The Informer's 2019 NFL Picks: Week 4

 

Q: Nice call on the 1st half under in primetime last night Informer. And by nice call I obviously mean total sh**. Seriously, you follow up a 7-9 Week 3 with an under bet that was damn near covered by both teams individually? Is it hard to suck that bad at life? Or do you come by it naturally? Honestly, I would call you trash, but that would be an insult to trash. Why don't you do the world a favor and delete your blog already?

Well, I sure am glad I decided to start this week's article with some emails from the made up readers. That looks like it was a real smart decision. On the bright side, at least I was not called fat or ugly this time.

Q: One more thing Informer, you are an ugly overweight wilderbeast. 

I walked right into that one. But for real, are there any actual sports or gambling questions?

Q: I got one Informer: What is the one thing you hate the most about the 2019 NFL Season?

The thing I hate the most about the 2019 NFL Season -- other than Andrew Luck retiring -- is the new pass interference challenge rule. The thing is an absolute disaster. The refs apparently have been told to not change the call on the field unless one of three things happens 1) Vegas needs the team who would benefit from the challenge to win/cover. 2) A murder, rape or shooting takes place. 3) The refs missed an egregious pass inference call (whatever the f*** that means)?

Just look at what happened on Thursday night. The refs had three chances to change obvious pass inference missed calls and each time they totally ignored the video evidence and stuck with the non-call on the field.

So my question becomes: Why the hell do we even have the new rule if they are not going to use it to get the call right?

And don't give me this "it has to be egregious" (seriously I don't even think that is a real word) crap. If there is an obvious pass interference -- like the Eagles defensive player grabbing, hitting, punching, impeding, holding, inappropriately touching and obviously interfering with the receiver -- then use the technology to make the right call.

I guess my point is this: If they are not going to change these calls when its obvious, then why even use the technology? Just go back to the old way and we can all live with the bad call on the field. At least that would be better than getting boned over by the call a second time when the refs see the video evidence and still refuse to admit they f***ed up.

Q: Okay Informer, what is the one thing you love the most?

I will give you two: Tom Brady and Patrick Mahomes. They are awesome and my favorite thing about every NFL football Sunday.

Q: Is Felix Hernandez a Hall of Famer?

Ummm . . .Wrong blog dude (my answer is no though).

Q: Who are your Top 5 MVP candidates through three weeks?

1. Patrick Mahomes - No one has been better then Patrick Mahomes through three weeks. 
2. Tom Brady - No one not named Patrick Mahomes has been better than Tom Brady through three weeks.
3. Lamar Jackson - Losing a shoot-out against Patrick Mahomes doesn't drop Lamar out of my Top 5 MPV rankings. But I am watching to see how he responds in Week 4 against the Browns. 
4. Dalvin Cook - Cook is on pace for 2,400 total yards from scrimage on a team that is going to be fighting for a playoff spot. Sounds like an MVP candidate to me. 
5. Aaron Rodgers - If Aaron Rodgers is going to lead the Packers to the NFC North Championship (which I am predicting) he is going to be in the MVP conversation.

Q: How can you call yourself an expert at making NFL picks when you are getting smoked by a nine year old? You are a fraud Informer. You somehow tricked people into thinking you knew something when the reality is anyone can do what you do. Even a kid.

Have you ever heard of Bobby Fisher? Or Adam Banks? Or MacCaulley Culkin? Or Young Sheldon?

Those "kids" as you call them happened to be prodigies. You know what a prodigy is? Its a person who is a genius even though the outside world would call them a "kid".

Well guess what, I am starting to think "Young AC" is a prodigy when it comes to making NFL picks.

So yea, I take absolute no shame in getting beat by a genius. Furthermore, if being a fraud means I am going to keep my six games above .500 record (27-21 ATS) throughout the season -- along with my "winning 80% of the time" first half under in Primetime bets -- then please sign me up as the biggest fraud on the internet. 

Because if being that fraud means winning, I am happy to keep up the act.

And on that note, here are The Informer's Week 4 NFL Picks.

As always please remember that these picks are only to be used for shady illegal bets made with guys named "Slim", "Suds", "Big Tuna", "Jim" or anything that rhymes with the words "Slick Willy", "Big Wussy" or "Small Rick".

Philadelphia Eagles @ Green Bay Packers (-4)

The Informer's proof of Thursday Night Football Pick:

Give me Eagles +4.5 and 1st half under 22.5 #TNF

— The Informer (@therealinformer) September 26, 2019

Pick: Eagles (+4)

Carolina Panthers @ Houston Texans (-5)

Is a guy named Kyle really going to win back to back NFL road games? Just seems far-fetched to me.

Pick: Texans (-5)

Cleveland Browns @ Baltimore Ravens (-7)

I have zero scientific logic, theories on the flat Earth, or gambling statistics to back up my pick; but I am grabbing the points and betting the Browns. 

Pick: Browns (+7)

Washington Redskins @ New York Giants (-3)

When two crappy teams are playing against each other the rules clearly state one must always take the points. Even if that means betting the Redskins on the road.

Pick: Washington (+3)

San Diego Chargers @ Miami Dolphins (+15.5)

Normally, since I took the Chargers in my winners suicide poll, I would bet the Dolphins as a just in case hedge bet. But I am not going to do that today and here is why: The Miami clogged toilets suck donkey rectum and I refuse to put money on them.

How’s that for scientific gambling data.

Pick: Chargers (-15.5)

Oakland Raiders @ Indianapolis Colts (-7)

They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again with the same results. Yet here I am, totally not insane, once again betting the Oakland Raiders as a heavy road underdog.

In the words of the great Roy Munson: "Who you calling a psycho?"

Pick: Raiders (+7)

Kansas City Chiefs @ Detroit Lions (+7)

For fun here is one of the DraftKings lineups The Informer set up for today:

QB: Mahomes

RB: McCoy
RB: Williams (the non injured one)
WR: Sammy Watkins
WR: D. Robinson (from Chiefs)
WR: Mecole Hardman
TE: Travis Kelce
Flex: D. Freeman (Falcons)
D: Chiefs

I guess what I’m trying to say is I think the Chiefs are about to have a huge day.

Pick: Chiefs (-7)

New England Patriots @ Buffalo Bills (-7)

The Buffalo Bills are 3-0 when I use their section of the blog to hand out the Blimpie Best meme of the week. So for the sake of trying to help the Billsmafia out here is the Blimpies Best meme of the Week: 

Picks: Pats (-7)

Tennessee Titans @ Atlanta Falcons (-3.5)

Here are 10 random stats that I found interesting heading into the Week 4 season.

1. The New England Patriots defense is on pace to only give up 90.6 points this season.
2. The NFL record is currently held by the Chicago Bears who in 1985 gave up 198 total points.
3. Tom Brady needs 414 yards to pass Drew Brees for third place all time.
4. Tom Brady's career high for passing yards in the city of Buffalo is 466.
5. Larry Fitzgerald needs five receptions to pass Tony Gonzalez for second place all time.
6. Julio Jones needs four more yards to reach 11,000 career receiving yards.
7. If Jones surpasses the mark today, he will have accomplished the feat in just nine season and 114 career games.
8. For comparison sake: It took Jerry Rice nine seasons and 133 games to surpass 11k.
9. Speaking of milestones and records -- AC the Gambling Kid Prodigy -- is currently 35-12-1 with his straight up NFL picks and 29-19 against the spread. 
10. To put that in perspective: According to NFL picks watch dot com his 29-19 record ATS is the third best of any expert on the internet. 

As for this game, The Informer is completely stealing AC's pick and laying the points #As the old saying goes: "If you can't beat the prodigy, use his picks to make yourself look better and make money".

Pick: LKLOTW Falcons (-3.5)

Tampa Bay Buccaneers @ Los Angeles Rams (-10.5)

Sticking with "AC the Prodigy" here are his Week 4 picks. If you would like to get his reasoning behind the picks please click this link and go watch his YouTube video. I am not lying when I say the kid has massive talent.

AC against the Spread: Packers (-4) Falcons (-3.5), Giants (-3), Chargers (-15.5), Raiders (+7), Texans (-5), Chiefs (-7), Pats (-7), Rams (-10.5), Hawks (-5.5), Bears (PK), Jags (+2.5), Cowboys (-2.5) & Steelers (-3)

AC straight up to win: Packers, Giants, Chargers, Raiders, Texans, Chiefs, Ravens, Pats, Rams, Hawks, Bears, Jags, Boys & Steelers

Pick: Tampa (+10.5)

Seattle HGHAWKS @ Arizona Cardinals (+5.5)

Minnesota Vikings @ Chicago Bears (PK)

Two road teams that the majority of the public betting money is backing.

What could go wrong?

Pick: Vikings (PK) HGHawks (-5.5)

Jacksonville Jaguars @ Denver Donkeys (-2.5)

10 random Gardner Milksteak facts:

1. When "The Milksteak" gives you the finger, he is telling you how many seconds you have before he throws a touchdown pass.
2. Gardner Milksteak can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade you have ever tasted.
3. There is no play clock in games involving Gardner, because "The Milksteak" decides what time it is.
4. Gardner Milksteaks real name is Gardner Minshew.
5. Gardner Milksteak tells Simon what to do.
6. Gardner Milksteak refers to himself in the fourth person.
7. Every time Gardner Milksteak throws an interception a Unicorn is born. It's just to bad that the Milksteak never throws interceptions.
8. Gardner Milksteak can throw a football right between a cyclops eye.
9. Gardner Milksteak can cut a butter knife with a football.
10. And finally, Gardner Milksteak eats pieces of Denver Donkey's for breakfast. 

Pick: Jags (+2.5)

Dallas Cowboys @ New Orleans Saints (+2.5)

The Saints backup quarterback tricks were fun for a week, but I don't think they can do it two weeks in a row.

Pick: Cowboys (-2.5)

Cincinnati Bengals @ Pittsburgh Steelers (-3)

Nope. Not doing it. Next.

“Informer you can’t do the next gimmick, this is the Monday night football game.”

Wait, again? Are you serious? What did ESPN do to make the NFL so mad at them?

Yikes. 

Well, I am obviously not going to waste any time talking about the Steelers or the Bengals, so how about I just remind everyone that the 1st half under is 21.5 and wrap this blog up.

Is that a good plan?

Awesome.

Pick: Steelers (-3)

That’s it for Week 4. Good luck to everyone reading. I truly hope your Sunday is filled with Natty Light, winning parlays and enough back door covers to build your own Blimpies sub shop.

See y’all next week.

Informer out.

THE INFORMER'S 2019 NFL PICKS RECORD

Overall: 27-21

Last Week: 7-9

LKLOTW: 2-1

Overall Winning Weeks ATS : 2-1

(The Informer after the blog straight up to win picks: Packers, Falcons, Chargers, Colts, Chiefs, Ravens, Pats, Rams, Hawks, Vikings, Donkeys, Boys, Steelers)

The Informer's 2019 NFL Picks: Week 3

Ladies and gentlemen welcome to Week 3 of The Informer's 2019 NFL Picks. So far this season we have seen back to back winning weeks (11-5 Week 1, 9-7 Week 2) and an 8-0 first half under in primetime that officially has the seven of us reading this blog in the green through two weeks. 

Now obviously, the plan for today's blog,  is to continue to build off of the early season success so that we all can retire before going bat sh*t crazy like Antonio . . .  Err . . . I mean our goal today is to win money. 

Lots and lots of money.

So with that in mind, and without any further ado Gardner Minshew, here are The Informer's Week 3 NFL picks. As always, please remember that these picks are not to be used without the express writing consent of The Informer for anything other than illegal debauchery and under the books gambling.

Please enjoy.

Tennessee Titans @ Jacksonville Jaguars (+1.5)

I’m taking Gardner Milksteak & the Jags boiled hard over the Titans on #TNF #My pick is Jag (+1.5) & first half under 19.5

— The Informer (@therealinformer) September 19, 2019

Pick: Jags (+1.5)

Denver Broncos @ Green Bay Packers (-7.5)
Detroit Lions @ Philadelphia Eagles (-4.5)

Here are 10 things The Informer thinks about the NFL that have literally nothing to do with the Green Bay Packers, the Denver Donkey's, the Detroit Lions or the Philadelphia Eagles:

1. I think Gardner Milksteak is a legit NFL quarterback and actually gives the Jags a chance to compete for the AFC South crown.
2. I think the 1st half under is 8-0 in Primetime.
3. I think Patrick Mahomes will throw for 60 touchdowns in a single season at some point in his career. I do not think it will be this season.
4. I think I am going up against a 9-year old ringer in The Informer vs AC NFL Picks Contest Challenge. The young man is currently 24-7-1 straight up picking NFL games through two weeks while I am sitting at 21-11 (The Informer would like to point out that my 20-12 against the spread record is better than his 19-13 record).
5. I think I wish the NFL could flex the Chiefs-Ravens into Monday Night Football so I didn't have to watch Mitch Trabanski try to play football for three hours.
6. I think Eli Manning is a sure Fire Hall of Famer (more on this later).
7. I think I don’t think Calvin Johnson is -- or was -- the only player in the NFL smoking hippie lettuce after every game. In fact I think the normal is closer to 75% of the players take part in littering and smoking the reefer.
8. I think there are far to many sports “journalists” who don’t watch sports and that is why today’s sports coverage is the way it is (less coverage of games and such, much more coverage of stuff not related to games).
9. I think the above sentence is way to serious of a subject for this blog, so as a punishment I will now chug 24 ounces of Natty Light.
10. (14 seconds later coughing while writing) I think that went down the wrong tube #NattiesUp.

Pick: Donkey’s (+7.5) Eagles (-4.5)

Cincinnati Bengals @ Buffalo Bills (-6)

Josh "The Canon Missile" Allen is 2-0 when The Informer uses his section to hand out the Blimpie Best meme of the Week. Therefore, because The Informer wants Josh "The Canon Missile" to move to 3-0, I am going to use this section to hand out the Blimpie Best meme of the week:

I am totally not lying guys and gals (or stealing Chuck Norris facts), but I also heard "Senor Milksteak" actually slapped the doctor when he came out of his mother's womb.

#ClassicMilksteak

Pick: Bengals (+6) 

Baltimore Ravens @ Kansas City Chiefs (-6)

The Informer’s MVP rankings through Week 2:

• Patrick Mahomes - I get the same joy watching Mahomes play football that I get watching Steph Curry when he gets on fire. There is just something different -- and effortless -- with how those two guys dominate their sport like no one has before. 
• Lamar Jackson - Lamar Jackson was my MVP after Week 1 and he did absolutely nothing to lose that spot in Week 2. Unfortunately, he plays in the same NFL as Patrick Mahomes.
• Tom Brady - I think Tom Brady is going to throw 50 touchdown passes. And I am not talking about on the season. I am talking about this week against the abysmal New York Paper Airplanes. 
• Dak Prescott- In the semi changed words of Happy Gilmore: "I know what you are doing right now, and I totally like it."
• Josh “The Cannon Missile” Allen  or Gardner Milksteak? - Lets call it a tie for fifth place right now.

Pick: Chiefs (-6)

Atlanta Falcons @ Indianapolis Colts (-1.5)

I don’t know who needs to hear this right now, but I’m gonna say it anyways: Julio Jones’ real name is Quintorris Lopez “Julio” Jones.

Speaking of Quintorris: Did you know he has the NFL record for most receiving yards per game (96.2ypg)? Did you also know only Jones and Odell Beckham Jr have career averages over 90 yards per game? And finally: Did you know that eight of the 10 current leaders in this category are active players?

Here is the Top 10:

1. Quintorris Jones (96.2.2)
2. Odell Beckham  (93.6)
3. Calvin “The Super Shredder” Johnson (86.1)
4. Antonio Brown (86.0)
5. Michael Thomas (81.6)
6. AJ “The Sickness” Green (80.2)
7. Mike Evans (78.4)
8. DeAndre Hopkins (78.2)
9. Torrey Holt (77.4)

Pick: Falcons (+1.5)

Oakland Raiders @ Minnesota Vikings (+9)

You know what, that was kind of fun. Let’s do some more random stats.

• Dak Prescott and Carson Wentz we’re both drafted in the 2016 NFL Draft. Dak Prescott and Carson Wentz have both gone on to throw for 74 touchdown passes since that draft.
• Jerry Rice holds the NFL record for most yards by a wife receiver in their age 36 season (1,157). Larry Fitzgerald — in his age 36 season — is currently on pace for 1,728 yards.
• Sticking with Larry Fitz, the newly rejuvenated senior citizen needs 10 receptions to pass Tony Gonzalez for second place all time. The Benjamin Button ageless wonder also only needs three more TD receptions to become the fifth player in NFL history to catch 120 TD passes.
• Frank Gore needs 164 rushing yards to join the 15,000 yard club.
• Baltimore Ravens rookie WR Hollywood Brown is on pace for 96 receptions, 1864 yards and 16 TDs. For those wondering the rookie records for WRs are: 101 receptions (Anquon Boldin), 1,473 (Bill Goreman) and 17 TDs (Randy Moss).
• Bill Goreman played for the 1960 AFL Champion Houston Oilers as a rookie.

And on that note, I’m betting the Raiders (+9) because I don’t want to lay that many points with Kirk Cousins involved.

Pick: Raiders (+9)

New York Jets @ New England Patriots (-23)
Miami Dolphins @ Dallas Cowboys (-23)

Apparently this is the first time since the strike season of 1986 that there are two games in the same week with 20+ point spreads. The funny thing about those two games back in 1986 is, they were so high because the favored teams were playing NFL players while the underdogs were still using the replacement "not NFL" players.

So congrats Dolphins and Jets. You are officially the Keanu Reeves of the NFL.

Pick: Pats (-23) Dolphins (+23)

New York Giants @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers (-6)

As I mentioned above, I believe Eli Manning is 100% a Hall of Famer. In fact, I think there is a chance he is a 1st ballot Hall of Famer. 

So with that said, here is The Informer's case for Eli using five very important facts: 

1. 2x Super Bowl Champion (One of only 12 NFL QBs who can say that).
2. 7th all-time in passing yards (56,537)
3. 6th all time completions (4,860)
4. 8th all-time touchdowns (362)
5. And finally, he has nine NFL seasons with eight or more wins (means he had sustained success).

Now, just to put that last "sustained success" fact into context and further strengthen my argument: Here is a list of quarterbacks who can’t say they had at least nine seasons with eight or more wins along with their Super Bowl records:

• Aaron Rodgers (considered the greatest ever by some) - 7 seasons & 1 Super Bowl
• Warren Moon (in HOF): 6 Seasons & 0 Super Bowls
• Kurt Warner (in HOF): 5 Seasons & 1 Super Bowl win
• Donovan McNabb (not in HOF, but should be): 7 Seasons & 0 Super Bowl wins
• Dan Fouts (in HOF): 4 Seasons & 0 Super Bowls
• Jim Kelly (in HOF): 7 Seasons & 0 Super Bowl wins (sorry Bills fans I had to mention it)
• Tony Romo (greatest broadcaster ever): 7 Seasons & 0 Super Bowls
• Steve Young (in HOF): 7 Seasons & 1 Super Bowl win
• Troy Aikman(Hof) - 5 Seasons & 3 Super Bowl wins

Listen, I will admit that there were times when Eli looked like a total non Hall of Fame jabroni (basically the entire last two seasons, except for the one drive last year where he covered against the Falcons for no reason other than to ruin The Informer's chance at going 15-0 against the spread). But just because we don't like the way a person looks, or because a guy sucked his final few years except for that one time where he screwed me us over, that doesn't mean we get to ignore the facts. 

And the facts are; Eli's Top 10 all-time stats count. His Top 12 all-time ring count counts. Guess what, beating Tom Brady and Bill Belichick in the two different Super Bowls counts. And having a lengthy run of NFL success as a starting quarterback also totally counts. 

I am sorry I am not sorry, but the facts of this case are the facts and they are indisputable. "The Goat Slayer" is a sure fire NFL Hall of Famer.

The Informer rests his case. 

Court adjourned.

Pick: Giants (+6)

Carolina Panthers @ Arizona Cardinals (-1.5)

Kyle vs Kyler . . . Kyler vs Kyle . . . Kyle is a quarterback? KYLER IS A QUARTEBACK? 

Sorry, The Informer blacked out for a second and thought he was Ace Ventura. Anyways, which means please don't interrupt The Informer while he is drinking thinking, I am taking Kyler Murray and the Cardinals over Kyle Allen and the Panthers. 

Pick: Cards (-1.5)

New Orleans Saints @ Seattle HGHawks (-4)

I have entered 13 DraftKings lineups this week, so I thought I would share my three favorite ones

QB: Mahomes
RB: Dalvin Cook
RB: Josh Jacobs
WR: Hollywood Brown
WR: T.Y. Hilton
WR: Preston Williams
TE: Mark "Dr. James" Andrews
Flex: Zach Ertz "Dough nut".
D: Raiders

QB: Mahomes
RB: Cook
RB: Austin Ekeler
WR: Phill Dorsett
WR: Larry Fitzgerald
WR: Mecole Hardman
TE: Mark Andrews
Flex: Hollywood Brown
D: Bills

QB: Lamar Jackson
RB: Dalvin Cook (I sense a trend)
RB: David Johnson
WR: Nelson Agholor
WR: Larry Fitz
WR: DeAndre Hopkins
TE: Mark Andrews
Flex: TJ Hockenson
D: Patriots

Getting away from fantasy gambling and back to real gambling; I am taking the HGHawks at home. Until I actually see the Saints do it with out Drew Brees I can't bet them on the road in one of the toughest places to play in the NFL. 

Pick:  HGHawks (-4)

Houston Texans @ San Diego Chargers (-3)

Speaking of fantasy football, here are five guys I think everyone needs to pick up on their fantasy teams before it’s to late:

1. Phillip Dorsett - Antonio Brown is gone and the Patriots are a team that were running pass plays out of the shotgun formation up 40 points against the Dolphins last week. So yea, go get any available wide receiver who plays on that offense. 
2. D.J. Charks - After another great Thursday night outing it may already be to late, but if he is still out there Charks is the guy that the Gardner Milksteak loves throwing the ball to most.
3. Darwin Thompson - He was a fun fantasy sleeper in August until the Chiefs signed LeSean McCoy. He is now once again a fun fantasy sleeper with the injury to Damian Williams and possibly LeSean McCoy.
4. Preston Williams - The Dolphins maybe a clogged toilet of dumpster sh*t, but Preston Williams is actually pretty good. Now, you are just going to have to trust me on this one. Whatever you do don't try to actually watch a Miami Dolphins games to see for yourself. That is a level of torture porn that The Informer will not wish upon any of his readers. 
5. Noah Fant - I just think he is good. 

Pick: Texans (+3)

Pittsburgh Steelers @ San Francisco 49ers (-7)

Me: I swear to Tim Tebow I am not going to make a Mason “Rudolph the red nosed QB” joke today.

Also me: I have no good reason to bet the 0-2 Steelers on the road with Mason “Rudolph the red nosed QB” starting his first game of the season, but I am totally betting the 0-2 Steelers on the road with Mason “Rudolph the red nosed QB” making his first start of the season.

Pick: Steelers (+7)

Los Angeles Rams @ Cleveland Browns (+3)

I will not be one of the 85% betting against a home dog in Primetime . . . I will not be one of the 85% betting against a home dog in Primetime . . . I will not be one of the 85% betting against a home dog in Primetime . . . I will not be one of the 85% betting against a home dog in Primetime . . . I will not be one of the 85% betting against a home dog in Primetime . . . I will not be one of the 85% betting against a home dog in Primetime . . . I will not be one of the 85% betting against a home dog in Primetime . . . I will not be one of the 85% betting against a home dog in Primetime . . . I will not be one of the 85% betting against a home dog in Primetime . . . I will not be one of the 85% betting against a home dog in Primetime!!!

In other words, I’m obviously gonna be one of the 85% betting against the home underdog in Primetime.

Pick: Rams (-3)

Chicago Bears @ Washington Redskins (+4)

Nope. Not doing it. Next.

“Informer you can’t go next, this is the Monday night football game.”

Wait, what? Are you serious? ESPN is actually going to put this on National TV?

Yikes.

Ok well here is the deal; I have zero intention of ever talking about this game. So instead I guess we will just end this week’s column with the best “Storming Area 51” tweet The Informer saw this week:

#WaitForIt #WeAreNotAlone.

I MADE IT INSIDE! #StormingArea51 #Area51storm pic.twitter.com/H7cI7XxrQz

— Michael Knowles (@michaeljknowles) September 20, 2019

#NeverGetsOldNotGivingUp

Pick: LKLOTW Bears (-4)

Have a happy Sunday all. May it be filled with Natty Light tall boys, Blimpie Best subs and enough winning parlays to cover your student loan debts.

Informer out.


THE INFORMER'S 2019 NFL PICKS RECORD

Overall: 20-12

Last Week: 9-7

LKLOTW: 1-1

Overall Winning Weeks ATS : 2-0

The Informer vs AC NFL Picks Contest Challenge: Week 3

Well, I am not going to lie, for two weeks in a row the young phenom AC has shot out of the NFL picks gates like a canon. This young man is currently 24-7-1 straight up and 19-13 against the spread.

I give you credit young dude. You are making the NFL picks game look easy and you did in fact beat The Informer straight up two weeks in a row.

That is very good work by you and you definitely should be proud of your accomplishment.

Now with that said;  while I understand you have bragging rights this week, I would like to point out that when we start talking about picking games ATS (aka where the money is made) The Informer's 20-12 record is one game better than your 19-13 record.

Listen, I am not trying to take away your Week 2 win. And I admit I am absolutely astounded by your straight up work, but my point is let's not go crowing your -- head -- the king of picks just yet. Because while you have some bragging rights now, this is a long season and The Informer is very much lurking behind you ready to strike once you make a mistake.

But like I said, be happy for your first two weeks and be ecstatic about your double win Week 2, just don't go thinking this game is easy. Because once you do that, the NFL will bite your nose off kid.

Trust me on that one. I know from experience.

Anyways, good luck this week AC. I hope you kick my face in again (I said hope because we both no there is no chance in H.E. Double Heck that is going to happen).

To those reading, please enjoy AC's video explanation for his picks below. If you would like an explanation for The Informer's picks go ahead and click on this link that is highlighted.

Here are the picks:

The Informer Straight UP: Jags, Chiefs, Bills, Patriots, Eagles, Dallas, Green Bay, Minnesota, Atlanta, Arizona, Tampa Bay, HGHawks, 49ers, Houston, Rams, Bears.

The Informer ATS: Jags (+1.5), Chiefs (-6), Bengals (+6), Pats (-23), Eagles (-4.5), Dolphins (+23), Donkey's (+7.5), Raiders (+9), Falcons (+1.5), Arizona (-1), Giants (+6), HGHawks (-4), Steelers (+7), Texans (+3), Rams (-3) and Bears (-4)

A "Kid Genius" C Straight UP: Titans, Bills, Cowboys, Packers, Falcons, Chiefs, Vikings, Pats, Eagles, Panthers, Tampa, Houston, 49ers, HGHawks, Rams, Bears

A "Kid Genius" C ATS: Titans (-1.5), Bills (-6), Dolphins (+23), Donkey's (+7.5), Falcons (+1.5), Ravens (+6), Vikings (-9), Jets (+23), Eagles (-4.5), Panthers (+1.5), Giants (+6), Texans (+3), Steelers (+7), Saints (+4), Rams (-3) and Bears (-4)

The Informer's 2019 NFL Picks: Week 2

Here are The Informer’s Week 2 NFL Picks. As always, please remember that these picks are only to be used for reckless and illegal gambling purposes.

Tampa Bay @ Carolina Panthers (-6.5)

Proof of Thursday night pick tweet:

I’m taking the Panthers (-6.5) and the thing I said I would no longer talk about under 24 #TNF # pic.twitter.com/Qm8xAJ5MTZ

— The Informer (@therealinformer) September 12, 2019

Pick: Carolina (-6.5)

San Francisco 49ers @ Cincinnati Bengals (PK)

Me: Okay Informer, if you are ever going to be taken seriously as a writer you need to cutdown on the bull crap. That means no more random out of context tidbits, stories or rants. I’m being serious Informer. From this point forward useless facts and tangents are strictly forbidden.

Also me:

Did you know the 49ers and Bengals have a total of 34 combined letters in their names (17 for each team)? Did you also know that is not the most combined letters for two teams playing against each other? Nope there are actually four NFL combinations (all involving the Jacksonville Jaguars) that have a total of 37 combined letters.

Those matchups are

Jacksonville Jaguars and Pittsburgh Steelers
Jacksonville Jaguars  and Washington Redskins
Jacksonville Jaguars and Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Jacksonville Jaguars and New England Patriots

#TheMoreUselessStuffYouKnow

(The Informer actual gambling note of the day- This line has moved from Bengals -2 to a pick’em; which means all of the public money is currently on the 49ers. So keep that in mind when you are building your brand new Casino placing your bets.)

Pick: Bengals (PK)

San Diego Chargers @ Detroit Lions (+1.5)

I don’t really care about these two teams, so instead of talking about them how about we discuss The Informer’s “After Week 1” MVP rankings?

1. Lamar Jackson - A right handed Michael Vick. I honestly think if he stays healthy Baltimore is gonna be  right there with Kansas City and New England come January.
2. Patrick Mahomes - Remember when all the experts said to wait on a quarterback because Mahomes was going to high in fantasy drafts? Yea those people were wrong. I mean seriously, the dude had 315 yards passing in the first half. He is amazing.
3. Tom Brady - That’s What I love about these Tom Brady football games: "I get older and he stays the same age."
4. Sammy Watkins - If he catches 3 TDs a week I think he will have a shot to win the award.
5. Dak Prescott - If the Cowboys win the NFC East, then Dak will be in the MVP conversation.

Pick: Lions (+1.5)

Minnesota Vikings @ Green Bay Packers (-3)

That whole Top 5 ranking thing was kind of fun. I think we should do some more of that. So here are five more random lists of "Informer Top 5 Favorite Things."

NFL  nicknames

1. Josh “The Cannon Missile” Allen
2. Gardener “Milksteak”
3. AJ “The Sickness” Green
4. Mitch “Trabanski”
5. Marlon “Return of the Mack”

2019 TV Shows

1. It’s Always Sunny
2. Yellowstone
3. BH90210
4. Blue Bloods
5. NFL Primetime #ItsBackBaby

Sub Sandwich Shops

1. Blimpies
2. Jersey Mike’s
3. Firehouse Subs
4. Which Wich
5. Jimmy John’s

Keno Number Combinations

1. 17-52
2. 2-13
3. 6-17
4. 1-69-80
5. 2-4-6-13-17-20

Fast & Furious Movies

1. Fast & Furious 1
2. Fast & Furious 4
3. Fast & Furious 7
4. Fast & Furious 5
5. Fast & Furious 6

Pick: Packers (-2.5)

Indianapolis Colts @ Tennessee Titans (-3)

I may not be a scientist, but even I am smart enough to know that there is no way on Tim Tebow's Green Earth the Tennessee Titans are going to lose at home on the same day they retire Steve “Air” McNair and Eddie George’s jerseys.

Go ahead and Lion King Lock this in as a Titans win and cover folks.

Pick: LKLOTW Titans (-3)

New England Patriots @ Miami Dolphins (+19)

75% of the public is betting against an 18.5 point double digit home underdog.

Tom Brady is 1-5 in his last six games in Miami.

The Patriots under Bill Belichick  are 0-5 against the spread when the line is over 18 points.

“Informer are you seriously trying to make a case for betting the Miami Dolphins against Tom Brady? Man I think you have finally drank yourself stupid. Seriously, there is not enough gambling rules in the world to entice me to place hard earned money on the clogged toilet of a dumpster fire piece of s*** Miami Trash.”

Did you just say "clogged toilet of a dumpster fire piece of s***? That's a weird use of the English language flex, but ok. I like it. As far as the gambling goes; I am just letting you know what the rule book says. And in this case the rule book clearly states you have no choice but to bet the Miami clogged toilets.

Pick: Clogged Toilets (+19)

Buffalo Bills @ New York Giants (+1.5)

As long as Josh “The Cannon Missile” Allen keeps winning, I have no choice but to keep using his section for the Blimpie Best meme of the week:

I don't care who you are, that is freaking hilarious. #SugeBelichick

Pick: Bills (-1.5)

Seattle HGHawks @ Pittsburgh Steelers (-4)

Dallas Cowboys @ Washington Redskins (+6)

According to my very mediocre internet searching skills, Dallas and Pittsburgh are the two highest betted (Is betted a word?) teams this week; with each team getting 80% of the action in their favor. Well, as we keep saying on this blog, when 80% of the bets are going one way, it is smart for the person to zag the opposite way.

#KeepBuildingThemCasinosVegas #InCaseKeenumWeTrust #HGHawks.

Pick: Washington (+6) HGHawks (+4)

Arizona Cardinals @ Baltimore Ravens (-13)

65% of the public bets are on a rookie quarterback making his first career road start against the Baltimore Ravens? I just don’t like those odds.

Pick: Ravens (-13)

Jacksonville Jaguars @ Houston Texans (-9)

In honor of the Texans being favored by nine points, here are nine random Informer thoughts, questions and hot takes:

1. Despite dropping his first pass since the 2017 season, I still think DeAndre Hopkins is pretty good at football.
2. Josh Jacobs, Miles Sanders, Devin Singletary, Hockinson, Gardner Milk Steak, Kyler Murray and Hollywood Brown are rookies I love.
3. Classic Jets. #Mono? #Really?
4. Adrian Peterson, making his first start of the 2019 NFL season this Sunday against the Cowboys, needs one rushing touchdown to break a 5th place tie with Jim Brown for career touchdowns.
5. Dear NFL, more Monday night doubleheaders and less Thursday night football. Please and thank you.
6. I once said there was no way in the bluest of blue hells that I would ever pay money for the ESPN premium app. So what did ESPN do? They totally made The Informer a filthy liar thanks to their announcement that Chris Berman and Tom Jackson were bringing NFL Primetime out of retirement. It literally took me six minutes after reading the news for me to give you my credit card information. Well played ESPN. Well played indeed.
7. I’m not sure who needs to hear this but I’m going to say it anyways: Julio Jones— aka the guy who never catches touchdowns — has caught a touchdown pass in five straight games.
8. Tom Brady only needs three TD passes to surpass Peyton Manning for second place on the all time career list. Also, Tom Brady plays the Miami Dolphins this week. #ItWasAGoodRunPeyton
9. I think I would not be doing my job as a famous sports blogger if I didn’t point out that the 1st half under in Primetime is 5-0 on the season.

Pick: Jags (+9)

Kansas City Chiefs @ Oakland Raiders (-7)

For fun, let's play a quick game of compare these players at age 26.

Player A: 241 receptions, 3,506 yards & 32 TDs
Player B: 241 receptions, 3,769 yards & 31 TDs

What if I told you that player A went on to become an NFL Hall of Famer who finished his career with 1,101 receptions, 13,899 yards & 130 TDs (Chris Carter), while player B is Chiefs wide receiver Sammy Watkins who still has 15 games left in his age 26 season?

I wanted to bring up this comparison for a few reasons. First, I found it interesting that both guys came into the NFL with huge expectations but only lasted 3-years with the teams that drafted them (Carter & Eagles, Watkins & Bills). Secondly, I wanted to point out that while Sammy's career has not gone the way many experts (myself included) expected, if you look at what Carter did after his age 26 season; then it would appear Watkins still has plenty of time to achieve that greatness.

I for one am 100% rooting (and expecting now that he has Mahomes as his QB) for Sammy to do it. Because the NFL is always better when great players reach their great potential.

Pick: Chiefs (-7)

Chicago Trabanski’s @ Denver Donkey’s (+2.5)

Things I would rather do then bet Mitch Trabanski as a road favorite:

Wash the dishes. Eat asparagus. Crack. Watch Nic Cage’s movie “The Wicker Man”. Go for a jog. Tell my wife she is overreacting. Put goat cheese on my pizza. Drink Coors Light. Lose to a 9-year old in an NFL Picks off. Go scarf/vail shopping with Cam Newton. Order a fake impossible Whopper from Burger King. Bet the 1st half over in Primetime. And finally, I would rather bet Joe Flacco starting his first home game as a Denver Donkey in the stadium that made him a hero.

Pick: Donkey’s (+2.5)

New Orleans Saints @ LA Rams (-1.5)

If the WWE NFL writers really want this Saints-Rams feud to reach its full potential, then they have to put the Rams over on Sunday. And if they are truly looking for“X-PAC” nuclear heat, then they have no choice but to let the Rams win with a questionable penalty call from Earl Hebner the refs late in the game.

Of course, if the writers -- in the name of being best for Fox business -- are going to script the Saints into a “Montreal Screw Job” finish on Sunday; then I have no choice but to load the heels Rams

Pick: Rams (-1.5)

Philadelphia Eagles @ Atlanta Falcons (+2.5)

I’m betting the Atlanta Falcons. I have no good reason or scientific data to support this decision. This is purely an "I want to root for the team I like on Sunday Night Football" so I am going to bet them pick. So please take this selection with a grain of cocaine.

Pick: Falcons (+2.5)

Cleveland Browns @ New York Jets (+2.5 & +7)

I got the Browns at (-2.5) in my Super Picks contest, but I know with Sam "Mono y Darnold" out this line jumped to (-7). I also know since it was announced "The Mono Man" was out, the public has been throwing money on the Browns like they were a rapper at the strip club. And, well, since we keep saying not to follow the public bets; I decided I will be keeping the Browns at (-2.5) in my Super Picks contest, while also betting the Jets (+7) for the cover.

In the gambling world I think this is called having your Blimpies and drinking your Natties to.

Pick: Browns (-2.5) & Jets (+7)

That is a wrap folks. I hope your Sunday is filled with cold Natties, at least one Blimpie Best, winning parlays, backdoor covers, 1st half unders and enough 3-team teasers to kill a small community bank.

Informer out.



THE INFORMER'S 2019 NFL PICKS RECORD

Overall: 11-5

Last Week: 11-5

Lion King Lock of the Week: 1-0

1st Half Under in Primetime: 5-0

The Informer vs AC NFL Picks Challenge: Week 2

Last week The Informer was challenged to a picks battle by a 9 year old wonderkid named A.C. In this challenge, the rules are very simple: Each week A.C. is going to put his picks up against The Informer's and we are going to have a mano y kido picks challenge with the winner after 17 Weeks getting all the bragging rights (and if I lose I pledge to send AC a Gem Mint 10 Rookie Card of his favorite player). 

Now looking back at last week, young AC got off to a hot start going 12-3-1 straight and up 9-7 against the spread while The Informer went 11-5 against the spread (I forgot to pick the straight up games). 

So as you can probably guess, young AC had some bragging to do after his very stellar Week 1 outing (you will see said bragging in the video below), but I promise you all The Informer is not worried. As I have always said, anyone can have one good week, but when it comes to NFL picks this is a marathon not a sprint. And the most important thing a handicapper needs to understand is putting together multiple weeks of wins is all that matters (that's how you make the money and get the bragging rights). 

So with all that said, here are me and AC's picks for the Week 2. If you would like to read an explanation for The Informer's picks, click this link that his highlighted in blue. If you are wanting an explanation for AC's picks watch (and subscribe) his YouTube video below (I keep saying it but the kid has some charisma). 

As always, have a great weekend y'all. And good luck AC. Let's see if you can do it again. 

The Informer's Picks Straight Up: Panthers (L), Lions, Green Bay, Baltimore, Dallas, Bills, Steelers, Bengals, Texans, Patriots, Titans, Chiefs, Rams, Donkeys, Eagles and Browns. 

The Informer's Picks ATS: Panthers (-6.5), Lions (+1.5), Bengals (PK), Packers (-2.5), Titans (-3), Dolphins (+19), Bills (-1.5), Washington (+6), HGHawks (+4), Ravens (-13), Jags (+9), Chiefs (-7), Donkey's (+2.5), Rams (-1.5), Falcons (+2.5), Jets (+7)

AC's Picks Straight Up: Panthers, Chargers, Texans, Colts, Cowboys, Ravens, Seattle, 49ers, Packers, Pats, Bills, Chiefs, Saints, Bears, Eagles & Browns.

AC's Picks ATS: Panthers (-6.5) Chargers (-1.5), Texans (-9), Colts (+3), Cowboys (-6), Ravens (-13), Seattle (+4), 49ers (PK), Packers (-3), Pats (-19), Chiefs (-7), Bills (-1.5) Saints (+1.5), Bears (-2.5), Eagles (-2.5) and Browns (-7)