The Informer's 2018 Fantasy Football Preview: Snake Draft #1

Last night in my never ending quest to help you the reader draft the perfect NFL Fantasy Football team, I took part in my first 2018 "Snake/Live" draft on Yahoo sports dot com. It was a standard 10-team, one point per reception, league where a person starts a QB, RB, RB, WR, WR, TE, FLEX, FLEX, Kicker and a Defense.

For those who are new to fantasy football (Where have you been? And why are you reading a fantasy football article?), a "Snake/Live" draft is where everyone gets to chose a player based on a draft order starting with the #1 pick and ending with the #10 pick. Then the guy who had the #10 pick in the previous round gets the 1st pick in the next round. 

I know it sounds confusing, but really it is not. Basically the guy with the 1st pick in round one then has the last pick in round two and then the 1st pick in round three. This changing order continues throughout the draft. 

Like I said, its not really confusing at all. 

Now, before we delve into the results of the draft, I would like to point out that this was an actual "paid" money league. That means this was a real draft, with real people and real money at stake. So rest assured there were no shenanigans, or people "Drafting Blake Bortles number one overall because they follow Blake Bortles facts on Twitter". 

No, the results you are about to read are legit as Frankie Munoz. 

On that note, here are the results from The Informer's first Yahoo snake draft of the 2018 NFL fantasy football season.

(The Informer note -- For this draft I drew the lucky #9, which means I had picks 9, 12, 29, 32, 49, 52, 69, 72, 89,92, 109, 112 and four other late round selections.)

ROUND 1 (Pick #9): WR Odell Beckham Jr

With running backs and Antonio Brown going with the first eight picks my choice here was either Odell Bekham Jr. or Julio Jones. In other words I was choosing between a Blimpie Best on Italian bread, or a Blimpie Best on wheat bread. 

In this draft I choose the O.D.B. because I already have Julio on three other teams and I just happened to be craving wheat bread when it was my time to select. 

ROUND 2 (Pick #12): WR A.J. Green

I definitely had plenty of options with this pick, but in my mind no matter what happened I was either drafting Leonard Fournette or A.J. Green. When it came time to choose I went with Green because he is my favorite player. 

ROUND 3 (Pick #29): QB Aaron Rodgers

I know  . . . I know  . . . YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO DRAFT A QUARTERBACK IN THE EARLY ROUNDS!!!!

In my defense, Aaron Rodgers was the best player on the board when it came to the 29th pick. Sure I could have reached on a running back like Joe Mixon (not a bad reach), or I could have drafted a third WR like Tyreek Hill (again not a bad option); but in my mind I went the safe route and picked a guy who is guaranteed to be a fantasy stud every single week.

Remember drafting is all about getting the best value, and when the season ends I am willing to bet that my third round selection will score more points than any other third round selection. That makes taking a QB early in the draft worth it if you ask me.

ROUND 4 (Pick #32):  TE Travis Kelce

Travis Kelce or Derrick Henry? That was the question I was facing early in the fourth round. I choose Kelce because Henry was ranked #54 overall by Yahoo, so I was rolling the dice that he would still be on the board when I picked in the 5th round with the #49 pick. 

ROUND 5 (Pick #49): RB Derrick Henry

I am going to be very honest; if I would have missed out on Henry here, then this draft would have been a complete bust. Luckily, the fantasy Tebow's were on my side and I was able to draft the guy who is going to lead the league in rushing yards in 2018. 

ROUND 6 (Pick #52): TE Jim Graham

Jim Graham is going to be Aaron Rodgers' favorite receiver this season; which means adding him as one of my flex options in the sixth round was a no-brainer. 

ROUND 7 (Pick #69): QB Cam Newton

I'll explain this pick more in a second.

ROUND 8 (Pick #72): RB Marlon Mack

Marlon Mack is going to be a starting running back in the NFL this season. And, well, since I need to start two running backs on my "fantasy" team; I figured I better draft a second guy who is actually going to be a starter on a "real life" team. Also, I think Mack has a ton of upside is Andre Luck stays healthy in 2018. 

Hey, speaking of Andrew Luck . . .

ROUND 9 (Pick #89): QB Andrew Luck

So you all are probably asking: "Why in the hell would The Informer draft three QBs in a league where you only start one?" 

Well . . . Here is my reasoning: In the ninth round I could have had my choice between rookies we know nothing about (Kerryon Johnson, Nick Chub, etc...), older stars we hope have one more season left (Jordy Nelson/Sam Watkins) or a back up running back (Tarik Cohen). 

Or, I could draft Andrew Luck and give myself two extra fantasy studs (Luck & Newton) who I can use as trade chips to try and get the stud WR/RB who was not available in the 9th round.

As you can see, I decided to go with option "stud trade chips". 

Remember folks, fantasy football is not over once your draft is over. Sometimes you need to play the long-con game and hope that a desperate sucker comes along later to reward your strategy. That is what I am doing here. If I can turn Cam or Luck into a stud later in the season then my strategy will pay off with a fantasy championship.

ROUND 10 (Pick #92): RB Isaiah Crowell

Isaiah Crowell may not be the Jenna Jameson of the fantasy football world (aka a sexy pick), but he is a starting running back that I was able to draft in the 10th round. 

ROUND 11 (Pick #109): RB Nick Chubb

ROUND 12 (Pick #112): WR Randal Cobb

ROUND 13: RB Matt Breida

ROUND 14: WR Calvin Ridley

Two rookies, an older WR who plays with Aaron Rodgers and a running back who is getting really good "camp" reviews. That is why I drafted Chubb, Ridley, Cobb and Breida. These are all lottery tickets that I am hoping turn into something. 

ROUND 15: Los Angeles Chargers

I drafted the Chargers for two reasons:

1) This league mandates that you draft a least one defense.

2) I drank one to many Natty Lights during the draft and thought I was drafting the Los Angeles Rams, not the San Diego Bosa's. 

ROUND 16: Cowboys Kicker

Its a kicker. 

CONCLUSION:

If you ask me the Rodgers, Henry, Mack, Beckham, Green, Kelce, Graham, Crowell, Chargers & Kicker is a winning lineup. Most weeks I am going to have the best QB, the two best WRs, & the two best TEs in any match up. And if Henry is fantasy gold like I suspect, and I am able to turn Newton or Luck into a stud, then this will turn out to be one of the best teams I draft all year. 

In the end if this roster comes through like I think it will I stand to make a profit of $65. Time to go find another house to flip team to draft. 

The Informer's 2017 NFL Picks: Week 1

Q: Hey Informer are you seriously going to let the 2017 NFL Season start without giving your readers a fun facts, stats and useless information article?

Of course not. In fact (pun intended), here are 15 of The Informer's funnest most useless stats for the upcoming 2017 NFL Season.

1. Martavias Bryant has 14 touchdown in 21 career games. To put that in perspective that is more TD receptions through 21 games than Julio Jones (12), AJ Green (9), Marvin Harrison (10), Larry Fitzgerald (11), Antonio Brown (1), Michael Irvin (7), Cris Carter (8), Dez Bryant and Jerry Rice (9).
2. Also to put the above stat in perspective, the great Randy Moss caught 20 touchdowns in his first 21 NFL games. 
3. Antonio Gates (who has 111 career TD receptions) needs to catch one TD pass this season in order to break a tie with Tony Gonzalez for the most touchdowns by a tight end in NFL history.
4. Frank Gore is 619 yards away from passing LaDaninian Tomlinson for fifth all-time rushing yards. For those wondering, the only time Gore has rushed for under 619 yards in a season during his 12-year career was his rookie season when he finished with 608 yards rushing.
5. Sticking with the ageless wonder; if Gore reaches 1,000 yards rushing this season he will join Emmitt Smith, Curtis Martin, Barry Sanders and Walter Payton as the only backs to rush for 1,000 yards in 10 different seasons. 
6. Drew Brees is 5,829 yards away from breaking Peyton Manning’s NFL record for passing yards.
7. Tom Brady is 4,262 yards behind Drew Brees.
8. If Adrian Peterson rushes for 1,00 yards he will surpass Thurman Thomas, Franco Harris, Marcus Allen, Edgerin James, Marshall Faulk, Jim Brown and Tony Dorsett to move into ninth place all time.
9. If Larry Fitzgerald records his ninth 1,000 yard season, he would move into third place for most receiving yards in NFL history.
10. Aaron Rodgers needs four TD passes to move past John Elway for 10th all-time. Once that happens Rodgers will join Brees, Brady, Eli Manning, Philip Rivers and Big Ben in the Top 10 in NFL history for career TD passes.
11. Carson Palmer and Philip Rivers each need to pass for 3,000 yards to join Brees, Brady, Eli and Big Ben on the Top 10 career passing yards' list.
12. Odell Beckham Jr and Javaris Landry are each entering their third NFL season with 288 career receptions.
13. With that said; it should be noted that the ODB has racked 4,122 yards and 35 TD, compared to Landry’s 3,051 yards and 13 TD.
14. Speaking of Beckham: Did you know that through 43 NFL games the only players with more TD catches than Odell are Rob Gronkowski (41), Jerry Rice (38) and Randy Moss (37)?
15. And finally, did you know Randy Moss is the only player in NFL history to have three season with 17 or more touchdown catches? Also, he is the youngest player in NFL history to reach 100 TDs for a career. He is second all-time with 157 TD catches. And he owns the NFL record for TD receptions by a rookie (17) and touchdown receptions for a single season (23).

Q: Enough with the made up stats Informer, lets get down to the business of what we are doing here today: What are your boldest of bold predictions for the 2017 NFL Season?

If you want bold, I will give you bold.

1. A.J. Green will lead the NFL in receiving yards.
2. Drew Brees will add to his NFL record by throwing for over 4,500 yards for the eighth straight season (Peyton Manning is second all-time with five straight +4,500 yard seasons).
3. Aaron Rodgers will win the 2017 NFL MVP.
4. The six NFC Playoff teams will be: Seattle Seahawks, Green Bay Packers, Dallas Cowboys, Atlanta Falcons, Carolina Panthers and the New York Giants.
5. The six AFC Playoff teams will be: New England Patriots, Pittsburgh Steelers, Tennessee Titans, Kansas City Chiefs, Cincinnati Bengals and Oakland Raiders.
6. New England will beat Green Bay in the Super Bowl.
7. Kareem Hunt will win the Rookie of the Year.
8. Speaking of Hunt; I think the Kansas City rookie will fumble his first career carry, but then redeem himself by becoming just the third player in NFL history to have 150+ yards and 3 TDs in his first NFL start (joining Marshall Faulk 1994, and Billy Simms 1980). 
9. For the sixth time in his NFL career, Alex Smith will have a 300-yard passing game.
10. And finally, I do not think the New England Patriots will go undefeated.

Q: Wait one flipping second Informer. Did you just hand out four bold predictions based on a game that was already played? Is that what you are doing now? Waiting for a game to end and then writing articles where it makes it look like you actually predicted the outcome? That is a new low even for your drunk ass. You should be ashamed of yourself you fat ignorant hillbilly.

You can call me all the names you want, but these are all legit bold predictions that I totally came up with on my own before my new favorite team the Kansas City Chiefs dethroned the New England Patriots on live national television.

Q: That is f*****g horses sauce and you know it Informer. You are nothing more than a lying drunk bandwagon jumping little man who makes sh*t up to try and feel better about the fact that you suck as a writer and nobody likes you. Well Informer, I am not going to let you get away with it. I want you to show us your "Proof of pick" tweet for the Thursday Night Football game right f***ing now, so we can all see what a fraud you truly are?

Sure I will show my tweet. I got nothing to hide:

I am taking the Kansas City Chiefs (+9), the Chiefs moneyline and the 1st half over 24.5 #ThursdayNightFootball #PatsVsChiefs

— The Informer (@therealinformer) September 9, 2017

Q: For f**k sakes Informer!!! That tweet was clearly posted on Saturday, September 9th. Seriously man what is wrong with you? Just admit that the Natty Lights have finally killed all of your brain cells so you must resort to being a worthless drunk liar.

Ummmmm . . . Since this is obviously my "deflategate" moment in history where I am going to dig in and never admit my lies: Why don't we wrap up the mailbag and get to The Informer's  Week 1 2017 NFL Picks?

As always please gamble with reckless abandoned.

KANSAS CITY CHIEFS @ NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS (-8.5)

The Informer's TNF proof of pick tweet:

I am taking the New England Patriots (-8.5) the 1st half under (24.5) and the game over 48.5 total points #TNF

— The Informer (@therealinformer) September 7, 2017

Yikes, that is a painful way to start the 2017 NFL Season.

Pick: Pats (-8.5)

NEW YORK JETS @ BUFFALO BILLS (-8.5)

Oh look at this; we made it to the first Sunday game of the 2017 NFL Season and we have already found the worst game of the year. Welp, since we are obviously not going to talk about this garbage Jet-Bills game, I guess that means we need to hand out this week's Blimpie Best Meme of the Week:

#ClassicKD

Pick: Jets (+8.5)  

ATLANTA FALCONS @ CHICAGO BEARS (+6.5)

Teams that blow a 28-3 Super Bowl lead do not come out flat in Week 1 the very next season. On the contrary they come out pissed off and ready for revenge. At least that is what I am predicting is going to happen with the 2017 Atlanta Falcons (You know since no team in the history of the world has ever blown a 28-3 Super Bowl lead before). My gut is telling me that this team is too healthy and motivated in Week 1 to have any issue with the Mike Glennon led Bears.

Pick: Falcons (-6.5)

BALTIMORE RAVENS @ CINNCINATI BENGALS (-2.5)

I think 2017 is going to be A.J. Green's greatest year as a professional football player. I also think that greatness starts Week 1 at home against the banged up Baltimore Ravens.

Pick: Bengals (-2.5)

PITTSBURGH STEELERS @ CLEVELAND BROWNS (+9.5)

Martavias Bryant is a young Randy Moss like star. Antonio Brown has three straight season with at least 106 receptions. The Steelers defense is going to be legit. Big Ben is 21-2 in his career versus the Browns. LaVeon Bell is fully healthy and playing Week 1. Oh and did I mention the Browns are still the Cleveland Browns? Yea . . . Don't over think this one.

Pick: Steelers: (-9.5)

ARIZONA CARDINALS @ DETROIT LIONS (+2)

Bruce Arians is greater than Jim Caldwell. Larry Fitzgerald is greater than Lions WRs. David Johnson is a possible 2017 NFL MVP. And finally, Arizona is healthy after their disaster 2016 season while the Detroit Lions are the same team that lost three straight games to finish 2016. Add it all up and the math says I am taking Arizona and laying the points on the road.

Pick: Cardinals (-2)

JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS @ HOUSTON TEXANS (-5)

Okay so I started a thing on twitter this summer called "The Informer's joke of the Day". Its my new running bit where I go on the internet and try to find jokes that make me laugh, then I share them on my account for all to read. Now, since most of these jokes are at the expense of the hapless Jacksonville Jaguars, I figured this would be the perfect opportunity to share five of my favorites from the summer.

Here goes . . .

Q: Did you hear the C.I.A sent Blake Bortles over to North Korea?
A: They figured he was the only guy in the world who could overthrow Kim Jong-Un.

Q: Why doesn't Blake Bortles use the telephone anymore?
A: Because he couldn't find the receiver.

Q: What do the Oakland Raiders and the L.A. P.D. have in common?
A: Neither one can stop a Bronco.

Q: Why did Tony Romo cross the road?
A: To get to the hospital. (Too soon?)

Q: If you have a Dallas Cowboys running back, wide receiver and defensive player in the same car: Who is driving?
A: The Police.


via GIPHY
Pick: Texans (-5)  

OAKLAND RAIDERS @ TENNESSEE TITANS (-2.5)

I know the Titans have become this year’s hipster sleeper playoff team (I did just pick them to make the playoffs six paragraphs ago), but I feel like I need to point out the fact that the Tennessee Titans have an absolute brutal 10 game start to the season.

Seriously check it out:

Raiders (very loseable), Jags (win) Seattle (loss), @ Houston (they will be underdogs), @ Miami (loseable), Colts in Primetime (Andrew Luck is 9-0 career vs Tennessee) (@ Browns (win), Ravens (toss up), Bengals (toss up), @ Steelers (loss), @ Colts (See above 9-0 stat).

Listen, I am not saying they won't make the playoffs, but I am saying maybe we should see how they handle themselves against the “super bowl contending” Oakland Raiders in Week  1 before we go Denny Greening their asses the Cinderella's of the 2017 NFL Season.

Pick: Titans (-2.5)

PHILADELPHIA EAGLES @ WASHINGTON REDSKINS (+1.5)

I am following the gambling rule that says to always take the home underdog when the points are 2.5 or less.

Pick: Skins (+1.5)

INDIANAPOLIS COLTS @ LOS ANGELES RAMS (-4.5)

I will not make the Los Angeles Rams my Lion King Lock of the Week . . . I will not make the Los Angeles Rams my Lion King Lock of the Week . . . I will not make the Los Angeles Rams my Lion King Lock of the Week . . . I will not make the Los Angeles Rams my Lion King Lock of the Week . . . I WILL NOT MAKE THE F*****G JARED GOFF LED LOS ANGELS RAMS MY LION KING LOCK OF THE WEEK!!!!

Pick: Lion King Lock of the Week Rams (-4.5)

SEATTLE SEAHAWKS @ GREEN BAY PACKERS (-3)

Obviously this is the hardest game of the week to pick. I honestly have been going back and forth chugging Natties trying to figure out what to do. And after about six or seven tall one, I have finally decided that The Informer's gambling rules clearly state I am not allowed to ever bet against Aaron Rodgers at Lambeau. So, because the rules are the rules, I will be betting the Packers on Sunday in the preview of the 2017 NFC Championship game.

Pick: Packers (-3)

CAROLINA PANTHERS @ SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS (+5)

If my children no longer have a college fund at the end of Sunday it will be because I was wrong about the Brian Hoyer led 49ers going up against the Carolina Panthers.

Pick: Panthers (-5)

NEW YORK GIANTS @ DALLAS COWBOYS (-4.5)

This game will come down to a last minute field goal. And the last time I checked field goals are only worth 3-points, which is obviously less than 4.5.

Pick: Giants (+4.5)

NEW ORLEANS SAINTS @ MINNESOTA VIKINGS (-3)

If Adrian Peterson does not score a touchdown in this game I will stop drinking Natty Lights for a period of 24 straight hours. I swear to Tim Tebow I will do it.

Pick: Saints (+3)

LOS ANGELES CHARGERS @ DENVER BRONCOS (-3)

I am picking the San Diego Chargers because when I was in the second grade the brother of Chargers linebacker Kyle Emanuel came to my birthday party where we watched Wrestlemania VII and ate yellow cake with pink frosting. And while I don't know exactly how that fact matters to the outcome of a NFL game, I also can't come up with a single scientific reason why it is not going to be the most important factor in the outcome of this NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE game.

Sooooo . . .

Pick: Chargers (-3)

That is a wrap folk. I hope you all have a great opening day Sunday. May it be filled with Natty Lights, winning bets and all of the Blimpies free gambling money can buy.

The Informer's 2015 NFL Picks: Week 3

After picking 11-5 against the spread in Week 2 of the 2015 NFL Season, The Informer is once again ready to make the people money. So with John Football Clipboard hand gestures on the mind, let’s crack those Natties and get right to Week 3 of The Informer’s 2015 NFL Picks Challenge.

WASHINGTON REDSKINS @ NEW YORK GIANTS (-3.5)

Here is the deal folks; only an absolute moron would pick Kirk Cousins on the road in Prime-time against an 0-2 Giants team that was playing for their season. So if you know someone who was actually dumb enough to bet Kirk "INT" Cousins last night, you have The Informer’s permission to kick that d-bag squarely in the gonads.

Trust me, they deserve it.

For everyone's information . .. The Informer is taking Washington +3.5 tonight and also riding the first half under #FirstHalfUnderIs6-1

— The Informer (@therealinformer) September 24, 2015

Before we wrap this game up, here is The Informer’s Week 3 stat of the day: Did you know through his first 15 NFL games the great Randy Moss had 64 receptions for 1,281 yards and 16 TDs (an NFL record for TDs through 15 games)? Did you also know through his first 15 NFL games the "ODB" Odell Beckham Jr. has 110 receptions for 1,574 yards (an NFL record for receptions & yards through 15 games) and 14 TDs?

Just saying; enjoy what you are watching in New York, because right now it is pure greatness in the making.

Pick: Skins (+3.5)

PITTSBURGH STEELERS @ ST LOUIS RAMS (+1.5)

Speaking of greatness: Antonio Brown is on pace for 144 receptions 2,624 yards and 16 TDs. Now it would be absurd to think Brown can keep this up (164 yards a game is ridiculous), but if he is able to keep up a semi-pace – like say 120 yards a games – than he would become the first NFL receiver to reach 2,000 yards in a single season. Again, it is early in the season, but with this Pittsburgh offense, and the greatness of Brown, it is not out of the realm of possibility, right?

As for the gambling portion of this game; since the line is a tossup, The Informer has no choice but to bet against 85% of the public.

Pick: Rams (+1.5)

SAN DIEGO CHARGERS @ MINNESOTA VIKINGS (-2.5)

The last time Adrian Peterson played the San Diego Chargers at home was in 2007 and this happened . . .



So yea . . . The Informer is betting Adrian Peterson on Sunday.

Pick: Vikings (-2.5)

TAMPA BAY @ HOUSTON TEXANS (-6.5)

Do we really live in a world where Ryan Mallet and the Houston Texans are favored by 6.5 points even though they are playing without Arian Foster and possibly DeAndre Hopkins (he was undergoing concussion treatment on Thursday)?

Give The Informer the points and the rookie quarterback on the road against J.J. Watt. I mean, what could possibly go wrong?

Pick: Tampa Bay (+6.5)

ATLANTA FALCONS @ DALLAS COWBOYS (+2)

Gambling rule #700: If the spread is less than three and you have the chance to bet against Brandon Weeden –YOU ALWAYS BET AGAINST BRANDON WEEDEN!!!

Pick: Falcons (-2)

PHILADELPHIA EAGLES @ NEW YORK JETS (-2.5)

The Informer is going to lose so much money this season betting against the New York Jets #EventuallyRyanFitzpatrickWillRealizeHeIsRyanFitzpatrick.

Pick: Eagles (+2.5)

NEW ORLEANS SAINTS @ CAROLINA PANTEHRS (-4.5)

Shhhhh . . . Be very very quiet. We don’t want to let Vegas know the Panthers and Cam Newton, despite playing without wide receivers, are actually a really good team.

Pick: Panthers (-4.5)

CINNCINATI BENGALS @ BALTIMORE RAVENS (-2.5)

There is no way on Tebow's Green Earth that the red headed gunslinger is going to make history by handing the Ravens their first 0-3 start in the history of Harbaugh, right?

Pick: Bengals (+2.5)

OAKLAND RAIDERS @ CLEVELAND BROWNS (-3.5)

Things The Informer would rather do than have to watch this game: Excersice; eat right; stop drinking Natties; check my cholesterol; shave my you know what parts with a Rambo knife; give up Blimpies; smoke crack with Lawrence Taylor (allegedly); trade places with Andy Dufrane during that time when "The Sisters" took a liking to him; break into Edward Norton's house in the middle of the night; cross the streams; have unprotected carnal relations with Jenny Gump; take a right hook from Mike Tyson; stab my eye out with a soldering iron; drink milk from a saucer; watch every episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians; and finally, bet against 5X NFL MVP Peyton Manning in Prime-time.

In other words, this game sucks donkey balls.

Pick: Raiders (+3.5)

SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS @ ARIZONA CARDINALS (-6.5)

The Informer has no idea which 49ers team is going to show up. Is it the team that played flawless "run and play defense first" football in Week 1? Or will it be the dumpster fire that got boat-raced out of Pittsburgh in Week 2?

Since we can't predict which 49ers team we are getting, The Informer has to go with the surest team in the NFL. Also, there is the whole never, even if there is a fire, bet against Bruce Arians thing.

Pick: Cardinals (-6.5)

(The Informer after the pick stat – Last week, after his first career three TD game, Larry Fitzgerald became just the 10th receiver to join the 12,000 yard 90 TD club. The "Original Predator" is now forever linked with; Randy Moss, Jerry Rice, Chris Carter, Terrell Owens, Marvin Harrison, Tim Brown, Issac Bruce, Tony Gonzalez and the great Steve Largent.)

INDANAPOLIS COLTS @ TENNESSEE TITANS (+3)

The Informer: "Hey Andrew Luck, will you please eat a Snickers?"

Andrew Luck: "Why?"

The Informer: "Because you play like a drunk Jay Cutler when you are hungry."

Seriously, Andrew Luck has been "Jay Cutler" awful through two games this season. Don’t worry though, that trend is not going to continue. It was just a byproduct of the greatest young QB in NFL history getting to know his new teammates (Frank Gore & Andre Johnson), some horrible "Pep Hamilton System" play calling (Stop trying to be a run first pound the ball offense . . . For the love of Tebow you have freaking Andrew Luck as your quarterback . . . F***ING USE HIM!!!) and of course the fact the Colts have played two of the 10 best defenses in the NFL.

Going 0-2 under those conditions could happen to anyone. That all stops this week though as Luck rights the ship and starts the march to his fourth straight 11 win season.

Pick: Colts (-3)

CHICAGO BEARS @ SEATTLE SEAHAWKS (-14.5)

What a dilemma. Should The Informer follow the "two touchdown underdog rule" or the "always bet against Jimmy Clausen on the road against a desperate 0-2 Seattle team during the same week that Cam Chancellor returns to the lineup no matter how big the spread is rule"?

This really is a hard one.

"Hey Informer, did you hear that unnamed sources have confirmed that HGH sales (allegedly) have reached an all-time high in the Seattle area this past week?"

No figment of The Informer’s imagination, I had not heard that obviously concrete fact (allegedly) about the Seattle area. Talk about a game changer. Now, are we sure it was HGH and not just over the counter non performance enhancing Adderall so Seattle could study better?

Either way, if Seattle is going to be laser-focused in their home opener than there really is only one way to bet this game.

Pick: Seattle (-14.5)

BUFFALO BILLS @ MIAMI DOLPHINS (-3)

Ace Ventura, would you like to say a few words about this game?



Well said Ace.

As for the pick, The Informer is backing the home team while preparing for a push (this is going to be a last second field goal game).

Pick: Dolphins (-3)

JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS @ NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS (-13.5)

The NFL gambling rules clearly state whenever a team is getting two touchdowns, you bet the dog. You don’t ask questions, you just do it. And since The Informer already ignored this rule once, there is no choice but to back the Jags on the road against Tom Brady and Rob Gronkowski.

"Holy f***ing s**t Informer . . . Will you please re-read that last sentence. You just said to bet Blake Bortles on the road against Tom Brady during Tom Brady's 'I am pissed at the NFL and going to win the 2015 NFL MVP Award in spite season.' Seriously, picking the Jags this week maybe the dumbest most idiotic thing you have ever done. Take it back right now before I have to threaten your life you fat-fat moron."

Listen, for the bottom of The Informer's black liver "I apologize" and take it all back. The Informer had one too many Bortles & James wine coolers and one thing led to another. I know that things were said and for that "I am sorry." It was wrong and it will never happen again. The Informer promises. And so we are all clear, there is no way in the bluest of blue hells The Informer is going to bet against Tom Brady this weekend. The above sentence was one drunken mistake. Nothing more.

Pick: Patriots (-13.5)

DENVER BRONCOS @ DETROIT LIONS (+3)

Everyone say it with me . . .

5X NFL MVP IN PRIMETIME . . . 5X NFL MVP IN PRIMETIME . . . 5X NFL MVP IN PRIMETIME . . . 5X NFL MVP IN PRIMETIME . . . 5X NFL MVP IN PRIMETIME . . . 5X NFL MVP IN PRIMETIME . . . 5X NFL MVP IN PRIMETIME . . . 5X NFL MVP IN PRIMETIME . . . 5X NFL MVP IN PRIMETIME . . . 5X NFL MVP IN PRIMETIME . . . 5X NFL MVP IN PRIMETIME . . . 5X NFL MVP IN PRIMETIME . . . 5X NFL MVP IN PRIMETIME . . . 5X NFL MVP IN PRIMETIME . . . 5X NFL MVP IN PRIMETIME !!!

Somebody please get Simba on the phone, because The Informer just found his Lion King Lock of the Week.

Pick: LKLOTW Donkeys (-3)

KANSAS CITY CHIEFS @ GREEN BAY PACKERS (-6.5)

Everyone say it with me . . .

2X NFL MVP AARON RODGERS IN PRIMETIME . . . 2X NFL MVP AARON RODGERS IN PRIMETIME . . . 2X NFL MVP AARON RODGERS IN PRIMETIME . . . 2X NFL MVP AARON RODGERS IN PRIMETIME . . . 2X NFL MVP AARON RODGERS IN PRIMETIME . . . 2X NFL MVP AARON RODGERS IN PRIMETIME!!!

Pick: Packers (-6.5)

Have a great Week 3 everyone. May it be filled with Blimpies, Natty Lights and enough winning parlays to buy dem apple bottom jeans and the boots with the fur.



#NFLPicks #FloRida #WinnerWinnerBlimpiesDinner