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Thursday, June 12, 2008

"Sports Illustrated Favorites"

The Informer’s favorite thing to do is sit around and read old Sports Illustrated Articles. Well, if you are sitting at work or home being bored here are some of the Informer’s favorites.

Jordan’s Last Season

Rick Reiley

Jordan vs. Kobe: I enjoy this article just because it says that Kobe never shows up in the back of a squad car.
Yes, this was before Mr. Bryant went to Colorado.

Kevin Garnett’s First Article

Love Larry Legend

Use a G-D Condom Professional Athletes

Obviously I need at least one Randy article

You have to love Ken Griffey Jr.

Formation of The Best Team Ever

Jordan’s First Retirement

The Chuckster

Friday, May 30, 2008

"Bad Day For A Legend"

The other day the Informer was “Facebook Stalking” when he came across a picture that brought back memories of the Informer’s worst birthday ever.

Before we get to that story, the Informer is going to give you little background.

You see back in the wonderful world of Schuyler Nebraska, when the Informer was just a little guy, he went by another name.

Actually the Informer used to have many names, but the one he liked the most was AYSO Legend.

Yes, the Informer was and still is a soccer legend in some parts of Nebraska.

If you don’t believe the Informer check out these stats from the Informer’s 2nd year playing organized soccer.

Note- The Informer was in first grade when he started playing AYSO soccer, but at the time he was playing a grade up and did not really thrive. But what a difference a year made.

38 Goals in nine games - No that is not a typo

6 Goals in the first game of the season, including a half court/field shot to end the game

Led team to an 8-01 record

Self-proclaimed M.V.P. of the League

At least five goals after stealing the ball from teammates

(Ask the Nasty One he has seen the film of the Informer actually stealing the ball from one of his teammates and then going in for a goal. Man the Informer was awesome.)

And even though the Informer was an offensive machine, he always spent one quarter a game as the goalie, if the Informer’s memory is as good as he thinks it is, the Informer doesn’t think he was ever scored on.

Maybe your still having a hard time buying that the Informer was a soccer legend, let me tell you another story.

Two summers ago the Informer was attending his cousin Heath’s wedding in Schuyler. During the reception the Informer ran into one of his old friends Turner.

Now Turner had just been named the Division Two Basketball Player of the Year. Basically the guy was a basketball legend. Of course the Informer walks up to Turner says hello and then says “I hear that you are some kind of big shot basketball player these days?”

Turner’s response “I’m still not an AYSO legend like you man.”

Here is a division two basketball player of the year, who the Informer has not seen since the third grade, and all this guy wants to do is talk about the Informer playing soccer.

I swear to God I am not making all of this up. The Informer used to be athletically gifted.

Anyways, back to the story.

As you may have noticed the Informer’s team went 8-0-1. That is eight wins and one tie.

That tie came on April 20th 1992. The Informer’s eighth birthday.

So the Informer is “Facebook Stalking” one of his old Schuyler friends when he notices a girl named Jackie Kerli in one of the pictures.

And the memories start coming back.

You see, as much as the Informer was a legend, which he was, Jackie was by far the second best player in the league.

In fact, if the Informer was ranking female athletes he has played against or seen play, she would be number one.

She is also the person responsible for giving the Informer his only tie of the season. . .And on his birthday no less. . . I’m telling you this chick was cold hearted.

Anyways on April 20th 1992 the Informer woke up to his normal birthday routine:

Watch Wrestlemania VII - The one where Hogan defeats the evil Sgt. Slaughter.

Eat a bowl of Lucky Charms.

Finish his glass of Orange Juice. (This was pre/vodka Informer so to answer your question. . . No, the juice was not spiked)

Put on his soccer uniform . . .Shin Guards, Green Socks, Cleats, Green Shorts and Yellow Jersey. . .We were The Mighty Ducks.

(Yes the team captain got to choose the team name, obviously we all know who the captain was)

Head to the field for a ten o’clock kickoff.

As the game started the Informer did his usual damage. He led the Ducks to a 3-0 halftime lead.

By led the Ducks, the Informer means that he scored three goals in the first half.

In the third quarter the Informer got his routine rest. Just like Phil Jackson always takes Kobe out to start the 4th quarter, the Informer always sat our the third quarter.

That’s when something bad happened. Kerli saw the Informer sitting on the bench and made here move.

By the time the Informer was able to check back in (the beginning of the 4th quarter) she had led her team all the way back and we were all tied up at 3-3.

Since the Informer already told you that he finished the season with one tie, you can probably figure out the outcome.

This may not sound like a big deal, but the Informer still wakes up in the middle of the night wondering how he and the Ducks let this game slip away.

We had a chance to go undefeated and instead we came away with a tie.

Maybe she doesn’t remember this game, and hell she probably wouldn’t even know the Informer’s name if someone asked her about me, but the Informer will never forget her.

She caused the Informer to have the worst birthday of his life.

It was either that or the fact that she wouldn’t be the Informer’s second grade girlfriend.

Anyways. . .that is the story of the Informer’s worst birthday ever and the cold-hearted bit. . .

(Sorry due to complications and the Informer going temporarily insane this blog is being cut short)

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

"An American Soldier"

Back when the Informer was still living his life in the wonderful dorms of Wayne State College he had an afternoon that would change the way he looked at heroes.

See back in the day, the Informer would have classes from ten in the morning until about two in the afternoon.

(Yes, contrary to popular belief, the Informer did used to attend classes)

The Informer remembers one afternoon when he left class and went back to his normal dorm room activities.

(Usually waiting for Tyler, Jamo or Jon to return from football practice)

Somehow this day turned out different.

In fact it turned out to be one of the days the Informer will never forget.

At about 2:00 in the afternoon the Informer clicked over to ESPN to see what was going on in the world of sports.

Instead he turned to one the most emotional funeral ever put on the T.V.

Now most of the Informer’s readers have probably heard of Pat Tillman.

He was a former NFL player who, after 911, decided to give up the opportunity to play professional football to go and fight overseas with all of the other heroes who have volunteered to protect our freedoms.

Turns out, in Tillman’s quest to protect, he would be gunned down while on duty.

So the Informer goes back to that spring day when he was sitting in Morey Hall watching the funeral.

On more then one occasion the Informer started tearing up.

Maybe it was the stories of Pat Tillman. Maybe it was the realization that the Informer had members of his family serving in the military. Or maybe it was just the fact that the Informer realized there actually are heroes in the world. Whatever the case the Informer will never forget the day he watched Pat Tillman’s funeral.

He will never forget the image of Tillman’s brother raising a beer in toast to his brother.

The Informer will never forget the stories of the crazy Tillman doing things just to prove to people that he could.

Of course, just like any American story/hero, everyone in the media has found ways to try and ruin the legacy of Tillman. They have tried to ruin the message that Tillman provided.

The message of doing something to protect the rights of other humans. Even if that means a self/sacrifice.

(In this case that self/sacrifice was a 3.6 million dollar contract and the life of a professional football player)

As it turns out Tillman was killed by friendly fire, so no longer was he a hero of war, but a casualty of war.

No longer was Tillman the selfless hero who gave up millions to fight for our country. . .Instead he was made out to be the poster boy for everything that may or may not be wrong with the war in Iraq.

You know what?

The Informer thinks that sucks.

Listen, the Informer has and always will have his sports heroes, but the men and women of the armed forces who put their lives in jeopardy, so the Informer has the freedom to go out on the weekends and do whatever he wants, will always be his heroes.

Whether it is Pat Tillman sacrificing millions, or the Informer’s cousins (Redwood, Josh and Richard) it doesn’t matter, the Informer considers you his heroes.

And with that said the Informer is urging all of his readers to take the twenty minutes to read the following link.

Maybe it wasn’t a happy ending, but it is definitely a name and story worth remembering.

“Here is to Pat Tillman and everyone else overseas fighting for our freedoms. . .Happy Memorial Day.”

Pat Tilman's Story

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

"Siskel and Informer at the Movies"

Since the last time the Informer wrote a blog he has heard one thing, “Mr. Informer your last few blogs seem like you are trying to hard to be funny.”

The Informer would actually agree with this criticism. The fact of the matter is, the Informer was getting worn down and needed to take a little “Blog Break” to rejuvenate his juices.

With that said, the Informer is back in full force with a little blog about his ten favorite non-comedy movies of all-time.

The reason the Informer is doing non-comedy is because he doesn’t think you the reader would really enjoy another blog about Adam Sandler and Super Troopers.

Before we get started, I would like to warn the Zest beforehand that I did not put Braveheart in my top 10, but the Informer is guran-damn-teeing that he will agree with my choice for Number 1.

Lets get to the list:

10. Dazed and Confused

“Come on Informer, tenth, this movie is at least in the top 5?”

The Informer would normally agree, but he changed his mind the other night after watching VH1’s top 40 “Hot Hotties of the 90’s.”

Let me explain.

Growing up in the 90’s every guys top five hotties list would have included some version of the following:

A young Britney, Pamela Anderson, Carmen Electra, said person’s random crush from the 90’s (For the Informer it would be Nicole Eggert. Yes, the same girl who once dated Charles and Charge.) and of course everyone’s favorite high school cheerleader, Kelly Kapowski.

So the Informer tunes into the show to see where Tiffany Amber Theissen was going to be on the list.

She had to be top five, right?

Turns out VH1 decided to put Tiffany in the 40th slot, two spots behind some gay-male model the Informer has never even heard of.

What VH1 was doing is the same thing the Informer is doing, by putting Theissen first on their countdown (40th overall) people like the Informer would keep watching just to see who they actually thought was hotter then Kelly.

So that is why Dazed is rated so low on the list, to make you keep reading to find out what movies the Informer actually thinks are better.

If the Informer is following VH1’s lead, I’m guessing that Brokeback Mountain is going to be number eight, lets find out.

9. Forrest Gump
The Informer is a sucker for a good story. Well, there is not a better story then that of Gump.

Let’s see:

Meet Elvis Pressley - Check

Win the Heisman Trophy - Check

Become a Vietnam War Hero - Check

"Date" a girl who posed for Playboy - Check

(The Informer is using quotations here because he doesn't really mean date, he means something else. But since this is a family friendly site, you the reader will have to look at the quotations and use your imagination)

Become one of the Richest Men in the World - Check

Run across the country - Check

Have your kid (Haley Joe Osmond) star in the 6th sense alongside Bruce Willis - Check

You have to admit that is a pretty damn good story.

8. Rounders
“Cheese and Rice Informer, Rounders? Really?”

The Informer apologizes but this was his go to movie in college. (I know, it explains a lot)

The Informer thinks that this is a really good movie about a buddy who can’t let go of his old friends and lifestyle, not about poker.

Actually, Worm (Ed Norton) is probably the worst best friend a human being could have, yet to Matt Damon he will always be his best friend, no matter what.

Isn’t that a movie you would like to see?

Instead, everyone thinks that if you like this movie you are either a degenerate gambler or one hand away from “1-800 Bets Off.”

Whatever the Informer likes this movie, and it is his list so he is putting it on there.

Now if you will excuse me, I have a phone call to make.

7. The Departed
The Informer had to put a mafia movie in here.

But, since he has a rule that movies from the 1970’s, no matter how good, can’t be used in his list it came down to this movie and Goodfellas.

Turns out the Informer likes Matt Damon and Leo Dicaprio a lot more then he likes Ray Liotta.

I know what your thinking, “Informer you don’t like the guy who played Shoeless Joe Jackson in Eight Men Out?”

So maybe I didn’t know what you were actually thinking but I do now, “Who in the blue hell is Shoeless Joe Jackson, and what the hell is Eight Men Out?”

The Informer’s favorite part of the Departed is the ending. If you haven’t seen the movie the Informer is not going to ruin the ending, but let’s just say that everyone dies except Mark Walberg’s character.

6. The Unforgiven
Story about a killer (Clint Eastwood) turned father, while struggling to stay clean and out of trouble before eventually getting “Hammered” and killing everyone.

The Informer loves this movie, and thinks it is the best Western (Not the hotel, the movie genre) ever made.

Here is the thing, Western’s are a hard thing to place because to many people feel very strongly that certain one’s are better then others.

For example the Informer’s former roommate Craig thinks that Tombstone is the best movie ever made.

The Informer is telling you this for one reason, all western’s are the same, except for The Unforgiven, and that is why it is on the list.

The Informer is confusing himself, we should move on before he has another stroke.

5. Troy
Great fight scenes. Great Actors (With the exception of Orlando Bloom, he sucks). Great Story. Great History. Brad Pitt.

Does the Informer really have to explain why this movie made the Top 5.

Plus, as an added bonus, the Informer knows it pisses people off when he says that Troy is way better than 300.

Well people, I see Troy on the list, but no 300.

I think my point has been proven.

4. Good Will Hunting
So the Informer is going to go out on a limb and say that his favorite actor is Matt Damon.

Also, no matter what anyone says, the Informer enjoys Ben Afflack.

Which reminds me, when the Informer does his Top 10 “Awesome Cheesy Movies Blog” he promises that Armageddon will be number 1.

And no, it has nothing to do with someone from the Informer’s past, he just loves that movie.

I could stay awake. . .just to hear you breathing. . .watch you smile while you are sleeping. . .why your far away and dreaming. . .cause I don’t wanna miss a thing. . .

You see, that is not creepy at all.

3. American History X
This movie has two of the most gruesome scenes in movie history. The Informer is honestly wondering which one is worse.

Prison Shower Scene or Bite the Curb

Either way, the Informer loves this movie.

If you haven’t wathced X, it is about a “Skinhead” (Norton) who goes to prison for killing a guy.

While in prison he meets a person of opposite race, who helps Norton realize that his ways are very ignorant.

Unfortunately by the time he gets out of prison, his younger brother has already been corrupted.

Needless to say, this movie does not end happily, but life rarely does.

Bonus: The Dad from “Boy Meets World” plays a racist fire-fighter in this movie, not sure why that is a bonus but it made the Informer laugh.

2. Ghostbusters
Hey it is the Informer’s favorite movie of all-time.

And the Winner Is. . . . . .. . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . .

1. Anything with Vin Diesel

Did you actually think we would get through a top 10 movie list without one appearance from Triple X.

For the love of God, this man once escaped from a prison that could not be escaped from.

And he is the man who taught all of us to live our lives a quarter mile at a time.

In all honesty, when the Informer is trying to pick a religion for his children, “The Chronicles of Riddick” will be at the top of the list.

Its good to be back.

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

"Television Writer"

(Informer Note - The following story you are about to read is completely false. The Informer is doing his best to try and show some Hollywood people that he has the talent to be a television writer. In no way does the following fictional story have anything to do with the recent events of Mr. Roger Clemens. The Informer assures you that he made all of this story up in his mind and decided that you the reader should have a chance to read it. Thank you and enjoy)

Narrator - “Tonight on a very special “How To Catch A Predator” a former baseball star is caught with his cleats off. Let tonight’s episode be a reminder to all, no matter how much money or fame you have, if you are a predator we will find you..”

First Act:

Chris Hansen Host - “Good evening ladies and gentlemen. Thank you for joining us here tonight. We are located in the house of famous 15-year old country music star Cindi McYoungster. We are here tonight because of the rumors that a former major league baseball star, Grenade Launcher Lemons, has been carrying on a illegal and illicit affair with the young McYoungster. Hopefully with a little help from our T.V. cameras we can figure out why this is happening, and of course take a predator off the streets.”

(As we fade to the first commercial of the night, the Doorbell rings, things are about to pick up)

Act Two:

Narrator - As we are coming out of the commercial break we have our special undercover agent Shirly Looksyoung telling our predator to come on in side. As she is supposedly just getting out of the shower, she has left our guy alone in the kitchen to make himself comfortable. Little does he know he is about to have his life changed.

S.L. - Come on in Grenade (from the other room) I am just going to finish getting ready, make yourself at home.

G.L. - “Okay Baby (In a Deep I do Steroids Voice), but hurry up, you know the Launcher could go off at any minute.”

S.L. - “O Grenade, your so pushy.”

G.L. - “Sorry baby, sometimes my medicine gives me rage, I’ll calm down.”

"Enter Chris Hansen"

Chris Hansen - “Mr. Lemons, I am Chris Hansen from the T.V. show “How To Catch A Predator” I was hoping I would be able to ask you some questions.”

G.L. - “What the hell is going on here, the Launcher is just here to get a new copy of McYoungster’s C.D not to be on some “Catch a Predator show?”

C.H. - “Is that how you are going to approach this Mr. Lemons, that you were only here to get a CD?”

G.L. - “The truth will set you free my man, and I am just here for the music, as you can see the Launcher is no predator.”

C.H. - “Well, the owner of the baseball team that you stole 28 million dollars from last year may think differently, but that is for another time and place, today we are trying to figure out why you are over at a 15-year old girls house unsupervised.”

G.L. - “Listen man, the Launcher is a married man with children, why in the hell would you think I was here to do anything other then listen to this girls music?”

C.H. - Well Grenade, the fact that you are carrying a bottle of wine, some pills and a box of rubbers doesn’t help your case. O and the fact that you are wearing nothing but a bath robe.”

(At this point Mr. Lemons pushes his chair over and starts heading for the nearest exit as we head to our second commercial break)

Back from Break:

C.H. - “Where are you going, I am not finished with my interview?”

G.L. - “I am not going to sit here and listen to these accusations, everyone knows that when the Launcher isn’t pitching he only wears a bathrobe, and I can assure you these pills are not for little girls.”

C.H. - “That’s fine Mr. Lemons, you are free to go at any time, but know this, when you walk outside there are two police officers waiting to Goldberg you to the ground and then taser the sh*t out of you.”

G.L. - “What do you want from me man, you are sitting here trying to take my life away, I am not some murderer, I am just a married man who made a mistake?”

C.H. - “No Mr. Launcher, you are a predator who is going to prison, where you will never be able to prey on young country music stars ever again.”

(As we head to our third and final commercial Chris motions to the doors as a police officer barges through and “Goldberg’s” the Launcher before proceeding to taser the sh*t out of him)

Back from Break:

Narrator - “Mr. Lemons was once considered the greatest pitcher in baseball. At one time he was worth over 20 million dollars a year. But when you are a predator we will find you, and today thanks to some great work by Mr. Wallace a bad person is off the streets. We said it at the beginning and we will say it again, no matter who you are or what you have done, if you are a bad man we will find you and send you where you belong, sitting in a 8x8 cell. Thank you again for joining us tonight, and have a safe and predator free week.”

(With the credits rolling we get a sneak peak at a debut show”)

Promotional Narrator - “Tonight on a very special “Treynor Hills 51575, A struggling writer turns to booze for a quick fix, will his buddies step up and save the day, or will they join in the trouble? Find out next!”

If you did not enjoy the Informer audition for a Hollywood Writing job, just remember I am only a click away from finding Mr. Hansen’s phone number online and sending him to your house.

So I suggest that you pretend you enjoyed it.

O, and remember that story you just read was completely fictional. (Is fictional the word that means not true, or is that Non Fiction?

Whatever, the story you read was completely fictional, or Non-Fictional.

It was one of the two.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Death of a Gunslinger

The Gunslinger has finally been holstered.

The heroic American Icon has decided the time is now to hang up his boots.

The Wyatt Earp of the NFL is surrendering his badge.

Billy, I mean “Brett the kid” is finally heading to old Mexico, retiring from a life of violence, err football.

(Searching to come up with some more cowboy references)

Brett Favre has retired.

Cowboy references aside, the Informer is trying to gauge the proper response to this development.

On today there was a big picture of Brett, before the Informer even saw a headline he new that Favre had finally made the decision to walk away from the game. And now the Informer needed to figure out just how he was going to remember Brett. This was harder then one would think.

It is hard for the Informer to gauge a proper response because for the longest time he hated Brett Favre.

Not just because so many people thought he was the greatest things since frozen pizza.

Not just because people always said how much fun Favre was having, like nobody else in the NFL was having any fun.

No the Informer hated Brett Favre because he was on the enemy team.

Growing up I had two favorite teams, the San Francisco 49ers led by Jerry Rice, and the Minnesota Vikings led by Randy Moss.

Of course both of these teams tasted defeat at the hands of the legend numerous times.

But lately something changed, once Favre started getting a little long in the tooth, the Informer actually started rooting for the Gunslinger.

This is what the Informer calls the John Stockton rule. Basically, if someone does his job so well for so long, then eventually you have to start respecting their game.

In Stockton’s case the Informer has never hated another NBA player or team more then he hated John and the Jazz. But after sixteen straight years of excellence, respect turned into admiration. Stockton was passed his prime, but still dishing out dimes left and right. This caused the Informer to actually start rooting for him to succeed.

The same thing happened with Brett.

This past year, other then New England, the Informer rooted for the Packers to continue their Cinderella Run. I even wrote that no NFL fan wanted to see the Giants in the Super Bowl, because we all wanted to see the “Legendary Gunslinger” try to defeat “The Evil Empire.” (New England vs. Green Bay)

Unfortunately, the NFL’s all-time leader in interceptions threw his most costly pick in overtime against the Giants in the NFC Championship Game.

Sadly that will be the last memory the Informer will have of Favre.

I will remember that the child in a man’s body, who always came through in the clutch, failed the one time the Informer was actually rooting for him.

After years of ripping the Informer’s heart out by beating his favorite teams, Favre found a new way to rip out his heart.

I guess that’s the life of a gunslinger.

Love them or hate them, eventually one day, every gunslinger finds a battle he can’t win.

Apparently today was that day for Favre.

And as much as the Informer hates Favre for always ripping his heart out, he is going to miss the shoot-outs.

Friday, February 29, 2008

Wrestlemania Moments

Because of the Informer’s new goal, he is going to be writing at least one wrastling article a week. But on those rare occasions when he has nothing better to write about the Informer is going to give you his wrastling thoughts.

And with Wrestlemania just around the corner, what better time to write the Informer’s greatest Wrestlemania moments.

10. The Mega-Powers Collide at Wrestlemania V:

The informer was not old enough to watch this event live, but after numerous VHS viewings this is one of the Informer’s favorite Wrestlemania moments.

You have to remember that Hogan and Savage were the Mega-Powers for most of the year leading up to Mania. Then during a “Saturday Night Wrestling Special” Miss Elizabeth (Macho Man’s Lady and the Hottest Chick in the WWE) was knocked out of the ring and injured mid-match.

Well, Hogan being the gentleman he is decided to carry Liz backstage to get her help from the doctor, leaving the Macho Man all alone to fight off their two opponents.

After the match, in a jealous rage, Savage found Hogan and attacked him setting up a showdown at Mania, not only for the belts, but for the love of Miss Liz.

Savage ended up defeating Hogan to become the WWF Champion. After the match the Mega-Powers shook hands and together lifted Liz in the air, once again showing that any fued can be solved in the squared –circle.

9. The return of the Dead-Mann:

For awhile in the early part of this century the Pheonomn known as the Undertaker decided to become alive and start riding a motorcycle to the ring.

He changed his theme song and was no longer the deadman, but the American Badass or something. Unfortunately for the Undertaker his brother Kane, buried him alive at the Survior Series.

The Informer was heartbroken, how could the Undertaker be dead.

Then strange things started to happen.

And wouldn’t you know it, at Wrestlemania the Deadman returned.

I don’t remember which Mania this was, just that when the first dong hit, the Informer had chills.

8. Omg…It’s the Hulkster:

At Wrestlemania 9, Yokozunna was in a match with Bret the Hitman Hart. At the time Hart stood for everything that was good in wrestling while Yokozunna stood for everything that was wrong .

Toward the end of the match Brett had Yoko right where he wanted him. With the Sharpshooter applied Yoko was getting ready to tap when his manager threw some mysterious powder into Harts face, giving Yoko the chance to pin Hart and retain the championship belt.

As tears started falling down the Informer’s face, he knew only a miracle could make this situation right.

And just then Hogan’s music hits, the Informer Hulks up and watches Hogan defeat the evil Yokozunna and become the new WWF champion. The Informer was a little delirious after this happened, but I am pretty sure Hogan then went and walked on water.

7. Coming this Year:

Zesty wants the Informer’s number seven best Wrestlemania moment to be when the Big Show puts Money Meryweather into a hoagie bun and eats him.

Just like the dude, the Informer abides.

6. Man I hate Cena:

Michaels vs. Cena for the championship belt. Michaels was out to prove he had one more run in him as the champion, while Cena was out to prove that he still sucks in the ring, and can’t hold a candle to the show stopper.

The reason this makes the list is because it will probably be the last time that Shawn is in the Main event at Mania. Even though the WWE decided to keep the strap on Cena, the match and the Mania was stolen once again by the Show-Stopper.

Long Live HBK.

5. Hogan is a Real American:

In the Informer’s favorite Mania ever, number seven, Hogan defeated Sgt. Slaughter to bring the belt back to America. The reason this match meant so much to the Informer and the United States, was because Slaughter, a once famous U.S. Military Soldier, had sold his loyalty to the Iron Shek all the while bad mouthing the United States.

Luckily for Americans everywhere, the Hulkster restored the order, defeating Slaughter, and then waving the American Flag.

U.S.A. U.S.A. U.S.A U.S.A

4. Tables Ladders and Chairs, O My:

Ever since number 16, the WWE has been having some kind of TLC match.

Whether it was for the Tag belts, or the Money in the Bank Match.

Just know, that besides Shawn Michaels, this is the one constant show stealing Match. In fact this match is the main reason people love Jeff Hardy so much.

3. Clash of the Heros:

Wrestlemania Six. Hogan vs. Warrior.

If you watch this match now it is pretty bad, basically because neither guy could wrastle, but as a kid this match meant everything to the Informer. His former and still hero Hulk Hogan matching up against everybody’s new favorite hero.

The Warrior won the match, but Hogan ended up winning the war, by becoming champion again at “Seven” and by having the most successful career of all-time.

2. Its Miss Liz:

At Wrestlemania Seven, the Warrior defeated the Macho Man in a lose and you retire match.

The Informer was happy because at the time the Macho Man had become a bad guy, even trading in Miss Liz for the always mean and nasty Queen Sheri.

After the match, realizing that Macho was going to have to retire, Sheri started kicking our former hero while he was down.

Someone had to do something.

Then from out of the crowd jumps Miss Liz racing to Macho’s side. Liz threw Sheri out of the ring, and evntually the Macho Man would propose, and he and Liz would be married later that summer at Summer Slam.

Yes, the Informer is a sucker for Happy endings.

1. Hogan vs. the Rock:

The Informer has no words to describe this moment. I am not sure if this match is on youtube or not, but if it is the Informer suggest you watch it.

If it is not on youtube, go rent Wrestlemania 19. The Informer thinks this it is 19.

Trust the Informer, not very often does a wreslting match suck you in, but Hogan vs. Rock is one of those matches that will live forever.

Now if you will excuse the Informer, it is time to say some prays, take some vitamins and maybe, just maybe, layeth the Smack Down.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Raw is War

Since the Informer is trying to get noticed by a certain website, his one reader is going to have to sit through one of these blogs every Tuesday.

Or at least until the Informer gives up his dream of writing for said website.

So Mr. Snaps sit back and get ready for Monday Night Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw!

The preview for tonight’s Raw is hyping the battle between boxing legend Floyd Money Mayweather and the WWE’s very own Big Show.

Coincidentally, Big Show also has the Informer’s favorite gimmick ever, when he used to come to the ring as the Big Smoke, and instead of wrestling he would just sit in the corner and chain smoke. Now that is some good creative work by the WWE.

(Informer Note- the Informer swears to God the worst gimmick he has ever seen is Robo Cop teaming up with Sting to defeat the Four Horseman. Not some guy stealing the name Robo Cop, but the actual Robot from the movie Robo Cop. Go to and put in Robo Cop and wrestling and you will find the video. But make sure you wear your depends because the Informer guarantees you piss yourself from laughter. At least that is what happened to the Informer.)

Forgot to mention the Informer is being joined by the Zesty for tonight’s Raw.

Thoughts so far from the Zest:
1. Is Raw really War?
2. What the hell is the Big Show going to do, put Mayweather in a Hoagie and eat him?

Let’s just say the Zest is fairly lukewarm on the prospects of tonight’s Raw.

Raw opens the show with Triple H (Hunter Hearst Hemsley), John Cena, and Randy Orton in the ring.

Zesty would like the Informer’s reader to know that the reason he hates wrestling is because of all the standing around and talking.

Okay then.

Funniest segment of the night, after Orton finishes off Hunter and Cena with his finishing move, the RKO, he is shown backstage with Mr. Kennedy.

As Orton calls him Ken, Orton is quickly reminded that his name is Mr. Kennedy. (I promise it was hysterical on TV. Kennedy said Mr. Kennedy really soft and fast while Orton was still talking. Trust the Informer it was funny.)

After the break the WWE fans are treated to a tag-team match between some Italian Sausage Guy, the always unentertaining Carlito, who continues to use the same boring apple spitting gimmick he has had for six years, and the tag-team champs. The Informer knows that one of the champions is the American Dream Dusty Rhodes’ kid, but that is all the background he can give you.

Not sure who won this match, the Informer was to busy trying to jam a pen into his eye.

Best match of the night Jeff Hardy vs. Chris Jericho for a chance to qualify for the Money in the Bank match at Wrestlemania.

Jericho wins. Great match, great finish. I even saw the Zest give a fist pump.

Apparently he is a closet Jericoholic.

Mr. McMahon is shown backstage wearing a suit but still trying to flex for a mirror. Is there anyone on the face of the earth you would rather be than Vince?

Vince comes to the ring and finds out that his illegitimate son, the Irish little person Hornswoggle, is not really his kid.

O great, so the Informer wasted the last six months believing the kid was Vince’s and now I find out its not. Sometimes the WWE can be so cruel.

“I think I’m cute, I know I’m sexy, I got the looks that drive the girls wild, I’m just a sexy boy.”

Michaels beats up two guys then out comes the one and only Nature Boy Ric Flair.


Michaels and the Natch are going to wrestle at Wrestlemania. I am not saying this because Shawn is my favorite wrestler in the WWE, but this is going to be the best match of the Nature Boy’s career. O and it is also going to be his last.

The Informer is getting a little tired. The jokes are starting to become lame.

Raw ends with Mr. Kennedy beating up Cena as Hunter watches.

Two hours and ten minutes later the Informer was impressed. Solid Raw, the Vince segment sucked, as did the tag-team match but otherwise Raw was pretty good.

One final problem.

You the reader, J. Snaps, may have noticed no mention of the Big Show or Hoagie boy being on Raw tonight. It just so happens that neither decided to make an appearance.

Come on WWE, don’t spend the week hyping a confrontation between the two and then having neither party show up on Raw. At lest give us an excuse.

I don’t know, something like the Show couldn’t make it because he ran out of Cigs.

Anything would have been sufficient.

O well, the countdown to Mania is on.

Monday, February 25, 2008

Must watch NBA

Not since the Michael Jordan era has the NBA been so exciting.

So unpredictable.

Seriously, when was the last time the NBA was must watch TV?

The individuals in the league have had their moments over the past few years. Kobe becoming an absolute scoring machine. Lebron averaging 32 points a game as a 22-year old. Or even Dwayne Wade leading the Heat to an NBA Championship.

Honestly though, the Informer has never been so excited for an NBA season. Most of this excitement probably has to do with the Lakers finally being relevant again, but still the excitement is there.

Last Wednesday, the Informer got the exact same text from two of his buddies.

“This is the best NBA regular season game I have seen.”

Obviously there was a little exaggeration with the best ever, but the Lakers-Suns game from last week was at least the best regular season game in recent memory.

Think about it, Shaq’s first start for the Suns, Kobe and Gasol trying to take over the Pacific Division lead with a win over the Suns, and a young power forward (Amare Stoudamire) throwing down 37 points in his first time playing with a dominant center (Shaq).

The reason this game was so great, the prospect of this happening over and over again throughout the rest of the NBA season.

Right now the west is so competitive that the Lakers would have the number one seed if the playoffs started today, yet they are only five games ahead of the 8th seeded team.

How about the way Lebron has been playing lately. The debate over the best player in the NBA is officially a two man race (Lebron vs. Kobe).

I am sorry to all D-Wade fans out their, but Wade’s team has nine wins. One of the announcers on the ABC crew said it best yesterday, “You can not be the best at anything when your team only has nine wins.”

The Informer is willing to give Wade another chance next season, since it is clear he has been playing injured most of the season. But from now on he is a second tier superstar.

The first tier includes: Kobe, Lebron, Duncan, Garnett, Chris Paul and Nash.

Back to Lebron. Since his first game in the NBA the Informer has been under the impression that one day Lebron would be the best in the NBA. At the same time, as long as Kobe was in the league it was going to be very hard for King James to be that guy in the Informer’s eyes.

Things are slowly starting to change. The Informer still thinks nobody is better than Kobe, but at the same time the Informer thinks nobody is better than Lebron. Does that make sense?

In Sunday’s victory for the Cavs, James’ stat line was 27 points, 11 assist, 7 rebound and 3 steals.

Some will say okay that’s a pretty good game. Honestly, these are the numbers that Lebron is putting up on a night to night basis.

On Friday night, Lebron had 33 points, 15 rebounds, and 8 assist.
By the way, those numbers were the first time in four games that James did not produce a triple-double.

Are you F-ing kidding me?

Then you have to look over and watch Kobe beat his arch-rivals (Suns) by scoring 41 points with a torn pinkie tendon on his shooting hand.

Are these really the types of performances the Informer is going to be seeing for the rest of the year?

Finally, do you realize the Informer just wrote an entire blog about how awesome the NBA is and didn’t even get a chance to talk about Chris Paul (The best PG in the NBA, yes better than Nash), the Dallas Mavericks and Jason Kidd, how awesome the Spurs have been playing, how scary the Denver Nuggets and Utah Jazz are going to be in the playoffs, or even the fact that the Portland Trailblazers may make the playoffs even though Greg Oden hasn’t played a game all year?

If none of this makes sense the Informer apologizes.

I am yapping like a 13-year old school girl who just got her own phone.

It just doesn’t seem possible that the NBA can be this good. So many stories, so many individual performances followed by great team performances. Just a perfect storm of an NBA season.

Like the Informer said, right now he is just a giddy little school girl.

Friday, February 22, 2008

Rehash The Past

The Informer is working on a NBA blog that he is hoping to post sometime next week.

Until then, the Informer is going back in time to review one of his favorite ariticles.

Obviously this just means the Informer is being to lazy to write something new.

O well, its the Informer's blog.

When ESPN turned 25 they led up to their birthday with a series of sports lists.

Well, in three weeks the Informer turns 21, so I am going to start my own little countdown.

This week I am going to showcase my 21 favorite sports movies that I have seen during my youth, next week I will have another list, and this will continue right up to the day I turn the big 2-1.

Remember I have little space, so some of these choices will not be able to be explained in depth, but trust me these are all great movies.

21. "Friday Night Lights"-Great movie, loses points because I have only seen it once.

(The Informer stands by his decisions to put Lights number 21. This movie has a great ending, but the rest of the movie is pretty slow. I am just the messanger.)

20. "Remember the Titans"-I will admit it, I cried at least once during this movie.

(Yes, the Informer enjoys a good cry when a movie warrants one. And no, this does not make the Informer a complete wuss.)

19. "Jerry Maguire"- Show me the Money.

(I swear to God, Jerry is a few more Tom Cruise Scientologist moments away from getting thrown off the list.)

18. "Major League I and II"- Lets just say the plot is a little far fetched, but any time washed up pros get together with guys who played in the California Penal League only good things can happen.

(Best Quote of the Movie..."Just a bit outside.")

17. "Miracle"-USA! USA! USA!

16. "Mystery Alaska"- Just an all around fun movie, if you like hockey check it out.

15. "The Program"-Lets just say that if I could be one guy ever, it would probably be the steroid freak, Lattimer. I really wish I was that crazy, I think it could be fun.

14. "Rocky1-4"-If you dont like "Rocky 1-4", you can quit reading right now. And if you like "Rocky V" you can quit reading right now.

13. "Field of Dreams"- You know I once built something and nobody came.

12. "A League of their Own"- Tom Hanks as a drunk manager of a womens baseball team, and you wonder why it is such a great movie.

11. "Blue Chips"- Shaq and Penny Hardaway team up with a white guy from Indiana, let the NCAA violations begin.

10. "Rad"- Bicycle movie from the 1980s. When I was a kid I would watch this movie religiously, just because Cru Jones was the man. And if you havent seen this movie it is a little dated now, but dont knock the selection until you have tried it.

(The best bad movie on the list. If you have not watched Rad, the Informer feels sorry for you childhood.)

9. "Kingpin"-What is better then an Amish bowler? An Amish bowler teamed up with a one armed man and Miss. Claudia.

("What did I just say?"
"I think I ripped my sack.")

8."Caddyschack"- Just a killer cast, Chase, Dangerfield and Murray.

7. "Rounders"-One of my favorite movies ever, but since some people dont consider poker a sport I had to drop it down on the list.

6. "Above the Rim"-Man, I wish Tupac was still alive.

5. "Tin Cup"- Probably one of the best finishes in any movie. Never has an ending made me feel so bad and so good at the same time.

4. "Hoosiers"- Usually considered the greatest sports movie ever. It gets number four on my list because I got caught watching the paint dry.

3. "Mighty Ducks 1,2,3"- I dont care if they are not great movies, these were the three most important movies of my childhood, so they go into the top five. Special props to the second one, obviously the best of the three.

2. "Happy Gilmore"- Probably my favorite Adam Sandler movie. It would be moved up to number one had he not spent the night with the grandma lady after his girlfriend left him.

1. "Varsity Blues"-Didnt everyone spend high school getting drunk, having sex on dryers, and playing football.? Well, if you didnt then you probably dont understand why Varsity Blues is number one. Just remember "Playing football at West Cannon is not the opportunity of a lifetime, but reading the Informer every week is."

(There are a few things the Informer would change about this list. One, where is the original "Bad News Bears?" Two how is "Kingpin" not ahead of "Caddy Shack?" I guess the Informer just got Munsoned out in the middle of nowhere. Finally, the Informer took a lot of heat for putting "Varsity Blues" number one. The Infomrer guesses that the people who criticized were also the same people who didn't spend high school getting drunk, having sex on dryers, and playing football.)

Friday, February 15, 2008

They Lost

They lost.

Back in 1998 when Randy was a rookie, the Minnesota Vikings lost the NFC Championship Game to the Atlanta Falcons.

The Informer was at basketball practice when he found out the best offense in football lost because the best kicker in the NFL that year, Gary Anderson, missed a game clinching field goal. Anderson hadn’t missed a field goal all year, perfect regular seaon, but missed the biggest kick of the season.

Moss that year set the NFL on fire by catching 17 touchdowns, a rookie record.

Fast forward ten years, to the greatest offensive team of all-time.

New England wasn’t just beating teams, they were humilating them.

Most offensive touchdowns and points in a season.

The best season a quarterback ever had.

The most touchdowns by a wide receiver in a single season.

Yet again, they lost.

Watching the Super Bowl in seemed like a bad dream.

The once dominant Patriots decided to play conservative.

For the first time all season, they played not to lose, instead of playing to show everyone their greatness.

What happened?

The New York Giants won.

The Patriots lost their chance at immortalitiy.

And the Informer was once again speechless.

Honestly, I have no idea what to say.

I can’t believe it happened.

For two days after the Super Bowl the Informer expected to hear he had a bad dream.

This couldn’t be true.

So what went wrong?

In the words of Luietenent Einhorn, “What do yo know about pressure?”

So what is left?

How does a fan deal with the loss?
In the Informer’s case he does not have the answer.

His team lost and there is nothing left to celebrate.

The team that couldn’t be beaten lost because they played scared.

His favorite player is being scrutinized because he didn’t make the catch.

But, at the end of the day all that matters is next year.

Maybe it sucks now, but the beauty of sports is always next year.

So everyone moves on, we go to the next sport, whether its March Madness, the NBA, or MLB.

At the end of the day the Informer will always remember the year that was.

The resurgance of the greatest receiver in the NFL today.

Tom Brady finally having the Stats and the Rings.

And maybe, just maybe, next year will be better.

It is the circle of the sports world.

There is always tommarow.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Super Bowl Pick

My buddy Q called yesterday with a simple question, who do you like in the Super Bowl?

The Informer thought about the question and eventually answered the Patriots will win but not cover the spread (13 points).

The Informer felt this way for two reasons:

1. The Giants are the hottest team in football right now.

2. The Patriots have not covered the spread in something like 7 of their last 8 games.

There is one problem however.

The Informer couldn’t sleep last night knowing he told his buddy to back Eli Manning against the best team ever.

Honestly, this has to play into the equation. This is the same quarterback who led his team to 56 total yards in the second half against the Dallas Cowboys. But, because he did not throw an interception in the playoffs, everyone is forgetting that he is still Eli “Freaking” Manning going against the best Super Bowl quarterback since Joe Montana.

Then you have to add in the fact that the Giants cornerbacks could not cover Donald Driver, allowing a ninety-yard touchdown, in the freezing cold no less. Yet, the Informer is supposed to put his faith in these same cornerbacks against the best passing offense of all-time.

(If you really think Randy is not going to be putting up a Jerry Rice like 10 catches for 130 yards and three touchdowns, you are crazy.)

Finally, doesn’t the Informer have to give some consideration to Bill Belichick getting two weeks to prepare for a team that only has two players on their roster with Super Bowl experience? Did the Informer forget to mention that the Giants only have two players with Super Bowl experience? Won’t this somehow play a factor? You have one team with two guys who have played in the Super Bowl, and the other team is going for their fourth Super Bowl Ring.

Yes, experience matters.

Now, one of the main rules of gambling is to always go with your first instinct.

That is simple enough, but what was the Informer’s first instinct?

Did he think that the Giants are the hottest team in football and that they are going to give the Patriots a tough challenge?

The simple answer No, it was not.

The Informer’s first thought, this is going to be the 49ers-Broncos all over again. (The 49ers won that Super Bowl 55-10.)

Are the Giants going to play tough and keep it close?

Yes, but by keeping it close the Informer means it is not going to be 55-10, more like 35-20.

A win and a cover for the Patriots is the Informer’s new stance.

Welcome to the discussion of the greatest dynasty’s of all-time New England.

And finally, Randy Moss gets some bling-bling to go with his “Straight Cash Homey.”

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Its the 75th SAG Awards

Lets do a little Bill Simmons running diary of the SAG Awards on TNT, with some updates from the Royal Rumble.

The Informer is not sure what the SAG awards are but Bragelina is here, and Britney Spears was not invited, so it must be important.

6:47- We are currently watching the pregame show on E. Glenn Close is on the screen talking about Johnny Depp, hopefully this will lead to Fatal Attraction II where Close falls head over heels psycho for Edward Scissor Hands. Hey, If Martin Luther can have a dream, so can the Informer.

6:50- Current movies the Informer can chose to watch during SAG commercials include: National Treasure, Titanic, The Longest Yard, and of course the Fox Movie channel is showing the Power Rangers Movie. There is a chance we may have to cut this diary short.

6:52-What would be better?

Having Snoop Dogg as your father, or Hugh Hefner as your boyfriend, find out tonight on E.

6:54- My buddy Zesty just bought a Nic Cage triology in honor of the Informers move down to Missouri. One can only hope the movies are Snake Eyes, Con Air, and Face Off.

6:56 Four minutes away from the start of the Royal Rumble. Unfortunately, the Informer will not be watching this year’s production. But, for the sake of fun, Triple H will win the Rumble, Randy Orton will defeat Jeff Hardy, and Hornswoggle, the Irish little guy, will spend the evening going in and out of the Rumble match without being eliminated because he will go under the bottom rope.

7:05- Steve Carrell and Tina Fey are on the screen, is it okay to think Fey is hot.

7:07- The winner of the Best Actor in a Drama award is…Tony Soprano. If this night turns into a Sopranos love fest I guarantee this diary will be cut short.

7:08- John Travolta is on the screen with some chick that probably should not be.

7:09- I will not be watching the movie Hairspray now or anytime in my life.

7:11- Surprise, Eddie, or is it Eedie, Falco of the Sopranos wins best female actress in a Drama. The Informer can’t be to upset because he hasn’t seen any of the other nominee’s shows.

7:15- Just read that Stephanie McMahon doesn’t want Jeff Hardy to win the title tonight at the Rumble. What a surprise, you mean the daughter of the owner and wife of the WWE’s biggest star doesn’t want someone who is not her husband to win the title.

7:16- Who exactly is Blair Underwood. Never heard of him, but he is on the screen right now.

7:19- The Screen Actors Guild was created in 1933, the same year Hugh Hefner lost his virginity. The Girls Next Doors should be very proud of themselves.

7:23- Best cast in a TV show is about to be announced, I swear if the Sopranos wins over Boston Legal the Informer will snap.

7:23- This sucks. I know the Sopranos is an awesome show blah blah blah, but why even do the damn award show if it is going to be one long Sopranos tribute.

7:24- On the bright side there are now twenty people on stage with the same goofy smile.

7:26- Rumble update, Ric Flair kept his career alive with a victory over United States Champion M.V.P. Whooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

7:28- Man the Informer needs to start watching movies again. Michael Clayton, No Country for Old Men, and the Assassination of Jesse James, all movies the Informer has not seen.

7:29- James Gandolfini wins the award for best supporting actor in a movie, surprisingly he was not even in a movie this past year. God, I love the Sopranos.

7:30- Some guy from No Country For Old Men actually won the award, even though he couldn’t speak English.

7:31- What is so wrong about having sex with your boss, in the coat room, while someone films it. Tune in to TBS to find out the answer.

7:32- Stop with the Slim Fast commercials, the Informer gets it, he is fat. Now let me enjoy my baked potato in peace (How do you spell potato, that just doesn’t look right).

7:37- Okay, its true the Informer is attracted to Ugly Betty.

7:38- Tina Fey wins best female actor in a comedy series. And yes its official, she is FINE!

7:41- Alec Baldwin gets the award for comedy actor in a series, barely beating out that Monk guy. Let the Informer be very clear, Monk is not funny.

7:42- Add American Gangster to movies the Informer needs to watch. Man, I probably should not be doing this blog, since I haven’t seen any of the movies being nominated. Where is the award for Adam Sandler’s I know Pronounce you Chuck and Larry.

7:44- Do people still watch Desperate Housewives?

7:48- The Office wins best cast for a comedy series. Add watch The Office, to the Informers list of things to do in 2008, along with find a job.

7:49- JBL beats Jericho via the DQ in the always entertaining, who the hell cares match of the night.

Since we are on a commercial break, a quick recommendation to the one reader of the Informer’s blog. Go to Adam Carolla’s website and start listening to his radio show. He is the new age Howard Stern, only if Stern was funny.

7:56- Dennis Leary is paying tribute to the guy who played his dad on Rescue Me. Its starting to get a little dusty in the Informers parent’s basement.

8:03- Note to self, watch the movie, Best Little Whore House In Texas. That’s a porno right?

8:06- Seriously, when did my mom stop dusting in the basement. What a tribute.

Quick Family Guy break be back in a bit.

8:30- Touching tribute to the actors who have passed in the last year, no joke here, just a nice montage.

8:32- Zesty’s twin brother Edge retains his title beating Rey Mysterio, hopefully this leads to another live sex show on Raw from the Rated R Superstar.

8:34- The Informer’s internet is having problems, which means no more Rumble updates. My one reader is going to be devastated.

8:38- Some chick named Rubee Dee wins an award for best actress in something, not quite sure what it was for, the Informer accidently got caught up in the Power Rangers Movie. It’s Morphin Time.

8:51-Daniel Day Lewis wins award for best actor in another movie the Informer has never heard of.

8:56- Julie Christy wins best female actor. Who the hell is Julie Christy?

8:57- Quick observation: the chick from Juno is extremely good looking on TV in real life.

9:00- Tom Cruise makes an appearance. Should the Informer make the joke that Cruise is here because of his ability to change a tire, or is he here because he has the authority to get Americans off of drugs.

9:01- No Country For Old Men wins best cast for a motion picture. Wish I could agree, but again my movie watching has apparently been non-existent this past year.

9:03- I think Woody Harrelson is actually stoned out of his mind, someone better get Tom back on the stage.

9:04- Wow, what a waste of two hours. Goodnight Now!

Monday, January 21, 2008

A Movie Thing

Let the Informer pose a question.
If you were going to be stuck on an island for the rest of your life which ten DVD’s would you take?

Here’s the catch, you have to have the same actor in all ten. Say you’re a big Fight Club fan and can’t live on an Island without it, then you would need to find nine other Brad Pitt or Edward Norton movies to take with you.

Three Ground Rules
1. All sequels and trilogies count as one movie. So Die Hard 1-4 is only one Bruce Willis movie.
2. No matter how dreamy you may think he is, anyone who stars in Elizabethtown can no longer be taken seriously as an actor, and is therefore disqualified from the competition, sorry Orlando Bloom.
3. You can’t take a supporting actor; it has to be a main stream star. Trust me, the Informer was thinking very hard about taking ten Brian Cox films. Cox is the police chief in Super Troopers; he also plays roles in Troy, The Bourne Trilogy, and Braveheart.

Before we break down and find out which actor’s movies the Informer will be spending eternity with, there were a few surprise omissions.

The Informer left George Clooney, Johnny Depp, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Denzel Washington of his list. Surprisingly, Clooney and Washington didn’t have ten movies a piece that the Informer could justify taking to the island.

As for Leo and Depp, they just have too many political Hollywood movies (Sweeney Todd, Gangs of New York). Unfortunately, this means the Informer is going to the Island without his favorite movie character ever, no not Gilbert Grape, but Captain Jack Sparrow.

Finally, for the sake of the blog, the Informer decided that Al Pacino and Robert DeNiro were not allowed to participate.

On to the list:

Brad Pitt
The chosen:
Legends of the Fall, A River Runs Through It, Seven, Sleepers, Fight Club, Snatch, Spy Game, Ocean’s Trilogy, Troy, Mr. and Mrs. Smith

As much as I want Brad Pitt and his movies, I can not in my mind justify leaving Jennifer Aniston for Angelina Jolie. Yea Jolie is hot in a slutty, maybe she is a porn star kinda way, but you don’t leave the hot girl next door chick, for someone who once made out with her own brother.

I am sorry Mr. Pitt, but the Informer must draw a line somewhere, even if it is incest.

Will Smith
The chosen:
Bad Boys 1-2, Independence Day, Men in Black 1-2, Wild Wild West, Enemy of the State, Ali, I Robot, Hitch, The Pursuit of Happiness, I Am Legend

Will was on his way to winning this challenge.

Then he threw his hat in with Tom Cruise and the Scientology crew.
Sorry, but when you try and defend a cult that claims that Scientologists, unlike other people, are uniquely able to stop on the side of the road and help accident victims, and that they are the moral authority on getting people off of drugs, then you are no longer able to join the Informer on his island.

Someone please tell Will to step away from the cult. We already lost Joey Potter to Tom’s unique way of craziness, but please not the Fresh Prince.

Matt Damon
The Chosen:
Courage Under Fire, Good Will Hunting, Saving Private Ryan, Rounders, All The Pretty Horses, Ocean’s Trilogy, The Bourne Trilogy, The Brother’s Grimm, The Good Shepherd , The Departed

Damon's resume is about as good as the Informer could ask for. Unfortunately, The Brother’s Grimm, The Good Shepherd, and Courage Under Fire are stretches. The Informer enjoys these movies, but for the rest of his life could he put up with them just so he can watch Jason Bourne play poker.

Billy Bob Thorton
Ok, the only reason he would be on this list is the Halle Berry scene, but that’s a damn good reason.

Bruce Willis
The chosen:
Pulp Fiction, Die Hard 1-4, The Jackal, Armageddon, The Sixth Sense, The Whole Nine and Ten Yards, Bandits, Sin City, Lucky Number Sleven, Hostage

The M.V.P. of this list is not detective John McClane. No it is the Asteroid fighting Harry Stamper. If it wasn’t for the list being forced, the Informer hasn’t even seen Sin City, Bruce would probably be going to the Island.

Adam Sandler
The Chosen:
Billy Madison, Happy Gilmore, The Wedding Singer, Bullet Proof, The Waterboy, Big Daddy, Mr. Deeds, Anger Management, Reign Over Me, I know Pronounce you Chuck and Larry

The Informer absolutely loves Adam Sandler.

But he is not the winner,

The Winner is. . .

Super Troopers

Screw the rules, the Informer only needs one movie for the rest of his life.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Back For Playoff Time

The Informer may have a little rust on him, since this is the first time he is going to attempt to write a compantent sports story in more the a year. But if Randy Moss can resurect his career and once again recmlaim the “Sickest Man Living” award, then why can’t the Informer bring back his magic?

And of course since Moss is going to be involved in the AFC Championship Game this weekend, why not let the Informer break down all of Sunday’s Action and explain why the fans finally get to see their Dream Super Bowl.

Green Bay vs. New York

Since the middle of November, the Informer has been saying there is only one team in the NFL that can stop the Pats from winning the Super Bowl this year. A little hint, right now their fans are complaining because their state currently has a shortage of Cheeseheads.

With that said, this weekends game between the Giants and Packers has officially turned interesting with the sudden emergence of Eli Manning. Manning has been the butt of many jokes during his NFL career for not being as good as his brother, Happy Feet Manning. But since week 17, Eli has shown the ability to lead his team, first in the close loss to the Pats, and then with two road playoff wins (When was the last time Peyton won two straight road playoff games).

Sadly as much as the Informer likes the way Eli is leading his team, and as much as he likes the way the Giants defense can put pressure on the opposing team, it just is not the Giants year.

Not when a 38 year old “Gun Slinging” Brett Favre and Lambeau Field are involved.

Five interesting Stats:
Green Bay has never lost a Championship Game in Lambeau Field.

The New York Giants are 3-0 all-time in NFC Championship Games.

Packer’s starting running back Ryan Grant started the season as the 5th string running back for the Giants

The Fox offiliate in Wisconsin decided to pull Seinfeld from its Saturday broadcast, because it is Eli’s favorite show.

John Elway was 38 when the former “Gun Slinger” won his second Super Bowl. The 38 year old Favre currently owns one Super Bowl Ring, just saying.

Green Bay 31 - New York 20

New England vs. San Diego

This game has two possibilities, either it is a replay of the 1991 AFC Championship Game, or it is a replay of the 1991 NFC Championship Game.

Let the Informer explain.

In the 1991 AFC Title game (the 1990 season)the Buffalo Bills and their high powered offense beat a run happy and defensive orienated Oakland Raiders team 51-3. This Bills team ran a run and shoot offense that many said couldn’t and wouldn’t stand up with the physical nature of the Raiders defense.

By the time the dust cleared the Bills were going to the Super Bowl and the Raiders wouldn’t make it back to the AFC title game the rest of the decade.

But, then there was the 1991 NFC Championship Game.

The Game that featured the San Fransico 49ers and their blue-eyed quarterback Joe Monatana finding themselves in a defensive slug fest with the linebacker-heavy New York Giants, being led by back up Quarterback Jeff Hostteler. (Shades of Billy Volek leading the Chargers if Phillip Rivers cannot go this weekend)

The niners had already beat the Giants once during the regular season, and this game was played in San Fran, so many felt that Big-Game Joe and company would dismantle the Giants and go on to win their third straight Super Bowl Championship.

Unfortunatley, reality struck midnight late in the fourth quarter when Lawrence Taylor and Pepper Johnson teamed up to knock Joe Montana out of the game with a broken body (It was such a viscious blind-sided hit, the Informer isn’t exactly sure what they broke, maybe it was a spinal).

A short while later, a fumble by sure handed Roger Craig, and a Giants field-goal ended the Joe Montana dominance of the NFL.

New York went on to play in one of the most memorable Super Bowls ever, “The Wide Right” or “Gulf War” game.

Even though it was one of the greatest Super Bowls ever played, most NFL fans wanted to see the Dream Match between the Bills-49ers. Instead they got Giants-Bills.

This year most fans would probably agree that they want to see Favre try and topple the Pats pursuit to become the greatest team ever. Are we once again going to get denied.

The Informer thinks not.

This year the fans finally get their Dream Match.

Patriots 51 - Chargers 3