Wednesday, June 7, 2017

The Informer's 2017 NBA Finals Instant Reaction: Game 3

Here are 10 things I think I think after watching the Golden State Warriors 118-113 victory over the Cleveland Cavaliers in Game 3 of the 2017 NBA Finals. 

10. First things first: I want to mention that I watched the entire Game 3 with no sound. So if some of these points were made on the broadcast I apologize. I did not hear them, I am not trying to steal them, and in no way shape or form would I ever use someone else's opinion about NBA basketball as my own (Unless doing such things meant I would get paid millions of dollars, but that is another story for another time). Okay, now that we are all on the same page that these are my thoughts and my thoughts alone --let's do this.

9. As a fan of the NBA -- and also someone who loves watching LeBron James do super human things on a basketball court -- I was very sad the LeBron's did not win Game 3 and make this an actual series. With that said; as someone who "max bet" the Warriors (-3.5) in Game 3, I am absolutely ecstatic right now that Kevin Durant cemented his new role as the best basketball player alive by hitting a game winning 3-pointer right between LeBron James' eyes.

8. My favorite part of any "Klay Thompson is on fire" game is the fact that I get to send out tweets like this as it happens:

7. To answer the next question: Yes I send out this exact same tweet every single time Klay, or anybody playing basketball, gets heated up. And no I don't apologize for re-using the same tweet because it is hilarious each and every time.

6. I should probably make a bigger deal about the fact that the Cavs lost despite LeBron James putting up 39-11-9, and Kyrie Irving adding in a spectacular 38 points, and the refs giving them every single home-town-home-cooking call they could possibly give. But honestly, my biggest question from the Cavs Game 3 loss is this: Why did LeBron stop scoring points in the second half? Don't get me wrong, I love the fact that he makes the smart basketball play nearly 100% of the time. But man, every once in awhile the smart basketball play is for LeBron to score every time he touches the ball. Game 3 was one of the those times. LeBron realized this in the first half (27 points and on pace for his first career 50-point playoff game), but for some reason he forgot this in the second half. To me that is the biggest reason why the Cavs lost.

5. Since I am writing this "instant reaction" article before the regular "hot take" media wakes up, I figured I might as well share with you all five of the hottest "hot takes" you can expect to hear the "expert hot takers" give you on Thursday.
  1. At least every single one of the "hot take" shows will ask this question: Would the Golden State Warriors beat the 1996 Chicago Bulls. Not to spoil the future, but one of the analyst is going to argue there is no way they could beat the Bulls, while the other analyst will argue they would definitely beat the Bulls. 
  2. LeBron James is a choke article who is scared of the fourth quarter (P.S. - If you subscribe to this theory you are a moron and need to delete your account).
  3. Is this now Kevin Durant's team? (Here is a hint: The answer is no it is the Golden State Warriors team. That is why this group is so damn successful. Everyone plays for each other, not for "this is my team" status.)
  4. If LeBron gets swept for the second time in the NBA Finals does that ruin his legacy? (Again, the answer is no.)
  5. And finally, my personal favorite: Michael Jordan never would have been down 3-0 in an NBA Finals. 
4. There is at least 10% of my brain that believes LeBron James purposely went down 3-0 just so he could come back from a 3-0 deficit to win the NBA Finals.

3. There is at least 90% of my brain that believes that is the most absurd thing I have ever said and that the 2017 Golden State Warriors are the greatest basketball team ever assembled that did not involve the words "Olympics" and "Dream Team".

2. Remember last article when I said that I thought Kevin Durant was the best "pure" scorer I have ever watched play? Well, when I said that, I was not saying he is the greatest scorer of all-time -- or that he is in some way a better scorer than Michael Jordan (Tebow forbid someone make an argument like that) -- what I was trying to say is that Kevin Durant can score 30-points easier than anyone I have ever seen play basketball. Hence the word "pure". And to prove my point; Durant went out and scored 30 points on 10-18 shooting. I mean seriously, it is absolutely remarkable the ease at which he scores buckets. That was the point I was trying to make when I said Kevin Durant is the best "pure" scorer in NBA history. And also, I was also totally trying to be a hot-taker who says things like "Kevin Durant is a better scorer than Kobe Bryant and Michael Jordan combined" because it leads to tons of extra clicks.

1. And finally, I think I think that I need to end this article by simply saying: "KEVIN F****ING DURANT!!!" In the words of Mark Jackson: "Mama . . . There goes that man."

Sunday, June 4, 2017

The Informer's 2017 NBA Finals Instant Reaction: Game 2

Here are 10 things I think I think after watching the Golden State Warriors 132-113 victory over the Cleveland Cavaliers in Game 2 of the 2017 NBA Finals. 

10) I know this is the exact same hot take everyone in the world is going to have on Monday morning, but I am going to make it anyways: Cleveland can't beat the Golden State Warriors playing run & gun basketball. Sure, they can hang close for a half, or maybe even three quarters, but eventually Steph is going to Step, the Warriors are going to Warrior, and the Cavs are going to get run off the court like every other NBA team in 2017.

9) Did you all know that Kevin Durant joined Michael Jordan and Shaquille O'Neal as the only players in NBA history to score at least 25 points in each of their first seven NBA Finals starts? For those wondering how far KD needs to go to break the record; Shaq scored 25+ in each of his first 16 NBA Finals games, while Michael Jordan scored 25+ in each of his first 20 NBA Finals games.

8) Speaking of Durant's historically great scoring, I think it is time that I say this out loud: Kevin Durant is the best pure scorer in the history of the NBA. Now, I know everyone is going to say "but Jordan or Kobe" (and those are valid points), but my response to that argument would be that I have never seen anyone get buckets with the ease that Sniper Jones is able to get buckets. I mean the dude literally rolls out of bed and has 30. Its unreal. And it is awesome to watch.

7) Is there a funner (Is funner a word?) person to watch play basketball than Steph Curry? I assume this is what people who got to watch Pistol Pete Maravich must of felt like every single game. You know, watching a guy do stuff on the court with a basketball every single game that should not be humanly possible?

6) I am not sure what this has to do with anything, but I honestly think 1999-02 Shaquille O'Neal would average 50 points per game in the 2017 NBA Finals.

5) Here are five random things I think inside of my 10 things I think I think article:
  • I have a completely made up source who has confirmed that Chuck Norris has nightmares about playing a 3rd quarter against the Golden State Warriors. 
  • As someone who loves all things JaVale McGee, I truly hope he yells "hows my ass taste Shaq" after every alley-oop dunk he gets during these NBA Finals? 
  • Welcome to the NBA Finals Klay Thompson's jump shot. My bank account is glad to see you alive and well over 2.5 3-pointers made. 
  • When is the "Super LeBron" who puts up 40-18-15 stat lines going to show up? Will it be Game 3? Game 4? Did "Super LeBron" retire after coming back from a 3-1 deficit in 2016? I honestly don't know the answer, but if the Cavs are going to have any kind of shot to win this series they need it to be sooner, rather than later.
  • And finally, after two games, who is the 2017 NBA Finals MVP: Steph Curry (who had a 30-11-10 triple double) or Kevin Durant (who had 33-13-6 with LeBron James guarding him)? Feel free to share your answer on my twitter page. 
4) LeBron James' NBA Finals record is 16-25. Now I am not going to make the "MJ would never have lost 25 NBA Final games" argument, but I am going to say at some point being the greatest player in the world has to lead to some victories, right?

3) In Jack McCallum's must read book about the Barcelona "Dream Team", he has a story about Magic Johnson and Michael Jordan arguing over who the greatest player alive was. Now, at some point during the argument, Larry Bird came over to Magic and basically told him their time was past and that the best player in the world was the same guy who just beat Magic Johnson in then 1991 NBA Finals --Michael Jordan. Well, I am starting to think we are seeing history repeat itself in 2017. Because while LeBron has held that title for at least the past 7-10 years, I think we are seeing in these finals that the proverbial "best player alive" torch is being passed to Kevin Durant.

2) So, the Golden State Warriors are about to have 2 NBA championships, the regular season record for most wins in a season (73), the best record ever for an NBA postseason (15-1, or 16-0), and possibly the first ever "Fo-Fo-Fo-Four" in NBA Playoff History. In other words; it is definitely time to put them in the discussion as the greatest basketball team of all-time.

1) And finally, since this article has been full of hot takes; I am going to leave you all tonight with one of the most scorching hot takes of my entire life. Here goes . . . I think if the Cleveland Cavaliers do not win at least one of the next two games, they are not going to have a chance to win this series.


Friday, June 2, 2017

The Informer's Summer of 2016 Kevin Durant Mailbag

As always keep in mind that all of these questions came from actual made up readers.
Q: Informer what did you think of Kevin Durant signing with the Golden State Warriors?
I absolutely love it. And I also think the Durant-Steph-Klay-Draymond combo has a chance to go down as the greatest fantastic foursome in the history of the NBA.
Q: Come on Informer, you can’t honestly feel that way? Kevin Durant signing with Golden State is an absolute travesty. I mean what kind of chicken sh** pu*** signs with the team that he can’t beat? It was a disgusting act and you know it. Hell, even Charles Barkley said KD was cheating to win a ring. 
Calm down Joe Buck. There is no need for profanities. Besides, I don’t think Durant was signing with Golden State because he didn’t think OKC could beat them. I think Durant signed with GS because he really wanted to play in an offense that emphasized ball movement and making the extra pass.
As for Charles Barkley (my favorite analyst not named Bill Walton of all-time): Isn't he the same guy who left the Philadelphia 76ers because he wanted a better chance to win a ring? Furthermore, isn't he the same guy who left the Phoenix Suns so he could join Clyde Drexler, Hakeem Olajuwon and the two-time defending NBA Champion Houston Rockets to chase a ring?
I'm just saying, players leave teams for other teams all the time. There is no cheating about it. 
Q: That is such bullsh** and you f***** know it. The only reason you think this is a good move is because you root for players, not teams. So you will just switch over and become a Golden State fan while us good honest OKC fans have to deal with the fact that KD just stabbed us in the back right in front of our f***** faces.
You are right. The Informer is a person who roots for players, not teams. The reason for that is because years ago I found out the owners/GMs don’t care if I want my favorite team to keep Joe Montana, or Peyton Manning, or James Harden, or Jerry Rice, or Randy Moss, or the city of Seattle. They only care how those players/cities can help them and when they are done getting what they want they throw them away faster than Antonio Cromartie throws away an unopened box of condoms.
So yes, since Kevin Durant remains my favorite player, next year I will be rooting for KD and the Warriors to win the championship and I will feel no remorse about it.
Q: But why did it have to be Golden State? If he would have signed anywhere else it would have been okay, but he chose the only team he could not beat. That has to tarnish his legacy, right?
Here is my counter question: Why would Durant choose to leave and then pick a place that would not be as good as OKC? I mean seriously, would anyone else in the world purposely leave a great situation just so they could move to a sh*ttier situation? That would be asinine. The fact is we all knew if the NBA was going to be turned on its head, there were only two places KD was going to go -- Golden State or San Antonio.
 So why are we so surprised when he chose one of those two places?
Q: You are wrong Informer. By picking the Warriors, Kevin Durant can now officially never be mentioned when it comes to the pantheon of great players ever again.
As the old saying goes, winning cures everything (just ask LeBron). And in five years if he wins with the Warriors, I guarantee that is what he will be remembered for.
Q: No, I am pretty sure we will remember Kevin Durant as a chicken sh** pu**** who had to team up with Steph and Klay because he couldn’t do it on his own.
Here is the thing; whether KD chose to sign with OKC or the Warriors, that team was going to be the favorites to win in 2017. So how is he now a chicken sh** pu*** who can only win because he teamed up with Steph and Klay? Wouldn’t he have been just as big of a chicken sh** pu*** if he would have chose to team up with Russ and Adams? I mean by your "chicken sh** pu***" logic, the only way KD could have proved his manhood would have been by signing with Sacramento and then demanding they trade Boogie Cousins.  
Q: Informer I love saying "chicken sh** pu***" as much as the next guy, but if I may change the subject I would really like to know what your favorite conspiracy theories for Kevin Durant leaving are?
I have four theories:
  • Nike told him to sign with GS to take some of Under Armor's thunder (no pun intended).
  • He hates getting kicked in the d***, so this was really his only option.
  • Russ told him that he was going to sign in LA in 2017, so the time to leave was now.
  • He is still pissed they didn’t pay James Harden the extra five million.
Q: Do you think the Warriors are going to once again break the NBA regular season wins record?
Let me put it this way,  my bookie set the Warriors over/under at 84 regular season wins and I took the over.
Q: You really are a "special" kind of moron, aren't you Informer? I mean, I would try and explain to you how it is impossible for a team to win 84 games, but I don't think you would fully grasp the logic. So instead, here is my last question: What does this mean for Russell GoatBrook?
I think it means we might legitimately see a point guard average a 35-12-10 for an entire season. In other words, gamble on the 2017 NBA MVP odds accordingly folks #LetRussBeRuss.

(The Informer note: This article was originally posted July 7th of 2016.)

Thursday, June 1, 2017

The Informer's 2017 NBA Finals Instant Reaction: Game 1

Here are 10 Things I think I think after watching the Golden State Warriors 113-91 victory over the LeBron James Cavaliers:

10) Before everyone goes crowing the Golden State Warriors asses after their 113-91 victory, please keep in mind that it was only a year ago the Warriors were up 2-0, and then 3-1, before losing the 2016 NBA Finals in seven games. 

9) With that said; if the Cavs are going to turn the ball over 20 times while only forcing 4 turnovers, then this series is going to be shorter than my last stint at alcoholic anonymous. 

8) Can someone please get Klay Thompson's jump shot on a milk carton or something? 3-16 from the field and 0-5 from 3-point land? Are you for real? I mean this is a guy who once beat Steph Curry in a 3-point contest, and now he can't make a shot? How does that happen? Klay, please join the party. All NBA fans want to see you setting fires to nets, not building houses with all your bricks. 

7) I know they lost, but LeBron James is hella great at basketball. 

6) I know it is easy to say because they won, but Kevin Durant is hella great at the game of basketball. 

5) Seriously, watching LeBron and Kevin Durant, the two best basketball players on the face of the Earth, go back and forth  in the first half -- I think LeBron had like 18-10 while KD put up 23 points -- is everything I have ever wanted to watch in an NBA Finals game. Honestly, I am just sad LeBron could not keep it up in the second half, because the table was set for an all-time historic showdown. Luckily, we still have at least three more chances to see these two kings square off while playing basketball better than just about anyone else who has ever lived. 

4) Does anyone else remember the last two years when all the talk was how Steph Curry looked tired, or how he was getting beaten up and wore down by the Cavs defense? Yea, that is not going to be an issue in 2017. Not with the worlds greatest sniper -- Sniper Jones, aka Kevin Durant -- making it impossible for the Cavs to focus in on Curry. The Cavs are literally damned if they do, and damned if they don't when it comes to trying to guard the KD-Steph combination.

3) Speaking of the Warriors offense, do you want to hear something truly scary? The Warriors only had two players (KD and Steph) score more than 10 points and yet they still won an NBA Finals game against LeBron freaking James by 22 points. Yikes!!!

2) Before we finish this article, I want to once again caution every single writer/hot take maker/ journalist covering this series to please remember the golden rules of NBA basketball when talking about Game 1 tomorrow: 

  1. You do not want to overreact to one game. This is the NBA Playoffs, teams almost always bounce back and player better in a seven game series after a loss. So do not hang to much weight on one game just because it is the latest and greatest thing to happen.
  2. And secondly, never, not even if there is a fire, count out King James. When he is on the court his team is never completely dead. He taught us that in 2016 when he brought the Cavs back from down 3-1 to win the 2016 NBA Finals. 

1) Okay, now that I have made it perfectly clear that we should not overreact to the Warriors 113-91 Game 1 victory in the 2017 NBA Finals; I would like to take this time to change my prediction of LeBron in seven, to Warriors in four. 

Break out the brooms ladies and gentlemen, because we are about to get the first ever "Fo-Fo-Fo-Four" NBA Championship. And to be honest, I can't wait to watch the history take place.