the Miami Dolphins couldn't protect a 17-0 second half lead (which means they were up 23.5-0 per the spread)? Or maybe you are asking if I regretted breaking all the gambling rules by betting against three teams that were home underdogs/home teams favored by less than three points (those teams went 3-0, I went 0-3)?
If that is what you are asking, then my answer is no. I don't regret anything. Sure I wish I would have won, but at the end of the day I made my picks based off of
Q: What about that tweet you sent after finding out your kids soccer game was canceled? Do you regret that?
What tweet? I don't remember sending any tweet out about my daughter's soccer games.
Q: Are you really going to sit there and pretend you don't remember this?
I'm not saying it was my best moment as a dad, but here was live video footage of me finding out my daughter's 2pm Sunday soccer game was canceled due to rain # pic.twitter.com/nJaFRk0w4R— The Informer (@therealinformer) October 7, 2018
Oh you meant that tweet? Yea, I 100% regret sending that tweet. In fact I am 100% certain that tweet -- and not my drunken gut feelings -- was the entire reason my picks were an absolute dumpster fire of an abortion last week.
Q: Spin it how ever your want Informer, but the fact remains that you are an utter embarrassment to the internet and you should probably just delete your blogger account. But, because I know you are a stubborn jackass who thinks people actually read this garbage, could you maybe give us one really cool stat before we get to this week's picks?
Using the word "utter" before calling me an embarrassment seems a bit harsh. But I guess in the end you did ask nicely, so I will answer answer your question with this really interesting and cool stat:
Here are the Top 10 NFL career touchdown pass leaders in 1994
- Fran Tarkenton - 342
- Dan Marino - 328
- Johnny Unitas - 290
- Joe Montana - 273
- Sonny Jurgensen - 255
- Dan Foutes - 254
- John Hadl - 244
- Y.A. Tittle - 242
- Len Dawson - 239
- George Blanda -236
Here is Top 10 NFL career touchdown pass leaders in 2018
- Peyton Manning - 539
- Brett Favre - 508
- Tom Brady - 500
- Drew Brees - 499
- Dan Marino - 420
- Philip Rivers - 355
- Eli Manning - 345
- Fran Tarkenton -342
- Ben Roethlisberger - 340
- Aaron Rodgers - 323
Isn't it wild that today seven of the Top 10 greatest touchdown throwers in NFL history are quarterbacks who were not even in the NFL the year Joe Montana retired with the fourth most touchdown passes in NFL history (Brett Favre was finishing his third season)?
Furthermore, how good was Fran Tarkenton? I mean the dude retired in 1978 and yet his passing numbers still hold up today despite the evidence showing us the NFL is now a pass happy league. That is simply amazing.
Sticking with Fran: Did you know that Tarkenton held the TD record from 1978 to 1995 (17 years)? Then Dan Marino held the record from 1995 to 2007 (12 years). Brett Favre then held the record from 2007 to 2014 (seven years). And finally Peyton Manning will hold the record from 2015 until sometime in 2019 when Tom Brady or Drew Brees breaks his record (four years).
So I guess my point/question is: Will we ever see someone hold this record for 17 years again? Or is it just going to keep changing hands every 2-7 years?
And finally, if this stat repeats history, that means in 24 years seven of the greatest statistical quarterbacks in NFL history will have been replaced by guys who may or may not even be playing college football right now.
Think about that for a second.
Anyways, now that we have all been "informed" about the future of NFL quarterbacks with this week's really cool stat of the day, here are The Informer's Week 6 NFL Picks.
As always, please remember these picks are only to be used for illegal debauchery things such as online gambling, parlays, teasers and Super Pick contests. Any other use of this blog, its accounts or any information provided without the express written consent of The N.F. Informer is strictly prohibited.
Philadelphia Eagles @ New York Giants (+3)
Here is The Informer's proof of pick Thursday Night Football Tweet:
Ladies and gentle people, your eyes are not deceiving you. That is a Thursday night win.Im taking the Eagles (-1) #TNF— The Informer (@therealinformer) October 11, 2018
Pick: Eagles (-3)
Seattle HGHawks (-3) @ Oakland Raiders (in London)
Over the past Fortnight I have been Sod Off by the fact that I am a Tosser who has Lost the Plot when it comes to picking Bloody NFL games. Hell, I have been Cocking Up so badly by handing out Crusty Dragon picks that I was actually thinking about quitting in order to become a Chap-Scrubber On the Pull for Starker Daft-Cows who don’t know the difference between their Knackers and Strawberry Creams.
But then I realized quitting would make me a complete Axe Wound who should be forced to Go to Her Majesty’s Pleasure just like all the Pounces that Filch from the Khazi Slappers who give you Nookie for money. So, because I didn’t want to be a complete Areshole Axe Wound, I decided I am going to get back to being Aces by betting against the Chav Knobhead Raiders on Sunday.
Now, don’t get your Knickers in a Twist Raiders fans, I do think you have an Anorak offense, and that there is a chance I Throw a Spanner in the Works, but the fact remains your defense is going to See a Man about a Dog on Sunday; which means they will not be Up for it against a Seattle offense that just went toe to toe with the 2018 NFC Champions.
Again, I am not Arse over Tit for this pick, but Before you Bite your Arm off, please keep in mind the Raiders -- who are basically playing their fourth road game of the young 2018 season -- have been All fur coat and no knickers in 2018. So I literally have no choice but to Leg over the points and take the HGHawks while making myself a couple of Easy-peasy Quids.
Bob's your uncle.
Pick: HGHawks (-3)
Arizona Cardinals @ Minnesota Vikings (-10)
There is no way the Vikings lay another egg against a double digit dumpster fire . . . Right?
Pick: Vikings (-10)
Los Angeles Chargers @ Cleveland Browns (-1.5)
I am going to keep riding the red hot covering Browns (they are 4-1 on the season against the spread) until they turn back into the Browns and cost me money.
Pick: Browns (-1.5)
Tampa Bay @ Atlanta Falcons (-3.5)
Here is a meme of motivational speaker Matt Foley expressing my exact feelings on the 2018 Atlanta Falcons:
Pick: Falcons (-3.5)
Carolina Panthers @ Washington Redskins (+1)
Indianapolis Colts @ New York Jets (-2.5)
Pittsburgh Steelers @ Cincinnati Bengals (-2.5)
Los Angeles Raiders @ Denver Donkeys (-6.5)
Remember last week when every home underdog/ home team that was favored by less than three points covered? And then after this happened I got Jay Cutler wasted and swore to Tim Tebow that I would never -- not even if their was a fire -- bet against a home dog/ home team favored by less than three points ever again?
Well, I give you this weeks picks that involve home dogs/ home teams favored by less than three points . . . #I really am a moron.
Pick: Panthers (-1) Colts (+2.5) Steelers (+2.5) Rams (-6.5)
Chicago Bears @ Miami Dolphins (+3)
Speaking of home dogs: Did you know that Ryan Tannehill was downgraded to questionable on Friday with a shoulder injury and may not play in this game? This means that there is a good chance Brock Osweiler is going to start/play quarterback in this game.
Folks please re-read that last sentence. Because it says: THERE IS A CHANCE BROCK OSWEILER PLAYS QUARTERBACK IN THIS GAME!!!
And, well, any time there is a chance for "Brock to Brock", The Informer's gambling rules clearly stat that I have to make the team he is going to "Brock" against the Lion King Lock of the Week.
Pick: LKLOTW Bears (-3)
Buffalo Bills @ Houston Texans (-10)
Abortion. Trash. Dumpster fire. Open Hatchet Wound. Crud. Sewage. Balderdash. Gross. Yuck.
In other words, here is this Week's Blimpie Best Meme of the Week starring the beautiful Selena Gomez:
The Internet can be really mean sometimes #Memes & Words Hurt You Know?
Pick: Bills (+10)
Jacksonville Jaguars @ Dallas Cowboys (+3.5)
Give me the home dog against a team without a good running back so they have to plan their entire offense around Blake Bortles being a great quarterback.
Pick: Cowboys (+3.5)
Baltimore Ravens @ Tennessee Titans (+3)
Give me the home dog against a team without a good running back so they have to plan their entire offense around Joe Flacco being a great quarterback.
Pick: Titans (+3)
Kansas City Chiefs @ New England Patriots (-3.5)
I will not bet against Tom Brady in Primetime ever again . . . I will not bet against Tom Brady in Primetime ever again . . . I will not bet against Tom Brady in Primetime ever again . . . I will not bet against Tom Brady in Primetime ever again . . . I will not bet against Tom Brady in Primetime ever again . . .I will not bet against Tom Brady in Primetime ever again . . . I will not bet against Tom Brady in Primetime ever again . . . I will not bet against Tom Brady in Primetime ever again!!!!!
Just so we are all clear, I am totally betting against Tom Brady in Primetime again. In the words of the great Forrest Gump: "I am not a smart man."
Pick: Chiefs (+3.5)
San Francisco 49ers @ Green Bay Packers (-9.5)
Aaron Rodgers in Primtime. That is my expert opinion as to why you should bet the Packers on Monday Night Football.
Pick: Green Bay (-9.5)
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