The Informer's 2018 NFL Picks: Week 8

Before we get to The Informer's NFL picks, here are a few things to think about heading into Week 8 of the 2018 NFL Season:

Tom Brady is only four TD passes away from tying Brett Favre for second all-time with 508 NFL touchdown passes. Now for those thinking -- four TD passes against the Buffalo Bills on Monday Night Football in 2018 seems like an absolute lock -- please keep in mind that Brady has only thrown four TDs or more in six of his 31 career starts against the Bills. So, if we are doing simple math, there is only about a 20% chance that Tom Brady ties Favre on Monday Night Football this week.

I guess, what I am trying to say is, Tom Brady is most definitely about to throw five touchdowns against the Buffalo Bills for the second time in his life while moving past Brett Favre for second place all-time.

Congrats Tom Terrific. Next up is Peyton Manning who is sitting at 539.

Speaking of the record books: Did you know Ben Roethlisberger needs two TD passes on Sunday to pass Fran Tarkenton for 8th place all-time for most career TD passes? Did you also know that once Roethlisberger passes Tark the all-time rankings will go: #8 Big Ben, #7 Eli Manning and # Phillip Rivers? Finally, did you know that if you look at career passing yards the all-time rankings go: #8 Rivers, #7 Ben and #6 Eli?

Gotta say, that is not to shabby for the first three quarterbacks drafted in the 2004 NFL Draft.

For those wondering; the last three quarterbacks drafted in the 2004 NFL Draft (Matt Mauck, BJ Symons & Bradlee Van Pelt) combined to throw for 143 yards and zero career touchdowns #TheMoreYouKnow.

This is not really a stat, but please go pick up Ronald Jones in fantasy as soon as you get done reading this article. You are welcome in advance.

AJ Green is four receptions away from becoming the 70th player in NFL history to have 600 receptions.

Adam Thielan -- who has reached 100-yards receiving in an NFL record seven straight games to start the season -- is on pace for 152 receptions, 1,872 yards and 12 touchdowns.

In the words of Forrest Gump: "That is all I got to say about that".

This is my order for 2018 NFL MVP heading into Week 8: Pat Mahomes, Todd Gurley, Tom Brady, Drew Brees & then Adam Thielan.

This is my order for 2018 least NFL MVP heading into Week 8: Jon Gruden, Bills QB #2, Bills QB #3, Derrick Henry & then Eli Manning.

Hey this is kind of fun . . .

Here is a list of 13 NFL players who -- as of November 25th, 2017 -- caught a total of 44 TD passes during their career (aka one more than Julio Jones): Ahmad Rashad (yes that Ahmad Rashad), Reggie Rucker, Webster "My Man" Slaughter, Dave Parks, Lance Moore, Doug Baldwin, Dwayne Bowe, Buddy Dial, Willie Gault, Terry Glenn, TJ HoushmanIdon'thaveanyideahowtospellhisname, Nate Washington and Roy Williams.

And here is a list of 13 NFL players who -- as of October 27th, 2018 -- caught a total of 44 TD passes during their career (aka one more than Julio Jones): Ahmad Rashad (yes that Ahmad Rashad), Reggie Rucker, Webster "My Man" Slaughter, Dave Parks, Lance Moore, Doug Baldwin, Dwayne Bowe, Buddy Dial, Willie Gault, Terry Glenn, TJ HoushmanIdon'thaveanyideahowtospellhisname, Nate Washington and Roy Williams.

I will now once again use a meme for motivation speaker Matt Foley to express how every Julio Jones fan feels about the above stats #

Sticking with Julio Jones touchdowns: Did you know only two of the 42 NFL player to finish a season with at least 1,500 yards receiving scored less than six touchdowns in said season? That would be 2012 Calvin Johnson (who set an NFL record with 1,964 yards receiving but only caught give TD passes) and 2012 Andre Johnson (who racked up 1,598 yards receiving and four touchdowns).

Julio Jones is currently on pace for 1,856 yards and zero TDs.

Still sticking with Julio Jones TDs: Did you know on November 11th, 2007, Randy Moss caught more touchdowns in one half (four) then Julio Jones has caught in the past 23 games?

Listen, I know I am spending to much time on this Julio thing, but I swear my mind is actually flabbergastedly (Is that even a word?) blown by this. Seriously, how can Julio Jones not "accidentally" score at least one touchdown in the last 12 games? I mean for Pete f**king sakes a guy named Marvin Hall caught a touchdown pass for the Falcons last week.

MARVIN FREAKING HALL!!?

And Julio can't get one?

I just don't get it.

Anyways, which means I apologize for melting down about the fact that Julio Jones will literally have zero touchdowns heading into Week 9 of the 2018 season (he has a bye this week), how about we get to The Informer's Week 8 NFL Picks?

As always, please remember these picks are only to be used for illegal debauchery things such as online gambling, parlays, teasers and Super Pick contests. Any other use of this blog, its accounts or any information provided without the express written consent of The National Informer League is strictly prohibited.

WEEK 8 NFL PICKS

Texans (-7.5) WIN

Eagles (-4)

Browns (+8)

Donkeys (+10)

Bears (-9.5)

Washington (-1)

Seattle HGHawks (+3)

Bengals (-3.5)

Panthers (+3)

Colts (-3)

Cardinals (+1.5)

Packers (+8)

Vikings (+1.5)

Pats (-13.5) LKLOTW

The Informer's 2018 NFL Picks: Week 6

Q: Hey Informer do you have any regrets about your 5-10 NFL Picks record in Week 5?

You mean like betting against Tom Brady at home in Primetime while he was playing the Colts? Or losing my Lion King Lock of the Week because the Miami Dolphins couldn't protect a 17-0 second half lead (which means they were up 23.5-0 per the spread)? Or maybe you are asking if I regretted breaking all the gambling rules by betting against three teams that were home underdogs/home teams favored by less than three points (those teams went 3-0, I went 0-3)?

If that is what you are asking, then my answer is no. I don't regret anything. Sure I wish I would have won, but at the end of the day I made my picks based off of years of scientific research  a drunken gut feeling and I have no regrets where that feeling led me to. Even if it was to the post office to mail my bookie a check that could have been used to by all of the Patrick Mahomes rookie cards. 

Q: What about that tweet you sent after finding out your kids soccer game was canceled? Do you regret that?

What tweet? I don't remember sending any tweet out about my daughter's soccer games.

Q: Are you really going to sit there and pretend you don't remember this?

I'm not saying it was my best moment as a dad, but here was live video footage of me finding out my daughter's 2pm Sunday soccer game was canceled due to rain # pic.twitter.com/nJaFRk0w4R

— The Informer (@therealinformer) October 7, 2018

Oh you meant that tweet? Yea, I 100% regret sending that tweet. In fact I am 100% certain that tweet -- and not my drunken gut feelings --  was the entire reason my picks were an absolute dumpster fire of an abortion last week.

Q: Spin it how ever your want Informer,  but the fact remains that you are an utter embarrassment to the internet and you should probably just delete your blogger account. But, because I know you are a stubborn jackass who thinks people actually read this garbage,  could you maybe give us one really cool stat before we get to this week's picks?

Using the word "utter" before calling me an embarrassment seems a bit harsh. But I guess in the end you did ask nicely, so I will answer answer your question with this really interesting and cool stat:

Here are the Top 10 NFL career touchdown pass leaders in 1994

1. Fran Tarkenton - 342
2. Dan Marino - 328
3. Johnny Unitas - 290
4. Joe Montana - 273
5. Sonny Jurgensen - 255
6. Dan Foutes - 254
7. John Hadl - 244
8. Y.A. Tittle - 242
9. Len Dawson - 239
10. George Blanda -236

Here is Top 10 NFL career touchdown pass leaders in 2018

1. Peyton Manning - 539
2. Brett Favre - 508
3. Tom Brady - 500
4. Drew Brees - 499
5. Dan Marino - 420
6. Philip Rivers - 355
7. Eli Manning - 345
8. Fran Tarkenton -342
9. Ben Roethlisberger - 340
10. Aaron Rodgers - 323

Isn't it wild that today seven of the Top 10 greatest touchdown throwers in NFL history are quarterbacks who were not even in the NFL the year Joe Montana retired with the fourth most touchdown passes in NFL history (Brett Favre was finishing his third season)?

Furthermore, how good was Fran Tarkenton? I mean the dude retired in 1978 and yet his passing numbers still hold up today despite the evidence showing us the NFL is now a pass happy league. That is simply amazing.

Sticking with Fran: Did you know that Tarkenton held the TD record from 1978 to 1995 (17 years)? Then Dan Marino held the record from 1995 to 2007 (12 years). Brett Favre then held the record from 2007 to 2014 (seven years). And finally Peyton Manning will hold the record from 2015 until sometime in 2019 when Tom Brady or Drew Brees breaks his record (four years). 

So I guess my point/question is: Will we ever see someone hold this record for 17 years again? Or is it just going to keep changing hands every 2-7 years?

And finally, if this stat  repeats history, that means in 24 years seven of the greatest statistical quarterbacks in NFL history will have been replaced by guys who may or may not even be playing college football right now. 

Think about that for a second. 

Anyways, now that we have all been "informed" about the future of NFL quarterbacks with this week's really cool stat of the day, here are The Informer's Week 6 NFL Picks.

As always, please remember these picks are only to be used for illegal debauchery things such as online gambling, parlays, teasers and Super Pick contests. Any other use of this blog, its accounts or any information provided without the express written consent of The N.F. Informer is strictly prohibited.

Philadelphia Eagles @ New York Giants (+3)

Here is The Informer's proof of pick Thursday Night Football Tweet:

Im taking the Eagles (-1) #TNF

— The Informer (@therealinformer) October 11, 2018

Ladies and gentle people, your eyes are not deceiving you. That is a Thursday night win.

Pick: Eagles (-3)


Seattle HGHawks (-3) @ Oakland Raiders (in London)

Over the past Fortnight I have been Sod Off by the fact that I am a Tosser who has Lost the Plot when it comes to picking Bloody NFL games. Hell, I have been Cocking Up so badly by handing out Crusty Dragon picks that I was actually thinking about quitting in order to become a Chap-Scrubber On the Pull for Starker Daft-Cows who don’t know the difference between their Knackers and Strawberry Creams.

But then I realized quitting would make me a complete Axe Wound who should be forced to Go to Her Majesty’s Pleasure just like all the Pounces that Filch from the Khazi Slappers who give you Nookie for money. So, because I didn’t want to be a complete Areshole Axe Wound, I decided I am going to get back to being Aces by betting against the Chav Knobhead Raiders on Sunday. 

Now, don’t get your Knickers in a Twist Raiders fans, I do think you have an Anorak offense, and that there is a chance I Throw a Spanner in the Works, but the fact remains your defense is going to See a Man about a Dog on Sunday; which means they will not be Up for it against a Seattle offense that just went toe to toe with the 2018 NFC Champions. 

Again, I am not Arse over Tit for this pick, but Before you Bite your Arm off, please keep in mind the Raiders -- who are basically playing their fourth road game of the young 2018 season -- have been All fur coat and no knickers in 2018. So I literally have no choice but to Leg over the points and take the HGHawks while making myself a couple of Easy-peasy Quids. 

Bob's your uncle. 

Pick: HGHawks (-3)


Arizona Cardinals @ Minnesota Vikings (-10)

There is no way the Vikings lay another egg against a double digit dumpster fire . . . Right?

Pick: Vikings (-10)


Los Angeles Chargers @ Cleveland Browns (-1.5)

I am going to keep riding the red hot covering Browns (they are 4-1 on the season against the spread) until they turn back into the Browns and cost me money. 

Pick: Browns (-1.5)


Tampa Bay @ Atlanta Falcons (-3.5)

Here is a meme of motivational speaker Matt Foley expressing my exact feelings on the 2018 Atlanta Falcons:

Pick: Falcons (-3.5)


Carolina Panthers @ Washington Redskins (+1)
Indianapolis Colts @ New York Jets (-2.5)
Pittsburgh Steelers @ Cincinnati Bengals (-2.5)
Los Angeles Raiders @ Denver Donkeys (-6.5)

Remember last week when every home underdog/ home team that was favored by less than three points covered? And then after this happened I got Jay Cutler wasted and swore to Tim Tebow that I would never -- not even if their was a fire -- bet against a home dog/ home team favored by less than three points ever again?

Well, I give you this weeks picks that involve home dogs/ home teams favored by less than three points . . . #I really am a moron.

Pick: Panthers (-1) Colts (+2.5) Steelers (+2.5) Rams (-6.5)


Chicago Bears @ Miami Dolphins (+3)

Speaking of home dogs: Did you know that Ryan Tannehill was downgraded to questionable on Friday with a shoulder injury and may not play in this game? This means that there is a good chance Brock Osweiler is going to start/play quarterback in this game.

Folks please re-read that last sentence. Because it says: THERE IS A CHANCE BROCK OSWEILER PLAYS QUARTERBACK IN THIS GAME!!!

And, well, any time there is a chance for "Brock to Brock", The Informer's gambling rules clearly stat that I have to make the team he is going to "Brock" against the Lion King Lock of the Week.

Pick: LKLOTW Bears (-3)


Buffalo Bills @ Houston Texans (-10)

Abortion. Trash. Dumpster fire. Open Hatchet Wound. Crud. Sewage. Balderdash. Gross. Yuck.

In other words, here is this Week's Blimpie Best Meme of the Week starring the beautiful Selena Gomez:

The Internet can be really mean sometimes #Memes & Words Hurt You Know? 

Pick: Bills (+10)

Jacksonville Jaguars @ Dallas Cowboys (+3.5)

Give me the home dog against a team without a good running back so they have to plan their entire offense around Blake Bortles being a great quarterback. 

Pick: Cowboys (+3.5)

Baltimore Ravens @ Tennessee Titans (+3)

Give me the home dog against a team without a good running back so they have to plan their entire offense around Joe Flacco being a great quarterback. 

Pick: Titans (+3)

Kansas City Chiefs @ New England Patriots (-3.5)

I will not bet against Tom Brady in Primetime ever again . . . I will not bet against Tom Brady in Primetime ever again . . . I will not bet against Tom Brady in Primetime ever again . . . I will not bet against Tom Brady in Primetime ever again . . . I will not bet against Tom Brady in Primetime ever again . . .I will not bet against Tom Brady in Primetime ever again . . . I will not bet against Tom Brady in Primetime ever again . . . I will not bet against Tom Brady in Primetime ever again!!!!!

Just so we are all clear, I am totally betting against Tom Brady in Primetime again. In the words of the great Forrest Gump: "I am not a smart man."

Pick: Chiefs (+3.5)

San Francisco 49ers @ Green Bay Packers (-9.5)

Aaron Rodgers in Primtime. That is my expert opinion as to why you should bet the Packers on Monday Night Football. 

Pick: Green Bay (-9.5)

The Informer's 2018 NFL Picks: Week 5

Here are The Informer's Week 5 NFL Picks. As always, please remember these picks are only to be used for illegal debauchery things such as online gambling, parlays, teasers and Super Pick contests. Any other use of this blog, its accounts or any information provided without the express written consent of The N.F. Informer is strictly prohibited.

Indianapolis Colts @ New England Patriots (-10.5)

I know it is a few days late, but here are five Thursday Night NFL Football gambling rules that should have been followed this week:

1. Always bet Tom Brady in Primetime. 
2. Always bet the home team on Thursday Night Football; especially when the road team is coming off a Sunday overtime loss where their team got totally decimated by injuries. 
3. Always, no matter what the spread is, bet a Bill Belichick team against any team that accuses a Bill Belichick team of cheating, or deflating footballs. 
4. Offensive coordinators for the Patriots who turn down jobs with the Colts tend to try and run up the score. 
5. ALWAYS BET THE PATRIOTS ON THURSDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL AGAINST THE COLTS!!!

I mean you literally would have had to be the biggest, fattest, most moronic, idiot in the history of this flat Earth to actually bet the Colts on Thursday night. 

Give me Colts +10.5 and under 24.5 in the first half...#TNF

— The Informer (@therealinformer) October 4, 2018

Pick: Colts (+10.5)


Baltimore Ravens @ Cleveland Browns (+3.5)

As a concerned gambler, I could not in good conscience sit idly by and let the NFL/Vegas get away with robbing the Cleveland Browns of their hard fought win/cover against the Oakland Raiders last week. So, that is why I decided to write a very stern letter to the NFL/Vegas, letting them know exactly what I thought about them treating me --  and every Browns' bettor/fan around the world -- like "The Sisters" treated Andy Dufrense during the worst year of his life at Shawshank Prison.

Here is that letter:

Dear NFL/Vegas, I hate your stinking guts. You make me vomit. You're scum between my toes!

Love,

Alfalfa The Informer.

Pick: Browns (+3.5)

(The Informer note - Seriously though, the NFL should be ashamed of themselves for overturning that first down. What a gosh damn joke. You suck you cheating NFL.)

Jacksonville Jaguars @ Kansas City Chiefs (-3)

The Chiefs are the best team in football not named the Los Angeles Rams. They have best quarterback not named Tim Tebow to ever walk the face of the Earth. And they are only giving three points at home to Blake Bortles? Am I missing something here?

Pick: Chiefs (-3)


Tennessee Titans @ Buffalo Bills (+5.5)

I know the Titans are coming off of a huge win against the Super Bowl champions, and that I am supposed to be scared of home dogs, but I physically can't bring myself to bet on the Buffalo Bills anymore this season unless they are getting 14 or more points (they are 1-0 against the spread when getting at least 14 points).

Pick: Titans (-5.5)


New York Giants @ Carolina Panthers (-6.5)

Here is my expert opinion on this game: The Giants suck.

Pick: Panthers (-6.5)


Denver Broncos @ New York Jets (-1)

Yikes . . . Let's go ahead and file this contest under the "I would not watch this dumpster fire of an abomination with your eyes" section. Which of course means it is time to completely ignore this atrocity the NFL is trying to pass of as a football game, and instead hand out the Blimpies Best Meme of the Week:

I know that I am going straight to H.E.C.K for laughing, but damn that one made me chuckle.

Pick: Broncos (+1)


Atlanta Falcons @ Pittsburgh Steelers (-3.5)

Do you all think Ashton Kutcher is punking us with this whole "Julio Jones can't catch a touchdown" thing? I mean seriously, how the f*** is this even possible? We have one of the greatest wide receivers in the history of the NFL -- and a guy who is on pace to become the first ever wide receiver with 2,000 yards in a single season - - and yet he hasn't caught a touchdown pass in his last nine games?

I just don't understand how this is possible.

Anyways, I am grabbing the hook this week (aka the extra half point) while expecting both teams to put up 60 points. Oh and I will also be betting Julio Jones over .5 touchdowns #ThisIsTheWeek

Pick: Falcons (+3.5)


Green Bay Packers @ Detroit Lions (-1)

To all of you experts betting the Lions against Aaron Rodgers this week . . . I salute you. You keep dreaming those dreams and wishes those wishes, while I keep cashing my checks at the bookies office.

Pick: Packers (+1)


Miami Dolphins @ Cincinnati Bengals (-6)

You know what I felt last week watching A.J. "The Sickness" Green catch the game winning touchdown while at the same time costing me a Super Picks contest and illegal gambling wager win?

Absolute pride.

Why pride you ask?

Because last week I set out to jinx the Falcons (so the Bengals would win) by betting them every which way I could and it absolutely worked. So naturally, since my gambling jinx worked to perfection last week, I am going to run the jinx angle back again this week by making the Dolphins my Lion King Lock of the Week.

Pick: LKLOTW Dolphins (+6)


Oakland Raiders @ San Diego Chargers (+5.5)

The San Diego Chargers couldn't cover 71% of the Flat Earth if they were made of water, and yet I am supposed to believe they are now going to cover a 5.5 point spread against Jon Gruden and his Vegas cronies? I don't think so Peter Banning. Give me the Raiders, their Vegas buddies calling in favors, and the 5.5 points.

Pick: Raiders (+5.5)


Arizona Cardinals @ San Francisco 49ers (-3.5)

Nope. Not gonna do it. There are not enough derogatory words in the English language to describe this game. Moving on.

Pick: Cards (+3.5)


Minnesota Vikings @ Philadelphia Eagles (-3)

Los Angeles Rams @ Seattle HGHawks (+7)

I think we are heading for a Eagles-Rams NFC Championship game. So I will be betting as if that is a fact until something changes my mind.

Pick: Eagles (-3)  Rams (-7)


Dallas Cowboys @ Houston Texans (-3.5)

Does anyone else sit up at night wondering what Zeke Elliot's favorite soup is? Or is it just me?

#FeedHimMoreSoupClapperMan

Pick: Cowboys (+3.5)


Washington @ New Orleans Saints (-6)

All I am going to say about this game is that there is no way in hell I am not going to bet against Drew Brees at home on Monday Night football the same night he breaks Peyton Manning's NFL record for most passing yards in NFL history (Drew needs 201 yards to break the record).

Pick: Saints (-6)

The Informer's 2018 NFL Picks: Week 4

FYI - -  This week I decided we would start the blog by answering some mailbag questions about the first three weeks of the 2018 NFL Season and then get to The Informer's Week 4 NFL Picks.

So with that in mind here is the mailbag. As always, please remember that all of the questions being answered came from actual made up readers. 

Q: Mr. Informer who is the best team in the NFL through three weeks? What about the worst?

Well, by my calculations the Cleveland Browns, Kansas City Chiefs and the Miami Dolphins are the three best teams. As for the worst; I have the Houston Texans, the 49ers and the Denver Donkey's. 

Q: The Cleveland Browns are your best team? Are you drunk or really drunk Informer? Seriously get the flying heck outta here with that steaming pile of a dumpster fire fake-take. 

Am I drunk? Of course. But I am also being serious. You see the Browns, Chiefs and Dolphins are the only teams in the NFL who are 3-0 against the spread. While the Texans, 49ers and Broncos are the only three teams in the NFL who have yet to cover a spread. So yea . . . You may think I am a drunken fake-taking idiot, but the reality is that when it comes to gambling the Browns are one of the three best 2018 NFL teams. 

Q: Oh that is right, I forgot you are a degenerate gambler. My apologies. I should have known better then to expect you to give a straight answer about who the best team is. But I guess, by your gambling logic, the Browns are "technically" the best team in the NFL this season. 

First of all, there is no technically about it. There is just factually. The Browns are the best team in the NFL. Period. Point blank. Jumangi. End of story. 

Second of all; this is a blog entitled "The Informer's NFL Picks" so of course my answers are going to be gambling related. That is why the one person reading right now clicked on this NSFW link. For gambling advice, gambling information and gambling picks. They definitely didn't click on the link expecting to get a coherent well written piece of journalism. 

That would be asinine. 

Q: Hey Informer what is your favorite TV show on today and could you explain why? Is it story arch? The characters? The writing slash-story telling?

For "f-word" sakes, did you not just read my last answer? People are not coming to this blog to find out how excited I am for the upcoming seasons of South Park, Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Blue Bloods, Chicago PD, MacGyver or The Goldbergs. And they sure as "f-word" are not reading to find out my takes on cinematography, camera angles, story arch or anything else that has to do with the making of T.V. shows. 

No the person (thanks again) who clicked on this link is reading to find out things like Tom Brady is 1-2 against the spread this season; home underdogs are 9-3 ATS; the 1st half under in Primetime is 7-4 heading into Sunday Night's Ravens-Steelers game (0-1 on the week); and that it has finished with a winning record each of the first three weeks (3-1, 2-1 & 2-1). 

Q: Informer does fantasy football count as gambling? I say, since you can win money doing it, that it counts as gambling. So with that in mind, and sticking to your "its a gambling blog" mantra: What is the best fantasy football advice you handed out this season?

Fantasy football is 100% gambling. So thank you for following the rules and asking a "gambling question". As for the answer, I did stand on my high horse in mid August and say that LeVeon Bell was a complete stay away this season.

#ThatsWhyTheCallMeTheInformer!!!

Q: What about the worst advice?

It pains me to say this (give me a second I am going to chug a Natty for my sorrows) . . . But Derrick Henry is not going to be a Top 5 fantasy football back in 2018 and I am going to lose 12 of my leagues because of that. I don't have no other way to say it other then "I -- The Informer -- was wrong."

#ThatsWhyTheyCallMeTheMisInformer!!!

Q: Hey Informer your twitter feed sucks. Like really bad. Seriously, when the hell are you going to stop doing "Twitter Poll Tournaments" and just delete your account?

What you just said literally has nothing to do with gambling, and is not really even a question, but I'll answer it anyways: In the immortal words of Nick Saban, "I'm not going to, so quit asking."

Q: Who are the best bets to be in the NFL Final Four?

NFC: Rams & Eagles

AFC: Patriots & Chiefs

Q: Who is going to win the Rookie of the Year?

If I had to bet after three weeks my top five favorites would be (in order and offense only): Barkley, Baker, Ridley, Josh "Torpedo Canon" Allen & that Lindsay dude from the Donkeys.  

Q: What about the MVP? 

My top five MVP bets would be (in order): Mahomes, Goff, Rodgers, Brees & Brady. 

Remember, I am not saying "who was the MVP through three weeks." I am saying "if I was going to make a wager on who will eventually win the 2018 NFL MVP" this would be my order. 

So in this case I took Mahomes and Goff because they have been awesome through three weeks, but I am also sticking with Rodgers and Brady because once they right the ship they will be in the conversation. And of course, if Brees throws for 5,000 yards and leads the Saints to a top seed in the NFC,  the voters may finally have to throw him an MVP bone.  

Q: Hey Informer if you had to bet would you take flat or round?

Is this a flat Earth gambling question? 

I am not going to lie . . . I don't know if this means the blog has reached a new high, or a new low? Either way, it is obviously time to move onto The Informer's Week 4 NFL Picks. 

(Informer pre-picks disclaimer: These picks are only to be used for illegal debauchery things such as online gambling, parlays, teasers and Super Pick contests. Any other use of this blog, its accounts or any information provided without the express written consent of The N.F. Informer is strictly prohibited.)

Miami Dolphins @ New England Patriots (-6.5)

The New England Patriots are my Lion King Lock of the Week. In the words of Forrest Gump: "That is all I gotta say about that."

Pick: Pats (-6.5)


Houston Texans @ Indianapolis Colts (PK)

Whenever you have two crappy teams playing against each other you always take the points, the better quarterback or the home team. In this case taking the points (aka picking a team to win) means you take the home team with the better quarterback. 

Pick: Colts (PK)


Cincinnati Bengals @ Atlanta Falcons (-3.5)

Buffalo Bills @ Green Bay Packers (-9.5)

I want the Bills and Bengals to win on Sunday. Therefore I am betting the Packers and Falcons. There is no reasoning other than I am trying a reverse jinx (for the teams I want to win) while also hoping to win money betting on the two teams that I think are going to cover. 

Pick: Packers (-9.5)  Falcons (-3.5)


Detroit Lions @ Dallas Cowboys (-2.5)

Literally the dumbest thing a NFL gambler can do is take any road team coming off of a monumentous Sunday Night Football upset win over Tom Brady and the New England Patriots. That team is 100% due for the biggest letdown in the history of the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE!!!

In other news, I am grabbing the points and taking the Detroit Lions on the road one week after they just completed a Monumentous upset of Tom Brady and the New England Patriots on Sunday Night football. 

What could go wrong?

Pick: Lions (+2.5)


Cleveland Browns @ Oakland Raiders (-2.5)

The Browns are undefeated against the spread, they have Baker freaking Mayfield playing quarterback and dating back to 2008 John Gruden has now lost seven straight NFL games that he coached. 

Give me the points and give me the Browns. 

Pick: Browns (+2.5)


Tampa Bay Buccaneers @ Chicago Bears (-3)

Not to beat a dead coach into the ground, but that literally means since the last time Jon Gruden won a game as an NFL head coach The Informer has drank roughly 41,600 Natty Lights (about 80 a week). 

#That has to be some kind of record . . . The losses over a 10 year span, not the Natties. #We all know Boggs put that record out of reach for any normal human. 

Pick: Da Bears (-3)

New York Jets @ Jacksonville Jags (-7.5)

I have zero intent on discussing this open stab wound of a football game, so instead here are this week's Blimpie Best memes of the Week:

Not gonna lie I chuckled a little #ClassicFlagsOnClay . . .

Gump makes me laugh, but this next one was my favorite . . .

Pick: Jags (-7.5)


Philadelphia Eagles @ Tennessee Titans (+3)

Smart money says I am supposed to take the home underdog, but The Informer's money is going to be taking the "I now have one game under my belt and its time to return to MVP form" Carson Wentz only giving three points to a Titans team that literally does not have a healthy quarterback on their roster. 

Pick: Eagles (-3)


Seattle Seahawks @ Arizona Cardinals (+3)

Somehow despite not being a good NFL team, the Seattle HGHawks are about to be 2-2 after four weeks and officially "lingering" as a team to be messed with later in the season. 

And, well, I think the Cardinals suck.

Pick: HGHawks (-3)


San Francisco 49ers @ San Diego Chargers (-10)

Sooooo . . . The 49ers season is completely over and I -- like everyone else in Murica -- am taking the Chargers in both of my "pick a winner" NFL polls on Sunday. Which of course means the 49ers are probably going to win the game outright, or at the very least, magically cover the double digit spread while making me sweat out Natty Lights like a drunken Informer in Church. 

Pick: 49ers (+10)


New Orleans Saints @ New York Giants (+3)

The last two times these teams played the Giants won by three at home and lost by three on the road. Which leads me to believe that this game will finish with a three point differential. That means the best bet on Sunday is to grab the points and hope the Giants offense shows up for the second straight week. 

(The Informer note - The Saints are also on their second straight road game and coming off of a huge division win, which in the NFL is code for "due for a letdown".)

Pick: Giants (+3)


Baltimore Ravens @ Pittsburgh Steelers (-3) 

I have no actual evidence to back this statement up, but I am pretty sure that every single Ravens-Steelers game in the history of this flat Earth has been decided by three points or fewer. So, since The Informer's made up scientific history says this will be a three point game, I will be betting the Steelers (because I think they will win) and grabbing myself a kissing you're cousin push on Sunday Night Football.

Pick: Steelers (-3)


Kansas City Chiefs @ Denver Donkeys (+4)

I will not bet against the phenomenal A.J. Styles Patrick Mahomes in his first Monday Night Football game start . . . I will not bet against the phenomenal A.J. Styles Patrick Mahomes in his first Monday Night Football game start . . . I will not bet against the phenomenal A.J. Styles Patrick Mahomes in his first Monday Night Football game start . . . I will not bet against the phenomenal A.J. Styles Patrick Mahomes in his first Monday Night Football game start . . . I will not bet against the phenomenal A.J. Styles Patrick Mahomes in his first Monday Night Football game start . . . I will not bet against the phenomenal A.J. Styles Patrick Mahomes in his first Monday Night Football game start!!!

Do we all understand what The Informer is trying to say?

Pick: Chiefs (-4)

THE INFORMER AFTER THE BLOG NOTE: Here is my proof of Thursday Night Football pick:

Give me Rams -7 and 1st half under 24.5 #TNF

— The Informer (@therealinformer) September 27, 2018

The Informer's 2018 NFL Picks: Week 1

For those of you that are new to this blog my name is The Informer. I am an overweight middle aged man with a Natty Light problem who watches too much football and loves to gamble. I am also someone who has picked over 50% correct against the spread on NFL games in nine of the last 11 seasons.

Which brings us to why we are here today: Simply put, me and you (aka the readers) are here to make money illegally (and technically in some countries now legally) betting on NFL games while hopefully getting "Jay Culter Wasted" and having a few laughs.

So what is about to happen is I am going to go through every game from Week 1 of the 2018 NFL Season and pick who I think is going to cover the spread (this is not who I think is going to win, this is who is going to "cover" the point spread). And then you the reader will in turn use the information I provided to place illegal wagers and win tons of money.

It literally is that easy.

I watch the football, then I provide the expert winning picks, then you win a stuff ton of money. It is a no lose situation for everyone involved as long as I continue to be one of the best NFL handicappers on the internet (which obviously is going to happen); you keep using the information provided to place wagers (again if you are reading it will happen); and of course the FBI does not arrest any of us for committing illegal acts of gaming (I am not sure that can legally happen in Murica. Can it?).

(The Informer note - I am of course just kidding about making illegal wagers. This is a satire column that provides information/picks that should only be used for recreational purposes. In no way does The Informer, my family, or anyone who believes in Tim Tebow --condone breaking of the law. Seriously, please do not use the picks below to wrongfully make thousands of millions of dollars this season. That would be immoral and illegal.)

Anyways, which means please stop interrupting me with legalities while I am drinking my Natties, now that we all know the basics about why we are here: How about we get to The Informer's Week 1 2018 NFL Picks?

Atlanta Falcons @ Philadelphia Eagles (PK)

Here is The Informer's proof of Thursday Night pick Tweet:

Im taking the Falcons (Pick Em) and the the 1st Half Under 22.5 #TNFBets #FootballIsBack #FlyFalconsFly

— The Informer (@therealinformer) September 6, 2018

Pick: Falcons (Loss) 1st Half Under (Win)

San Francisco 49ers @ Minnesota Vikings (-6)

Is it just me, or does it just feel right starting year 11 off with a fun "Randy Moss is a 1st ballot NFL Hall of Famer fact" that involves both the Minnesota Vikings and the San Francisco 49ers?

Did you know that 20 years ago to the day on September 9th, 1998 the great Randy Moss debuted as an NFL rookie catching four passes for 95 yards and two touchdowns (both  passes from Brad Johnson) while leading the Minnesota Vikings to a 31-7 victory over the Tampa Bay Buccaneers?

Did you also know that six years ago to the day on September 9th, 2012 the great Randy Moss played in his last opening day game catching four passes for 47 yards and one touchdown (from Alex Smith) while leading the San Francisco 49ers to a 30-22 victory over the Green Bay Packers?

"Hey Informer why in the hell are you still blabbing on about Randy Moss? The dude has literally zero to do with this game on Sunday. Could you please for once in your miserable life just do your job and tell us who is going win the Jimmy G vs the former Washington quarterback match up?"

Does that mean you all don't want to hear about how 11 years ago to the day on September 9th, 2007 the great Randy Moss debuted with the New England Patriots catching nine passes for 181 yards and one touchdown while setting the tone for the Pats to become the only team in NFL history to finish a regular season 16-0?

No?

Are you sure?

Okay, fine. If you insist here is my breakdown of the present day 49ers-Vikings game: I am taking the 49ers because Jimmy G has covered in all five of his starts as a 49ers QB so I am going to ride his covering trend until he bucks me.

Pick: 49ers (+6.5)

Pittsburgh Steelers @ Cleveland Browns (+3.5)

I am not going to pick the Browns . . . I am not going to pick the Browns . . . I am not going to pick the Browns . . . I am not going to pick the Browns . . . I am not going to pick the Browns.

F***!!!

Am I really gonna pick the Browns?

Would someone please go get me 6-12 more Natties?

#ThisCantBeReal

Pick: Browns (+3.5)

Cincinnati Bengals @ Indianapolis Colts (-2)

Here are five "Bold" Informer predictions involving these two teams:

1.  AJ Green will have 1500+ yards and at least 12 TDs this season.
2.  Andrew Luck will finish Top 5 MVP, and Top 3 fantasy quarterbacks. 
3. Joe Mixon is going to rush for more than 1,300 yards. 
4. Both of these teams are going to go over their Vegas projected win totals (Over/Under for each team is 7 wins).
5. Both of these teams are going to make the Playoffs this season. 

As far as Sunday goes, I'm taking the points because I am not allowed to bet against AJ Green unless I know it is a sure fire win and that I am going to make loads of money doing it. On Sunday, as much as I love having Andrew back, there is nothing is surefire about Luck's first start in almost 2 years; therefore give me the points and lets hope for a Sunday afternoon shootout.

Pick: Bengals (+2)

Buffalo Bills @ Baltimore Ravens (-7.5)

If I watch a single minute of this "2nd floor of a big city apartment fire" the NFL is trying to pass of as an actual abortion; I swear I will give up drinking Natty Light for at least six to seven hours.

Of course, since I am not going to watch this apartment fire, think about this apartment fire, or make any other remarks about this 2nd floor of a big city apartment fire: I figured now would be the perfect time to hand out the Week 1 Blimpies Best meme of the Week:

#ClassicSmokingJayWinsTheInternetAgain.

Pick: Ravens (-7.5)

Jacksonville Jaguars @ New York Giants (+3)

Speaking of not caring . . . I don't care if he did almost beat Tom Brady in the AFC Championship game; the gambling rules still clearly state that a person should never, not even if their is a big city 2nd floor apartment fire, bet on Blake Bortles as a road favorite.

Again, I did not make these rules, I just follow them because I like being right.

Pick: New York Giants (+3)

Houston Texans @ New England Patriots (-6)

"Hey Informer what are these so called rules you speak of?"

You know what? That is a very good question. Sometimes I forget that new people may be reading this blog and not have a full grasp on "Informer drunken gambling 101". Let me try to help y'all understand better by listing 10 of the most hard-fast rules that I follow every single time I place a wager (unless of course I have a "feeling"):

1. Never bet Blake Bortles as a road favorite.
2. Always bet Tom Brady and Aaron Rodgers in Primetime.
3. Always bet the 1st half under in primetime.
4. When two shitty teams are playing, take the points.
5. The Browns suck and only a drunken idiot who wants to lose all his money would bet them against Ben Roethlisberger who is 11-2 as a starter in Browns stadium.
6. The Rams are going to be great, bet them while you can.
7. When in doubt, take the best quarterback.
8. Did I mention Tom Brady?
9. If 80% of the public is betting one way, you bet the other way. Don't ask questions.
10. And finally, when all else fails, get "Jay Cutler Wasted" and bet with reckless abandon.

Pick: Patriots (-6)

Tampa Bay @ New Orleans Saints (-10)

I am taking the New Orleans Saints in all five of my NFL survivor polls. Which of course means the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are going to some how win on Sunday. Which also of course means a smart person -- and if you are reading this blog we know you are the smartest of the smart - - would grab the 10 points and laugh their way to the bookies office.

Pick: Tampa Bay (+10)

Tennessee Titans @ Miami Dolphins (+1)

If someone said "Hey Informer what do you love more: Derrick Henry or Blimpies?" I would obviously say Blimpies. But I am not gonna lie, I would have to think about it for a split second. That is how great I think the beast from Alabama is going to be this year. In fact, I have so much faith in Henry rushing for 1,700 yards this season that I am going to make the Tennessee Titans my Week 1 Lion King Lock of the Week.

Lock it in.

Pick: LKLOTW Titans (-1)

Kansas City Chiefs @ Los Angeles Chargers (-3.5)

Q: What did the Chargers defense say when the Chiefs quarterback fell on top of them?

A: Get off of me Mahomes . . . #

With literally zero context behind it, this joke slays me every time.

#LongLiveMahomes

Pick: Chiefs (+3.5)

Seattle Seahawks @ Denver Broncos (-3)

Dallas Cowboys @ Carolina Panthers (-3)

Washington Redskins @ Arizona Cardinals (-1.5)

As the rules say, when in doubt always take the team with the better quarterback.

Pick: Seahawks (+3) Panthers (-3) & Washington (-1.5)

Chicago Bears @ Green Bay Packers (-7)

Aaron Rodgers at home in Primtime . . . Aaron Rodgers at home in Primtime . . . Aaron Rodgers at home in Primtime . . . Aaron Rodgers at home in Primtime . . . Aaron Rodgers at home in Primtime . . .Aaron Rodgers at home in Primtime . . . Aaron Rodgers at home in Primtime . . . Aaron Rodgers at home in Primtime . . . Aaron Rodgers at home in Primtime . . . Aaron Rodgers at home in Primtime . . .Aaron Rodgers at home in Primtime . . . Aaron Rodgers at home in Primtime . . . Aaron Rodgers at home in Primtime . . . Aaron Rodgers at home in Primtime . . . Aaron Rodgers at home in Primtime . . . Aaron Rodgers at home in Primtime . . . AARON RODGERS AT HOME IN PRIMETIME!!!

I hope I am not being to subtle with this one.

Pick: Packers (-7)

New York Jets @ Detroit Lions (-6.5)

A New York Jets rookie quarterback on the road during Monday Night Football in his first ever NFL game and he is giving less than a touchdown? Am I being Punk'd right now? Is Ashton Kutcher running a prank on me? Do people remember Punk'd? Or who Ashton Kutcher is? How many questions about Ashton Kutcher is too many before the readers stop reading this blog? Is there any chance in hell there are still people reading? Should I post a link to a Pam Anderson having marital relations video just to see if anyone is still here? Do people still watch videos like that? Hell, do people still know who Pam Anderson is? Maybe I should go with a Paris Hilton video? Then again, do people still know who Paris Hilton is?

"Dear Gawd Informer . . . Please no more questions. Just give us your pick and wrap this thing up."

Okay, as I said above, I am taking the Lions (-6.5) because I don't think Ashton Kutcher exists anymore. Which means there is no way this is a prank. Instead it is a gift sent straight from the Gambling Tebow's to make us all rich.

Pick: Lions (-6.5)

Los Angeles Rams @ Oakland Raiders (+4)

Follow the rules and bet the Rams now before it is too late.

Pick: Rams (-4)

That is all folks. Merry NFL Sunday Funday Christmas. May your day be filled with winning parlays, Natty Lights and all the Blimpies money can buy.

See you next week.

The Informer's 2018 Fantasy Football Preview: Snake Draft #1

Last night in my never ending quest to help you the reader draft the perfect NFL Fantasy Football team, I took part in my first 2018 "Snake/Live" draft on Yahoo sports dot com. It was a standard 10-team, one point per reception, league where a person starts a QB, RB, RB, WR, WR, TE, FLEX, FLEX, Kicker and a Defense.

For those who are new to fantasy football (Where have you been? And why are you reading a fantasy football article?), a "Snake/Live" draft is where everyone gets to chose a player based on a draft order starting with the #1 pick and ending with the #10 pick. Then the guy who had the #10 pick in the previous round gets the 1st pick in the next round. 

I know it sounds confusing, but really it is not. Basically the guy with the 1st pick in round one then has the last pick in round two and then the 1st pick in round three. This changing order continues throughout the draft. 

Like I said, its not really confusing at all. 

Now, before we delve into the results of the draft, I would like to point out that this was an actual "paid" money league. That means this was a real draft, with real people and real money at stake. So rest assured there were no shenanigans, or people "Drafting Blake Bortles number one overall because they follow Blake Bortles facts on Twitter". 

No, the results you are about to read are legit as Frankie Munoz. 

On that note, here are the results from The Informer's first Yahoo snake draft of the 2018 NFL fantasy football season.

(The Informer note -- For this draft I drew the lucky #9, which means I had picks 9, 12, 29, 32, 49, 52, 69, 72, 89,92, 109, 112 and four other late round selections.)

ROUND 1 (Pick #9): WR Odell Beckham Jr

With running backs and Antonio Brown going with the first eight picks my choice here was either Odell Bekham Jr. or Julio Jones. In other words I was choosing between a Blimpie Best on Italian bread, or a Blimpie Best on wheat bread. 

In this draft I choose the O.D.B. because I already have Julio on three other teams and I just happened to be craving wheat bread when it was my time to select. 

ROUND 2 (Pick #12): WR A.J. Green

I definitely had plenty of options with this pick, but in my mind no matter what happened I was either drafting Leonard Fournette or A.J. Green. When it came time to choose I went with Green because he is my favorite player. 

ROUND 3 (Pick #29): QB Aaron Rodgers

I know  . . . I know  . . . YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO DRAFT A QUARTERBACK IN THE EARLY ROUNDS!!!!

In my defense, Aaron Rodgers was the best player on the board when it came to the 29th pick. Sure I could have reached on a running back like Joe Mixon (not a bad reach), or I could have drafted a third WR like Tyreek Hill (again not a bad option); but in my mind I went the safe route and picked a guy who is guaranteed to be a fantasy stud every single week.

Remember drafting is all about getting the best value, and when the season ends I am willing to bet that my third round selection will score more points than any other third round selection. That makes taking a QB early in the draft worth it if you ask me.

ROUND 4 (Pick #32):  TE Travis Kelce

Travis Kelce or Derrick Henry? That was the question I was facing early in the fourth round. I choose Kelce because Henry was ranked #54 overall by Yahoo, so I was rolling the dice that he would still be on the board when I picked in the 5th round with the #49 pick. 

ROUND 5 (Pick #49): RB Derrick Henry

I am going to be very honest; if I would have missed out on Henry here, then this draft would have been a complete bust. Luckily, the fantasy Tebow's were on my side and I was able to draft the guy who is going to lead the league in rushing yards in 2018. 

ROUND 6 (Pick #52): TE Jim Graham

Jim Graham is going to be Aaron Rodgers' favorite receiver this season; which means adding him as one of my flex options in the sixth round was a no-brainer. 

ROUND 7 (Pick #69): QB Cam Newton

I'll explain this pick more in a second.

ROUND 8 (Pick #72): RB Marlon Mack

Marlon Mack is going to be a starting running back in the NFL this season. And, well, since I need to start two running backs on my "fantasy" team; I figured I better draft a second guy who is actually going to be a starter on a "real life" team. Also, I think Mack has a ton of upside is Andre Luck stays healthy in 2018. 

Hey, speaking of Andrew Luck . . .

ROUND 9 (Pick #89): QB Andrew Luck

So you all are probably asking: "Why in the hell would The Informer draft three QBs in a league where you only start one?" 

Well . . . Here is my reasoning: In the ninth round I could have had my choice between rookies we know nothing about (Kerryon Johnson, Nick Chub, etc...), older stars we hope have one more season left (Jordy Nelson/Sam Watkins) or a back up running back (Tarik Cohen). 

Or, I could draft Andrew Luck and give myself two extra fantasy studs (Luck & Newton) who I can use as trade chips to try and get the stud WR/RB who was not available in the 9th round.

As you can see, I decided to go with option "stud trade chips". 

Remember folks, fantasy football is not over once your draft is over. Sometimes you need to play the long-con game and hope that a desperate sucker comes along later to reward your strategy. That is what I am doing here. If I can turn Cam or Luck into a stud later in the season then my strategy will pay off with a fantasy championship.

ROUND 10 (Pick #92): RB Isaiah Crowell

Isaiah Crowell may not be the Jenna Jameson of the fantasy football world (aka a sexy pick), but he is a starting running back that I was able to draft in the 10th round. 

ROUND 11 (Pick #109): RB Nick Chubb

ROUND 12 (Pick #112): WR Randal Cobb

ROUND 13: RB Matt Breida

ROUND 14: WR Calvin Ridley

Two rookies, an older WR who plays with Aaron Rodgers and a running back who is getting really good "camp" reviews. That is why I drafted Chubb, Ridley, Cobb and Breida. These are all lottery tickets that I am hoping turn into something. 

ROUND 15: Los Angeles Chargers

I drafted the Chargers for two reasons:

1) This league mandates that you draft a least one defense.

2) I drank one to many Natty Lights during the draft and thought I was drafting the Los Angeles Rams, not the San Diego Bosa's. 

ROUND 16: Cowboys Kicker

Its a kicker. 

CONCLUSION:

If you ask me the Rodgers, Henry, Mack, Beckham, Green, Kelce, Graham, Crowell, Chargers & Kicker is a winning lineup. Most weeks I am going to have the best QB, the two best WRs, & the two best TEs in any match up. And if Henry is fantasy gold like I suspect, and I am able to turn Newton or Luck into a stud, then this will turn out to be one of the best teams I draft all year. 

In the end if this roster comes through like I think it will I stand to make a profit of $65. Time to go find another house to flip team to draft. 

The Informer's 2018 Fantasy Football Preview: Auction Draft #1

Last night I took part in my first 2018 fantasy football auction draft (league price was $40) on Yahoo sports dot com. It was a 10-team "Super Flex" league where a person starts a QB, RB, RB, WR, WR, TE, FLEX, SUPER FLEX (which means you can use a QB, RB, WR or TE) and a Defense. In this draft each team was able to fill their roster (9 starters & 7 reserves) using a $200 dollar budget.

Now I know what everyone is thinking right now: "Informer no one gives a damn about your fantasy football teams."

And to that I say, "I totally agree and understand."

But that is not why I am sharing my team with you today. No, I am sharing my team, and the reasons behind why I drafted said team, in order to try and prepare you the reader for your upcoming drafts.

The thinking is that you will get a chance to see the mistakes, or great picks, that I made and when it comes time for your fantasy draft you will be able to learn from my experiences to help you build the perfect fantasy football team.

Furthermore, the reason I pointed out that this was a "$40 money league" is because I wanted everyone reading to know that this was an actual draft with real money at stake and not some mock draft where three people didn't show up and two guys bid $150 on Kirk Cousins because they graduated from Michigan State. I have used those types of drafts in the past to write my previews and it always seems like I end up not giving you the readers a true reflection of how a draft is going to play out in real life.

So again, while you are reading about my team please keep in mind that these are the real results, from a real draft, with real people and real money at stake.

Okay, now that we all agree this draft was realer (Is realer a word?) than an episode of WWE Monday Night Raw, here are the results from The Informer's 1st official 2018 Fantasy Football team.

QB: Andrew Luck ($9) Russell Wilson ($27) Lamar Jackson ($1)

The first thing everyone needs to remember is that this is a "start two quarterbacks each week" league which means it was absolutely critical that I was able to draft two elite quarterbacks. So getting Luck and Wilson on the same team was a win. Now, with that said; the problem with having Luck and Wilson on this team is the fact that I did not want to spend $27 on Russell Wilson.

You see what happened was I got too cute trying to run up the bid for Wilson (a classic auction draft strategy gone wrong) that I accidentally ended up spending $27 for one guy when I could have had any combo off Cam Newton, Matt Ryan, Ben Roethlisberger, Kirk Cousin, Philip Rivers, etc . . . for less than $27 dollars.

Basically, I could have had a roster of three elite QBs, but by messing around with the bid I ended up blowing all my money on Wilson and now my only backup quarterback in a two QB league is literally a back up quarterback.

In other words: "I done f-up trying to keep it real" and now I have to pray to Tebow that Lamar Jackson, Sam Darnold or Josh "The Torpedo Missile" Allen turn out to be real NFL quarterbacks or else my chances of winning this league may be gone before training camp ends.

RB: Joe Mixon ($30) Derrick Henry ($17) Nick Chubb ($1)

The goal going into the draft was to get a three RB combination of Leonard Fournette, Derrick Henry, Christian McCaffrey and Joe Mixon. So getting two of the four guys counts as a sort of win. But the reality is I ended up not bidding on some other quality backs trying to get my guys and that left a glaring hole in my team.

On the bright side though, it is only July 30th, which means my strategy has changed from getting three of "these" four guys to "I sure as hell hope there is some fourth round running back who turns into Kareem Hunt this August so I can pick him up off of waivers and complete my team".

I admit, it is not the best strategy, but as of now it is the only one I have so I am rolling with it.

WR: Julio Jones ($47) AJ Green ($37) Josh Gordon ($11) Cory Davis ($4) DeVante Parker ($1) Cooper Kuup ($1) Randall "Corn On The" Cobb ($1) Calvin Ridley ($1)

The truth of the matter is I have too many WRs on the roster. I know that. But if I am being totally honest, I would say that I just drafted the best WR trio in the history of fantasy football, and I did it for under $100 bucks.

That folks is called winning.

TE: Evan Ingram ($11)

Ingram was listed as a $22 dollar value heading into the draft, so getting him at half price was a complete steal. These are the types of deals you have to be ready to pounce on in order to have great fantasy auction drafts. And last night that is exactly what I did.

Defense: Denver Broncos ($1)

It's a defense. I paid a dollar for them. That pretty much sums up the thought process behind getting the Von Miller's.

IN CONCLUSION:

If healthy and everyone plays I have great upside guys (Henry, Mixon & Ingram all year 2 players looking to make the leap), I have the fantasy veterans who I know will deliver (AJ, Julio & Wilson) and I have one guy who could win me the league for me if he returns to MVP form (Andrew Luck).

So overall I am happy with how things turned out. With that said, I am man enough to admit that with this being the first draft of the year -- and also being the first time I did a fantasy auction draft for a 2-QB league - - I made too many mistakes to call this a 100% success (I will be having nightmares for months about blowing $27 bucks on Wilson when I could have had Cam for $17).

In the end I don't think the mistakes made will keep me from winning my league, but they are mistakes that I will learn from and hopefully can avoid making again during my quest to help you the readers draft the perfect 2018 NFL Fantasy team.