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Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Randy Moss 2nd Greatest Of All-Time

The Informer is fed up. . .

For three solid weeks all the Informer has read about is “The SO CALLED Greatest WR of All-Time” didn’t show up for the Super Bowl.

Or BLAH BLAH BLAH The So Called Greatest didn’t even try on Colin Kaepernicks Interception.

It didn’t matter which national writer you read, they all had the same easy lame joke.

How can we call out a role player who has played a specific role all year long? I know lets just call him out for how he used to act. Never mind the fact that this so called spoiled worthless lazy piece of sh*t spent the entire year being a after thought because it helped the offense.

Nevermind that in his 15th season, (After not playing for a year and a half) a guy came back and started in the Super Bowl. God if this was a role player named Jerome Bettis we all would have had a chaffed penis from masturbating all week long about how great Jerome Bettis was.

Instead the role player was Randal Pink Moss. And since Moss did his Super Bowl duty by deflecting attention from all the other 49ers by saying he was the Greatest WR of All-Time we had to pick apart his Super Bowl Game. Even though Moss did exactly what he did all year, catch two passes and draw deep defensive coverage to open up the tight end.

(If you don't think John Harbaugh said hey Randy Go Out and Say a bunch of stupid shit so people don't hound our 22-year old second year QB and the team can relax then you are out of your mind)

Here is a news flash…RANDY MOSS WAS NOT A FOCAL POINT OF THE 49ERS OFFENSE. He was a decoy. A role player who played his role and did what he was asked.  He was a team player. That’s it. Should he have jumped on the INT, of course. . Does that change the fact that the QB made a god-awful throw? NO…

But every writer in American new they had a free story so they ran with it. In fact one guy went so far to say “Randy Moss greatest of all-time, he wouldn’t make my top ten!”

REALLY? He wouldn’t make your top ten? Are you f*cking high?

Listen I am not going to make the case for Moss vs. Rice.

But The Informer is going to make the argument that Moss is the second greatest WR of all-time and its not even f*cking close.

I am going to list off the guys who are widely considered the 10 best WR’s not named Jerry Rice, and then show you why Moss is Better.

10. Chris Carter - “All He Did Was Catch Touchdowns”. . . 135 in fact, or as some would call it --20 less then Randy Moss.

So if you call yourself MR. Touchdown and a guy has more Touchdowns than you that would mean you can’t be better.

Don’t get the Informer wrong, Chris Carter was a human highlight. In fact, The Informer would be hard pressed to find another WR who could catch the ball on the sidelines like MR. Carter.

He is in the HOF for a reason, but numbers wise he is less than Moss.

Also he even calls Moss the greatest WR he has ever played with, so you have to give Randy The Nod.

“But Informer Carter never quit on plays.”

Glad you brought that up fake reader, cause that is going to be everyone's argument against Moss, and that’s fine ill let you have that argument.

You know what Carter did do?

He almost through his career away by doing cocaine and being a drunk. Its true, look at his first three years in the NFL with the Eagles.

So Moss loses points for being lazy, but Carter has to lose points for trying to throw away his career.

As for the numbers, Chris Carter finished with 1,000 yards receiving 8 times compared to 10 for Randy.

Moss had nine seasons where he had 10 or more touchdowns, Carter had 6. . .

They both had two years where they had over 100 catches.

Moss played in two Super Bowls, Carter Zero.

As they say the numbers don’t lie.

9. Larry Fitzgerald - The first of two modern day WR’s that will be on this list.

Larry has the benefit of being able to move up on this list because he is that great. With that sad lets look at the first nine years of his career vs. Randy’s.

Larry had 77 TD’s in 9 Seasons.

Randy had 101 through nine, including his two worst years in Oakland. .

(In season ten Moss had 23 td catches, an NFL record, just saying Larry has pretty high expectations for year ten if he is going to pass Randy)

Larry has six 1,000 yard season through nine years, Randy had seven.. .

It would have been 8 years but Moss was injured in 2004 and was held to 700 yards receiving and a meger 13 tds while playing in 13 games. . . That was the year he led the Vikings to a playoff victory over the Green Bay Packers when he had two Td’s. . The moon game. . . MOSS MOON CROWD VIDEO

Numbers wise through nine years Moss is better than Larry.

Moss also played on two teams that played in NFC title games his first nine years and I believe two other playoff teams.

Now Fitz did have one of the greatest Post-Seasons in NFL history by a WR the year the Cardinals  made the Super Bowl so he has that going for him. He also has time on his side, he has at least 5 more years to put up huge numbers, but through nine seasons I am sorry, Larry is just not better then Randy.

Can he get there?

Absolutely, but he needs to get a QB first.

8. Marvin Harrison - From looking at the Stats Marvin had 8 great statistical seasons. He has one Super Bowl Championship. He has 128 total touchdowns. He has everything you would want when making a case to being the second best WR of all-time.

Here is where he loses to Randy.

The Numbers are pretty much a wash, even if Randy’s were slightly better, but Harrison had Peyton Manning throwing him the football his entire career. HIS ENTIRE CAREER. . .

John Zelasney’s fat ass would have numbers if Manning was his QB. . .

Let me run down the list of QB’s that Randy Had BTB. . .(Before Tom Brady)

Brad Johnson/Randal Cunnigham

Jeff George

Daunte Culpepper

Kerry Collins and Aaron Brooks

Not one of those guys would even be considered a good QB at this point. (Cunningham you forget was 36 years old and not the same guy, but somehow he won an MVP award and led a team to a 15-1 record and the NFL’s greatest offense ever . . . Here is a hint that answer was Randy Moss came into the league)

“Informer Daunte Culpepper was a gre….”

Nope you don’t get to finish that stupid sentence fake reader. Daunte Culpepper sucked balls. I watched him play every game and he was good until Moss left.

Then what happened? Dolphins fans you want to step in on this one?

(Apparently he know plays in the CFL. . .His highlights look pretty good.. . You suck Daunte Culpepper)

You get my point, if you get to play your entire career with Peyton Manning and your numbers still don’t beat Randy’s, you are not better then him.

And before anyone starts talking about the he was a good guy and teammate card go ahead and read this story. . . MARVIN KILLS PEOPLE

If you did not click on the link it is a story of how Marvin Harrison tried to kill a man, and then a year later that same man was killed, but not before his dying words that it was once again Marvin Harrison who did this. . .

(Is it to soon to make a I dont want to be on a vacation with Marvin Harrison and Ray Lewis joke?)

But Randy once fake mooned the crowd in Lambeau and squirted an official with a water bottle so I guess we are pretty much even. . .

7. Tim Brown - Hey Tim Brown won a Heisman, but Randy actually has a college football award named after him. The numbers are not closer then you would think, but not close enough. Sorry Tim Brown, I know the Raiders love you but your just not in the same league. (Tim Brown Had 9 1,000 yard seasons. . I think that is the most other then Owens Rice and Moss? I said I think cause I could be wrong)

6. Steve Largent- Sorry the Informer needed a White guy. . .

Maybe this should have been Wes Welker.

But Largent was the Informer's first favorite receiver, quickly followed by Jerry Rice. 

 Either way we can all agree that no white guy was better then the sickest man walking this earth.
 





5. Andre Reed - If you havent noticed the Informer is not talking about anyone he didn’t watch.

So I am sorry to all fans of Lynn Swann and whatever receiver is not on this list.

If the Informer didn’t see them play he can’t argue if they are great.

With that said Andre Reed was put on this list out of Respect to Dauber Dabinski.

It has been a tough couple years as a Bills fan.

Just know Reed played on 4 Super Bowl Teams. ..Moss only two. . .



4. Torre Holt and Reggie Wayne Issac Bruce - All three very good.

 But they all have lesser numbers. . .They were all great in the Informer’s mind but they were not near as good as Randy.

And if I need to get into the numbers and awards and all that good stuff I will, but just know that no one changed their defense to guard these guys.

In fact Holt and Wayne were actually the other guy on their offenses for part of their careers... Moss was not the other guy ever. . . (The Informer is not counting the 49ers season). . .

Reggie Wayne Fans the numbers are growing, he has eight 1,000 yard seasons and Andrew Luck is his QB. . .
In the words of T.O thats my QB man. . .

 His numbers may get there




Honorable Mention - Tony Gonzales - His name has to be on here. He is the greatest pass catching tight end of all-time. His numbers are outrageous and the Chiefs fans have nothing going for them. In fact I think most Chiefs fans were actually rooting for the Falcons this year just so Tony would get a ring and they would have something to be proud of.

But rules are rules and no tight end is the greatest WR of all-time, mostly because he doesn’t even play the position.

Just know that you were a bad bad man Tony. . .

3. Terrell Owens - Moss has more TD’s…

Played on More winning teams.

Was just a big of a headcase.

I would listen to everyones argument but in the end we all know Randy was better then TWO. . .

2. Calvin Johnson - The Informer’s favorite player once Randy Moss retires.

He has only played six seasons so this could very easily be changed one day.

But we can’t anoint the man until he puts up the numbers consistently.

Did you know that Calvin Johnson only has 54 td’s through six NFL seasons? Did you know that Johnson has only played in the playoffs once in his six years? Did you know that Johnson broke one of Jerry Rice’s oldest records while his team won 5 games?

Did you know that Randy Moss through six seasons had 77 tds. Did you know that Randy Moss set an NFL record by having 1,000 yards receiving in his first six NFL seasons. (No other receiver has ever done this by the way). Did you know through six season Randy Moss played on four different playoff teams? Did you know that Moss broke one of Jerry Rice’s oldest records while his team won 16 games?

Do you see what I am getting at?

Calvin Johnson is the best WR in the game today, without a doubt in my mind. But he has a long ways to go before we award him the status as the second greatest WR to ever play the game.

Good news it has only been six years. So it could still happen.

At this point though, Randy is still winning. . . You can’t argue that. . .

1. Michael Irvin

The Informer struggled with this one because Michael Irvin was the second best WR he ever saw until Moss came along. Irvin has 3 Super Bowl rings which obviously trumps Randy.

Randy has the better numbers and its not even close so that is where the Informer would make his biggest argument.

The Informer would obviously argue the rings are subjective because Moss was apart of two teams that were within seconds of wining (49ers and Pats) and another that should have won (19998 Vikings). . . It is not Moss fault that he is second all-time in postseason td’s with 10. . He can only do so much. 

But the Informer doesn’t need any of that because without a doubt Moss has the better numbers and was a better teammate. . .

Don’t believe me, did Randy Moss ever stab one of his teammates in the throat and almost kill him over a haircut? Michael Irvin Stabbed A Guy

Just saying maybe its not so bad that Randy didn’t jump on an overthrown bad pass. . . He could have you know just f*cking tried to kill Kaepernick instead. . .

Pretty sure my point was made.

Moss maybe the laziest receiver in year 15 of his career because he didn’t jump for one f*cking pass, but for a guy who has done more then any other receiver throughout his career maybe we should give the old man a pass.

At the very least the guy who said that Moss is not in his top ten should lose his journalism license. . .

Whats that? There is no license? Any drunk 28-year man with a computer can write blogs and say they are gospel? Did not know that. . .

But seriously the guy who said that is a f*cking joke.. .

And all the guys in mainstream sports that tried to get a story out of Randy Moss in the Super Bowl are lazy.

He was a role player and he knew that and so did everyone else. He did what role players do. 2 catches and 40 yards. . . Nothing more nothing less…

And yes this was the Informer’s attempt at leave Britney Alone. . . Just LEAVE RANDY ALONE.. . . YOUR LUCKY HE EVEN CAUGHT ONE PASS FOR YOU BASTARDS . . .



Friday, February 1, 2013

"Super Bowl"

Can you believe it has been five years since the Informer made his glorious return to blogging?

In 2008 Randy Moss decided to make his triumphant return to being the best WR in the NFL (After two years of retirement and living in Oakland California).

Back then your very own Informer was rotting away in his parents basement unsure of what to do with his life, but seeing Moss make his comeback gave the Informer an idea.

So that night the Informer went out and bought himself a thirty pack of the “Natties” and created www.therealinformer.blogspot.com.

At the time the Informer had zero followers and even less readers,  but that didn’t matter.  The Informer needed a space to write about the greatest season in NFL History (Moss and the Pats Going Undefeated and Moss Setting All-time single season TD mark for a WR).

Things culminated when Randy finally made it to his first Super Bowl. We all know what happened after that, F*CK YOU ELLIS HOBBS!!!!!, but one good thing did come out of that loss, the Informer was back.

Five years later we have had our ups and downs, the Informer has gained some readers and lost some readers. The Informer has gotten screwed out of a 100 dollars from multi million dollar companies (Google).

The Informer has formed a new alliance with amazon, discovered the great football writer “The Question” and even gotten published on a real website www.alphaentertainmentonline.com (highly recommend).

It has been a good run.

Really the only low point of the Informer’s return to writing was two years ago when Randy was suddenly traded to the Minnesota Vikings after a week 4 NFL game. Eventually six weeks later he would be on the Tennessee Titans and on his way out of the NFL.

The Informer’s fake readers, and real friends, were giving the Informer tons of sh*t. When are you going to write the goodbye Randy Moss blog? Moss sucks Informer he never even won a ring. Your fat Informer and have small manhood parts.

People were saying some real sh*tty things.

But the Informer never wrote that Goodbye Randy blog because he believed that there was still a chance.

Maybe if Santa Claus is real and the Informer prayed real hard to Tebow’s brother,  Randy Moss would come back to football. Hell Tebow took the Broncos to a playoff victory proving anything could happen if you just believed.

So the Informer never stopped believing. When things would start to look bleak the Informer would find his friend “Journey” and they would keep preaching “Don’t Stop Believing!!!!”

And that’s when things started happening.

On February 13th of 2012, the Informer’s blonde bombshell wife had a little baby girl. Baby Informer was born ten days early, which the Informer thought was kinda weird until one of his buddies (Borkeback Baxa) sent him a text that read “Did you know that your daughter was born on Randy Moss’ birthday?”

Looking back it all makes sense, of course baby Informer wanted to share Randy’s birthday. Later that same night while watching Monday night Raw “Shawn Michaels” made his return to live television for the first time in over a year.

The day couldn’t get much better, then the Informer looked at espn.com where it was announced that Randy Moss was planning on making an NFL comeback.

This time things really couldn’t possibly get any better.

Until they did.

Randy Moss somehow was signed by the San Francisco 49ers, the team the Informer grew up loving. The Informer only stopped loving the 49ers when Moss came into the league, and then Rice left the team.

Believe it or not the Informer loved the 49ers because he loved Jerry Rice.

“Informer what does any of this garbage have to do with the Super Bowl or gambling? No one gives a sh*t about your love for the two greatest WR of all-time, we want some gambling advice!”

Okay, the Informer will wrap it up. After five years of blogging some things have stayed the same, and many things have changed, but life has come full circle and ‘THE MAN’ is finally back where he belongs.

THE SUPER BOWL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So for one last time in 2012-2013 NFL SEAONS:

LETS DRINK SOME BEEEERS AND RAAAAAAAAA*** Err make some picks!

 


Ravens vs Niners -3.5


THE QUESTION

I have waited 18 long years for the Niners to return to the Super Bowl.  After a glorious Super Bowl win in 1995 (1994 season) over the Chargers the Niners haven’t exactly been a New England esque team. 

They have had their struggles: 4 head coaches (Mariucci, Erickson, Nolan, and Singletary), 5 Qb’s (Garcia, Rattay, Smith, Dilfer, and Hill), 10 losing or .500 seasons, and last year losing in the NFC championship game. 

(I know 18 years isn’t THAT long, just ask Bills or Dolphin fans.) However,  I AM EXCITED… SCARED AND NERVOUS… BUT EXCITED!!!

 This will be a great match up of two hardnosed football teams.  Each team wins by imposing their will on the other team and beating them up throughout the game.  Sunday should be no different. 

The Niners should be able to expose the aging Ravens defense especially at linebacker with their speed at RB, TE, and QB. 

If the Niners defense can avoid giving up the big play to Anquin Bolden and Torrey Smith on the defensive side of the ball their chances of winning will increase dramatically. 

The Ravens have not been an established drive type offense.  Outside of the second half of the Patriots game they have been a quick strike deep ball team.  They get you in 3rd and short situations and go UP TOP!!  The Falcons proved you can throw on this Niners defense, however the Falcons have two of the best receivers in the league.

On the other hand, the Ravens need to get their duo of RB’s involved on screens and draw the safety’s up to hit big plays on the Niners defense.  It can be done see above about Atlanta. 

I think the Ravens will even have success running the football against the Niners D as Justin Smith is not 100%, he is the heart and soul of that defense.  With him at 75% it will continue to limit the impact Alden Smith has on the field. 

The Ravens D will need to force Kaepernick to make mistakes by getting him frustrated.  Forcing him to always check down and limit the big plays.  The Ravens have been masterful at this throughout the playoffs.  I see this as a grind out type of game.  Oh and adding more deer antler elixir probably would help too!!

 Overall, this game will be a hard fought contest with two brutes going at it.  I personally feel the game will be decided by how well the Ravens D can hold up against the Niners offense. 

The Niners offense should be able to outscore the Ravens, but if the Ravens can hold their own stay in the ball game they have shown they can squeak it out when it is on the line, I mean they are playing for Ray.

Pick - Ravens



THE INFORMER:

This week the Informer is going to pick the game correct.  Just as sure as Dan Marino has illegitimate children with skanks, the Informer knows who is going to win and cover this game. 

You see, the Informer had been wearing down towards the end of the year which is why his picks started to struggle. Culminating in the Informer’s week 17 collapse and dismal playoff record.

But then the Informer read that Sports Illustrated story on Ray Lewis and found a way to reclaim his title as the “GBE” Greatest Blogger Ever.

In fact the Informer has been drinking deer piss non-stop for the past week. And other then feeling kinda sick to the stomach the Informer can totally feel it working.

The Informer's body is recovering from hangovers faster.His brain is totally working on another level.His eyesight has improved to 15/15.

In fake the Informer is so sure that the Deer Piss is making him a super human blogger that he is going to break his pinkie finger while writing this blog, drink more deer piss and then finish the blog with a totally healed pinkie.

The stuff works. Just ask Ray Lewis and his torn triceps,  Deer piss is the greatest!!!!

“Informer you do realize that it is “Deer Antler Spray” not “Deer Piss?’ Drinking deer piss will not make you a Super Human Blogger. In fact it just makes you a freaking moron who drinks animal urine. Maybe you should go wash your mouth out.”

Ummmmmmm… For some reason the Informer is not feeling all that well.

Screw it, it’s the Super Bowl, where is the Deer Piss.

Listen, the Informer said in December that the 49ers and Patriots were going to play in the Super Bowl.

The Informer also said at the time that the only other teams that even scare the Informer are the Giants, Packers and Ravens.

That’s was it. Two of those five teams was going to make the Grand Daddy of the All. 

Turns out the Ravens road the Ray Lewis train down to New Orleans while the 49ers proved the Informer a profit by changing up their QB situation and officially staking their claim as one of the most dangerous offenses in NFL history. And of course making the Super Bowl.

Seriously, Name me one thing this offense can’t do? (And yes that now means Moss was apart of 3 of the scariest offenses in NFL History. No the Informer didn’t say the 49ers were one of the most dangerous offenses in NFL history just so he could say Randy Moss was apart of three of the best offenses in NFL History. The Informer wouldn’t do that.)

Anyways, which means shut the hell up and take another shot of “Deer Piss” while the Informer finishes his story, the Informer is fully expecting the 49ers to win this game in a semi-blow out.

The Niners are one of those teams that you can’t prepare for, unless you have played. Just ask the Patriots. The Ravens on the other hand are old defensively and have a mediocre offense at best.

You guys know where this is heading, the Informer can’t believe he is going to do this.  But he is about seven “Deer Piss” shots deep so he has no choice, he is overflowing with artificial confidence.

Pick - The 49ers are going to win and cover.

If the Informer could put fake money on the 49ers through some magic website he would have put a little over $200 dollars on the 49ers money line.

He would also probably put a little bit of monopoly money (remember gambling is illegal and neither the Informer or the Question condones the illegal use of gambling) on these prop bets:


Randy Moss - 4000 to 1 to win the MVP award.

Informer - “Hey Vegas how you going to pay the Informer when Moss wins this thing?”

Veags - “That would be straight cash homey !!”



Randy Moss - 2000 - 1 to score the first Td.

As you can see the Informer is planning on donating 20 dollars to the building of a new Vegas Casino, but the Informer can dream that the “GOAT” has one last game in him.

The Informer is hoping that Moss is so filled with HGH and Steroids by the time the game kicks off that he is back to running a 3.9 40-yard dash while running through Ray Lewis.

At the very least Randy please call Ray up and get some of that Deer Sh*t. The Informer doesn’t actually mean deer poop, he was saying that Antler Ear Stuff.



Ray Lewis - 7 To 1 to win the MVP

If the Ravens win the Super Bowl Ray Lewis will be your MVP.



Over under 3 times Ray mentions God if interviewed in the Locker Room: Seems like free money, hell watch this clip -

 

 Was anyone else hoping that Lewis was about to look Sal Palentonio in the face and scream "I TORE MY TRICEP?" #I BROKE MY BACK


Re-watch both of those interviews again and tell me that Ray Ray doesnt sound a little like Mike Tyson?

Just saying, maybe that "Deer HGH PISS" makes you go semi crazy while loving God more!#Praise Be Allaugh

Maybe we should stop talking about two of the scariest guys in the world being crazy. Believe it or not the Informer actually likes being able to breath through is face.



Next Bet:

Take a look at Ray Lewis total tackles - For the AFC title game it was over under 6.5... Thanks to the stat padders Lewis finished with 13 some total tackles. Again this is free money.




Finally the Informer’s favorite prop bet is Under 2:15 seconds for the National Anthem.

Last year the over/under was 1:51 seconds. Your telling me Alicia Keys is going to hold her notes for an extra 25 seconds?  Not a chance, take the unders…

Now if you will excuse me, the Informer has to go wash his mouth out. . . #All of the sudden Deer Piss doesn’t taste exactly like “Natty Light”

Come On Randy ONE MORE GAME TO GET THAT RING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(PS - I cant believe I did not mention this but I one hundred percent believe that the Harbaugh coach put Randy Moss up to saying he is the greatest WR in all time. Now i am not saying Moss does not believe this, but I do believe that he was told to take over the media and deflect attention away from everyone else. Why in the hell else would a guy (Even as sick and great as Randy) who averages about two catches a game be the focal point of SUPER BOWL WEEK. Honestly if it were not for the deer piss this would be the biggest story of the weekend. Once again Randy doing things to help his team...#He is the F*cking Greatest...Sorry I am drunk...And yes this paragraph was posted four hours after the blog in a drunken rant...Go Randy The Informer and his daughter will be wearing there 84 jerseys on Sunday....ONE CLAP)



(I cant believe that I forgot to mention that neither the Ravens or the 49ers have ever lost a Super Bowl. That means we will have  Super Bowl First on Sunday... I am not making this up)