Click on the Amazon Link

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

"3rd Grade Blog"

The Informer is, was and always has been a 49ers fan…

They were the Informers first love…

Of course since Jerry Rice left the “Golden Bay” the Informer found new fandom in the fridged north thanks to Randy Moss…

Then for a two year stint the Informer was a Raiders fan, albeit not a proud one, followed by a great three year run where the Informer watched Randy Moss and the Patriots, until the Patriots became racist a-holes and traded the man who walks on water…

Ultimately this led to last year where Randy Moss did not even play football…

During that time people kept asking the Informer when are you writing your “Goodbye Randy” blog…

And they kept saying Moss is tied for second all-time with T.O…

And Moss doesn’t even have 1,000 career receptions…

And well people were saying a lot of garbage..

But we are getting sidetracked..

What the Informer is trying to say is growing up his first love was not the neighbor girl who played general hospital with him…

No the Informer’s first love was the San Francisco 49ers and the Informer has proof…

See back in 1992 the Informer was entering the third grade…

And coming off what can only be described as the greatest year a second grader ever had..

Don’t believe the Informer, check out these stats…

38 goals in 9 games during the spring soccer season..Which included a single game Informer record of 6 goals…

The Informer made the 4th graders select soccer team for the “Cornhusker State Games”

The Informer hit 87 back-yard homers…Since they did not keep real-time stats of backyard baseball in 1992 this is not an exact number but mostly an estimate…

If anything the Informer was probably well over 90…

According to unofficial documents not only did the Informer lead the 2nd grade in playground touchdowns he was the unanimous MVP of the league

He was the lead role in the 2nd grade play…

He dated the teacher and made her pay for the dinner…

(This is no joke…The 2nd grade teacher actually took the Informer out for dinner at Runza..The Informer got the cheeseburger and fries, a large mt. dew and of course a chocolate malt…FAT!!!)

And of course in the second grade the Informer was undefeated in “Tecmo SuperBowl” football…

So naturally as the Informer was getting ready to start the third grade he was approached and asked to keep a journal of his daily activities for a future book deal…

Sadly before the Informer’s book could get published his family moved to Iowa and the daily journals were thought to be lost forever in a tragic moving accident…

Low and behold 20 years later the Informer stumbled upon his journal and let me say this, from these journals you can see that one day the Informer would one day be a great writer who focused on the details like punctioation, spelling, grammer and proper sentence structure

Basically even in the 3rd grade the Informer was the greatest blogger in the world…

Here are a few exerpts, which will also prove the Informer is the biggest 49ers fan ever…

(Informer Note- This is 100 percent the way it was written by a 3rd grade Informer…)

Aug 27th "First Day Of School"

The first day of school I came to I wondered who class I would be in…

At ressas I was going to play soccer with the 5th graders. But then we had to go in..

At lunch I sat by Turner and Jon…

At resas I played football with the 4th graders…

(Informer thoughts- - Lets just say the Informer has never been good at spelling, but ressas really…It is pretty obvious the only reason the Informer was getting passed in school was because of his athletic talents…)

Sept 4th ‘My Favorite Memory”

When I went to words of fun and went on the rides…But the bad thing was I did not get to go on the rollercoaster..But I still ho lots of fun on the other rids..There was this one rider where you had to stand up in it…

(Pretty sure the Informer meant worlds of fun…and Rides….)

Sept 11th, “Weekends”

On the weekends play on saterdays
I sleep in on Sundays
I mostly watch football some times on saterday night go to church it is lots of fun on the week ends sometimes we play tennis and football…
(Its good to see the Informer has stuck to his rules about sleeping in on sundays, but tennis?.. Really?)

Sept 14th “Something Funny That Happened”

I was climing a tree we where having Chad Aaron and I where climing I fall down on my head. I whet in crying tto my mom. After that my back hert…

(Informer Note – Cant be 100 percent sure but I think that the Informer was trying to channel his inner Mike Tyson…

Informer -“I broke my back”

Informer’s Mom - “What do you mean little Informer?”

Informer -“My back is broken!”

Informer’s Mom -“You mean like a vertebrae?”

Informer -“Spinal!”

In all seriousness I am pretty sure the Informer just tried to say he fell out of a tree and landed on his head and then cried like a little sissy…Maybe we should move on)

Sept 18th “Under My bed”

Under my bed there is a matris a crib and a lot of other things. The cribe is for Matt. Under my bed there is a lot of hiding spots.
Sometimes I am under there. It is veary dusty under there. I can herling breath. But I still have not seen a monster Under there yet. At night I think a monster is under there at night. It is dark under there at night..

(Seriously may need to start re-thinking the whole he doesn’t need counseling thing…Monsters under the bed?)

(Note from the Blonde Bombshell - -This would explain why the Informer makes me look underneath the bed every night before we can sleep...)

Sept 22nd ‘I Fight I had With My Best friend”

I had a fight with Critter in the summer was when me and him didn’t like each other. I got mad because he would not play with me. I could him names and he could me names this lasted about the whol summer but when school started we became friends again.
And me and critter have been best friends since.

(Pretty sure the Informer meant I called him and and he called me names…#not winning anyspelling bee’s)

(How do you spell bea’s..or b’s?)

Sept 30th “If I could Meet Anyone”

It would be Jerry Rice because he is my faverit wide reciver and it would be fun to see him. We would talk about football and the rules of the game. We would play lot of football. And we would get to know each other better. I would show him around town. I would take him to meet my parents. I would ask him what it is like in san fresco. And what it is like playing football.

(Pretty sure 3rd grade Informer was also a creepy stalker…)

Oct. 2nd “A Funney Drem”

One Night I had a funny derm. It was a werd derm because I was down under ground. There was a man done there by some hot lava. The man was very mean. He mad me jump into the lava. I sunk down to the bottom. When I woke up I had my nose pluged and I holding my breth..It was very wired..

(This was apparently the blog the Informer forgot what the letter “a” was…On a side note there is nothing funny about this dream…Why would 3rd grade Informer think this was funny? Pretty sure the Informer maybe a serial killer..Lets keep reading and find out?)

Oct. 7th “Achievements Tests”

Achievement tests are hard. I really hate achievement tests. When I wake up in the morning now I don’t want to go to school but I really never did like coming to school sometimes. But the math is harder I tought on the achievement tests.

(Ummmm..”All work and no play make johnny a dull boy” “All work and no play make 3rd grade Informer a little crazy?”)

Oct 14th “I Get Angry When”

Im reding a book and my mom turns the light of because it is time for bed. One time I was reding a book and my mom turned the light out the light I turned the light bake on my mom would not have kard but she just got Mathew to sleep. She got really mad at me.

(Seriously the spelling is getting worse the more insane 3rd grade Informer becomes.. “I get angry when” what the hell kind of journal is this)

Oct 16th “I Was Embarrassed when”

I get in trubul at at school. And when your in mucice and the teacher talls me to sing 123 I get embarrassed. Because every body laughs at me. I don’t know why there laghing at me I think it because the mucice teacher whats me to sing like a gril.
(Channeing 28 year olds inner Charles Barkley…”THAT’S TURRIBLE”…)

Oct 21st “If I were Invisible”

I would sneek in to a football game. And sneek in to the pool. And lots of other stof. It would be so much fun being invisible. I would scar people on Halloween. I would be able to scor lots of goals in soccer.

(Lol that’s funny cause the Informer already could scor lots of goals in soccer…Hopefully when the Informer says he could scar some people he meant scare..? At this point seems like 50/50 either way)

Nov. 4th

School would be better if…

We had more subjeteds and more recesses, and Pe. And if you could have lots of candy. And if you could chew Gum and have pop in class. And if we had math three times a day. If we had Pe 4 times a week. And I could sit by anyone you want every day.

Nov. 11th “When I grow Up”

I want to play football and baseball. In football I want to be on the forty niners. Because they are my favorite team. I want my number to be 80 or in baseball I what to be on the bravs or the A’s. I football I want to play the passishin of wide recever. And in baseball I want to play the passihin of center fild.

*****************************************************************

For one the Informer proved his point..Nov 11th his favorite team was the 49ers…
Then again this journal is pretty much the greatest thing the Informer has ever written so at this time we are going to call it a evening and then throughout the next few weeks will be periodically putting up new entries…

Before we close up just want to point out that the Informers spelling has actually gotten worse as the school year went along…

Not a singing endorsement for the Informer’s third grade teacher..

Also just so you know coming up the Informer actually writes a letter to Bill Clinton and weighs in on the hole issue of Abortion…

No the Informer is not making this sh*t up…

Stay tuned…

Good Night Now…