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Monday, January 28, 2008

Super Bowl Pick

My buddy Q called yesterday with a simple question, who do you like in the Super Bowl?

The Informer thought about the question and eventually answered the Patriots will win but not cover the spread (13 points).

The Informer felt this way for two reasons:

1. The Giants are the hottest team in football right now.

2. The Patriots have not covered the spread in something like 7 of their last 8 games.

There is one problem however.

The Informer couldn’t sleep last night knowing he told his buddy to back Eli Manning against the best team ever.

Honestly, this has to play into the equation. This is the same quarterback who led his team to 56 total yards in the second half against the Dallas Cowboys. But, because he did not throw an interception in the playoffs, everyone is forgetting that he is still Eli “Freaking” Manning going against the best Super Bowl quarterback since Joe Montana.

Then you have to add in the fact that the Giants cornerbacks could not cover Donald Driver, allowing a ninety-yard touchdown, in the freezing cold no less. Yet, the Informer is supposed to put his faith in these same cornerbacks against the best passing offense of all-time.

(If you really think Randy is not going to be putting up a Jerry Rice like 10 catches for 130 yards and three touchdowns, you are crazy.)

Finally, doesn’t the Informer have to give some consideration to Bill Belichick getting two weeks to prepare for a team that only has two players on their roster with Super Bowl experience? Did the Informer forget to mention that the Giants only have two players with Super Bowl experience? Won’t this somehow play a factor? You have one team with two guys who have played in the Super Bowl, and the other team is going for their fourth Super Bowl Ring.

Yes, experience matters.

Now, one of the main rules of gambling is to always go with your first instinct.

That is simple enough, but what was the Informer’s first instinct?

Did he think that the Giants are the hottest team in football and that they are going to give the Patriots a tough challenge?

The simple answer No, it was not.

The Informer’s first thought, this is going to be the 49ers-Broncos all over again. (The 49ers won that Super Bowl 55-10.)

Are the Giants going to play tough and keep it close?

Yes, but by keeping it close the Informer means it is not going to be 55-10, more like 35-20.

A win and a cover for the Patriots is the Informer’s new stance.

Welcome to the discussion of the greatest dynasty’s of all-time New England.

And finally, Randy Moss gets some bling-bling to go with his “Straight Cash Homey.”

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Its the 75th SAG Awards

Lets do a little Bill Simmons running diary of the SAG Awards on TNT, with some updates from the Royal Rumble.

The Informer is not sure what the SAG awards are but Bragelina is here, and Britney Spears was not invited, so it must be important.

6:47- We are currently watching the pregame show on E. Glenn Close is on the screen talking about Johnny Depp, hopefully this will lead to Fatal Attraction II where Close falls head over heels psycho for Edward Scissor Hands. Hey, If Martin Luther can have a dream, so can the Informer.

6:50- Current movies the Informer can chose to watch during SAG commercials include: National Treasure, Titanic, The Longest Yard, and of course the Fox Movie channel is showing the Power Rangers Movie. There is a chance we may have to cut this diary short.

6:52-What would be better?

Having Snoop Dogg as your father, or Hugh Hefner as your boyfriend, find out tonight on E.

6:54- My buddy Zesty just bought a Nic Cage triology in honor of the Informers move down to Missouri. One can only hope the movies are Snake Eyes, Con Air, and Face Off.

6:56 Four minutes away from the start of the Royal Rumble. Unfortunately, the Informer will not be watching this year’s production. But, for the sake of fun, Triple H will win the Rumble, Randy Orton will defeat Jeff Hardy, and Hornswoggle, the Irish little guy, will spend the evening going in and out of the Rumble match without being eliminated because he will go under the bottom rope.

7:05- Steve Carrell and Tina Fey are on the screen, is it okay to think Fey is hot.

7:07- The winner of the Best Actor in a Drama award is…Tony Soprano. If this night turns into a Sopranos love fest I guarantee this diary will be cut short.

7:08- John Travolta is on the screen with some chick that probably should not be.

7:09- I will not be watching the movie Hairspray now or anytime in my life.

7:11- Surprise, Eddie, or is it Eedie, Falco of the Sopranos wins best female actress in a Drama. The Informer can’t be to upset because he hasn’t seen any of the other nominee’s shows.

7:15- Just read that Stephanie McMahon doesn’t want Jeff Hardy to win the title tonight at the Rumble. What a surprise, you mean the daughter of the owner and wife of the WWE’s biggest star doesn’t want someone who is not her husband to win the title.

7:16- Who exactly is Blair Underwood. Never heard of him, but he is on the screen right now.

7:19- The Screen Actors Guild was created in 1933, the same year Hugh Hefner lost his virginity. The Girls Next Doors should be very proud of themselves.

7:23- Best cast in a TV show is about to be announced, I swear if the Sopranos wins over Boston Legal the Informer will snap.

7:23- This sucks. I know the Sopranos is an awesome show blah blah blah, but why even do the damn award show if it is going to be one long Sopranos tribute.

7:24- On the bright side there are now twenty people on stage with the same goofy smile.

7:26- Rumble update, Ric Flair kept his career alive with a victory over United States Champion M.V.P. Whooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

7:28- Man the Informer needs to start watching movies again. Michael Clayton, No Country for Old Men, and the Assassination of Jesse James, all movies the Informer has not seen.

7:29- James Gandolfini wins the award for best supporting actor in a movie, surprisingly he was not even in a movie this past year. God, I love the Sopranos.

7:30- Some guy from No Country For Old Men actually won the award, even though he couldn’t speak English.

7:31- What is so wrong about having sex with your boss, in the coat room, while someone films it. Tune in to TBS to find out the answer.

7:32- Stop with the Slim Fast commercials, the Informer gets it, he is fat. Now let me enjoy my baked potato in peace (How do you spell potato, that just doesn’t look right).

7:37- Okay, its true the Informer is attracted to Ugly Betty.

7:38- Tina Fey wins best female actor in a comedy series. And yes its official, she is FINE!

7:41- Alec Baldwin gets the award for comedy actor in a series, barely beating out that Monk guy. Let the Informer be very clear, Monk is not funny.

7:42- Add American Gangster to movies the Informer needs to watch. Man, I probably should not be doing this blog, since I haven’t seen any of the movies being nominated. Where is the award for Adam Sandler’s I know Pronounce you Chuck and Larry.

7:44- Do people still watch Desperate Housewives?

7:48- The Office wins best cast for a comedy series. Add watch The Office, to the Informers list of things to do in 2008, along with find a job.

7:49- JBL beats Jericho via the DQ in the always entertaining, who the hell cares match of the night.

Since we are on a commercial break, a quick recommendation to the one reader of the Informer’s blog. Go to Adam Carolla’s website and start listening to his radio show. He is the new age Howard Stern, only if Stern was funny.

7:56- Dennis Leary is paying tribute to the guy who played his dad on Rescue Me. Its starting to get a little dusty in the Informers parent’s basement.

8:03- Note to self, watch the movie, Best Little Whore House In Texas. That’s a porno right?

8:06- Seriously, when did my mom stop dusting in the basement. What a tribute.

Quick Family Guy break be back in a bit.

8:30- Touching tribute to the actors who have passed in the last year, no joke here, just a nice montage.

8:32- Zesty’s twin brother Edge retains his title beating Rey Mysterio, hopefully this leads to another live sex show on Raw from the Rated R Superstar.

8:34- The Informer’s internet is having problems, which means no more Rumble updates. My one reader is going to be devastated.

8:38- Some chick named Rubee Dee wins an award for best actress in something, not quite sure what it was for, the Informer accidently got caught up in the Power Rangers Movie. It’s Morphin Time.

8:51-Daniel Day Lewis wins award for best actor in another movie the Informer has never heard of.

8:56- Julie Christy wins best female actor. Who the hell is Julie Christy?

8:57- Quick observation: the chick from Juno is extremely good looking on TV in real life.

9:00- Tom Cruise makes an appearance. Should the Informer make the joke that Cruise is here because of his ability to change a tire, or is he here because he has the authority to get Americans off of drugs.

9:01- No Country For Old Men wins best cast for a motion picture. Wish I could agree, but again my movie watching has apparently been non-existent this past year.

9:03- I think Woody Harrelson is actually stoned out of his mind, someone better get Tom back on the stage.

9:04- Wow, what a waste of two hours. Goodnight Now!

Monday, January 21, 2008

A Movie Thing

Let the Informer pose a question.
If you were going to be stuck on an island for the rest of your life which ten DVD’s would you take?

Here’s the catch, you have to have the same actor in all ten. Say you’re a big Fight Club fan and can’t live on an Island without it, then you would need to find nine other Brad Pitt or Edward Norton movies to take with you.

Three Ground Rules
1. All sequels and trilogies count as one movie. So Die Hard 1-4 is only one Bruce Willis movie.
2. No matter how dreamy you may think he is, anyone who stars in Elizabethtown can no longer be taken seriously as an actor, and is therefore disqualified from the competition, sorry Orlando Bloom.
3. You can’t take a supporting actor; it has to be a main stream star. Trust me, the Informer was thinking very hard about taking ten Brian Cox films. Cox is the police chief in Super Troopers; he also plays roles in Troy, The Bourne Trilogy, and Braveheart.

Before we break down and find out which actor’s movies the Informer will be spending eternity with, there were a few surprise omissions.

The Informer left George Clooney, Johnny Depp, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Denzel Washington of his list. Surprisingly, Clooney and Washington didn’t have ten movies a piece that the Informer could justify taking to the island.

As for Leo and Depp, they just have too many political Hollywood movies (Sweeney Todd, Gangs of New York). Unfortunately, this means the Informer is going to the Island without his favorite movie character ever, no not Gilbert Grape, but Captain Jack Sparrow.

Finally, for the sake of the blog, the Informer decided that Al Pacino and Robert DeNiro were not allowed to participate.

On to the list:

Brad Pitt
The chosen:
Legends of the Fall, A River Runs Through It, Seven, Sleepers, Fight Club, Snatch, Spy Game, Ocean’s Trilogy, Troy, Mr. and Mrs. Smith

As much as I want Brad Pitt and his movies, I can not in my mind justify leaving Jennifer Aniston for Angelina Jolie. Yea Jolie is hot in a slutty, maybe she is a porn star kinda way, but you don’t leave the hot girl next door chick, for someone who once made out with her own brother.

I am sorry Mr. Pitt, but the Informer must draw a line somewhere, even if it is incest.

Will Smith
The chosen:
Bad Boys 1-2, Independence Day, Men in Black 1-2, Wild Wild West, Enemy of the State, Ali, I Robot, Hitch, The Pursuit of Happiness, I Am Legend

Will was on his way to winning this challenge.

Then he threw his hat in with Tom Cruise and the Scientology crew.
Sorry, but when you try and defend a cult that claims that Scientologists, unlike other people, are uniquely able to stop on the side of the road and help accident victims, and that they are the moral authority on getting people off of drugs, then you are no longer able to join the Informer on his island.

Someone please tell Will to step away from the cult. We already lost Joey Potter to Tom’s unique way of craziness, but please not the Fresh Prince.

Matt Damon
The Chosen:
Courage Under Fire, Good Will Hunting, Saving Private Ryan, Rounders, All The Pretty Horses, Ocean’s Trilogy, The Bourne Trilogy, The Brother’s Grimm, The Good Shepherd , The Departed

Damon's resume is about as good as the Informer could ask for. Unfortunately, The Brother’s Grimm, The Good Shepherd, and Courage Under Fire are stretches. The Informer enjoys these movies, but for the rest of his life could he put up with them just so he can watch Jason Bourne play poker.

Billy Bob Thorton
Ok, the only reason he would be on this list is the Halle Berry scene, but that’s a damn good reason.

Bruce Willis
The chosen:
Pulp Fiction, Die Hard 1-4, The Jackal, Armageddon, The Sixth Sense, The Whole Nine and Ten Yards, Bandits, Sin City, Lucky Number Sleven, Hostage

The M.V.P. of this list is not detective John McClane. No it is the Asteroid fighting Harry Stamper. If it wasn’t for the list being forced, the Informer hasn’t even seen Sin City, Bruce would probably be going to the Island.

Adam Sandler
The Chosen:
Billy Madison, Happy Gilmore, The Wedding Singer, Bullet Proof, The Waterboy, Big Daddy, Mr. Deeds, Anger Management, Reign Over Me, I know Pronounce you Chuck and Larry

The Informer absolutely loves Adam Sandler.

But he is not the winner,

The Winner is. . .

Super Troopers

Screw the rules, the Informer only needs one movie for the rest of his life.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Back For Playoff Time

The Informer may have a little rust on him, since this is the first time he is going to attempt to write a compantent sports story in more the a year. But if Randy Moss can resurect his career and once again recmlaim the “Sickest Man Living” award, then why can’t the Informer bring back his magic?

And of course since Moss is going to be involved in the AFC Championship Game this weekend, why not let the Informer break down all of Sunday’s Action and explain why the fans finally get to see their Dream Super Bowl.

Green Bay vs. New York

Since the middle of November, the Informer has been saying there is only one team in the NFL that can stop the Pats from winning the Super Bowl this year. A little hint, right now their fans are complaining because their state currently has a shortage of Cheeseheads.

With that said, this weekends game between the Giants and Packers has officially turned interesting with the sudden emergence of Eli Manning. Manning has been the butt of many jokes during his NFL career for not being as good as his brother, Happy Feet Manning. But since week 17, Eli has shown the ability to lead his team, first in the close loss to the Pats, and then with two road playoff wins (When was the last time Peyton won two straight road playoff games).

Sadly as much as the Informer likes the way Eli is leading his team, and as much as he likes the way the Giants defense can put pressure on the opposing team, it just is not the Giants year.

Not when a 38 year old “Gun Slinging” Brett Favre and Lambeau Field are involved.

Five interesting Stats:
Green Bay has never lost a Championship Game in Lambeau Field.

The New York Giants are 3-0 all-time in NFC Championship Games.

Packer’s starting running back Ryan Grant started the season as the 5th string running back for the Giants

The Fox offiliate in Wisconsin decided to pull Seinfeld from its Saturday broadcast, because it is Eli’s favorite show.

John Elway was 38 when the former “Gun Slinger” won his second Super Bowl. The 38 year old Favre currently owns one Super Bowl Ring, just saying.

Green Bay 31 - New York 20

New England vs. San Diego

This game has two possibilities, either it is a replay of the 1991 AFC Championship Game, or it is a replay of the 1991 NFC Championship Game.

Let the Informer explain.

In the 1991 AFC Title game (the 1990 season)the Buffalo Bills and their high powered offense beat a run happy and defensive orienated Oakland Raiders team 51-3. This Bills team ran a run and shoot offense that many said couldn’t and wouldn’t stand up with the physical nature of the Raiders defense.

By the time the dust cleared the Bills were going to the Super Bowl and the Raiders wouldn’t make it back to the AFC title game the rest of the decade.

But, then there was the 1991 NFC Championship Game.

The Game that featured the San Fransico 49ers and their blue-eyed quarterback Joe Monatana finding themselves in a defensive slug fest with the linebacker-heavy New York Giants, being led by back up Quarterback Jeff Hostteler. (Shades of Billy Volek leading the Chargers if Phillip Rivers cannot go this weekend)

The niners had already beat the Giants once during the regular season, and this game was played in San Fran, so many felt that Big-Game Joe and company would dismantle the Giants and go on to win their third straight Super Bowl Championship.

Unfortunatley, reality struck midnight late in the fourth quarter when Lawrence Taylor and Pepper Johnson teamed up to knock Joe Montana out of the game with a broken body (It was such a viscious blind-sided hit, the Informer isn’t exactly sure what they broke, maybe it was a spinal).

A short while later, a fumble by sure handed Roger Craig, and a Giants field-goal ended the Joe Montana dominance of the NFL.

New York went on to play in one of the most memorable Super Bowls ever, “The Wide Right” or “Gulf War” game.

Even though it was one of the greatest Super Bowls ever played, most NFL fans wanted to see the Dream Match between the Bills-49ers. Instead they got Giants-Bills.

This year most fans would probably agree that they want to see Favre try and topple the Pats pursuit to become the greatest team ever. Are we once again going to get denied.

The Informer thinks not.

This year the fans finally get their Dream Match.

Patriots 51 - Chargers 3