"Bad Day For A Legend"

The other day the Informer was “Facebook Stalking” when he came across a picture that brought back memories of the Informer’s worst birthday ever.

Before we get to that story, the Informer is going to give you little background.

You see back in the wonderful world of Schuyler Nebraska, when the Informer was just a little guy, he went by another name.

Actually the Informer used to have many names, but the one he liked the most was AYSO Legend.

Yes, the Informer was and still is a soccer legend in some parts of Nebraska.

If you don’t believe the Informer check out these stats from the Informer’s 2nd year playing organized soccer.

Note- The Informer was in first grade when he started playing AYSO soccer, but at the time he was playing a grade up and did not really thrive. But what a difference a year made.

38 Goals in nine games - No that is not a typo

6 Goals in the first game of the season, including a half court/field shot to end the game

Led team to an 8-01 record

Self-proclaimed M.V.P. of the League

At least five goals after stealing the ball from teammates

(Ask the Nasty One he has seen the film of the Informer actually stealing the ball from one of his teammates and then going in for a goal. Man the Informer was awesome.)

And even though the Informer was an offensive machine, he always spent one quarter a game as the goalie, if the Informer’s memory is as good as he thinks it is, the Informer doesn’t think he was ever scored on.

Maybe your still having a hard time buying that the Informer was a soccer legend, let me tell you another story.

Two summers ago the Informer was attending his cousin Heath’s wedding in Schuyler. During the reception the Informer ran into one of his old friends Turner.

Now Turner had just been named the Division Two Basketball Player of the Year. Basically the guy was a basketball legend. Of course the Informer walks up to Turner says hello and then says “I hear that you are some kind of big shot basketball player these days?”

Turner’s response “I’m still not an AYSO legend like you man.”

Here is a division two basketball player of the year, who the Informer has not seen since the third grade, and all this guy wants to do is talk about the Informer playing soccer.

I swear to God I am not making all of this up. The Informer used to be athletically gifted.

Anyways, back to the story.

As you may have noticed the Informer’s team went 8-0-1. That is eight wins and one tie.

That tie came on April 20th 1992. The Informer’s eighth birthday.

So the Informer is “Facebook Stalking” one of his old Schuyler friends when he notices a girl named Jackie Kerli in one of the pictures.

And the memories start coming back.

You see, as much as the Informer was a legend, which he was, Jackie was by far the second best player in the league.

In fact, if the Informer was ranking female athletes he has played against or seen play, she would be number one.

She is also the person responsible for giving the Informer his only tie of the season. . .And on his birthday no less. . . I’m telling you this chick was cold hearted.

Anyways on April 20th 1992 the Informer woke up to his normal birthday routine:

Watch Wrestlemania VII - The one where Hogan defeats the evil Sgt. Slaughter.

Eat a bowl of Lucky Charms.

Finish his glass of Orange Juice. (This was pre/vodka Informer so to answer your question. . . No, the juice was not spiked)

Put on his soccer uniform . . .Shin Guards, Green Socks, Cleats, Green Shorts and Yellow Jersey. . .We were The Mighty Ducks.

(Yes the team captain got to choose the team name, obviously we all know who the captain was)

Head to the field for a ten o’clock kickoff.

As the game started the Informer did his usual damage. He led the Ducks to a 3-0 halftime lead.

By led the Ducks, the Informer means that he scored three goals in the first half.

In the third quarter the Informer got his routine rest. Just like Phil Jackson always takes Kobe out to start the 4th quarter, the Informer always sat our the third quarter.

That’s when something bad happened. Kerli saw the Informer sitting on the bench and made here move.

By the time the Informer was able to check back in (the beginning of the 4th quarter) she had led her team all the way back and we were all tied up at 3-3.

Since the Informer already told you that he finished the season with one tie, you can probably figure out the outcome.

This may not sound like a big deal, but the Informer still wakes up in the middle of the night wondering how he and the Ducks let this game slip away.

We had a chance to go undefeated and instead we came away with a tie.

Maybe she doesn’t remember this game, and hell she probably wouldn’t even know the Informer’s name if someone asked her about me, but the Informer will never forget her.

She caused the Informer to have the worst birthday of his life.

It was either that or the fact that she wouldn’t be the Informer’s second grade girlfriend.

Anyways. . .that is the story of the Informer’s worst birthday ever and the cold-hearted bit. . .

(Sorry due to complications and the Informer going temporarily insane this blog is being cut short)