Well everyone it is three hours until kickoff and The Informer is just now starting to write his weekly picks article that normally takes him ten hours to put together. To say The Informer is feeling some pressure would be an understatement.
“Pressure Informer, what would you know about pressure?”
Well, with no-fear about repercussions from the “Duck Dynasty” gang, The Informer has kissed a man.
All Ace Ventura Pet Detective jokes aside, The Informer is going to do something drastic in order to meet his noon kickoff deadline; he is going to open up the “Natty Lights” and go old school drunken Informer.
We are talking a beer a pick, dirty skanks, terrible gambling advise and at the end, with a little help from “Tebow”, The Informer will be able to produce a semi-competent picks article.
“Informer your going to get drunk at 9 am on a Sunday? Aren’t you married with kids? What is wrong with you?”
Umm . . . The Informer respectively declines comment.
On that thought here is Week 16 of The Informer vs. The Question 2013 NFL Picks Challenge: The Drunken Ramblings Addition.
(The Informer note - Since I am not going to have time to properly edit while heavily drinking and probably swearing, The Informer is not going to post this article on www.truschoolsports.com . Normally that is the home for The Informer and he is a proud member of the team; however, The Informer just does not have the time to put together a proper article for the Tru School Sports guys. Hopefully they understand.)
And with that, here is Adam Carolla to start us off.
Like The Informer said, strap on the seat belts, this is going to be a bumpy/drunken ride.
MIAMI DOLPHINS @ BUFFALO BILLS (+2.5)
If The Informer wanted to jinx the Buffalo Bills in order to help Ryan “RT1” Tannehill get into the playoffs he would definitely say things like; at this time 73% of the public is betting the Miami Dolphins so the smart money says to take Buffalo.
Also the Bills are a 2.5 point home underdog, which means there is no way on “Tebow’s” green earth that a home 2.5 point underdog is not going to cover. Remember, the 2.5 home underdog is currently 22-6 ATS this season.
There is also no chance “RT1” will be able to go into freezing Buffalo, since he plays on a warm weather team, and Un-circle the Bills wagons.
Finally he would say that he is going to take Buffalo in his Super Picks Contest (That he is dead last in), he is going to call up some guy named “Frankie” and try and win all his money back with Da Bills and most of all he is going to take them in his weekly picks article.
This is a no-brainer.
Pick: Bills +2.5
(P.S. - You’re welcome friend of The Informer “Lil Vernie.”)
NEW ORLEANS @ CAROLINA PANTHERS (-3.5)
Before we continue, DJ could you hit The Informer’s writing music?
Come on everyone say it with me . . . “SHOTS!!! SHOTS!!! SHOTS!!! EVERYBODY?”
There is only one thing The Informer loves more then drunken blogging . . Drew Brees getting points in prime-time.
Pick: Saints +3.5
(The Informer note - I apologize, apparently The Informer has been over served because this is a noon game. At any rate The Informer loves Brees going against a team that has already beat him once this week . . . Jaeger Bombs . . . Lemon Drops. The Informer loves this song and highly recommends while you read.)
DALLAS COWBOYS @ WASHINGTON REDSKINS (+2.5)
Normally The Informer would be sticking to the 2.5 point home underdog theory, but the Dallas Cowboys are winning this game. How else are we going to get the yearly Sunday Night meltdown loss to cost the Cowboys the division championship?
Mark my words, Dallas is the best bet on the sheet today.
Pick: Cowboys (-2.5)
TAMPA BAY @ ST. LOUIS RAMS (-5.5)
Since The Informer has nothing to say about this game how about some Christmas music?
Hey The Informer said there would be skanks.
Pick: Rams -5.5
CHICAGO BEARS @ PHILADELPHIA EAGLES (-3.5)
The Informer is really confused; why was the New England-Baltimore game, one that has produced three straight NFL Classics in the past two years, flexed out of prime-time so we all could watch the Eagles vs. the Bears?
The Informer knows there are some playoff implications with this game, but the Patriots-Ravens game could decide who is going to win the AFC Championship.
You guys think I am kidding, but if Joe Flacco and John Harbaugh get this Ravens team into the playoffs are you going to want to bet against them? The Informer sure as hell isn’t.
As for this game, The Informer really really wants the Detroit Lions to make the playoffs. In order for that to happen the Bears and the Packers have to lose this week and the Lions have to win against the lowly New York Giants and then against the even lowlier Minnesota Vikings.
Don't worry Lions fans, The Informer knows what he has to do.
The Bears are going to easily win and cover. That is why The Informer is making this his Lion King Lock of the Week, one of his Super Picks and best of all The Informer just made an easy $100 from his friend Frankie after saying the words give me Da Bears.
Pick: Bears LKLOTW +3.5
CLEVELAND BROWNS @ NEW YORK JETS (PK)
The Informer doesn’t want to pick-em. These two teams suck more than a red-headed Lindsay Lohan look-alike who allegedly just ran out of candy suckers.
What, you thought The Informer was going to make a “Coke Whore” joke? Grow up Peter Pan, this is a family web-site.
Pick: Jets . . . When in doubt take the home team over the crappy road team two days before Christmas.
This seems like a good time to mention that The Question was given the week off due to family obligations and of course the holiday season. First and foremost The Informer wants to thank The Question for his time and efforts once again this year. For the sixth straight season you have provided a great voice to the picks article. I know The Informer is not speaking alone when he says you do a great job.
Also here are his picks:
Miami Dolphins(-2.5), Carolina Panthers (-3.5), Dallas Cowboys (-2.5), Tampa Bay(+5.5), Chicago(+3.5), New York Jets(PK), Colts (+7), Cincinnati (-7.5), Seahawks (-10.5), Giants (+10), Chargers (-10.5), Peyton Mannings (-9.5), Jags (+5.5) Green Bay (-2.5), New England (+2.5) and 49ers(-12).
INDIANAPOLIS COLTS @ KANSAS CITY CHIEFS (-7)
Last week The Informer played against Jamaal Charles in two separate fantasy football playoffs. Needless to say The Informer is not playing fantasy football this week. It serves The Informer right for picking the Chiefs to only win seven games.
So to all of the Chiefs nations, The Informer apologizes. Hopefully in the spirit of Christmas and Tim Tebow’s brothers birthday, you guys can find it in your hearts to forgive The Informer for his wrong doing.
Also, just to show there are no hard feelings, The Informer is predicting Andrew “The Great” Luck and the Colts walk into Arrowhead and beat the unbeatable Chiefs.
Pick: Colts +7
MINNESOTA VIKINGS @ CINCINNATI BENGALS (-7.5)
The Informer has been reading all week about how Landanian Tomlinson was the last player to win back to back rushing titles. Most of the stories were written because they were saying this year would be another year with a new rushing title winner.
The Informer only has one question: Adrian Peterson is only 120 yards behind LeSean McCoy right now with two games to play, and word in Cincinnati is that Peterson is going to play today.
Well The Informer has one very simple rule in life, when people tell Adrian Peterson he is not going to win the rushing title and Adrian Peterson still has two games left to win said title; there is no way in the bluest of blue hells The Informer is going to bet against Peterson in those two games.
The Informer is thinking AP rushes for a cool 220 and the Vikings keep this thing respectable.
On a side note; if The Informer’s lovely blonde bombshell wife listened to his constant nagging all year long, this will be the last Sunday The Informer will ever go without an A.J. “The Sickness” Green jersey #Bengals18.
If you think that last sentence doesn’t give The Informer a BISP then you don’t know The Informer at all.
Pick: Vikings +7.5
DENVER BRONCOS @ HOUSTON TEXANS (-9.5)
Peyton Manning is the NFL MVP . . . Peyton Manning is the NFL MVP . . .Peyton Manning is the NFL MVP . . . Peyton Manning is the NFL MVP . . .Peyton Manning is the NFL MVP . . . Peyton Manning is the NFL MVP . . .Peyton Manning is the NFL MVP . . . Peyton Manning is the NFL MVP . . .Peyton Manning is the NFL MVP . . . Peyton Manning is the NFL MVP . . .Peyton Manning is the NFL MVP . . . Peyton Manning is the NFL MVP . . .Peyton Manning is the NFL MVP . . . Peyton Manning is the NFL MVP.
So we are all clear that no one but Peyton Manning is the 2013 NFL MVP?
Pick: Donkeys -9.5
ARIZONA CARDINALS @ SEATTLE SEAHAWKS (-10.5)
One team is playing for a shot at the playoffs while the other team is seeing if “HGH” works on their back-up cornerbacks.
Call The Informer crazy, but a NFL team fighting for there playoff lives getting 10.5 points seems to good to be true.
Pick: Cardinals +10.5
NEW YORK GIANTS @ DETROIT LIONS (-10)
There is no reason the Lions should be favored by ten over anyone. This team couldn’t beat the Syracuse Orangemen by ten. Honestly, if The Informer were a gambling man, he would probably take the Giants money line as there is no chance Calvin Johnson can lead his team to victory over Elite Eli Manning.
Pick: Giants +10
Another The Informer note - Hey for fun can you name all of the colleges, like the Orangemen, that have a mascot whose name does not end in “S” . . . If The Informer’s memory is not to hazy, I believe there are 10 such NCAA mascots. Tweet your answers to @therealinformer and the first person to get them right The Informer will let you pick what his next article will be about.
PS to Another The Informer note - If The Informer gets one response he promise to buy that person a beverage of their choice or to mail you a Calvin Johnson rookie card #The Informer is not above bribing his readers for interaction.
OAKLAND RAIDERS @ SAN DIEGO CHARGERS (-10.5)
The Informer has been saying all week that there is no way the Chargers cover this spread. Since The Informer is so sure that the Raiders are going to show up, on the road, Christmas weekend he is going to make the only logical pick.
Pick: Chargers -10.5
PITTSBURGH STEELERS @ GREEN BAY PACKERS (-2.5)
56% of the public is betting against the Packers at home because Aaron Rodgers is not playing. The Informer knows that Matt Flynn is not the best Seahawks, Raiders or Jets quarterback, but we all have to admit that he is one of the best Packers QB’s to ever play the game.
The Informer is not just saying that because he wants the Packers to lose either, he means it. Matt Flynn is the man. And today he is going to outduel Ben Roethlispizzaberger in one of those “Magical Lambeau” Packers victories that guys like Don Majkowski and Brett Favre used to pull off.
Pick: Packers -2.5
NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS @ BALTIMORE RAVENS (-2.5)
The Informer knows he has been drinking, but didn’t we already talk about this game?
Remember when The Informer said he was not going to bet against Joe Flacco and John Harbaugh in the playoffs? You know since the Flacco-Harbaugh combination is the only QB-Coach combination to win a playoff game each of their first five seasons.
Then The Informer rambled on about why was this game flexed out of prime-time when it has produced three straight NFL classic games?
Any rate, The Informer really does not want to see the Baltimore Ravens in the first round of the playoffs, therefore he is once again going to do what he has to do.
Pick: Ravens -2.5
ATLANTA FALCONS @ SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS (-12)
The Informer is going to pick the Falcons in the very last game ever played at Candlestick Park. The NFL rule says to always take the double digit underdog.
Now that we have finished all of the picks, here are some of The Informer’s most memorable memories of watching Sports at the Stick.
The 49ers beat the Giants 7-3 on Monday Night Football: A five-year old Informer won his very first bet ever made, as he took a dollar off of his old man when the 49ers won. At the time no spread was involved.
If you didn't get goosebumps watching that clip, then you didn't grow up loving the San Francisco 49ers.
Those criminals get away with assaulting Joe Montana:
If that hit happened in today's game Leonard Marshall would be rightfully arrested and charged with attempted homicide. So for everyone who complains about the wussification of the NFL, remember there was a time when "Thugs" got away with trying to kill the greatest QB's to ever play.
Do we really want to go back to that era?
THE CATCH II:
Is there anything better in sports than John Madden and Pat Summerall calling a classic NFL game? The Informer says no.
Jerry Rice breaks the NFL touchdown record against the Oakland Raiders:
Honestly, Rice breaking the NFL touchdown record on Monday Night Football is my favorite non Randy Moss moment in the history of the NFL and one of my Top 5 sports memories ever.
And with that, it may have been sloppy but we made the deadline.
The Informer wishes each and everyone of his readers the merriest Christmas and the happiest of holidays.
Sunday, December 22, 2013
Friday, November 22, 2013
|Tom Brady and Peyton Manning square off for the 14th time Sunday night.|
So without “Freddy Adu” here are our picks.
TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS @ DETROIT LIONS (-9)
In a year that hasn’t been my finest when it comes to forecasting NFL games, my worst call may have been pegging the Detroit Lions as one of my favorite picks last week.
Truth be told, it was a game the Lions should have easily won; except from some reason after overcoming a dismal start, they fall apart late and lost to an inferior Pittsburgh Steelers team.
That game, like this season, did not make any sense. I mean what was the Lions offensive strategy in the second half? Punt the ball as much as possible?
Here is an idea; Calvin Johnson was on pace for 358 yards receiving and four touchdowns, maybe try and throw him the ball once or twice.
Well this week they are at home against the Tampa Bay “Staph Infections”, so I am once again taking the Lions. This team should be refocused and they need this victory to stay on pace to win the NFC North.
Pick: Lions -9
Which player is better?
Player A First 100 Games: 541 receptions 8,740 yards and 63 TD
Player B First 100 Games: 548 receptions 8,680 yards and 92 TD
The Informer can keep going just in case there is some doubt. Here are the same two players’ playoff stats through their first six seasons.
Player A: One Game 12 rec 212 yards and 2 TD
Player B: Six Games 28 rec 602 yards and 7 TD
Here is a fun stat.
Player A: Five 1,000 yards seasons first six years.
Player B: Six 1,000 yard seasons first six years.
So Player B had more receptions, touchdowns, thousand yard seasons while playing in six playoff games compared to just one for Player A.
Don’t get The Informer wrong; Player A is pretty darn impressive, 8,740 yards is nothing to scoff at, but judging by the numbers one would have no choice but to conclude that Player B is the more dynamic receiver through 100 games.
We can all agree on that right?
Now for the fun part; Player A is Lions WR Calvin Johnson and Player B is future Hall of Famer Randy Moss.
The Informer showed these stats in the hope that everyone who is jumping on the 'Johnson is better than Moss' bandwagon will slow their roll just a little.
Again, The Informer is not saying Johnson will not one day pass Randy on the all-time list. All he is saying is at this point in time Moss is still the best WR not named Jerry Rice to ever play in the National Football League.
Just in case you are still on the fence here is another stat.
Player A: Completed 4-8 passes for 106 yards and 2 TD and he returned one punt for a score.
Player B: Has never even thrown a pass or returned a punt.
This time Player A is Moss and Player B is Johnson. The Informer rests his case.
One last fun stat: Both Johnson and Moss have 12 games with 150+ yards receiving through their first 100 contests. It should also be noted that "Megatron" is currently tied for the NFL record with five 200+ yard games.
Despite what you may think from the above rant, The Informer can’t wait to see if Johnson can sustain his greatness and join Moss on the Mt. Everest of wide receivers.
JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS @ HOUSTON TEXANS (-10)
You wouldn’t think that the benching of Case Keenum would be a huge deal in the fantasy world; however, his benching directly impacted not one, but two of my fantasy squads.
Yup, I picked up good ole Case this past week thinking the Houston Texans were committed to the next “Brett Favre” (The Informer’s words not mine).
Boy was I wrong again. I guess that is why they call me “The Question?” Because I am always asking questions and not giving answers?
You may need to say those last two sentences "Ron Burgundy Upper-inflection teleprompter” style to understand the joke.
Hey speaking of Anchorman, is anyone else concerned The Informer has sold out and is now a corporate drone-sponsor for new up and coming movies? I mean did he really just write an entire NFL article showcasing Anchorman a month before the sequel comes out?
Whatever happened to the days of prison assaults jokes and drinking too much grown up orange juice? I think we should just start calling him “The Corporate Informer.”
As for this football game, the only thing you need to know is Matt Schaub is the starting QB again. I repeat, “pick-six” Schaub is the starting quarterback for Houston.
The Texans are in trouble.
Pick: Jaguars +10
Mr. Question you think me writing an Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy article a month before Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues comes out was bad, wait and see what happens next year before the release of Dumb and Dumber To.
And trust me; you don’t even want to imagine what is going to happen when they finally announce Ghostbusters 3 is filming. The Informer may actually write a 60,000 word breakdown on the scene where Ray is laying in bed and the ghost does . . . How should The Informer say this? Well . . . The Ghost does inappropriate biblical things to him.
Anyways, which means stop trying to confuse me with Ghostbusters talk, The Informer does have a small bone to pick with the national media.
Last Sunday, during the Texans 28-23 loss to the Oakland Raiders, wide receiver Andre Johnson walked off the field with over a minute left to play after getting into a heated on-field argument with the afore mentioned “pick six” Schaub.
The Informer did see that happen right? Okay good, just making sure this rant didn’t turn into another “Illegal Contact” situation where The Informer doesn’t have any idea what he is talking about.
Now since we all agree that Johnson walked off the field, The Informer has a question: Why in the heck is Andre not getting hammered by the media?
Do you all remember in 2005 when a man named Moss left a Minnesota Vikings loss with two seconds remaining on the clock? To this day people still try and say that is a reason he is not great because he quote, “quit on his team.”
In fact here is an article talking about Moss being childish and selfish and a bunch of other garbage that is not true.
So where is the outrage for Johnson? The Informer looked as hard as he could all week to find people calling out Andre for being selfish, childish and quitting on his team.
You know what The Informer found?
Was Johnson the "Goat of the Week" in the great Peter King's “Monday Morning Quarterback” column? Nope in fact Johnson's childish act didn't even get mentioned. How about the always reliable Don Banks? Surely he blasted Johnson's selfish acts in his awesome “Sunday Snap Judgments” article?
Again that would be a big fat no. The Informer did find one article on ESPN that defended Johnson, saying he was just frustrated.
Do you want to know who is frustrated? The freaking Informer is frustrated.
People are literally using the incident in Washington as a reason Moss should not be a first ballot Hall of Famer, but here is a guy doing the exact same thing and not a single media member blasts him?
For the love of “Tebow” what is going on?
The Informer is pretty sure back in 2004 Skip Bayless was hospitalized with an exploded head after the Moss incident. Newspaper columnist, internet bloggers, radio and television hosts were all outraged by the disrespect Moss showed to his team, himself and to America in general.
Fast forward nine years and Andre Johnson gets commended for being a great teammate who was just frustrated with the situation?
What a joke.
The national media should be ashamed of themselves.
Walking off the field early is either a childish/selfish act of disgrace, or a frustrated player showing passion. It can’t be both just because one of the guys had a media-related bad reputation.
At this point the only way The Informer will be satisfied with this non-story is if everyone who called Moss out in 2004, yet kept their mouths shut this past week, admits that they were wrong and apologize to the “Great One.”
They can start their apology with a month long tribute to Moss by showing all of his college and pro games on the NFL Network.
The Informer thinks an apology with a tribute is a fair request after the way Moss was treated.
Sorry, The Informer blacked out for a second; what were we talking about?
Pick: Jags +10
MINNESOTA VIKINGS @ GREEN BAY PACKERS (-5)
Wow. I am just going to leave the above rant alone and go right into dissecting the Green Bay Packers-Vikings battle of terrible quarterbacks.
Aren’t the Packers starting some Tolstoy guy (Scott Tolzein)? Wasn’t Tolstoy a famous writer? Either way it is pretty impressive, not only can he write but he found time to make the Packers roster.
All jokes aside; this line makes it seem like Aaron Rodgers would be starting, but I assure you that is not the case.
I will be taking the Vikings as I don’t ever trust poets turned quarterbacks in the NFL. Also, I think the Packers are a mess without Rodgers.
Green Bay has too many injuries and I believe even the Vikings can accidentally make things work this week.
Pick: Vikings +5
Where is the “that escalated quickly” quote when you need it.
In my defense, The Informer is getting pretty tired of the national media deciding when to make something a story and when to pretend it didn’t happen.
Take for example Trent Richardson who has now played six sub-par games for the Indianapolis Colts, where he has yet to average over four yards-per-carry for an entire game.
Now forget the fact that Richardson is a 23-year-old workhorse tailback trying to figure out a new system with a crappy offensive line; the only thing anyone should focus on is the less than 4.0-ypc.
That is the story the main stream media is spinning.
Most notably they are all saying the Colts were absolutely stupid for trading away a first round pick because Richardson obviously is not a first round caliber running back. You can see this by looking at his first six games with his new team.
In the mainstream's words, "he is terrible."
Do you know who is a great running back? Adrian Peterson. Don’t worry about the fact that he has had five games this season where he has averaged less than 4.0-ypc; he is still great.
Or how about Darrin McFadden (5x), Ray Rice (8x), Eddie Lacy (5x) Maurice Jones-Drew (8x) Le’Veon Bell (5x). Every single one of the guys mentioned above has had numerous sub-par rushing games this year, yet you don’t hear the national media saying they are not NFL caliber running backs.
Should Richardson be doing better?
Yes, of course.
But you can’t single him out for a stat and then pretend the stat is not the same for other running backs. I mean do you guys think Adrian Peterson is washed up because he is not on pace for 2,100 yards this year?
Of course not, everyone agrees the guy is suffering behind a poor offensive line.
Just like Rice, Bell, McFadden and Jones-Drew. They are all still good backs, but when you play on bad teams your stats are going to suffer.
|Why is The Informer so angry?|
“Informer why are you so angry this week?
And why are you talking about Trent Richardson during the Vikings-Packers breakdown?
You do realize the Colts are not involved in this game? Can you please try and stay focused and talk about the task at hand?”
The Informer apologizes. That will be the last rant of the day, “Scouts-honor.”
Pick: Vikings +5
SAN DIEGO CHARGERS @ KANSAS CITY CHIEF (-4.5)
This is a game the Kansas City Chiefs need to be extra careful. This is a classic hangover/look ahead game all rolled into one.
The Chiefs are coming off a close game at Denver on Sunday night with a rematch looming in Arrowhead next week that will decide the division.
The San Diego Chargers on the other hand love to keep things close, unfortunately they just can’t seem to seal the deal.
This Chargers team can be scary and with the Broncos game next week, I see San Diego giving the Chiefs a scare.
Pick: Chargers +4.5
Hmm . . . Warm weather teams playing in the cold and snow usually don’t fair to well.
Especially when that warm weather team is playing on the road for the second straight week. Or when said warm weather team is playing against one of the best teams in the NFL, Kansas City, who happens to be coming off a loss.
Did The Informer mention that this is a must win divisional game if the Chiefs are going to keep pace with the Peyton Manning’s?
Oh and don’t forget, there is a very good chance that it will be very cold and snowy in K.C. on Sunday.
Pick: Chiefs -4.5
CAROLINA PANTHERS @ MIAMI DOLPHINS (+4)
Don’t do it . . . Don’t do it . . . Don’t do it . . .
Don’t do it . . . Don’t do it . . . Don’t do it . . .
Don’t do it . . . Don’t do it . . . Don’t do it . . .
Don’t do it . . . Don’t do it . . . Don’t do it . . .
Pick: Panthers -4 . . . Dang it all, I did it.
Don’t worry Mr. Question; The Informer will listen to your advice.
For those wondering why “The Question” is upset with himself it is because this is a classic letdown road game for the Carolina Panthers.
They are coming off an emotional Monday Night Football victory over Tom Brady and the New England Patriots.
They are also traveling to South Beach (a kind of well known party spot) to face a Miami Dolphins team that everyone is overlooking even though they are 3-2 at home and seven of their 10 games this season have been decided by four points or fewer.
The Informer thinks this game will be closer than anticipated and in the end people will be jumping back on the “RT1” bandwagon.
Miami is about to "Ice Up Son."
Pick: Dolphins +4
PITTSBURGH STEELERS @ CLEVELAND BROWNS (-2)
I think the Cleveland Browns might actually be the better team. They have two guys that can impact the game immensely in Josh Gordon and Joe Haden.
Have you been watching these two guys this year? No matter who the Browns are playing, both of them have put their stamps on every game they played this season.
This week will be no different.
Give me the Browns giving the points.
Pick: Browns -2
The Informer picked the Pittsburgh Steelers to make the playoffs so he really needs them to win this week. And since The Informer is terrible at picking NFL games this season, there is only one way to help make his preseason prediction come true.
Pick: Browns -2
CHICAGO BEARS @ ST. LOUIS RAMS (-1)
Who are the St. Louis Rams? Do they even know? One week they are world beaters the next they are losing by 21 points out of the gate.
I think the Chicago Bears are a more athletic team and will not need to grind the ball offensively like St. Louis. Watch for their two big wide outs to make some game changing plays downfield this week.
Give me the Bears.
Pick: Bears +1
Does anyone else wonder what David Hasselhoff thinks about this game?
The Informer agrees with Mr. Hasselhoff. This game is going to be brutal to watch. If you are a diehard Bears fan who is going to choose to watch this travesty, then help pass the time by Google searching “Kendall Jenner Instagram” photos.
You can thank The Informer later. For those that don’t know, Kendall Jenner is the sister to Kanye West’s baby’s mama and wife Kim Kardashian who may or may not put up provocative photos on her internet page.
Getting back to football before my wife threatens to stab me in the face with a soldering iron, The Informer is taking the Bears since he is a Lions fans and he needs Chicago to start losing.
Pick: Bears -1
NEW YORK JETS @ BALTIMORE RAVENS (-3.5)
Let’s see every other week the New York Jets win . . . Big Gulps huh?
Pick: Jets +3.5
Every other week you say? So The Informer is supposed to take the Jets on the road against the defending Super Bowl Champions?
The Informer has a counter argument for everyone: Geno Smith on the road . . . Geno Smith on the road . . . Geno Smith on the road . . .
Pick: Ravens +3.5
TENNESSEE TITANS @ OAKLAND RAIDERS (-1)
You know that “it” factor some teams have that makes things go in their favor? Well the Oakland Raiders were a magical story with the “it” factor for some of this year, but the wheels have finally fallen off.
The Tennessee Titans will stick to their “run the ball” identity and this will be a game the Titans will win on the road.
Pick: Titans +1
Is it just me or is there a lot of really bad football scheduled for Week 12? Seriously, the Titans against the Raiders? Is there anyone who actually wants to watch this debacle of a football game?
Hopefully for the sake of my sanity this game will get blacked-out. The Informer doesn’t mean just in Tennessee, he wants this game blacked-out worldwide.
Can someone get David Blaine on the phone?
The Informer has a feeling Blaine could use his magic to make this happen. Hey Dave, stop doing card tricks for President George Bush and start blacking out NFL games no one should be forced to watch.
Now that would be magic.
P.S. – The Informer highly, and I mean highly, recommends everyone watch the ABC special called David Blaine: Real or Magic where he does magic tricks on the elite Hollywood stars.
The Informer is not lying when he says he spent the entire hour and a half glued to his chairs shaking his head, laughing hysterically in amazement and mumbling, “How is that possible?”
Either these guys are the best actors in the world (get it?) or Blaine is the greatest magician since Merlin.
If you are one of the unlucky few who is going to be forced to watch the Titans-Raiders game on Sunday, do yourself a favor and turn on David Blaine’s magic show instead.
You will not regret the choice.
Pick: Titans +1
INDIANAPOLIS COLTS @ ARIZONA CARDINALS (-2.5)
Oh my how quickly the NFL sours on a team.
Take for example the now struggling Colts. Where is all the Luck for MVP chatter now? That talk has really started to subside in the past few weeks. How about all the Colts are going to make the Super Bowl talk?
Heck, it has been at least a day since I read an article from The Informer about how great Mr. Luck’s “Kool-Aid” tastes, or how many rookie cards he owns of the Colts young quarterback.
I am going to take the Arizona Cardinals this week because they are a dangerous squad at home and the Colts slide is going to continue.
Pick: Cardinals -2.5
So, the Cardinals are favored over a team that has beaten Denver, Seattle and San Francisco this season?
And you guys want to know why The Informer’s picks have sucked this year. Honestly there is no logical explanation for what has been happening through 11 weeks of the NFL.
Since The Informer has no idea what Colts team, or for that matter what Cardinals team is going to show up this week, he is sticking with his philosophy of always picking Andrew Luck.
Now if you will excuse me, "The Question" just reminded The Informer that he has some Kool-Aid to make.
Pick: Colts +2.5
DALLAS COWBOYS @ NEW YORK GIANTS(-2.5)
HOW DOES THIS GAME MATTER!!!?
The New York Giants started out the year 0-6 and yet this game is still important for their pursuit of the NFC East division title?
I guess the consensus is the Giants are coming around, but I do have one question about this team. Have they played any good teams on their current win streak?
Now don’t get me wrong Dallas fans, your Cowboys are not a good team by any means. With that said, they do at least play to their competition so this should be a dismal and mistake filled game.
I am betting Eli Manning will out mistake Tony Romo in the “You Ugly" game of the week.
Pick: Cowboys +2.5
These are the two teams The Informer predicted to win the NFC East at the beginning of the season.
Yes, The Informer picked two different teams. He said either the Cowboys would win and lose in the first round of the playoffs or the Giants would somehow back into the playoffs and then win the Super Bowl.
Right now The Informer is feeling pretty confident in both of those predictions. As for this week, The Informer is going to take the Giants because their offense is going to look very good against the banged-up Dallas defense.
Pick: Giants -2.5
DENVER BRONCOS @ NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS (+2.5)
Manning in prime-time.
Pick: Broncos -2.5 (I am excited.)
How excited is The Informer for this Denver Broncos vs. New England Patriots AFC showdown you ask?
He is more excited than Brittney Spears on the Jay Leno Show.
Heck he is more excited than Carlton Banks when he gets to do his “Happy” dance.
The Informer is more excited than a kid finding out that it is his birthday.
Okay just one more: The Informer is more excited to watch Manning-Brady XIV than a person on the Maury Povich Show who just found out that HE IS NOT THE FATHER!!!
The Informer wants to point out that all the above photos and such are called GIF’s. He would also like to point out that he has no idea what in the hell “GIF” stands for. “Get images forever”? “Gee I’m Funny”? “Great Internet Fotos?"
The Informer has no idea. Honestly when it comes to these new internet trends sometimes The Informer feels like Forrest Gump.
That photo is hilarious.
Any who, if you or someone you know has the ability to give The Informer the proper answer to what a “GIF” is please tweet @therealinformer.
Thank you and much appreciated.
Oh yea . . . The Informer almost forgot, Peyton Manning in prime-time equals The Lion King Lock of the Week.
Pick: LKLOTW Donkeys -2.5
SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS @ WASHINGTON REDSKINS (+5.5)
The San Francisco 49ers are really good coming off of one loss. That means they should be really, really good coming off their first two-game regular season losing streak since Jim Harbaugh took over as head coach.
Plus, this is a must win game for the Niners to keep their playoff hopes alive.
Pick: Niners -5.5
Remember last year when everyone was saying things like RG3 is the greatest thing since the invention of fireworks? Along those same lines do you all remember when people started saying Colin Kaepernick was the next Randall Cunningham?
How quickly the times have changed.
Now people are talking about how inconsistent and unable to make the right decision RG3 has been. And regressing into a mediocre quarterback Kaepernick. Honestly, The Informer hates the part of being a sports writer (I am using that term very loosely) where we have to build someone up just to tear them down.
The reality of the situation is RG3 is still a young QB who is learning how to be great, after having one of his knees surgically repaired, while playing on a crappy team. Is he worse than last year? No, he is pretty much the same player; the only problem is this season the ball has not been bouncing his way.
And people in San Francisco who are saying the 49ers made a mistake letting Alex Smith go, please keep in mind that Kaepernick is less than a year removed from taking your team to the Super Bowl.
So, maybe we all just need to take a step back and let these young guys develop. Believe it or not, playing quarterback in the NFL is not an easy job.
Also The Informer would like to point out that Andrew Luck should have won the 2012 NFL Rookie of the Year award.
Now that we have covered the struggling quarterback situation, we can discuss the Monday Night Football game.
The 49ers are in desperate need of a win, while the Redskins are in desperate need of a loss so they can get a better draft pick.
The Informer hates taking the road favorite on Monday nights, but like “The Question” said there is no way the 49ers are losing three straight football games.
Pick: 49ers -5.5
Enjoy your NFL Sunday everyone; the one day of the week where all is right in the world.
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Did you all see the NFL is standing behind the decision the refs made at the end of the Carolina Panthers 24-20 Monday Night Football victory over the New England Patriots?
They are saying that the refs made a judgment call about the ball not being catchable and even though there was obvious grabbing and tackling of Rob Gronkowski there was no pass interference penalty.
Didn’t we do away with the uncatchable rule when the NFL instituted the “Illegal contact after five yards” penalty? Remember that rule where if a defender on the opposite side of the field accidentally pushes the wide receiver he will get called for a five yard penalty even if the ball in not thrown to said receiver?
The Informer swears he is not making this up, that is the actual rule.
On Sunday night (To be honest it could have been Sunday afternoon; The Informer was a touch under the weather if get my drift) there was a third down play with a pass to the right side of the field falling incomplete.
The team was going to punt right? Nope, the ref on the far side of the field threw a flag because the corner back had illegally touched the receiver on the left side of the field after five yards.
The penalty resulted in a free five yards and automatic first down.
No it did not matter that the ball wasn’t catchable (It was thrown on the opposite side of the field so The Informer is assuming the ball was not catchable) the rule is no illegal contact down field after five yards.
So let me ask one question: How can a ref throw a flag because he sees a guy get tackled and then pick up said flag because the ball was uncatchable?
Illegal contact is illegal contact. It is pretty cut and dry.
So if you throw the flag, you can’t then pick it up because the ball was uncatchable.
All The Informer is saying is that once the ref threw the flag he was acknowledging that illegal contact had occurred, in this case by Grownkowski being tackled in the end-zone. This means that even if they don’t call pass interference, they have to make the illegal contact call.
Therefore it should have been a five yard penalty and New England should have gotten one more un-timed down.
Had the official not thrown the flag and let the play go on, The Informer would have no issue with not making the illegal contact call since they were just letting the play decide the game. Unfortunately, that is not what happened. The ref threw a flag, which means he needs to make the proper call.
And yes, the pass interference rule states that if the ball is uncatchable than no pass interference can be called. The NFL are right about that. The problem is they can no longer use the uncatchable rule in 2013, because the illegal contact rule is now the catch-all.
This means that even if pass interference can’t be called; if you see a guy being tackled after five yards downfield, again regardless of whether the ball is thrown his way or not, illegal contact has to be called.
You know how The Informer knows this is the rule? Because he freaking watches the refs make this same exact ruling 400 times every Sunday. So why wasn’t it called on Monday night?
“Informer no one cares that Tom Brady and the Patriots didn’t get a call. They have been getting every call for the past decade, think “Tuck-rule”, so they finally got screwed over. Who cares? It is about time a ref actually had the nerve not to be berated by Brady into making a call.
Face it Brady drools and Cam Newton rules.”
Saturday, November 2, 2013
|At least the Kansas City Chiefs are excited to be The Informer's Lion King Lock of the Week.|
On Thursday night after the Miami Dolphins gave their fans the best treat of the evening, winning 22-20 on an overtime safety, The Informer received a concerned message from one of his readers.
It read: “I am really worried about The Informer, his picks just keep getting worse; especially after the way the Cincinnati Bengals tricked him into thinking they would cover before losing in OT. I really hope he does not harm himself.”
Now if The Informer were being honest, there was a moment where he thought about using “Flagellation” to punish himself for his terrible picks (Remember in Tom Hank’s movie the Da Vinci Code the extreme priest guy who whips himself as a form of daily penance? Well that is what “Flagellation" is).
Ultimately The Informer decided extreme torture on himself would not change the fact that his picks suck. That is when The Informer decided the only way to stop the hurt was to quit writing his weekly picks article.
He was serious to; it was time for The Informer to throw his towel into the fire, pick up his ball and go home.
Basically the Bengals non-cover was the straw that broke the Zebras back.
I mean seriously: When was the last time a NFL game ended on a safety in overtime? There is no way in the bluest of blue hells that has ever happened before. Yet there The Informer was once again staring at a lost pick because the “Red-Headed” gunslinger Andy Dalton couldn’t avoid being tackled in the end zone.
(The Informer note – This was actually the third time in NFL history a game has ended in overtime on a safety. In 1989 the Minnesota Vikings beat the Los Angeles Rams 23-21 and in 2004 the Chicago Bears beat the Tennessee Titans 19-17.)
The Informer didn’t want to make any rash decisions, but he knew at this point his abilities to pick games was no longer there. In fact, The Informer knew if he continued writing these crappy picks articles he would actually be doing a disservice to his readers.
Thankfully after The Informer mentioned on the Facebook he was thinking about quitting because his picks articles were losing credibility, the same reader who was concerned with my well being chimed in with some very good words of advice.
He said, “Informer to lose credibility that would imply that you actually had it to begin with. And since we both know you didn’t have any credibility why don’t you stop acting like a "*****" (Think five letter cuss word for the female private parts), do your damn job and keep making us laugh at your terrible picks.
Well . . . To steal a phrase from Jalen Rose, “The Informer is going to give the people what they want.”
With that in mind The Informer broke out his “Flagellation” whip, did his penance and now he is ready to get back on the camel that bucked him and start dominating “The Informer vs. The Question 2013 NFL Picks Challenge.”
One last note; judging by what happened on Thursday night, everyone should be preparing themselves for a weird after Halloween weekend in the NFL.
ATLANTA FALCONS @ CAROLINA PANTHERS (-7.5)
The Carolina Panthers are a better football team right now than the Atlanta Falcons, but the question has to be asked: Should a Ron Rivera coached team be a 7.5 point favorite under any circumstances?
Seriously name me one reason anyone should trust a Rivera team to put away the Falcons that easily?
Also you have to factor in that the Panthers are an enigma this season; they play really good some weeks destroying their opponents by 30, then the next week they lose a game they should have won.
It is maddening.
Take the Falcons and the points as you should not trust the Panther’s.
Pick: Falcons +7.5
Cam Newton, no Julio Jones, an injured Roddy White, the Panthers are one of the hottest teams in the NFL, the Falcons just got dominated on the road against the Arizona Cardinals.
There . . . The Informer gave you five good reasons someone should take the Panthers. With that said, The Informer is grabbing the points. This is a must win game for the Falcons: If not now then when?
Pick: Falcons +7.5
MINNESOTA VIKINGS @ DALLAS COWBOYS (-10)
The Minnesota Vikings have had a difficult time finding their way in the NFL this season.
Truthfully I wouldn’t be surprised if AP is in some sort of emotional therapy so he is able to keep that weekly smile on his face due to the fact that he has to play each and every game with quarterbacks that intellectually couldn’t play for a high school team.
The Dallas Cowboys on the other hand have been overrun this week with Dez Bryant wanting to win and not choosing the proper venue on how to express those feelings.
Give me the Vikings as the Cowboys have to many distractions and continue to play to their competition’s level week in and week out.
Pick: Vikings +10
Dez Bryant yells at teammates during a game and he is detrimental, a disgrace and a cancer to the team.
Tom Brady screams and cries like a baby whose candy was stolen on Halloween night and he is a fiery leader who is trying to make his teammates better.
Randy Moss allegedly runs over a parking meter maid with “Hippie Lettuce” in his ash tray and he is a bad human being.
Peyton Manning helps fund a children’s hospital in Indianapolis and he is called a humanitarian.
Do you guys see the double standard in all of this?
Listen at the end of the day Dez shouldn’t have been throwing a fit, but this is football and people tend to get emotional when your team gives up 329 yards receiving to your biggest rival and you lose the game.
What Bryant needs to do this week is show up on Sunday and back up his tantrum with results. Yes The Informer fully expects he will do this.
However even with a determined, not detrimental, Dez; The Informer thinks this is to many points. At some point this season Adrian Peterson will win a game by himself.
Take Peterson in his home state and watch for a Vikings upset.
Pick: Vikes +10
NEW ORLEANS SAINTS @ NEW YORK JETS (+6)
The New Orleans Saints may very well be the best team in the National Football League.
Seriously how valuable is a head coach? I bet if you asked the city of New Orleans they would say he is the second most valuable guy on this team.
This week I think Sean Payton will scheme a way to protect Drew Brees that will allow the Saints passer to continue making plays down the field, but I am taking the Jets as a home under dog coming off an embarrassing loss.
I think the Jets bounce back and at least make this one interesting for a stretch.
Pick: Jets +6
Did you know last week Brees threw five touchdown passes for the eighth time in his NFL Career? Did you know that is an NFL record? Did you know Brees is on pace to throw for over 5,000 yards for the fourth straight season? Did you know no other quarterback in NFL history has ever thrown for over 5,000 yards more than once in a season? Did you know Peyton Manning has never accomplished this feat?
The Informer has just one last question: When are we going to start putting Brees into the same category as Manning and Brady? Is he already there? How has he never won an MVP? Why does Brees place in NFL history bother The Informer so much?
Sorry that was more like four questions.
Moral of the story is Drew Brees is really good at football and The Informer is going to pick him each and every week he is playing against a rookie quarterback.
Informer bonus prop bet – Take the over 250 times they show a Rex Ryan-Rob Ryan side by side split-screen shot.
Pick: Saints -6
TENNESSEE TITANS @ ST. LOUIS RAMS (+3)
This is going to be a real slug-fest.
Each of these teams has a good defensive line that will cause trouble for the other squad.
The St. Louis Rams will once again be playing without Sam Bradford at the helm while the Tennessee Titans are a smash mouth run first football team coming off a bye week.
I think this should be an interesting game, but I don’t trust the Titans on the road giving points.
Pick: Rams +3
This season whenever a home underdog is getting three points or less from Vegas, said home dog is 11-4 against the spread.
Well this week Vegas is giving the home Rams three points; therefore The Informer is going to follow the trends and root for an upset.
Also keep in mind this is the first time Rams coach Jeff Fischer will be going against the team he coached for 16 seasons. If you don’t think he will have his team primed for an upset than you don’t know the NFL.
Remember how good the Kansas City Chiefs looked against the Philadelphia Eagles in Andy Reid's return to Philly earlier this season? The Informer is expecting that kind of performance from the Rams this week.
KANSAS CITY CHIEFS @ BUFFALO BILLS (+3)
In the words of late Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis, “The Chiefs JUST WIN BABY!!!”
It may not be pretty or flashy but they get the job done. Well only giving three points this week I don’t see why you shouldn’t be on their side.
The Buffalo Bills seem to figure out how to give games away while the Chiefs have figured out ways to –JUST WIN.
Pick: Chiefs -3
The Chiefs are 6-2 ATS this season; however they are 0-2 the last two weeks. The Chiefs are also 2-0 this year when playing on the road as a three point favorite, so the above stat about teams being home dogs by less than three points having a 11-4 record can be thrown out the window.
At the end of the day this game comes down to whether or not “The Canon” Thad Lewis, who is listed as doubtful, plays this week.
Just remember on Sunday when you tell your fake illegal bookie or offshore Caribbean website you want to take the Bills that you are putting your faith in Matt “I can’t hold a NFL job” Flynn or some guy named Jeff as your starting QB.
To be honest The Informer would rather spend Halloween week watching Paranormal Activity (The Informer does not do scary ghost movies) than back Matt Flynn or Jeff Teul against the best defense in the NFL.
The Informer likes the Chiefs so much in Buffalo he is actually making them his Lion King Lock of the Week.
Pick: Chiefs -3
PS- No The Informer is not trying to do some weird reverse jinx by making the Chiefs his LKLOTW. Yes on the year the LKLOTW is 1-7, but The Informer honestly thinks the Chiefs, being the best team in football, can be the team to break the curse.
So saying The Informer is trying to make the Chiefs lose so he can stop eating crow, would be absolutely absurd. What is next your going to tell me there is a video of a grown man jumping up and down in a lion suit yelling Simba on the Youtube?
Grow up Peter Pan. The Informer one hundred percent is not trying to jink the Chiefs.
SAN DIEGO CHARGERS @ WASHINGTON REDSKINS (+1)
This game is so bad “The Question” didn’t even bother to hand in his thoughts. Never fear The Informer knows exactly what he would have said.
“RG3 is starting to look like RG3 again and even though they were embarrassed by Manning and the Denver Broncos last week, I think they will rebound for the home victory. Take Washington as the San Diego Chargers are traveling two time zones and will be sluggish in this game.”
Now The Informer’s first reaction to “The Fake-Question’s” thoughts is damn . . . The guy stole my flying two time-zones idea.
My second reaction would be he is one hundred percent correct in assuming the Redskins will win this game.
Pick: Home dog Washington +1
PHILADELPHIA EAGLES @ OAKLAND RAIDERS (-2.5)
Terrelle Pryor is coming around as a viable NFL quarterback. He fits the mold of QB’s in this “New Era” that are mobile and capable of making every throw.
The Philadelphia Eagles have struggled offensively and just can’t seem to be find any rhythm without Michael Vick at under center.
Give me the Raiders this week as Pryor will lead Oakland to five hundred for the first time this season.
Pick: Raiders -2.5
Two questions: Who is playing quarterback for the Eagles? How are the Raiders favored against anyone?
Honestly The Informer is more scared of the first question because the answer could be Matt Barkley. And even though The Informer feels there are only a handful of NFL teams the Raiders should ever be favored against, believe it or not the Eagles are one of them.
Pick: Raiders -2.5
TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS @ SEATTLE SEAHAWKS (-16)
The Tampa Bay Buccaneers are a bad team that has quit on their coach.
Also, the Seattle Seahawks are coming off a game they should have lost (against the Rams) which will refocus them to take care of business at home.
The Seahawks are too good at home to let Tampa Bay keep this game close.
Pick: Seahawks -16
Man there are some bad football games this week.
It is starting to look like The Informer maybe putting multiple episodes of Dora the Explorer on for his daughter this week instead of watching every NFL game.
Trust The Informer when he says you really have not lived until you have one T.V. blaring the “Map Song” and a second T.V. singing “We did it.”
It really is more fun than a two year old little girl should be allowed to have.
The Informer note - For those new to The Informer, each week he watches Sunday football in his man cave with his daughter. Normally “Baby Informer” will take a nap during the early games so The Informer’s television rotation is not compromised, but during the late games one of the T.V.’s is always turned to Dora.
To answer your next question; yes the volume for football gets turned down and the volume for Dora gets turned up. It is the sacrifices a good parent makes in order to watch ten hours of football each and every Sunday.
Anyways, which means please don’t interrupt The Informer while he is signing the “Map Song”, judging by this week’s slate of game The Informer will not have to worry about filling his daughter full of juice and crackers to keep her happy, because she is going to be able to watch all the Dora she wants.
Don’t be surprised if The Informer’s Monday morning reaction article contains coverage on how to pass the troll bridge, some Spanish mixed in with English and sayings such as:
“Say Map . . . Say Map!!!”
“We did it . . . We did it!!!”
Or a well placed joke like:
Knock Knock . . .
Who is there?
Cow . . .
No a cow doesn’t say who –cows say MOOO!!!
What game were we talking about again?
You know what, it doesn’t matter. Take the home team, give the points and if you’re a parent watch educational cartoons with your children instead of whatever game we were just discussing.
Pick: Seattle -16
BALTIMORE RAVENS @ CLEVELAND BROWNS (+2.5)
This game is always interesting regardless of the records of the two teams.
That is why for me this is a coin flip game.
One one side you have the Baltimore Ravens who have no one to throw the ball to outside of Torrey Smith. On the other side you have Joe Haden who is a lock down corner for the Cleveland Browns.
So who is Joe Flacco going to throw to if his only weapon is being locked down by Haden?
To me this game all hinges on the QB of the Browns and we all know how well that has worked out for Cleveland this season.
Even though the Browns are surprisingly close to .500, I think people are starting to over value them and whoever they have playing QB, so I am taking the Ravens this week.
Pick: Ravens -2.5
Did you know Flacco has never lost against the Browns? Well as the old saying goes, “eventually all good things must come to an end.”
The Browns have played the Ravens close for seven straight losses, now is the time to get over the hump. Watch for Josh Gordon to make some plays down the field and for the Browns to pull of the unexpected victory over the favored Ravens.
Pick: Browns +2.5
PITTSBURGH STEELERS @ NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS (-6.5)
I heard a talking head/ so called expert say a team that they would watch to turn the season around is the Pittsburgh Steelers.
I couldn’t disagree more. The Steelers offensive line is in shambles, their WR are young and just starting to get it, the running game is still mediocre even with Le'Veon Bell and their defense is still not getting any younger.
One thing is for sure; I definitely don’t see them turning it around to make the playoffs this season.
I understand this is a lot of points for a New England Patriots team that should have lost to the Dolphins last week, but to me it seems like the 6-2 Pats are starting to get healthy at the right time.
Look for Tom Brady and company to put up some points this week.
Pick: Patriots -6.5
What a game this would have been in 2011. No wonder CBS is making it their game of the week.
Here is what we know coming into this week; Tom Brady is having an MVP year while averaging 228 yards passing a game, “Big Ben Roethlisveganberger” spends every game running for his life because his offensive line is putrid and last but now least we have two defenses that have been so decimated by injuries neither one of them could stop the “Little Giants” from running the “Annexation of Puerto Rico” down their throats.
The Informer has only two words to describe how he feels about watching this game on Sunday: “Can’t wait!!!”
Pick: Steelers +6.5
INDIANAPOLIS COLTS @ HOUSTON TEXANS (+2.5)
It really is too bad Reggie Wayne went down with a season ending injury. I have never met the man, but from all accounts he is an upstanding gentleman who had an extremely dedicated work ethic and who was an outstanding team player.
I wish you a full and speedy recovery Mr. Wayne.
Now without Reggie in the lineup the Indianapolis Colts loses its possession receiver and security blanket for Andrew Luck. For me that does not bode well for them in this game.
On the other side the Houston Texans need to turn it around immediately. I am thinking they will do it this week, at home, behind Case Keenum.
Pick: Texans +2.5
The home underdogs are 11-4 when giving three points or less . . . The home underdogs are 11-4 when giving three points or less . . . The home underdogs are 11-4 when giving three points or less . . . The home underdogs are 11-4 when giving three points or less . . . The home underdogs are 11-4 when giving three points or less . . . The home underdogs are 11-4 when giving three points or less.
The Informer apologizes, he was hoping if he kept reminding himself not to pick against the home dog he would not be dumb enough to actually do it.
Pick: Colts -2.5
CHICAGO BEARS @ GREEN BAY PACKERS (-10.5)
The Chicago Bears defense has had its struggles so far this season and I think the Green Bay Packers will be able to exploit this as long as they take care of the football.
The main reason the Packers will exploit the Bears is because they have more balance on offense this season; especially since Eddie Lacy has taken pressure off of Aaron Rodgers thus allowing the Packers great to have more time in the pocket.
In the end the Pack’s offense will be too much for the Bears and as long as Green Bay’s specials teams mines its P’s and Q’s they should roll easily.
Pick: Packers -10.5
The Chicago Bears are starting Josh “I am not Cade’s brother” McCown at quarterback. The Chicago Bears have lost six straight games to the Packers. The Chicago Bears have not won at Lambeau Field since the year 2000.
What does all of this mean?
It means this is Halloween weekend and weird stuff is going to happen, including the Chicago Bears keeping this game close.
Pick: Bears +10.5
Now normally this is the point in the article where The Informer wraps things up by trying to get “The Question” to click on a link that will inadvertently lead to him having to listen to Rick Astley’s “Never Gonna Give you up.”
In the world of the inter-web this is what is known as being “Rick-Rolled.”
The Informer would usually then finish with some obscure music video that he finds funny; like “Gangnam Style” and then we would call it a day.
Sadly, after receiving numerous complaints that the “Rick Roll” and “Gangnam Style” jokes are old and outdated, The Informer has decided to scrap this gimmick.
Like Jalen Rose said before, “Give the people what they want.”
And if the people no longer want to enjoy Astley’s music or Psy’s dancing, The Informer is not going to keep forcing it down their throats.
So for now on if The Informer says here is a link of Miley Cyrus swinging around on a wrecking ball with no clothes on, then by “Tebow” when you click on the link it will be Miley Cyrus swinging on a wrecking ball with no clothes on.
Oh by the way, here is a link of Miley Cyrus swinging on a wrecking ball with no clothes on (for mature audiences only).
Then again . . .
Wait for it . . .
Wait for it . . .
Never gonna give you up . . . Never gonna let you down . . .Never gonna run around and hurt you.
The Informer doesn’t care who you are, getting “Rick Rolled” is hilarious.
Hope every had a Happy Halloween. Enjoy your NFL Sunday and this video of a haunted house explaining "What the fox says."
Monday, October 28, 2013
|Calvin Johnson did something on Sunday that hasn't been done since 1989.|
To be honest The Informer does not even know where to begin. There were career days, record breaking performances, good teams handling business as usual and of course Peyton Manning and the Denver Broncos doing Peyton Manning and the Denver Broncos things.
We will get to all of the amazing moments in a second, but first The Informer wants to start with the days, the years and even this centuries best performance.
“Informer I know Drew Brees’ 331 yards passing and 5 TD in the New Orleans Saints 35-17 dismantling of the Buffalo Bills was impressive; but the performance of the century? That is going a little over board isn’t it?
Don’t get me wrong figment of The Informer‘s imagination, Brees was great on Sunday; however The Informer had someone else in mind.
“So you are going to talk about “The Redheaded Gunslinger” Andy Dalton who became the first quarterback since 1988 (Dan Marino) to throw for five touchdowns against the New York Jets?”
Yes Dalton was very good in the Cincinnati Bengals 49-9 victory over the Jets. In fact if it was any other day we would probably be leading with his game. Sadly yesterday Dalton’s career day was just a minor blip on the radar.
“Oh I know, your going to talk about the NFL MVP Tom Brady who was able to lead the New England Patriots to a 27-17 victory despite only throwing for 116 yards. Your right that was an unbelievably historic game.”
“Well the only other person you could be starting with then is Marvin Jones.”
“You know the Bengals WR who set a franchise record with 4 TD receptions on the Sunday?”
Sorry The Informer thought you were talking about someone else.
But yes Jones was great yesterday and although becoming the 38th player in NFL history to catch four touchdowns in a single game is impressive; Jones does not beat out a guy who did something yesterday that only four people in the history of the league have done.
On Sunday Detroit Lions WR Calvin Johnson became the fourth player in NFL history to record 300 yards receiving.
Johnson’s 14 catch 329 yard day helped lead the Lions to a 31-30 victory while becoming the first WR in 24 years to top the 300 yard mark.
Believe it or not, Johnson’s 329 receiving yards is not an NFL record.
Johnson came seven yards short of former Los Angeles Rams WR Flipper Anderson, who set the record of 336 yards back in 1989. Since that time no one has come close to breaking it until Johnson on Sunday.
The Informer could literally talk about Johnson’s performance all day, but why don’t we do five quick hit thoughts and then move on to the rest of the action.
Did you know that there are 16 teams in the NFL this season that have yet to throw for 329 yards in a game?
Did you know that this was Johnson’s fifth career game going over the 200 receiving yard mark? Johnson is currently tied with Lance Alworth for the most 200 yard receiving games in NFL history.
Besides Johnson and Anderson, Kansas City Chiefs WR Stephon Paige (309 yards in 1985) and Rams WR Jim Benton (303 yards in 1945) are the only other WR to top the triple century mark in a single game.
On the day Johnson had 8 catches of over 20 yards. The Informer is going to assume that is some kind of record.
And finally, its scary to think that Johnson’s day could have been even better if “The Megatron” had not been tackled on the one yard line twice.
That sound you are hearing right now is every Johnson fantasy football owner having “Nam-like” flashbacks to last season when Johnson was tackled inside the five yard line eight different times.
Speaking of fantasy; The Informer lost to a guy in one of his leagues yesterday by one point. The guy got a big boost from his wide receivers getting a combined 56 points from his two starters.
Johnson provided 55 points and Ryan Broyles gave him the much needed 1.
You know what they say --fantasy football is a team game.
One last thought before we move on: Until Johnson retires if The Informer tries to mention another WR in the same breath as him please fill free to call me a moron. There is no longer a question of whether Johnson is the best in the league (He is by far) the question is now where is he going to finish as on of the all-time greats.
Honestly if you look at it, his numbers are starting to pile up and the freak of nature that he is don’t expect them to stop anytime soon.
That is enough with the single best WR performance The Informer has seen since Randy Moss had a four TD first half game against the Buffalo Bills in 2007; why don’t we move onto what The Informer liked about Week 8 of the 2013 NFL Season.
Matt Stafford having fun, running around like he was on the playground, while throwing laser rocket side arm passes before diving over the pile to win the game in the final seconds sure reminded The Informer of someone.
The Informer can’t quite put his finger on who it was though.
Does anyone else remember a “Gunslinger” who would throw crazy interceptions yet would always win in the end while having more fun than anyone else?
Maybe if The Informer asks the St. Louis Rams they would be able to help jog my memory.
At any rate, Stafford’s final drive was one of the most exciting minutes of football The Informer has watched this season.
Here is what The Informer scribbled down while trying to catch his breath after Stafford‘s heroics:
“What a ending in Detroit . . . WOW . . . WOW . . . WOW . . . Matt Stafford on his own . . . What a comeback . . . Anadlkjady!!!”
The Informer is pretty sure the last part was supposed to say something about game winning fireworks.
Moving along, if you turned the game on a second to late (Like The Informer did) then you would have missed Terrelle Pryor setting an Oakland Raiders team record with his 93- yard TD run on the first play of the Raiders 21-18 victory over the Pittsburgh Steelers.
Who held the Raiders record for longest run before Pryor broke it on Sunday?
That would be the one and only Bo Jackson.
Jackson ran for a 92 yard TD against the Bengals on November 5th 1989 (1989 is a pretty popular year today).
Pryor’s run also set an NFL record for the longest run ever recorded by an NFL quarterback.
Hey speaking of records, New York Giants QB Eli Manning moved passed Phil Simms on Sunday for the most career passing yards in Giants history.
Peyton’s little brother now has 33,694 yards and counting.
The Informer has a quick question: Has there been a more consistent running back over the past nine seasons than the San Francisco 49ers Frank Gore? The guy who was predicted by many at the beginning of the season to take a step back added 71 yards and 2 TD in the 49ers 42-10 victory over the Jacksonville Jaguars.
For the year, Gore is now third in the NFL in rushing yards and seventh in total touchdowns.
Ladies and gentlemen The Informer hates to do this to y’all, but we have reached the point where you are not allowed to continue reading unless you can answer the Dora the Explorer “Grumpy Old Troll” riddle of the day (The Informer is only kidding if you don‘t get the riddle right you can continue to read).
What do the numbers 76, 80, 72 and 63 have to do with Sunday?
If you answered the winning numbers for one of The Informer’s” Catch-All Keno games you would be wrong. Now if you said they were the total yards of the 49ers first four drives on Sunday then you may continue over the “Grumpy Old Troll Bridge.”
And yes each of the first four drives, which took all of 32 plays, ended in 49ers touchdowns.
If you are starting to feel bad for the London fans that had to watch the 42-10 shellacking --don’t. The crowd stayed engaged and rowdy throughout the game and at one point the entire stadium even took part in one of the coolest “Waves” The Informer has ever seen.
Just for fun, here is one more “Grumpy Old Troll” number’s riddle: 14,17,3,1, 15,9,10, 6.
Again if you answered the “Illinois State Lottery” winning numbers you would be wrong.
No these are the total number of plays the Green Bay Packers needed to score on their first eight possessions in their 44-31 victory over the Minnesota Vikings on Sunday Night Football.
On the evening the Packers scored on eight of their nine drives Sunday night. They probably would have scored on all nine of their drives, but on the final possession of the game they decided to stop the Vikings bleeding with a knee to run out the clock.
Speaking of scoring at will, the Broncos scored 38 unanswered points in the final 22 minutes of their 45-21 victory over the Washington Redskins.
Now The Informer has no way to prove this, but in my mind Manning was just helping former Broncos great John Elway get some revenge on the team that defeated him in Super Bowl XXII.
If you remember January 31st 1988, the Broncos and Elway took a 10-0 lead after one quarter before Doug Williams and the Redskins exploded for 42 straight points to win the Lombardi Trophy.
So again The Informer can’t prove it, but something tells me Manning let the Redskins take the 21-7 lead just so he could help Elway exact some revenge with a late game scoring spree.
One thing The Informer can prove is on Sunday Manning added 354 yards passing and 4 TD to his season numbers, which now puts him on pace for 5,838 yards and 58 TD passes.
If your scoring at home those would both be NFL records.
Did you all see Vikings rookie Cordarrelle Patterson return the opening kick-off 109-yards for the score. The 109-yards ties Baltimore Ravens return man Jacoby Jones and now Jets CB Antonio Cromartie for the longest TD return in NFL history.
Okay before we wrap this up here why don’t we try and ramble our way through the rest of The Informer’s Sunday notes.
Aaron Rodgers completed 82 percent of his throws against Minnesota. That is a single game career high for the Packers signal caller.
Not many have made better catches then Dez Bryant’s one handed TD catch. Jumping over the defenders for a one handed TD probably had Dallas fans thinking of the Michael Irvin and Terrell Owens golden eras.
Not many have had bigger more public outburst yelling at their coaches, teammates and quarterbacks like the one Dez Bryant had on Sunday. The tantrum probably had Dallas fans thinking of the Michael Irvin and Terrell Owens golden era.
Josh Gordon you continue to be one of the best young WR in the NFL. Because of you the Cleveland Browns were able to hang close in their 23-17 loss in Kansas City. If The Informer were an NFL team and the Brows were trying to trade the young play-makers, he would be offering up a first round pick.
Gordon has that much talent.
P.S.- The NFL trade deadline is Tuesday and The Informer is anxious to see if Maurice Jones-Drew, Gordon, Hakeem Nicks or Larry Fitzgerald will be traded.
Drew Brees to Kenny Stills is starting to become a thing people. Adjust your fantasy rosters accordingly.
On Sunday the Cowboys became the second team ever to loose a game with a +4 turnover advantage.
This type of head scratching historic loss is the exact reason the Cowboys have been a middle of the road mediocre team for the last 16 years.
Don’t believe me, the Cowboys record is 132-132 since 1997. At least they are consistent right?
Despite the historic loss and mediocrity; it was not all bad for the Boys as WR Terrance Williams set a Dallas rookie record with his fourth straight game with a touchdown catch.
Also Sean Lee added two more INTs on Sunday for the Dallas defense. The best ball-hawking middle linebacker in the NFL now has 11 picks in four seasons as the Cowboys defensive playmaker.
Did you all see Jordy Nelson’s 76-yard TD catch Sunday night?
It was the fourth time in his career he has caught a TD that went longer than 75-yards. To put that in perspective, the sixth year pro now has as many touchdowns over 75-yards as the great Randy Moss had in his entire career.
The Informer has seen the refs make some bad calls before, but the penalty on the Miami Dolphins for pushing the ball forward on Sunday was one of the worst. Watching the replay you can clearly see the Dolphins player is trying to recover the fumble and the ball squirted free, yet the refs still called a penalty on Miami.
So instead of Pats ball third and 25, the refs making an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty against the Dolphins (You can’t intentionally fumble the ball forward is what they called) gave the Pats a new set of downs. New England would cash in their free gift with the game clinching touchdown.
The Informer has just one question: Was this a make-up for the bogus call that went against the Pats in their Week 7 loss?
Hey do you all know who is leading the NFL with 9 TD catches? It is the one and only Wes Welker. After watching Brady throw for 116 yards on Sunday this stat has to make New England fans cringe.
Furthermore, this week Welker was one of the main reasons Manning went over the 300 yard passing mark for a NFL record 79th time. Welker is also one of the main reasons the Broncos have an NFL record 336 points through eight games.
Before we go The Informer has to give some credit where credit is do.
People can say what you want about their schedule (And The Informer has), but the Kansas City Chiefs continue to take care of business.
They are now 8-0 on the season after handling a poor Browns team on Sunday.
With the Chiefs it is never pretty, but at the end of the day the only thing that matters is winning. Next up is a trip to Buffalo before they have an extra week to prepare for Peyton Manning and company.
If the Chiefs do win their next two games they will be 10-0 for the first time in franchise history. The previous best start was in 2003 when they began the season 9-0.
That is it for a historic Week 8 of the NFL season.
Now if you will excuse me, The Informer just saw one of those Blimpie commercials with the talking turkey and cheese sandwich that reminded him he needs to make a sandwich run.
See you all next week.
Tonight The Informer is taking the Seahawks 33-11. The Rams will not keep this close.