The Prodigy's 2019 NFL Picks: Week 12

The Prodigy: Hey Informer?

The Informer: What?

The Prodigy: Can I sing you a song?

The Informer: Is it going to be Queen's "We are the champions" to brag about how you beat me in "straight up picks" this season?

The Prodigy: No, it is definitely not "We" are the champions.

The Informer: Okay then, I don't see why you can't sing a song then.

The Prodigy: Sweet . . .Here goes:

I've won more games. . . Week after Week . . .
I've done my winning . . . But committed no crime . . .
And bad mistakes . . . I've made a few . . .
I've had my share of bad picks kicked in my face . . . But I've come through . . .
And we mean to go on and on and on and on . . .
Because . . . I am the champion . . . I am the Champion . . .
No time for Informer's because I AM THE CHAMPION . . . OF THE WORLD!!!

The Informer:

The Prodigy: Don't be a sore loser Informer. Admit you lost then post my picks clown.

The Informer: Kid . . .You kicked my teeth in "straight up". You got talent. You got moxy. And you got a great eye for the game. Keep doing what you do. Trust your instincts. They are spot on. I am very damn proud to announce that you kicked my ass this year. Because that means I now have a challenge I was not expecting for the future. So rest assured young genius, The Informer is already looking forward to a rematch it 2020. 

As for now; here are The Prodigy's unreal NFL picks. The kid knows how to pick a winner. I suggest y'all listen. 

Colts 31 Texans 34 (ATS: Colts +3.5)

Broncos 24 Bills 31 (ATS Bills -4)

Giants 21 Bears 28 (ATS Bears -6)

Steelers 31 Bengals 17 (ATS Steelers -6.5)

Dolphins 20 Browns 35 (ATS Browns +10.5)

Tampa 24 Atlanta 28 (ATS Falcons -3.5)

Panthers 28 Saints 34 ( ATS Panthers +9.5)

HGHawks 31 Eagles 28 (ATS Hawks PK)

Lions 34 Washington 21 (ATS Lions -4)

Raiders 31 Jets 17 (ATS Raiders -3)

Jags 28 Titans 27 (ATS Jags +3.5)

Cowboys 21 Pats 33 (ATS Pats -6.5)

Packers 37 49ers 38 (ATS Packers +3.5)

Ravens 34 Rams 24 (ATS Ravens -3)

The Informer's 2019 NFL Picks: Week 12

Indianapolis Colts @ Houston Texans (-3.5)

Normally I would share my proof of Thursday Night Football pick tweet, but let's be honest: What is the point of sharing a proof of loss tweet? That's like when Wells Fargo asks me to verify who I am when I call in to give them money to pay for my student loans. I mean seriously, are random strangers actually calling Wells Fargo and saying: "Hey I need to pay this dudes loan off"? Because if they are, please contact The Informer. I will gladly hand you all of my personal information without any questions asked.

Anyways, which means brace yourself folks there is a lot of ranting and very little sports or gambling insight in today's blog, what I am trying to say is I bet the Texans. The Texans didn't cover. So I am not going to go back through thousands of tweets (yes I know I tweet to much, but y'all should follow me anyways) just to prove that I was wrong.

You can either trust that I am not lying, or add another win to my winners column at the end of the year.

It is your choice.

Pick: Texans (-3.5)


Detroit Lions @ Washington Redskins (+4)

As I sit on hold for the fifth straight day trying to get a representative from Disney + to actually answer the phone and tell me why my Disney + does not work, I can't hep but wonder: Who is the bigger dumpster fire of an abortion?

Disney + and their customer service, or this absolute abomination of a clogged toilet that the NFL is masquerading as the Washington Redskins?

Well, after hours of deep intense thought (literally been on hold for hours), I have decided that Disney+ is the winner. Not because Washington isn't complete hot garbage -- they are -- no Disney + is the winner because they took my money while not providing a service. And then when I tried to call and ask them about said "taking of money with lack of service", instead of sending me to a representative, their automated system doubled down and routed my call to a place where the f***** Star Wars theme song plays on an endless loop and no customer service rep ever answers the phone (I am not kidding, they do not ever answer the phone).

So congrats Disney plus. You are this week's biggest dumpster fire of an abortion. You should be very proud. Your commitment to non-service truly is magical.

As far as the gambling goes; I am betting Washington because as we all just learned from the Disney plus story, The Informer love spending all his money on useless trash.

Pick: Washington (+4)


Miami Dolphins @ Cleveland Browns (-10.5)
Denver Donkey's @ Buffalo Bills (-4)

New York Giants @ Chicago Bears (-6)

Betting three road dawgs against teams with playoff aspirations (yes the Bears & Browns are delusional, but they do still think they can run the table and make the playoffs) may not be the smartest move. But then again, neither is drinking 15 Natty Light's while writing a blog at nine o'clock on a Sunday morning.

And yet, here we are.

Pick: Dolphins (+10.5) Donkey's (+4) Giants (+6)


Oakland Raiders @ New York Jets (+3)

My initial reaction was to say when two bad teams play you should always take the points. But after my initial reaction wore off, I thought to myself that I kind of think the Raiders maybe a good football team. So then it turned into a case of a good team playing a crap team with said good team only laying three points; which means the rule says it is actually smart to lay the points here.

Does that make sense?

Pick: Raiders (-3)


Carolina Panthers @ New Orleans Saints (-9.5)

The Informer: You would have to be an absolute drunken moron to bet Kyle Allen on the road against the red hot New Orleans Saints.

Also The Informer: Hey bookie, give me the Panthers (+9.5) . . . I got a drunken gut feeling on this one.

Pick: Panthers (+9.5)


Tampa Bay @ Atlanta Falcons (-3)

I really wish I could quit the Atlanta Falcons. Oh well, maybe next week.

Pick: Falcons (-3.5)


Jacksonville Jaguars @ Tennessee Titans (-3.5)
Pittsburgh Steelers @ Cincinnati Bengals (+6.5)

I am taking the Jags and Steelers in these two contests.

Okay, now that we have that out of the way, here is The Informer's smoking hot wife's Blimpie Best Meme of the Week:

I am not gonna lie that one is funny. And she is smoking hot.

Pick: Jags (+3.5) Steelers (-6.5)


Dallas Cowboys @ New England Patriots (-6.5)

I took the Dallas Cowboys in my "pick a team to lose" survivor poll. I also picked the New England Patriots for this blog, with my bookie and in my Super Picks contest. So I guess you could say I am going to be rooting pretty hard for the Tom Brady's today.

Pick: Pats (-6.5)


Seattle HGHawks @ Philadelphia Eagles (PK)

This lined started at Eagles -2.5 and has moved 2.5 points in favor of the HGHawks. What that means is Vegas is going to be rooting very hard for the Eagles to win. So if you are picking Seattle, be prepared for multiple "defensive holding penalties" on third down and an egregious amount of "there was nothing egregious about that obviously egregious pass interference" calls going against Seattle.

That's just the way Vegas does business when they need a team to lose. I just hope that Russ is able to get over the Vegas roadblock and continue his MVP push with a win.

Pick: HgHawks (PK)


Green Bay @ San Francisco 49ers (-3)

Everyone repeat after The Informer:

I will never bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime . . . I will never bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime . . . I will never bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime . . . I will never bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime . . . Drink more Natty's . . . I will never bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime . . . I will never bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime . . . I will never bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime . . .  I will never bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime . . . I will never bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime . . . F*** Disney + . . . I will never bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime . . . I will never bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime . . . Blimpies is the Best . . . I will never bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime . . . I will never bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime . . . I will never bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime . . . I will never bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime . . . I will never bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime . . . What Would Harry Stamper Do . . . I will never bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime . . . I will never bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime . . . I will never bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime . . . I will never bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime . . .  I will never bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime . . . I will never bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime . . .      I WILL NEVER BET AGAINST AARON RODGERS IN PRIMETIME!!!!

We all on the same page here?

Pick: Green Bay (+3)


Baltimore Ravens @ Los Angeles Rams (+3)

Update on the Disney + fiasco - As I was finishing up this blog, they finally answered and advised me that a ticket has been submitted to look into my issues. For fun, here is our exact conversation:

Disney: We have submitted a ticket. It usually takes 2-3 days for them to resolve the issue.

Me: So if it is not fixed in 3 days do I call back and wait on hold for another 1.5 hours to let you know it didn't work.

Disney: Well it has already been submitted so calling back to re-submit the same problem will do you no good.

Me: Okay, so if it is not fixed in 3 days what should I do?

Disney: Well, if it is not fixed in 3 days you can definitely call us back and let us know.


Me:

On the plus side Disney now has my IP Address. So I am sure nothing bad is going to happen to my computers, credit cards, dogs, social security number, porn internet search history, banking information or devices after I called their service a dumpster fire of an abortion.

So at least I got that going for me.

Pick: Ravens (-3)

That is it for this week y'all. I hope everyone has a wonderful Sunday filled with winning parlays, footlong Blimpie Best, ice cold Natty Lights and the ability to watch unlimited Disney movies without getting a mother ******* error code #83 server down message.

See you next Sunday.

Informer Out.

THE INFORMER'S 2019 NFL PICKS RECORD

Overall: 88-72-3

Last Week: 10-3-1

Overall Winning Weeks: 8-2-1

#Murcia pic.twitter.com/HRCHUIeZgH

— The Informer (@therealinformer) November 24, 2019

The Prodigy's 2019 NFL Picks: Week 11

We will be back with a full blown article next week, for now here are The Prodigy's Week 11 picks and YouTube video explaining the picks.

Steelers 31  Browns 24 (ATS LOSS)

Falcons 17 Panthers 35 (ATS Panthers (-4)

Cowboys 35  Lions 28 (ATS Boys -7)

Jags 28  Colts 31 (ATS Colts -3)

Bills 34  Dolphins 24 (ATS Bills -6.5)

Texans 35  Ravens 38 (ATS Texans +4)

Broncos 24  Vikings 31  (ATS Donkeys +10.5)

Jets 10  Skins 7 (ATS Jets +1.5)

Saints 31 Tampa Bay 21 (ATS Saints -5.5)

Cards 27  49ers 34  (ATS Cards +10)

Bengals 14  Raiders 28 (ATS Raiders -12.5)

Pats 23  Eagles 20  (ATS Eagles +4.5)

Bears 24  Rams 28  (ATS Bears +6)

Chiefs 31  Chargers 28 (ATS Chargers +3.5)

The Informer's Straight Up Picks: Chiefs, Rams, Pats, Raiders, 49ers, Saints, Jets, Vikings, Ravens, Bills, Jags, Cowboys, Panthers, Steelers

The Informer's 2019 NFL Picks: Week 1

Due to personal reasons (mainly alcoholism) there will be no article this week. We will be back next week with a full fledged blog I pinky promise. With that said, even thought there is no article, for the sake of historical evidence here are The Informer's Week 11 picks. Use them wisely (by wisely I obviously mean to win illegal gambling money).

THE INFORMER'S PICKS:

Steelers (+3)

Cowboys (-7)

Saints (-5.5)

Falcons (+4)

Jags (+3)

Donkeys (+10.5)

Jets (+1.5)

Dolphins (+6.5)

Ravens (-4.5)

Cardinals (+10)

Patriots (-4.5)

Bengals (+12.5)

Rams (-6)

Chiefs (-3.5)

THE INFORMER'S 2019 NFL PICKS RECORD

Overall: 78-69-2

Last Week: 7-5-1

Overall Winning Weeks ATS : 7-2-1

The Informer's 2019 NFL Picks: Week 10

Here is the deal; last week The Informer went an abysmal 3-12 against the spread. The picks started out trash on Thursday night, turned into a dumpster fire by Sunday afternoon and eventually became an abomination by the time Tom Brady and the New England Patriots got their ****s punched by the Baltimore Ravens on Sunday Night Football.

It was bad.

And, just like every year when The Informer has one bad week, I have decided that writing this blog is for winners only. So starting this week, until The Informer starts handing out winners again, there will be no written blog, no funny jokes, no memes that make you roll on the floor laughing and no drinking of Natty Light.

Nope.

Fun time is over.

The Informer needs to get back on the right track and the best way to do that is to get back to the very basic strategy called: "Just pick some f******g winners you white trash fat drunk."

So with winning in mind, here are The Informer's Week 10 NFL Picks presented without comments or logic (unless I feel the need to explain the pick).

As always, please remember these picks are only to be used for illegal debauchery things like parlays, teasers, Super Picks contest, Natty Light Drinking contest, to gain entrance to a script club or to try and take all of Big Earl's money. Any other use of these picks without the written consent of The Informer is completely legal but would be in bad faith since The Informer asked nicely to only use them for illegal debauchery purposes.

Let's win some money.

Titans (+7) 

I did get the Chiefs -3.5 in my Super Picks contest and I took that. But the line getting up to (-7) is scary. Means there is a mother trucking load of money betting on Patrick Mahomes knee holding up. So I will be grabbing the Titans (+7) because I want to see Mahome's knee actually look like Mahome's knee before I go joining 85% of the betting public wagering against a home underdog.

Chargers (LOSER)

Bills (+3)

Bears (-2.5)

Cardinals (+4.5)

Giants (-2.5)

Falcons (+14)

Bengals (+10.5)

Packers (-5)

Dolphins (+12)

Rams (-3.5)

Cowboys (-3)

HGHawks (+6.5)

THE INFORMER'S 2019 NFL PICKS RECORD

Overall: 71-64-1

Last Week: 3-12

Overall Winning Weeks ATS : 6-2-1

The Prodigy's 2019 NFL Picks: Week 10

Here are The Prodigy's Week 10 picks. If you like winning, you may want to listen to what the genius has to say.

(PS - The Kid is beating The Informer picking teams straight up on the season 8 wins to 1. As in there have been 8 weeks where AC picked more games correctly compared to only 1 week where The Informer did. So like I said, dude can pick a winner.)

Here are the picks. FYI -- Winners have been bolded while AC's against the spread picks have been placed in parenthesis with the line to cover. And as always if you would like an explanation check out AC's Youtube video below.


Raiders win & Cover

Ravens 38 @ 21 Bengals (Raven's -10.5)

Bills  24 @ 17 Browns (Bills +3)

Lions 31 @ 28 Bears (Lions +2.5)

Giants 24 @ 10 Jets (Giants (-2.5)

Chiefs 34 @ 24 Titans (Chiefs (-3.5)

Arizona Cards 27 @ 28 Tampa Bay (Cards +4.5)

Falcons 14 @ 38 Saints (Saints (-14)

Dolphins 17 @ 34 Colts (Colts -10)

Rams 35 @ 28 Steelers (Rams (-3.5)

Panthers 24 @ 34 Packers (Packers -5)

Vikings 35 @ Cowboys  41 (Boys -3)

Seattle HGHawks 31 @ 35 San Francisco 49ers (HGHawks +6.5)

The Prodigy's 2019 NFL Picks: Week 9

The Informer: Hey kid you know what rhymes with "I'm eating a Ho-Ho"?

The Prodigy: No, what?

The Informer: I went 15 and 0-0 last week.

The Prodigy: Good for you Informer (sarcastic clap). What's that make you? 1-7 against me on the year?

The Informer: Yes, 1-7 (shaking head after being reminded of failure).

The Prodigy: Don't worry Informer, I am sure they make participation trophies for guys like you who get lucky and win one week. Keep your head up buddy. There is no shame in going 1-15 against The Kid. I promise.

The Prodigy: One last thing Informer, why don't you ask Bob Barker what he thinks about your 2019 straight up NFL Picks?

The Informer: Bob Barker? That is a weird request. Do you even know who Bob Barker? Have you ever watched the Price is Right? This is a very confusing. But ok, I will bite: Hey Bob Barker, what do you think about The Informer when it comes to picking NFL Games?

Bob Barker:

The Informer: I walked right into that one. Nice work kid. And good luck in Week 9. You are gonna need it.

The Prodigy's straight up picks: 49ers, Texans, Eagles, Colts, Jets, Chiefs, Panthers, Bills, Hawks, Raiders, Packers, Browns, Pats, Cowboys.
The Prodigy ATS: 49ers, Texans, Eagles, Colts, Jets, Chiefs, Panthers, Bills, Hawks, Raiders, Packers, Donkeys, Pats and Cowboys.

And as always, here is video evidence/explanations for why The Prodigy is taking who he is taking.

THE PRODIGY's 2019 NFL PICKS RECORD:

Straight Up: 83-37-1

ATS: 62-58-1

THE INFORMER's 2019 NFL PICKS RECORD:

Straight Up: 75-45-1

ATS: 68-52-1

(The Informer's Week 9 Straight Up Picks: 49ers. Texans, Eagles, Colts, Jets, Vikings, Panthers, Bills, Hawks, Lions, Packers, Browns, Pats and Cowboys)

The Informer's 2019 NFL Picks: Week 9

Here are The Informer’s Week 9 NFL Picks. As always, please remember these picks are only to be used for illegal debauchery things such as online gambling, parlays, teasers and Super Pick contests. Any other use of this blog, its accounts or any information provided without the express written consent of The Informer is strictly prohibited.

San Francisco 49ers @ Arizona Cardinals (+10)

The 49ers won, they did not cover. That means I am still alive in both of my “NFL Pick” polls (thank you 49ers), but it also means I am officially 0-1 ATS on the Week (there is a reason we follow the double digit home underdog rule folks). With all that said, starting 0-1 means only one thing to me: We are going 13-1 in Week 9.

Give me the 49ers (-10) #TNF

— The Informer (@therealinformer) October 31, 2019

Pick: 49ers (-10)

Houston Texans @ Jacksonville Jaguars (+1)

The Informer is putting a double Tenner on the Dodgy Texans because London games tend to be Wonkier than a Bespoke Wanker Chatting Up an Up for It Scouser. Just make sure you have a Bog Roll in case DeShaun and company accidentally Shamble the bed, or that Knob Head Gardner “Milksteak” Minshew Throws a Spanner in the Works like a Plastered John Thomas Seeing a Man About a Dog.

Either way, it will not matter if you have Twigs & Berries or a Fanny; if the Texans can break DeAndre out Of Her Majesty’s Pleasure -- and a few other Bits n Bobs go our way -- I think we will all be Starker Daft Cows eating Bangers and Chips while counting our Dobbers’s before going Off to Bedshore.

Shag Strawberry Creams and Arse. Easy Peasy One Off Across the Pond wagers are Wicked Cool on Sundays.

Bob’s Your Uncle proof of Sunday morning pick tweet:.

Im taking the Texans (-1) #LondonBridgesFallingDown #SMF

— The Informer (@therealinformer) November 3, 2019

Pick: Texans (-1)

Washington Redskins @ Buffalo Bills (-10.5)

Dwayne Haskins making his first career start in Buffalo against a Bills team that needs to bounce back after an embarrassing home loss in Week 8? Sounds like a person would have to be a total Legless Wazzock who is not scared of a rookie quarterback getting the Collywobbles in his first road start to bet Washington today.

Pick: Washington (+10.5)

Minnesota Vikings @ Kansas City Chiefs (+3.5)

No Mahomes, No MaChiefs bet for The Informer. Sometimes it is that simple.

Pick: Vikings (-3.5)

New York Jets @ Miami Dolphins (+3)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Go home NFL. You are obviously drunker than 10 Informer's at a Natty Light drinking contest.

Pick: Jets (-3)

Chicago Bears @ Philadelphia Eagles (-4.5)

Betting Mitch Trabanski on the road in 2019. Why the hell not.

#Yolo #RevengeOfTheDoubleDoinkGameTime

Pick: Bears (+4.5)

Indianapolis Colts @ Pittsburgh Steelers (+1)

I am betting the Colts to win in Pittsburgh on Sunday. Without doing any research whatsoever, I can tell you that in my 30+ years of living I have never seen the Colts win a game in Pittsburgh. I would also like to point out the Steelers are 24-5 all-time vs Indy --including five straight victories.

So yea.

This should be a real gas.

Pick: Colts (-1)

Tennessee Titans @ Carolina Panthers (-3.5)
Detroit Lions @ Oakland Raiders (-2.5)

I am taking the points with both road dogs. I have no scientific evidence, sound advice from a male nurse, or geographical photos to explain why I am doing this. But since this is my blog, and I am running out of time before the Jags-Texans game kicks off, I am still going to do it.

Pick: Titans (+3.5) Lions (+2.5)

Tampa Bay @ Seattle HGHawks (-5)

HGHawks haven’t had a good convincing home win all season. So, I mean, eventually it has to happen right?

Pick: HGHawks (-5)

Cleveland Browns @ Denver Donkey’s (+4)
Green Bay @ San Diego Chargers (+4)
New England Patriots @ Baltimore Ravens (+3)

These are my three favorite bets of the week. All three will be in every single parlay, teaser and Super Picks contest I partake in today. My reasoning for this is simple:

1. The Donkey’s are starting a quarterback. That is legit the only things I know about the guy.
2. It is against my religion to bet against Aaron Rodgers whenever he is having an MVP caliber season.
3. It is really really against my religion to ever bet against Tom Brady in Primetime.

Pick: Browns (-4) MVP Aaron Rodgers (-4) Tom Brady in Primetime (-3)

Dallas Cowboys @ New York Giants (+6.5)

Y’all I know this week was short and sweet, I apologize for that. The morning football game threw off the timeline so I was rushed to get this out. Just know that even though the article was short and sweet, the picks are going to be gangbusters as usual (68-52-1 on the season).

That is all I got for Week 9. Good luck. May your Sunday be filled with Natty Lights, winning wagers, backdoor covers and all of the three team parlays.

The Informer out.

Pick: Cowboys (-6.5)

THE INFORMER'S 2019 NFL PICKS RECORD

Overall: 68-52-1

Last Week: 10-5

Overall Winning Weeks ATS : 6-1-1

(Informer after the blog note: For fun here are a few of my favorite tweets from the past week. If you want to partake please go follow @therealinformer on the Twitter. We have lots of fun over there.)

I have no idea where the yelling lady and cat thing cake from, but this is the best one yet 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂🕺🕺🕺🕺😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂🤡💂🏻‍♂️🧜‍♂️🍦🏫 pic.twitter.com/8NYnS8bDGb

— The Informer (@therealinformer) October 31, 2019

Really? There is only one choice. pic.twitter.com/4yAcX86hcK

— Melissa V. (@MeLestation) October 31, 2019

I thought I clicked the no to extra cheese button, nope apparently now at Pizza Hut you have to click yes or no to get any cheese on your pizza #It’s fucking pizza of course I want gosh damn cheese on it pic.twitter.com/OhREuUyvJd

— The Informer (@therealinformer) November 2, 2019

What this pizza would look like if it were a real person # https://t.co/Zprd1WJzUj pic.twitter.com/IH0le1WzpL

— The Informer (@therealinformer) November 2, 2019