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Sunday, December 30, 2012

"The Informer Choked and Week 17 NFL REVIEW

The Informer is at a loss for words.

He just pulled a Nick Anderson dropping a 1-4 in his Super Picks contest and falling all the way out of the money.

Honestly the Informer can't explain all of the things that went wrong on Sunday. He had numerous chances for things to turn his way only to get kicked square in the man stuff over and over again. It was not good.

 

 
The principle from that 80's movie and the movie from the 2000's that spoofs said 80's movie is right.

Nobody cares about the Informer's misfortunes.

Nobody cares that the Informer choked worse then Nick Anderson, the New York Knicks and that porn skank who stars in the Direct TV PayPerView Movie "Black Meat Sex Fest".

Yes add them all together and that is how bad the Informer choked.

(PS - The Informer did not make that movie up, the people at Direct TV are really perverted.)

"Informer you really are a loser. How do you have a picks blog claiming to be an expert and then go 1-4 when the money is on the line.

God where is Reggie Miller giving you the choke sign when you need him."

Honestly the Informer has no response. He is drinking Natties straight out of the can right now, and can't defend himself.

Maybe this video from a fake fan of the Informer's can help you understand the pain and agony the Informer is feeling. 
 


"LEAVE THE INFORMER ALONE!!!!"

"HE HAD A REALLY TOUGH NIGHT!!!!!"

"HIS PICKS CONTESTS JUST DIED AND SO DID HIS HOPES AND DREAMS OF PAYING HIS FAKE BOOKIE OFF WITH HIS SUPER PICKS CONTEST WINNINGS"

"YOUR LUCKY HE IS EVEN TRYING TO WRITE THIS BLOG FOR YOU READERS"!!!!!!!!!!!

"LEAVE THE INFORMER ALONE!!!!"

(On a side note, the Informer thought he was having a bad day until he watched that video, in retrospect the Informer is doing ok...WOW)

One final question, do you remember how after Nick Anderson choked in the 1995 NBA Finals he could no longer make free-throws and eventually cut his career short?

You guys don’t think that is what is going to happen to the Informer do you?

I mean the Informer just finished his third straight year of picking over 50 percent on his NFL picks blog.

He is just starting to become the blogger that his buddies can respect.

He can’t lose all of that because one Sunday the Informer needed one of ten different games to go his way in order to make money, only to have all ten go the opposite.

That will not haunt the Informer for the rest of his career, right?

This was just a one week blip in the radar.

The Informer is going to bounce back and keep giving you the fake reader fake money next year.

RIGHT?

As you can tell the Informer has lost his mind...

He is no longer capable of logical thought when it comes to the NFL…

Shit, now the Informer has brought back the dot dot dot thingy…

Seriously someone needs to stop serving the Informer straight Natties cause its making the situation worse...


"GIVE ME BACK MY PICKS!!!!!!!!!!"

"YOU PICKED EM INFORMER....AAAAAAH....YOU MADE THOSE PICKS!!!!!!!!!!!!"

“Informer we the fake readers apologize for making fun of you earlier, and saying you choked a fat Calvin’s last name with your Super Picks.

Informer its not your fault....

NO Really Informer ITS NOT YOUR FAULT...

Can you please accept our apology and enlighten us with your Week 17 NFL thoughts, it really is our favorite blog to read each and every Monday.”

Wow Mr. Fake reader, you may have just helped perk the Informer up a smidge.

So now that we understand how the Informer is feeling tonight maybe we can move on with a civilized blog going over the wild week 17 in the NFL.

"Thoughts the Informer Thinks About "NFL WEEK 17"

(Informer Note -These are obviously the ones that don't Involve a “Super Picks Contest”"



1. Adrian Peterson


Sorry, his name deserved its own Space.

Did you guys see Peterson carry his team into the playoffs with his 199 yard rushing performance.

Which left him 6 yards short of the NFL record.

His 199 yards did give him the second greatest rushing season ever for an NFL running back and he became the 6th back in NFL history to rush for 2,000 yards.

Not bad for a running back playing in a passing league. 

At the beginning of the year the Informer wrote how he was scared that Adrian Peterson’s career was going to be cut short because of the wicked knee injury he had 12 months ago.

The Informer talked about how Terrell Davis was never the same. Garrison Hearst. Gale Sayers.

The list goes on, basically any running back who ever blew his knee out was never the same. Maybe they found some minor success, but never anything like this.

Well the Informer is proud to say that not only is Peterson’s career not done, he is fully in the coversation of greatest backs in NFL history.

He now has the numbers, the records and the leading a shitty team to the playoffs on his resume (Barry Was the King of Leading Sh*t Teams to the Playoffs).

The Informer is not going to lie, Peterson just jumped into a tie for second place on the Informer’s list to replace The Great One when he retires.

Informer’s List:

1. Calvin Johnson - Kinda sad he only had 72 yards receiving, which left him short of 2,000 for the Season.

Really Matt  Stafford,  you picked your team's 12th loss in a row to stop forcing the Ball to Calvin?

Shame on you!

2. The Sickness and Adrian Peterson - Did you know AJ Green’s sophomore season stats are on par if not better then Randy’s?  Its true, you can look’em up.

And we just explained what Peterson did, but in case the Informer didn’t give Peterson his proper respect the Informer would like all of his readers to stand up right now and start a slow clap.

Well done A.D. Or is it A.P.? That always confuses the Informer.

3. The Rookies - More on Andy Lucky and RG3 in a minute.

4. Dez Bryant - The Informer thinks you got robbed of your place in the Pro-Bowl. You carried the Cowboys on your back to the point that you had to leave Sunday Nights loss with a Back injury.

That is a pretty big monkey to be carrying around. (In this analogy the Cowboys would be the Monkey)

5. Julio Jones - For some reason the Informer keeps asking himself if he really likes Jones?

He is kinda easy to forget, while still being good.

Maybe its an Atlanta receiver thing.

I mean does anyone reading this blog really like Roddy White?

Why does the Informer think Jones is turning into one of those really good but nobody really notices receivers?

For now Julio stays in the top five, but don’t think the Informer did not see what that average Blackmon did the final 7 weeks in Jacksonville.



2. Peyton Manning


Sorry, his name deserves its own space.

The Informer wants to start a petition that everyone with a NFL MVP vote has to mark Adrian Manning, so there is a tie for MVP.

I think we can make this happen. IT NEEDS TO HAPPEN.

"Informer they can't share the MVP, Manning Obviously won it. He took his team to 13 wins and the #1 seed?"

"What are you drunk fake FAT!!!!! reader, Adrian Peterson just ran for over 2,000 yards and led his team to the playoffs. Come on Informer, this is Peterson's award"

Yes the fake readers are now calling each other names and starting fake reader feuds. The Informer would apologize but he is f*cking drunk.

Where were we?

O yea, Did you know the year Barry Sanders broke the 2,000 yard mark he shared his MVP award with Brett Favre who had led his team to 13 wins and the #1 seed.

Does that story sound familiar?

The Informer is on record saying this award should be Mannings, cause you can’t spell MVP without Peyton, but Adrian Peterson deserves half this year.

We live in a society where people no longer get trophies cause everyone is a winner, so why can’t we further that approach and let two guys who equally deserve the MVP AWARD, SHARE.

Like the Informer’s mama always said “Sharing is Caring.”

3. RG3 and Andrew Luck - RG3’s team won their division.

Luck took a team without its head coach to an 11 win season.

Both teams made the playoffs.

Both guys set numerous rookie records.

So who wins the rookie of the year?

The Informer is voting for Luck, if only because winning eleven games without your head coach is f*cking impressive. Just ask Drew Brees.#The Informer fully expects RG3 to win this award since the Informer bet that Andy Luck would. THE INFORMER REALLY SUCKS AT FAKE GAMBLING!!!!!!!!

The Informer's final argument would be that RG3 is the man but is he even the best rookie on his team?

Just saying the Alfred Morris factor and the fact that the Redskins won a game in which RG3 didn’t play makes the Informer lean towards the guy who only knows how to win 11-games. 

With that said, What a great year.

In the Informer's mind we just watched the two best rookie QB’s to ever lace up dem boots. #Take it easy Dan Marino Fans/Vernie, he is in the discussion. 

4. Andrew Luck - That 70-yard TD down the seem is the reason the Informer can’t get enough of your rookie cards.

What other QB in the NFL can make that pass? Aaron Rodgers? Tom Brady? Peyton Manning?

I think you get the Idea.

5. Alfred Morris - 1600 yards rushing. Not bad for a undrafted free-agent running back.

It is nice to see that Terrell Davis, Mike Anderson and Olandis Gary were not just flukes. #All no name running backs Mike Shannonhan turned into 1500 yard rushers.

6. CHUCKSTRONG - This probably should have been number one on the Informer’s list.

That is a bad job by me.

What a great story, and yes the Informer is 100 percent a Colts fan this year.

And hey, if they beat Baltimore next week that would set up a Colts vs. Broncos round 2 playoff game.

You really can’t make that stuff up.

7. Broncos and Patriots - They smelt blood in the water, and then like good sharks do, they went out and took care of business.

"Informer what the hell are you talking about, sharks don't take care of buisness, they smell blood in the water and attack. Come on man get your f*cking analogies straight."

Sorry the Informer is drunk, he was trying to point out that...

Thanks to the Texans meltdown in Indy, the Broncos will have home field advantage while the Patriots get to rest a week before beating up some second round team thus setting up the matchup everyone wants to see.

Manning vs. Brady to go to the Super Bowl V. 

If the Informer was not sitting in his whitey tighties drinking his sorrows away he would most definitely have a BISP over the thought of Manning vs. Brady once again.

(Yes the Informer is shirtless with man titties flopping everywhere right now. Good luck getting that image out of your head for the rest of the blog.)



8. Elite Manning - Does anyone else think the Giants are somehow still going to win the Super Bowl?


 9. San Fran 49ers - Randy Moss is on the #2 seed in the NFC which means he has a chance to get him that Ring.

On a side note - F*CK YOU ELLIS HOBBS!

Yes ELLIS HOBBS IS THE PIECE OF CRAP THAT DECIDED NOT TO COVER BURRESS, EVEN THOUGH HE WAS IN MAN TO MAN COVERAGE......

IF YOU DONT BELIEVE THE INFORMER WATCH THE VIDEO =====)


10. Hey Ravens, next time you decide to bench your starting QB and RB in the first quarter of a football game, could you maybe give the Informer a heads f*cking up so that he doesn’t pick you in his Super Picks Contest.

The Informer actually still almost covered this game but the Ravens Jacoby Jones was called out of bounds at the one-yard line with under a minute to play.

By out of bounds the Informer means he did not complete the 42-yard TD catch for the cover because he only got one f*cking foot down…

MOVE ON…MOVE ON….UMMMMBEEER)

11. You know what, the Informer is going to finish his last blog of 2012 with his misery.

So if your not in the mood to read about the reason the Informer lost his Super Picks Contest feel free to stop reading now, and just skip to the end for the only video that continuously makes the Informer laugh.

We already covered how the Ravens didn’t cover thanks to One Foot Jones, but how about those Bears up by 17 points at halftime only to win the game by 2 points.

How you say, well they were up by ten with six minutes left in the fourth quarter and they had just stopped the Lions on 3rd and 15 after Stafford slid down in front of two defenders fifteen yards from a first down.

But wait, not one,  but two Bears defenders jumped on to Stafford which according to the slide rule that has been around for FIFTY F*CKING years is a 15-yard penalty and an automatic first down.

Obviously the Lions marched down to score the game covering (not winning) garbage time TD.

Leaving just enough time for the Bears to drive down the length of the field giving the Informer a touch of hope, only to kneel the clock out instead of kicking the game covering field-goal. #Gambling Gods are f*cking mean

Reason number three. The Informer decided to send a text to the leader of his picks contest that read, “Give me the Falcons, Steelers Packers Ravens and Bears.”

That is significant because that text led to 1-4 and was sent five seconds after the Informer erased the text that said give me “Bills Cowboys Steelers Titans and 49ers”.

The Informer is not making that f*cking shit up.#3 wins would have given the Informer sole possession of second place....F*CK ME IN THE F*CKING GOAT ASS!!

Instead the Informer took four home teams off the list in order to back road Favorites and the Falcons.

TV TIME OUT!!!!!!!!!!! The Informer needs to chug beer. (No the Informer was not saying "A" beer, he was saying BEER)

4. Lets just say that the Arizona Cardinals late td gave them a cover over the 49ers.

Lets just say that cover gave one of the Super Picks contest guys a perfect week, thus leading to the Informer dropping out of the top four all-together.

Lets just say, yes the Informer had a 1-game lead on third place, a 1.5 game lead on fourth and a 3 game lead on the guy who eventually won third place.

All the Informer needed was one f*cking game. F*CK THE PACKERS

5. The best part about Sunday was the Informer still had a chance to win 3rd place if the Dallas Cowboys could force a push or cover on the three point spread.

Yes after the Informer’s 1-4 performance he still had a chance.

But then Tony Romo happened.

Now the Informer knows how it feels to be a Cowboys fan.

The Informer doesn’t even care the Cowboys lost, the Informer is pissed cause the Cowboys had the ball with 3 minutes to go and they were f*cking going to push the game.#Informer wins money

All Romo had to do was  not throw a f*cking interception.

What did Romo Do?

He threw a f*cking INT............

And no it was not an INT down-field which would lead to the Redskins running out the clock.

No, No he threw his INT in the backfield giving the Redskins first and ten at the Cowboys 30 yard line, aka field goal position.

The good news, there was only three minutes left, so there was a chance that the Redskins would just run the clock down with two first downs and a kneel down, you know like the F*cking Bears did?

Well that almost happened, except the Cowboys had three timeouts left.

When the Redskins finally got first and goal thanks to a penalty there was still 2:35 seconds left in the game, instead of the magic kneel down mark that is the two minute warning.

This meant that the Redskins could not run the clock completely out.

Basically it meant the Skins were either going to score a TD or finish the game off with a field-goal with 20 seconds left.  Like what the Informer needed the Bears to f*cking do, but the Informer digresses. 

The Infomrer new that it was just a matter of time until the Redskins covered.

The Informer nodded his head and accepted his defeat with pride and dignity that would make any Kansas City Chiefs fan proud.

And just like that, on third down Morris lunged into the end-zone.

Game Over Man.

But wait, there are people jumping around at the goal line and one of the refs just pointed that it is COWBOYS BALL….

Holy Shit, Alfred Morris just fumbled and the Cowboys got the ball and are going to cover…

This would be the point of the game where the Informer goes for the low five and Ty Chambers pulls his hand back and yells PSYCH!!!!!!!!!!!!

No it was not a fumble, it was a TD then fumble.

The Gambling Gods really do have a sick f*cking sense of humor.

 It wasn't enough that the Informer was going to lose, they had to give one last f*cking faint chance of hope before they kicked him square in the dick.  

Only on Sunday it was just one long continuous "DICK KICK", whether it was the Texans taking the lead and then giving up a kick return for touchdown on the next play.

Or  the one footed TD catch in the Ravens game.

Lets not forget the almost Adrian Peterson fumble, or the split second when the Bears were going to get the ball back before the 15-yard penalty. #The Informer does not need to be near sharp objects right now.
 
The Informer is going to take his beating for one reason, there is always next year.

See you guys in 2013.............

PS - The Informer set a new record for number of blogs written in 2012, so thanks to everyone who follows, reads, retweets,  buys from amazon or tells their friends about the Informer.

THE INFORMER LOVES YOU ALL AND HOPES HE IS ABLE TO ENTERTAIN YOU GUYS!!!!!!!

Happy New Year and with that the NFL regular season is over.

Please enjoy one last video that made the Informer laugh in his time of sorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!








Saturday, December 29, 2012

Week 17 Picks: For All The Marbles

The Informer is a basket case right now.

How in the blue f-ing hell are you supposed to pick games correct in week 17 when some teams will try and some teams wont?

For those that don't know,  the Informer needs to pick 5-0 in his Super Picks contest to guarantee second place and give him a chance at the big dollars that comes with first place. (The Informer must remind people he is talking about monopoly money and fake gambling.)

Needless to say even the nine Grown UP Orange Juices can’t stop the Muhammeds the Informer is experiencing right now. #The Informer has the shakes

Luckily the Informer found a way to calm his nerves.

He turned on the T.V. and their he was.

The one guy not named “Harry Stamper” who laughs in the face of pressure.

Hell he may have kissed nine guys at this point, and by kissed the Informer definitely means killed. #Pressure, what do you know about pressure?

Yes, the Informer found the “24” Marathon. #Jack Bauer

Mr. Bauer laughs in the face of pressure.

He always comes through in the moment. It doesn’t matter if its holding his breath for 4 minutes, or saving his daughter from the kidnappers for the 4th time in one night.

Jack Bauer always gives his word and then comes through in the clutch.

Well, this week the Informer is going to channel his inner Jack Bauer and come through for his readers.

After an 11-5 week the Informer is going to ride the momentum and finish the season strong.

So without further adu lets Drink Some Beers and Raaaaaaaaa/Make Some PICKS!!!!!!!!!!!


NFL WEEK #17

*DENOTES HOME TEAM
PRO FOOTBALL - SUNDAY, DECEMBER 30, 2012


BILLS*      vs.       JETS  + 3½

THE QUESTION

The last week of the season. 

The only things you need to watch out for are: (i) teams with something to play for (playoff hunt), (ii) teams that can lock in home field advantage (playoff elite), and (iii) players with incentive based contracts looking for there Christmas bonuses. 

Well someone with more in the know will have to let you know about the incentives for contracts, but be aware it is a business after all and these guys are trying to feed their families. 

As for the Bills and Jets, These two teams are both eliminated from playoff contention. 

The Jets appear to have more internal struggles than anyone,  and the Sanchize's confidence level is at an all time low. 

Give this one to the Bills at home, the Jets are not going to want to show up. 

Pick - Bills

THE INFORMER

Did you know that Rex Ryan has beaten the Bills 7 or 8 times in a row,  all by double digits?

The Informer knows its alot of straight games, sadly due to dizziness and blurred vision not only can the Informer not legally drive, he doesn't remember the actual number of victories in a row.#Trust the Informer its alot.

Even with the Information about the fat guys winning record against the Bills, the Informer is not going to bet this Jets team on the road after they passed over Tebow for the second time in two weeks. #God is not going to be happy with your blatant disregard for the “TEBOW” Mr. Foot Fetish.

Pick - Bills

Informer Note - Going to ride homes teams and teams playing for something this week, those are the rules.


PATRIOTS*    vs. DOLPHINS      + 10

THE QUESTION

The Patriots have something to play for this week. If they  win and the Texans and Broncos lose, they would clinch home field advantage through the playoffs. 

The Dolphins are out of the picture, however this is a divisional game and the Dolphins would like nothing else then to lay it on the Patriots this week. 

Take the points in this one as the Patriots go ultra conservative. 

Pick - Dolphins

THE INFORMER

The Informer is like a scorned teenage girl at this point, he just can’t quit Tom Brady. 

Hell, the Informer even knows that the one rule is you never ever under any circumstances bet against RT1.

The guy has never seen a spread he couldn’t cover.

So why does the Informer think the Patriots are going to win this game 35-10?

Why does the Informer think the Pats will get some Boat-race moment from this game, and head into the playoffs prepared to make their march to the Super Bowl?

Pick - New England, the Informer will always bet Tom Brady at home against rookie QB’s, just ask Andy Lucky.





BENGALS*   vs.      RAVENS           + 2½

THE QUESTION

Both of these teams are in the playoffs and do not gain a first round bye or improve their position with a win or a loss. 

This game will be primarily for stretching out the starters. 

The coaches will both go ultra conservative and try to avoid injuries as much as possible while getting their main characters tons of rest. 

I will take the points in this contest. 

Pick - Ravens

THE INFORMER

Mr. Question, the Ravens can actually move up to the third seed in the NFL playoffs with a win and a Patriots loss.

While the Bengals are firmly entrenched into the 6th seed.

The Bengals will play uninspired football, while the Ravens are still trying to get used to their new offensive coordinator.

Sounds like a one team with some stuff to play for, and one team that is going to rest its starters.

Pick - Take the points and the team with a semi-small reason to play on Sunday. RAVENS




STEELERS*     vs.  BROWNS    + 6

THE QUESTION

Both of these teams are playing for their seed in the NFL draft in April. 

I was initially going to take the Steelers strictly on pride, however the Browns are the younger team with guys looking to prove something for next year. 

Then I realized Brandon Weeden is out. 

Pick - Steelers

THE INFORMER

New gambling rule, whenever you can bet against Thad Lewis making his first NFL start on the road against the Pittsburgh Steelers you have to take that bet.

Pick - Need me some Roethlisturkeyburgersaladsandwhich this week. STEELERS



TEXANS             10:00 AM     10 COLTS*          + 6½

THE QUESTION

The Texans need a win to secure a playoff bye, while the Colts are already in. 

Expect this to be a plain vanilla show from the Colts. 

Oh and the Texans are going to want to enter the playoffs on the right foot after their drubbing from last week. 

Pick - Texans

THE INFORMER

The Colts are getting their head coach back, after his battle with cancer.

The Texans need to win to get the #1 seed and home-field advantage throughout the playoffs.

The Colts defense can’t stop the run.

The Texans really enjoy running the football.

The Texans are 1-10 all-time at INDY.

Andrew Lucky needs a win to wrap up the rookie of the year award.

As you can tell, a lot is going on in this game, but like the Question said, the Colts are locked into the 5 spot with nothing to play for but pride, the Texans need this game more then the Informer needs more orange juice right now. #Turned to straight Natties

The Informer was torn on this game, so he is going to use the seldom known rule that when a home team is getting 7 points while there cancer stricken coach makes his triumphant  return to the sidelines you take the points.

Pick -Colts




TITANS*           10:00 AM      12 JAGUARS      + 4

THE QUESTION

Gabbert - Out, MJD - Out, doesn't really matter anyways. 

Pick - Titans

THE INFORMER

With a loss the Jags give themselves a chance at the #1 pick in the NFL draft.

That’s means they are not going to try very hard right?

Pick - Take the home team…TITANS

Informer Note - The Informer is going to officially mark his fake wagers that Chris Johnson, Darren McFadden or Matt Forte will win the rushing title as losses.

Is that pulling a Suds, or is the fact that Adrian Peterson is averaging 400 yards rushing a game good enough to mark this as a loss with one game left to play? #He is not really averaging 400 yards rushing a game, but it’s a lot.





GIANTS*       vs.     EAGLES        + 7


THE QUESTION

The Giants need a win and a lot of help. 

Instead of the Giants flipping that switch this season, I think they are dormant and packed it away for the winter. 

This is a tough divisional game and should come down to a few points. 

Eagles  - Be careful though,  Vick is the starter and DeSean Jackson is out. 

Pick - Eagles

THE INFORMER

The Giants have won their last two home games by an average of 17 points.

But for some reason, Everyone is on the Eagles as a trendy pick this week.

Well, when everyone goes one way, and the stats so to go the other way, the Informer tends to follow the stats.

Who are we kidding, the Informer doesn’t ever follow any trends or stats, he bets games and then pays his bookie.

Well, this week his bookie is giving 7 points to a undisciplined team playing on the road.

Pick - Giants are playing for a chance

PS - There are 66 different playoffs scenarios that could happen on Sunday, only three involve the Giants making the playoffs. #The Giants have us exactly where they want us.

Pick - Giants




BEARS     vs.      LIONS*   + 3

THE QUESTION

These Lions proved last week they are the best stat pumpers in the NFL. 

Well they should get another chance this week. 

The Bears need this win and a Vikings loss to make the playoffs (doable as the Vikings play the Packers).  You have to like the Bears spirits. 

This is definitely a win one for the ole' ball coach as Bears head coach Lovie Smith is most likely fired if the Bears don't make the playoffs after starting 7-1. 

Pick - Bears

THE INFORMER

So the Giants need the Bears and the Vikings to lose on Sunday in order to make the playoffs.

Why does the Informer think that this could happen?

I mean the Lions have lost 7 straight games.

They are an undisciplined team.

But they do have one guy who can change the game.

That guy is about to go over the 2,000 yard receiving mark for the first time in NFL history.

Listen, stranger things have happened in the NFL, but a team like the Lions playing for nothing other then a top 5 pick is not going to beat a good football team playing for a playoff spot.

Which means you can’t bet the Lions this week.

Pick - Bears




PACKERS          1:25 PM         20 VIKINGS*    + 3½

THE QUESTION

After the Bears win the Vikings must win to make the playoffs. 

The Packers can clinch a first round bye with a victory and this will be one they want to try to get healthy. 

The Vikings have been a team to reckon with this season, especially coming off a stellar performance vs the Texans last week. 

The Vikings will keep this one close as Aaron Rodgers will not have quite the "Hay" day he did last week. 

Pick - Vikings

THE INFORMER

This is the point in the blog where the Informer should play a highlight video of Adrian Peterson with some sweet ass gangsta rap music playing in the background.

Sadly the Informer thinks the Vikings train is about to fall of the tracks.

Peterson is banged up, which means the Vikings would have to rely on Christain “Why Would The Vikings Ponder Passing” Ponder to beat Aaron Rodgers.

Guys that is not going to happen.

The Packers are the safest bet in football, and are going to continue their stroll into the playoffs this week.

Pick - Packers




FALCONS*         10:00 AM       22 BUCCANEERS  + 3½

THE QUESTION

This is interesting as the Bucs cannot make the playoffs, but the Falcons have already clinched a first round bye and home field advantage. 

The Falcons cannot run the ball which will hurt them when they run their plain vanilla offense against a tough Bucs D. 

Plus head coach Greg Schiano will not let this Bucs team quit and will want to play tough through the end of the season. 

Pick - Bucs

THE INFORMER

The Bucs have been bad the last two weeks.

The Informer has no inside information since he is a fat guy who lives in Nebraska and doesn’t have any real NFL connections, but don’t the Falcons want to finish the year strong.

Especially since they will be sitting for the next two weeks without playing a game.

Listen, every year there is one team that should not try in week sixteen.

That team is playing for nothing, so why not rest your starters?

And then every year that team ends up losing at home in the second round of the playoffs because none of their starters have played a meaningful game in over three weeks.

The Falcons understand this because they were that team two years ago.

They will not do it again this year. 

They may run a vanilla offense, but it will be with their starters who will take down a team that has quit on their season.

Does that make sense?

Pick - Falcons




SAINTS*     vs.  PANTHERS    + 5½

THE QUESTION

Another game only deciding draft position in April. 

The Panthers Cam Newton is still on his tear and looking to keep pumping stats, I mean he is a me guy. 

Irregardless of the show Camster wants to put on,  this is still Drew Brees’ home. He will put on the real show and end the year on a positive note for the Saints. 

Pick -Saints

THE INFORMER

Drew Brees has a 92 yard lead going into the final week to win the Passing yards crown.

With another 300 yard game Brees will go over the 5000 yards passing in a single season for the third straight year.

No one has ever done that.

Pick - Gotta take the home team and Brees in a shootout



BRONCOS*        1:25 PM         26 CHIEFS       + 16

THE QUESTION

Broncos win, pull starters in 3rd quarter and a hapless Chiefs team somehow covers. 

Pick - Chiefs

THE INFORMER

You read my mind Mr. Question.

But the Informer can't bring himself to take Romeo Crapmel on the road. 

NFL RULE - Never bet against the two TD dog, unless that dog is going against Peyton Manning and your team has Romeo Crapnell on the road.

Pick - Broncos


CHARGERS*      1:25 PM         28 RAIDERS     + 7

THE QUESTION

Both of these teams can't wait to forget this season. 

The fact of the matter is Terrel Pryor is getting the nod as Carson Palmer is out does not go well for the Raiders.

I just don't see how that is beneficial for the Raiders. 

Not that I like the Chargers, but I hate the Raiders. 

Pick - Chargers

THE INFORMER

When was the last time the Chargers covered a 7 point spread?

Don’t know why the Informer would do this, o sh*t not even the Informer can do this.

Pick - Raiders -Taking the points




49ERS*      vs. CARDINALS  + 16½

THE QUESTION

Initial thoughts without looking at any other articles or thoughts about this game: How can this be so many points? 

The Niners are not an offensive juggernaut. 

Yes they will win,  but really putting it on the Cardinals like this I doubt it. 

The Niners need a win and a Packers loss to get a first round bye.  Go Vikings!

Oh sorry back to the blog. 

Alright can't take the Niners way to many points in a divisional game. 

PICK - CARDS

THE INFORMER

27-0 will be the final score, which means the 49ers cover the 3 score spread.

Listen the Cards are f*cking terrible. Brian Hoyer is going to be on the road against a defense that needs to win to win their division.

Pick - 49ers- -it’s a BOATRACE



SEAHAWKS*     vs.  RAMS             + 10½

Does anyone want to play this team led by the Rookie of the year Russell Wilson? 

I don't think so, they just trashed the Niners last week. 

The Seahawks have a chance at a first round bye with a win and losses by both the Niners and Packers. 

Well I said they had a chance, didn't say it was good. 

The Seahawks go pretty plain vanilla try to avoid injuries to make it into the playoffs and get the win in unconvincing fashion. 

Pick - Rams

THE INFORMER

Seattle at home.

Pick - Seahawks



REDSKINS*      5:30 PM         16 COWBOYS  + 3.5

THE QUESTION

One would think the Cowboys are finding internal motivation from the beating they took from RGIII on Thanksgiving Day. 

The whole world saw RGIII embarrass the Cowboys, I can't imagine that going unnoticed.  

The Cowboys will be ready to play and Dez Bryant will make a big play. 

Pick - Cowboys - I know I want RG3 to make the playoffs and think they win on a field goal to end the game as RG3 marches them down the field. 

At least I hope that happens. 

THE INFORMER

Tony Romo is playing out of his mind right now.

No the Informer is not making that up. Over the last Month nobody not named Peyton or Rodgers has played better QB then Mr. Romo.

And you know the old saying, it is really hard to beat the same team twice.

The Informer is really excited for this game.

RG3 in a winner takes the division game.

That great Washington crowd is going to be nuts.

The Informer agrees with the Question that this is going to be a 3 point game, which means take the half point.

Pick - Cowboys cover, lets hope RG wins

There it is folks, 17 weeks of NFL picks in the books.

The Informer will have one more blog before the end of the year, so we will see you tom night.

Its either going to be a really good day, or a really really bad day.#The Informer has no idea who to take in his picks challenge.

INFORMERS SUPER PICKS - Ravens, Falcons,  Steelers, Bears and Packers

Sunday, December 23, 2012

"NFL MOVIES AND SOME LISTS"

“Informer you went 11-5 on your picks and 4-1 on your Super Picks, thanks for the free money, it will be a very marry Christmas after all.”

Your welcome fake reader, the Informer is very proud of himself this week,  but realizes that he could have had a 14 win week if he would have followed the three rules he has been preaching all year.

1. Don’t Ever Under Any Circumstance Bet Against RT1. The Guy is a covering machine.

2. Never bet against the Seattle Seahawks when they are at home.

Informer Funny Story - The Informer has made three separate fake 100 dollar wagers this year. The Informer has lost all three of said bets. The reason, the Informer bet the Packers in Seattle, the Patriots in Seattle and the 49ers in Seattle, lesson as always, the Informer is a f*cking moron. #FOLLOW THE RULES

3. The third rule the Informer broke is never bet against a three score underdog. You know like the Jags were this week.

Thanks Tom Brady you racist alleged assh*le, the Informer didn’t want to go 5-0 in his Super Picks contest anyways.

The Informer wants to leave you with one stat before we stop complaining:

49ers 31-3 over New England…. Seahawks 28-6 over 49ers:

Those were the halftime scores for the past two Sunday Night Football Games.

Now you see why its so impressive the Informer is going to finish above 50 percent on his NFL Picks Blog.

Hey, tis the season to be fat and Jolly, so the Informer is not going to complain anymore about the what could have beens, or what should have beens.

 You know the old saying "If Its And Buts Was Candies and Nuts What A Merry Christmas It Will Be."

Well after 11-5 its going to be a merry little time, so why don't we pull out the old Informer’s List of List and rundown Week 16 in the NFL.

The Informer’s list of guys to root for once Randy Moss retires:

1. Calvin’s Johnson - More on him in a minute, but over 200 yards receiving and a slew of new NFL Records.

Lets just say the Informer has been staring at his 13 Calvin Johnson rookies cards for the past 24 hours in sheer delight.

(NO the Informer does not defile himself while looking at his football cards.

Yes that question was asked by one of the Informer’s co-workers.

Does the Informer really come off as a guy who would do unbiblical things to himself while looking at football cards of Calvin’s Johnson?

Maybe we shouldn’t answer that.

2. THE SICKNESS - 85 grabs, 1208 yards and 11 TD’s heading into week 17:

That is the way to have a Sophomore campaign, and if you are wondering Randy Moss’s second season looked something like this : 80grabs, 1413 yards and 11 TD’s.

Just saying, the Sickness is in good company at this point.

3. The Rookies Andrew and RG - We will get to them both in a minute.

4. Adrian Peterson - The Informer loves you, but he does not think you will get 208 yards rushing next week.

He does think you will get 102 which will put you over 2,000 and your team has a chance to make the playoffs. #The Informer has 21 Adrian Peterson Rookie Cards in his cart waiting to be ordered.

The Informer has a sickness and he may need help ##Card Collector, it’s a disease just like hoarding.

5. Dez Bryant - 8 Straight weeks with a TD.

225-yards and 2 tds in a loss on Sunday.

The Informer has been waiting for you to turn into a bad bad man and it has happened.

The League needs to look out, mark the Informer’s words.



The Informer’s list of for Rookie Of the Year:

5. Alfred Morris - 1400 yard rusher and one of the leaders of the Informer’s Fantasy Football Juggernaut “Driving While Blachmon”.

Alfred gets a slight knock because he plays under Mike Shanohan..

In the Words of Treynor’s own Justin A Adande, “I could run for 1,000 yards under Shanohan.”

Even if that is true it is still pretty impressive to go from undrafted to 1400 yards rushing in the National Football League.

4. RT1 - The Informer is putting the man in here because Mr RT1 has never seen a spread he doesn’t know how to cover.

3. Russell Wilson - 4 Td’s in a boat-race win over the 49ers is going to start making the whispers a lot louder for Wilson’s ROY chances.

The Informer’s only gripe is Wilson was a very average QB the first 8 weeks of the season, before turning into an absolute monster the last four weeks.

"Informer we are in week 17, with your rationale we should be on week 12?"

What the Informer is trying to say is Russell is not going to win this award, but don’t be surprised to see him win a Playoff game or three.

Rookie Stat of the Day -  Wilson and Luck became the 5th,and 6th Rookie QB’s to lead their team to a 10 win season #The Informer knows Ben Roethlisburger off the top of his head, but is drawing a blank on the other three.

2. RG3 - 5 INT this whole year.

With a win on Sunday his team will win their division.

We have all seen RG3 do awesome things over the course of the season. We can all agree the guy is a stud with a capitol Predator Drone.

The Informer may change his mind but at this point in time RG3 is second because…

1. Andy Lucky - Took a 2-14 team to 10-5 with a chance for 11 wins.

Set the record for most passing yards ever by a rookie QB (Which means something since QB’s are supposed to pass).

You guys can knock Luck for his 25INT’s, but that criticism would come from the guy who only looks at stats and does not watch the games.

The Informer watches and each week Luck does things that guys like Tom Brady wish they could do.

The Informer is not kidding, last week Luck threw a ball sixty yards in the air on the run and hit his WR right in the middle of the facemask. Of course, since Luck still plays for a pretty terrible Colts teams his WR dropped the ball and no one will ever see that play again.

We may never see it again, but you can’t erase it from the Informer’s mind.

The point is,  all three QB’s would be deserving winners.

The Informer would not complain if someone other then Luck won, but at this point in time the Informer’s non-existent vote is going to Mr. Lucky #No the Informer was not swayed in his voting by a fake wager he made with a fake bookie, using fake money.

(Informer Note - Did you know that Andrew Luck has now led 7 fourth quarter game winning drives this season, that is tied for NFL record for the most all-time. The Informer needed to add this stat)




The Informer’s list of better years Receiving than Calvin Johnson’s record breaking year in 2012:

5.  Jerry Rice - 65 Catches  1078 yards and 22 TD’s

“Informer I know that is a lot of TD’s but how is that one of the top five seasons of all-time, he only had 65 catches and barely had 1,000 yards receiving. Come ON Man?”

Your right Mr Fake reader, even with the 22 TD’s that is a pretty pedestrian season for a NFL WR playing 16 games.

But Jerry Rice didn’t get to play 16 games that year, because there was a strike.

No Mr Rice did that in 12 games.

Yes he caught 22 freaking TD’s in twelve games.

The 49ers finished the season 13-2 and the Top Seed in the NFC.

4. Calvin Johnson - 96 catches 1681 yards receiving and 16 Touchdowns

How was last year better then this years remarkable season you ask?

Because last year Mr. Johnson did it while leading his team to 10 wins and the playoffs.

That is the whole point of this list.

Yes Calvin Johnson is on pace to get 2,000 yards receiving and he is a monster stud doing it, and in ten years no one will remember that the Lions sucked, but how many garbage yards does Johnson have this year?

The answer is about 600 yards when in the final minutes of games with his team losing by more then two td’s.

I know he can’t play defense, the Informer is just trying to say while 2,000 is impressive he would rather have the 16 td’s and playoffs.

3. Marvin Harrison - 143 1722 and 11 td’s. That is a well rounded season for a WR.

Yes the Informer said 143 f*ckig catches.#That has to be some kind of record

O and this was during one of the years when the Colts were one of the best teams in football.

Just saying, numbers like that and your team is heading for home field in the playoffs, not heading home for the playoffs cause your team has four wins.

Informer Note - This was originally going to be Moss' rookie year, but the Informer found this Harrison season and needed to include it.

PS - Moss had 69 catches, 1313 yards receiving and 17 touchdowns as a rookie and should have won the MVP while leading the Vikings to 15-1.

Obviously Moss has had better statistical seasons with the Vikes,  but they were in years where the team did not make the playoffs so they can't be included on this list.

Trust the Informer, a rookie catching 17 TD passes was unheard of then and now and Moss rookie year is very deserving of honorable mention.

The reason it gets honorable mention is because…

2. Randy Moss with New England - 16-0 regular season. 23 td’s . 98 catches 1493 yards receiving.

One Question - Is it sad that the Informer has those numbers memorized?

F*CK YOU ELLIS HOBBS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MOVE ON!!!!! PLEASE MOVE ON BEFORE THE INFORMER FLIPS OUT!!!!!!!!!!
 

1. Jerry Rice - 1995 had 122 catches 1848 yards receiving and 15 td’s and the 49ers won the Super Bowl.

The Informer is very happy for Calvin’s Johnson.

The Informer loves Calvin more then any football player not named Randy Moss.

The Informer roots hard every week for you to get your garbage time yards, but garbage time stats don’t count in greatest seasons by a WR of all-time.

It will count when people ask if your one of the greatest of all-time, but if your looking at individual seasons you only get a pat on the back, a certificate saying you own the record, and the knowledge that you didn’t help your team win.

This is why Calvin Johnson’s name has not been mentioned once for MVP.

Last year Johnson was a dark horse MVP candidate.

You tell the Informer, which season was better?

The one where people called you a possible MVP candidate, or the one where you set  a record in your teams 11th loss of the season?  #2000 yards receiving is f*cking impressive as shit though.



The Informer’s list of 10 things he liked this week in the NFL

1. The Kansas City Chiefs Punter tied and NFL record for most punts downed inside the five yard line.

The Informer heard this on the radio and almost started crying with laughter.

Hey Chiefs at least you get the #1 pick and will finally get your franchise QB.

Whats that?

No QB has graded better then a late first rounder.

That hurts.

Gosh it really must suck to be a Chiefs fan.

Maybe you can get Mark Sanchez?

2. MVPEYTON MANNING - Keeps setting records. Keeps throwing TD’s. Keeps covering the spread.

Tom Brady was very average on Sunday. Adrian Peterson was Super, but average on Sunday. Peyton Manning was Elite.

And you can’t spell MVP without Peyton # On the way to his fifth MVP award. For those out there that struggle with math, that’s a lot.

3. The Minnesota Vikings - Out Texanned the Texans.

If Adrian Peterson gets 208 yards next week he will break the NFL record.

If Adrian Peterson gets 208 yards next week the Vikings will be in the Playoffs.

If the Vikings make the Playoffs Adrian Peterson may get some of the Informer’s MVP votes. #It’s a 17 week season, no race is safe.

4. Living in a world where Greg McClory doesn’t cover a 2.5 point spread -

The Informer made a new rule on Saturday night, “Any Time Greg McCloryey is giving 2.5 points you pick the f*cking Chargers. # Seriously who in the Blue F*cking Hell is Greg McClorery and why is Timmy Tebow not the JETS starting QB?

The Informer hates Rex Ryan and his alleged foot fetish.

(The Informer fully understands that the world ended three days ago so he doesn’t technically live in any world, but if there were still a world to live in the Informer promises that world would never have Greg Mclory covering a spread as a favorite.)

5. Dez Bryant, Calvin Johnson, Jammal Charles - All three lost.

But all three put up monster numbers going over 200 yards receiving for the Wide-outs and rushing for Mr. Charles.

If you have not figured out by now the Informer loves guys who put up huge numbers.

6. Drew Brees - 443 yards passing.

One week closer to cashing that fake wager for the winner of the most passing yards for the entire season. #The Informer is scared of Tony Romo and Matt Stafford next week.

Double hash tag - The Informer has already marked it a loss, aka pulling a SUDS!!

7. LIL VERNIE - The Informer promised his friend Lil Vernie that he would put a story about him in the blog each week as long as Lil Vernie RE-TWEETS the blog and tells all his friends to read. \

So here is this weeks Lil Vernie story:

When the Informer was in the 6th grade, a 3rd grader named Vern came to the Informer’s house to watch the WCW pay-per view on VHS.

Of course this led to a boy on boy wrestling match in the Informer’s basement that ended in the two of us putting each other into a double head sizzers. This eventually led to the Informer taping out and then crying under the pool table because Vernie broke the Informers neck.(The Informer has no f*cking idea how to spell scissors.)

“What do you mean Informer, like a vertebrae?

SPINAL!!!!!!!!!!!

And it probably happened because the Informer got beat up by a kid that was still going to school in the lower pod. #The Informer is a wimp

8. The Informer really liked that last story about LIL Vernie!

Can’t you picture a 70 pound Lil Informer just bawling his p*ssy eyes out because he got beat up in a fake wrestling match #You tell the Informer’s broken neck that wrestling is fake.

9. Baltimore Ravens - The Informer about changed his pick to the Giants when he found out that Ray Lewis was not going to play, but one of the Informer’s few rules is don’t change you mind once it is made up.

Well thank you Ravens for covering, the Informer really really needed it. #It helped the Informer in his super picks contest alot

10. Aaron Rodgers - After winning his Sunday BOAT RACE Mr Rodgers may just be in the MVP neighborhood.

Get it the Informer made a Mr. Rodgers Neighborhood joke?

Seriously, go to espn dot com and look at the stats.

If the Packers win next week, people will start talking about the QB for the 2nd seeded Packers.

Hash Tag - Week 17 is going to be F*cking Awesome.


FIVE THINGS THE INFORMER DIDN’T LIKE

1. Cam Newton - At one point during the Raiders Panthers game the announcer said and the Informer quotes “Cam is walking off the field with his head down, he sure doesn’t look like he wants to be playing today.”

Hey Cam that is what is going to lead to your Panthers finishing 5-11 once again next year.

Attitude is a big part of winning in the NFL and right now yours sucks!

And yes the Informer yelled that rant while looking at his 4 Cam Newton Rookie Cards.

Hopefully it takes you two years to get it, like it took Lebron two years.

Yea guys in Niobrara, your Savior didn’t make the playoffs until his third year in the league.

You know who never missed the playoffs? Michael Jordan

Sorry the Informer had a Vietnam like twitter war flashback.

2. Tom Brady - Multiple interceptions against the Jags?

In the words of the Snowman from that ESPN 2 commercial from 15 years ago “What the Hell?”

No the Informer is not mad that you were his starting QB in fantasy football this week. #The Informer really is mad, he was just trying keep the mood light.

3. Rams Bucs/ Chargers Jets  - If you watched either of these two abortions of National Football League Contest please stop reading the Informer.

Just kidding the Informer loves all his readers, even the ones that are fake and mentally challenged.

4. Unnecessary Roughness - Hey NFL stop pretending like this is a safe game, and your protecting your players.

How come a running back and defensive end can lower their heads and run straight into each other, but a safety can no longer make a hard legal hit.

Your embarrassing your game with calls like the one in the 49ers/Hawks game #Shoulder to Shoulder hard hit is not a F*CKing 15-yard penalty.

If the Informer wanted his football to be a bunch of pussies,  he would have named them Dr. Quinn and Medicine woman.

5. THE LKLOTW - 8-8

The Informer has suspended the LKLOTW after it started out last weeks game down 33.5 to nothing (Pats were favored by 5.5 and losting 31-3).

The Informer has been fond of the LKLOTW but it has refused to take the steroids the Informer has been prescribing,  so the Informer is suspending him without pay for conduct detrimental to the Informer’s blog until further notice.

Lets end the blog with the Informer’s favorite list,

TOP FIVE CHRISTMAS MOVIES:

5. A Christmas Story :

Who doesn’t own a Leg Lamp?

Who hasn’t beaten up a kid while swearing like a drunken sailor?

Or in the Informer’s case been beaten up while a kids swears like a drunken sailor #Damn you Lil Vern.



 4. A Very Brady Xmas :

Do you guys remember this reunion when the mom loses her voice so she isn’t going to be able to sing at the church?

Remember all the kids were grown up and bobby was a racecar driver and then the dad gets trapped by a building avalanche.

Luckily when it looks like he is going to die the mom regains her voice and starts a song that helps Dad Brady find his way out of the tunnel.

Is anyone else crying?

3. A Miracle On 34th Street:

The Informer likes this one, where the dept store hires the bum to play santa and he turns out to be the real Santa.

2. The Santa Clause:

The Informer needs to let you guys in on a little secrete, he loves Tim Allen.

Have you watched Tim Allen's new show on ABC, the Informer loves it.

Like the Informer said, he will not apologize to people who don’t realize the awesomeness of the three "The Santa Clause" movies.

1. Home Alone:

In the words of Wayne Brady, “This Is Not An Option”

The Informer fully believes that Home Alone should be played 24 hours non-stop on TNT instead of the Christmas story.

For the love of god, Maculley Caulkin is hilarious in this movie.

If you don’t believe the Informer, try and watch this clip without pissing yourself.  Its damn near impossible, either that or the Informer has had to much Egg Nog.

Merry Christmas to ALL and TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!


Friday, December 21, 2012

"NFL WEEK 16"

It is December 22nd…

The World has ended and somehow the Informer has managed to survive.

Maybe the Informer is working on Hawaiian time so his world hasn’t actually ended yet.

The Informer doesn’t know, he is not a Scientologist.

One thing the Informer does know is that he has a long list of post-end of the world secrets he needs to get off his chest.

Hey, if this is going to be the last blog the Informer ever writes he needs to get the truth out there.

First of all, Michael Jordan and Jerry Rice are the “GOATS”.

As much as the Informer will argue Kobe and Randy the answer is was and always will be Michael and Jerry. #It pains the Informer to admit that.

“Informer, its just the end of the world, you don’t need to go against everything you have ever believed in, come on man don’t do Randy Like that.“

Sorry fake reader, the Informer needs to provide the truth.

Speaking of the truth, Did you know that one of the Infomer’s top five favorite songs is Alanis Morssettes “You Outta Know”?

Yes Jonny Snaps, that is the song where she talks about giving Dave Coulier aka Uncle Joey Felicio in a movie theatre.

If we are telling the truth, the Informer must admit that he has no idea what the hell the word “FELACIO” means, much less how in the blue hell to spell it.

The Informer was trying to talk about Miss Morsette giving Uncle Joey a Mouth to Man-Part sex act in a movie theatre. #The Informer is not making this up.

Seriously listen to the song     =====)

(Did you see what the Informer did there, he made an arrow pointing to the video on the right that also kind of looks like a male Penis. BAHAHAHA)

Did you know that the Informer actually let the dawgs out?

Last but not least, The Informer will not apologize to anyone, including  Tim Tebow because his favorite movie are “Legally Blonde” slash “Bring It On.” #She Say She Are the manager!

If you don’t like Legally Blonde or “Bring It On” (and all the sequels)  then feel free to not read this blog ever again.

Get it cause the World Ended Yesterday so your not going to be able to read anymore anyways, honestly the Informer isn’t even sure how he is writing this.

There is only one plausible explanation:

Harry Stamper is alive!!!

“Informer didn’t Harry Stamper die when he blew up that big rock that was heading to destroy Earth?”



Listen, the Informer has been saying for years that he thought Harry faked his own death, while saving the world,  and then came back to earth as the great actor Bruce Willis.

Well, since the Informer is still around even though the world ended no less then 24 hours ago, the Informer not only believes his theory, he is saying his theory has been 100 percent proven accurate.

There Is no other logical explanation. NONE!

If we are all still around to watch football on Sunday we need to thank one man, Harry Stamper!

And Tim Tebow, which would technically be two men, but you get the idea.

With that,

LET'S  DRINK SOME BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERS AND MAKE PICKS!!!







FALCONS       vs     LIONS*         + 3½


THE QUESTION

When can we get to start doing the "Dirty Bird" again?

I kind of miss it.

It's one of three dances I can do, the Chicken Dance and the Cupid Shuffle are the other two. 

I know this is a bit unprecedented, but I am going to answer my own question. 

They can start once they win a playoff game. 

Great regular season team, horrible playoff team. 

The Falcons team/ Matt Ryan are equivalent to Lebron before last season ,you know when he mailed in the end of playoff games while looking disengaged?

The Falcons beating up on a Lions team may not be the full answer, but it's a start. 

Pick - Falcons

THE INFORMER

The Question just asked a question then answered said question with another question.

Honestly it kind of made the Informers head hurt.

The only other explanation for the Informer having a massive headache at this point would be the fumes leaking out from his gas fireplace.

The Informer has a question of his own, is it ok for the fireplace to smell funny, you know all gassey like?

If the Informer does not finish this blog and the World didn’t end yesterday, then the Informer died of massive gas fireplace fume intake. Make sure that is stated on the Informer’s tombstone. Thanks.

As for this game, the Informer is taking the Falcons in the Super Picks contest.

The Lions proved last week that they are trying to tank this season for a higher draft pick, while the Falcons can secure home-field advantage in the playoffs with a victory.

Translation - Bet the Falcons by a lot, Especially since the Falcons always play good on Monday Night Football.

You heard the Informer, this is the "Monday Night Football Game."

Played on 12/2212.

The Informer knows exactly what you are thinking, why in the blue hell would someone schedule a Monday Night Football game the day after the world ended.

Well the NFL did it. (The point of this joke is to not mention that it is Saturday night, but the NFL is calling this game the Monday Night Football game. The Informer amuses himself)

Informer Note - Next time the Informer tries to take the Lions giving 5.5 points to Arizona in a Super Picks Contest, remind the Informer to look at the standings so he can see things like, If the Lions lose they will get a better draft pick because it will make Zona a 5 win team, while the Lions are a 4 win team.

Why else would Matt Stafford throw 3 f*cking Pick Sixes in the same game against a team that can‘t play offense?

Can anyone explain that to the Informer?

Anyone? Buehler?

 Damn You Stafford,  Damn You To Heck!!!!





PACKERS*        vs.        TITANS        + 12½

This is a lot of points in the NFL and the Packers are not a defensive juggernaut even though they are coming around. 

Pick - Titans

THE INFORMER

The Packers have wrapped up the division.

The Packers couldn’t even cover against the Cardinals at home.

The Titans are coming off their best win of the Year. Maybe it wasn’t their best but they are coming off a win.

Everyone the Informer has read this week is picking the Titans to cover.

Pick - Packers.

Come on, do you really want to be the guy that bet the Titans on the road in Lambeau?

Start the Boats!





PANTHERS*        10:00 AM           6 RAIDERS          + 8

THE QUESTION

Neither of these teams are playoff bound, but you have to take a team that is hot right now, and that is not the Raiders. 

Cam is trying to prove something at the end of the year. 

You know that he still deserves to play QB in the NFL. 

Pick - Panthers

THE INFORMER

Cam has already changed the Narrative. 

He picked up a couple of garbage wins at the end of the year and all of the sudden people are saying things like, “Look at the numbers Camster is putting up” and “The Panthers are going to be really good next year.”

The Informer is not fooled, but at this point you gotta take the Superman making Super plays in garbage time games.

Pick - Panthers, aka the 5-win team giving 8 points because the Raiders may actually say the words put Terrel Pryor in the game.




DOLPHINS*        10:00 AM           8 BILLS           + 4½

The Bills just got hammered last week, no they didn't pull an Informer and drink before the game, during, and after the game.

Well maybe they did. 

But folks this is bounce back week!  The Bills Circle the Wagons and take down RT1. 

Pick - Bills

THE INFORMER

Mr. Question you forgot the always fun “Middle OF the Game Beer Timeout” that the Informer also uses to get hammered.

Since 2010 the Dolphins have won 3 of these games, while the Bills have won 2.

What does that have to do with this current match-up?

The Informer is glad you asked.

It has absolutely nothing to do with the current match-up.

Pick - Bills - If Arizona can win the week after giving up 50 points to the Seahawks, why cant the Bills?



STEELERS*       vs.           BENGALS          + 4

THE QUESTION

If the Red Rocket were Superman, the Steelers would be his "Kryptonite." 

I don't know what it is about the Steelers, but if Andy Dalton were a strong Gladiator of Troy the Steelers would be his Achilles heel. 

Yup, Andy Dalton pretty much $#!+$ his pants when he plays the Steelers. 

Oh by the way, this pretty much decides who goes to the playoffs for this division. 

Sorry Cincinnati. 

Pick - Steelers (I know, I know, you were waiting for something about The Informer or his alter ego JZ, sorry to disappoint, but hey there is still a week left.) 

THE INFORMER

Hey Dusty, this is how you know the Informer did not make up "THE QUESTION" because if the Informer had made up the Question do you really think he would make fun of himself and his alter ego while talking as his alter-ego to his alter-ego in one big run on sentence?

“Informer that is exactly what you would do, that last paragraph proved nothing. God you’re a Moron”

Well, you don’t have to get mean Mr. Fake Reader.

Maybe we should just get back to talking about the Sickness and his Ginger Friend?

The Informer does agrees with everything you just said Mr. Question, but why can’t the “Sickness” and the Red-Headed Step Child keep this thing close?

Pick - Bengals - When in doubt and you have two average teams, take the points.




PATRIOTS         @   JAGUARS*   + 14½

THE QUESTION

Checklist time!!

I don't think one of these has worked yet.

Patriots coming off loss - Check

Jaguars starting Blaine Gabbert or worse - Check

Yup that's good enough. 

Pick - Patriots

THE INFORMER

Super Picks Contest Entry - Patriots and the Alleged Racist “Toms Brady” in a BOAT RACE.




COLTS               10:00 AM           14 CHIEFS*          + 6½

THE QUESTION

I still can't see a point where the Chiefs shouldn't be giving up more than a touchdown, even against a rookie QB on the road? 

Two more words, Brady Quinn.

Pick - Colts

THE INFORMER

Andy Luck can secure a playoff spot with a victory.

The Chiefs may play a guy named “Riki Stanzi” at QB.

Yes, the Informer fully thought he was looking up a perverted “X-Rated Porno” when he clicked on the “Riki Stanzi for Chiefs” link on twitter.

“Informer what kind of sick X-Rated Porn Fetishes are you into?

And what did you think a “Riki Stanzi” was?”

Honestly Mr. Fake reader, at this point its probably better that we don’t answer that question, you know for legal reason.

Pick - Colts - When in doubt pick the team that is playing for their playoff lives and their head coach with the life-threatening disease over the team that plays in Kansas City.

It’s a simple rule.





COWBOYS*    vs.      SAINTS          + 2.5

THE QUESTION

The Cowboys have found their swagger all of a sudden this season. 

They have been playing way to well, it's about time for Jason Garrett to mess something up. 

Pick -Saints

THE INFORMER

The Informer has been saying all month that Demarco Murray and Dez Bryant make the Cowboys a better team. At least the Informer thinks that is what he has been saying, sometimes the Informer drinks to much and forgets what he has told people.

Anyways, which means “STFFUALTIFHFSYPOS”, the Informer is going to take the home team that is playing for something, instead of the team that hasn’t won against a good team yet this year.

Yes the Informer is calling the Cowboys a good team. On a side gambling note, Jessica Simpson’s ex-boyfriend is currently second place behind Drew Brees in the race for most “Total Passing Yards” this season.

Hopefully the Cowboys realize they are a better team when Murray is running wild, and Romo is playing game manager. # The Informer may have made an alleged fake -bet on Drew Brees to win the Passing Yards title.

Pick - Cowboys

(Informer Note - STFFUALTIFHFSYPOS stands for "Shut the flyig f*ck up and let the Informer finish his f*cking story you piece of Sausage!"  At least I think that is what it stands for.  Piece of Stanzi? The Informer is getting confused)




REDSKINS    @     EAGLES*          + 5½

This story is just too good. 

Take the Redskins,  if for nothing else because I want this squad in the playoffs. 

Plus the Eagles team might get boo'ed out of their own stadium. 

You know the Eagles playing at home this week reminds me of a great movie speech a basketball coach at “Coolidge College” once gave at half-time that went something like this:


"This is the one time I am glad I'm deaf, I can't hear the BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO's"


 Pick -Redskins

THE INFORMER

LOL, that coach has to be menatlly challenged, right?

Also, the Informer is literally watching “Van Wilder” right now.

Great comedy.

The Informer must confess he is a Ryan Reynolds fan.

And the Informer thinks that Tara Reed is hot, even with that botched nipple surgery thing.

Back to football.

The Informer has been riding the Lucky for “ROY” bandwagon under the seldom known rule that he is taking his team to the playoffs.

Well with a win, the Redskins are one step closer to the playoffs, which would really make this an interesting race.

Pick - REDSKINS  - Take the team playing for something, not the team whose coach is coaching his last game ever in the City of Philadelphia.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!





BUCCANEERS vs.        RAMS  + 3

THE QUESTION

Very confused regarding each of these teams. 

Both of them have played very well at times, then at others looked like bottom dwellers in their division. 

The Bucs still have some young guns on their squad looking to prove themselves, aka The Muscle Hamster, while the Rams can pretty much pack it in. 

They are not a gritty "Jersey" team like the Bucs. 

Pick - Bucs

THE INFORMER

This seems to be the year of one team getting boat raced, and winning the next week. The Bucs lost 31-0 nothing last week. So they should win this week.

Pick - BUCS  and the Little Hamster

(Informer Cautionary Tale- Do not ever under any circumstances ask your wife to hide the Hamster in the Ham Wallet. And for god-sakes do not look up the word Ham-Wallet in the Urban Dictionary, just take the Informer's word for it.)




GIANTS        @  RAVENS*          + 2½

THE QUESTION

I would not want to be the Ravens in this game. 

The Giants are focused this week after getting shown how real men play in the National Football League. 

Pick - Giants

THE INFORMER

Ray Lewis is going to play in this game.

Which means Ray Lewis is going to do this ====)

There's that penis thing again, but it means to click on the video.

And in this case it could also be a metaphor for what Baxa is usually touching when he watches said video.

That was gross.

Listen, everyone and their dog is picking the Giants which means,

Pick - Take the home Underdog needing a win. RAVENS





TEXANS*              10:00 AM           24 VIKINGS          + 7½

THE QUESTION

This Vikings team is fighting for a playoff spot. 

They need this game and they can clog the running lanes and force the Texans to pass to score. 

The only question is can they score enough. 

This Texans D is good, but AP gets loose and keeps this one respectable. 

Pick - Vikings

THE INFORMER

PONDER ON THE ROAD! CHRISTIAN PONDER ON THE ROAD! CHRISTIAN H PONDER ON THE ROAD!

Why would the Informer do this?

O Yea



Pick - ADRIAN PETERSON/Vikes





BRONCOS*        1:05 PM           26 BROWNS          + 13

THE QUESTION

The Broncos want home field advantage and they got their break last week with the Niners beating the Patriots. 

Well this week Peyton has them focused and ready to go get home field advantage. 

I feel so dirty picking the Broncos, definitely a trader. 

Pick - Broncos.

THE INFORMER

The Informer is a touch confused as to why this makes you feel dirty? Wouldn't picking the Browns make you feel dirty, since Browns is another word for Poop?

Anyways, you know how your wife will do little things to make it more difficult to sit in the basement drinking while writing your blog?

O, normal married guys don't have that problem,  cause their not a thirty year old going on 12?

Well at any rate, can the Informer finish his story?

Tonight the blonde bombshell decided to  block the Informer’s basement bathroom with two big piles of clothes under the assumption that the Informer wouldn’t be able to take bathroom breaks and therefore would come to bed early.

Naturally the Informer just climbed over the clothes and continued to blog.

But you really do have to admire her dedication to the cause, er marriage.

Well, this week the Browns are that minor clothes block, which Peyton Manning will climb  over in his quest to win the MVP award.

And you guys didn't think the Informer could make that story relevant.

PS - The Informer is excited, the MVP and the ROY are all going to come down to the last week of the season and each award has three players deserving to win. You can’t get more exciting then that, especially if you’re a blogger who watches football for the individuals, not the teams. #THE INFORMER

Pick - Peyton and the Broncos




BEARS                 1:25 PM           28 CARDINALS*          + 5½

THE QUESTION

Let me get this straight, the Cardinals beat the Lions 38-10 last week? 

WTF happened? 

Did I miss a week?  Who did they sign? 

This season has my face in my palms shaking my head in disgust. 

I don't get it!??!?!?!  WHAT IS GOING ON NFL?!?!?  I am so confused. 

How are you supposed to make money in this league? 

The Cardinals back-to-back wins hell, why not?

Pick- Cardinals

THE INFORMER



That is how the Informer felt after taking the Lions last week.

Maybe it was the Informer's last ride Brothers?

Not really, the Informer just needed to introduce his new segment, WWF Interviews from the 1980's when guys did a lot of cocaine. Seriously, watch that video and tell the Informer you didn't laugh your ass off and then hope the Hulkster could body slam Andre The Giant.

With that said, the Informer gets his revenge this week.

Pick - Bears will be a Super Picks Contest Selection.

The Bears are still playing for playoffs while the Cards blew their collective wad last week.

Which begs the Question, How in the Blue Hell did Arizona win 5 F*cking Games in the National Football League?





49ERS                  NBC           5:30 PM           30 SEAHAWKS*          PK

THE QUESTION

A pick'em. 

Hmm...

I can't wait to see if the Niners stay focused or if they are satisfied after beating the Pats last week? 

I am glad the Patriots made a run at that game. 

It refocused them for this week and knocked them down a peg or two without a loss. 

This game has massive implications for the remaining portion of the year in the division. 

If the Seahawks win and win out they can win the division. 

If the Niners win they have a strong hold on home-field advantage. 

You tell me, who do you trust in a game where one is coached by Pete Carroll or Jim Harbaugh?

I take Harbaugh. 

Pick - Niners

THE INFORMER

Randy Moss on Sunday Night Football two nights after the World ends.

The Informer fully expects the Gosh Damn President to interrupt a Randy Moss TD to announce that the White House has been taken over by Zombies and only Woody Harrelson can save them, while the Informer screams in horror as he misses yet another Randy Touchdown. Informer screaming    =====)

Pick - 49ers - When in doubt bet the better team in a pick-em.


And the best for last.

JETS*      vs. CHARGERS          + 2½

Just kidding.

Talk about Nobody Cares!
 
THE QUESTION TAKES THE JETS

THE INFORMER TAKES THE CHARGERS

Informer Question - Since the Patriots are racist ass-holes for treating Randy Moss the way he did, does that make Rex Ryan a Sadistic Asshole? Or a Religion Rascist?

Whats the proper term for a person who hates religious people?

These are the things that keep the Informer up at night.

Enjoy the End of the World.

Merry Christmas You Filthy Animals.




And A Happy NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!