Sunday, August 18, 2019

The Informer's 2019 Summer Mailbag




As always, please keep in mind that half of these questions came from real life people on Twitter, and the other half came from actual made up readers. I hope you are entertained.

Q: If you could go back in time and change one moment in your favorite NFL team's history: What would you change?


This was a tough choice between Gary Anderson's missed field goal in the 1999 NFC Championship game and the 18-0 season. But in the end I would go back and give Randy Moss the 18-0 season.

Q: Speaking of Randy Moss: If you threw 10 passes to "in his prime Randy Moss" while he was being guarded by "in his prime Deion Sanders" how many would Moss catch? 

Both in their absolute primes? I would have to say at least 15.

Q: Informer what is your Mount Rushmore for Pro Wrestlers, Western Movies, Rappers, Taco Bell foods and T.V. Shows?

Wow what a loaded question. I honestly think the only way I can answer this properly -- by properly I mean without putting in at least 40 hours of research -- is to just rapid fire my answers without thinking about it. So if I miss someone or something don't be mad at me. I am literally going with my first reaction.

Okay, here goes . . .

Pro Wrestlers - Hogan, Macho Man, Shawn Michaels and Kurt Angle

Western Movies - Unforgiven, Young Guns 1, Young Guns 2 and Tombstone

Rappers - Eminem, Tupac, Bone Thugs n Harmony and Nelly

Taco Bell Foods - Cheesy Gordita Crunch, Chicken Quesadilla, Double Decker Taco and Hard Shell Taco

TV Shows - It's Always Sunny, Boy Meets World, Boston Legal, Psych and The OC

Q: Julio Jones or Odell Beckham Jr in fantasy football this year?

I am going with Julio Jones. I would actually draft Jones over any wide receiver not named DeAndre Hopkins. And if I were being completely honest, there is a 50-50 chance I would take him over Hopkins as well. 

Q: Informer can you rank your favorite cuts of steaks to grill from worst to first?


Skirt - Its a cheaper steak, but done right it tastes pretty good.

Bacon wrapped filet - It is literally steak wrapped in bacon. Do I really need to elaborate?

Sirloin - No joke, I can get a 1.5 pound sirloin at my local HyVee for under seven bucks.

Ribeye - I don't really think I need to explain this one.

T- Bone - Or this one.

New York Strip - With all due respect to the eye and bone, for the price there is not a better steak on the market than the New York strip.

Q: When did your obsession with Natty Light begin?

Honestly, I wouldn't call it an obsession as much as I would call it an addiction. But either way; I would say my freshman year of college when members of the football team gave me Natty Light to write their term papers. Back then a 1-2 page paper cost them a 12 pack and anything over 3 pages was a 30 pack.

Needless to say -- after hundreds of satisfied customers -- I developed a taste for the Natty that has endured the test of time.

Q: Why did you start doing Twitter poll tournaments? And do you have an end game for them?

I don't remember exact details, but I do remember thinking in November of 2017 that it would be really fun to put together a huge list of movies and then have a March Madness style tournament using Twitter polls to see what the best movie ever was (I still hate you for never losing Shawshank Redemption). And, well, here we are almost two years later and I have had a twitter poll tournament going every single day without fail. As far as my endgame goes; the moment I run out of ideas that I think will be fun tournaments I am going to stop. The good news -- or bad depending on how you feel about my polls -- I have at least four tournaments ready to roll so we should be good until at least 2020.

(For those new to reading The Informer, or who may have accidentally clicked on this blog and are really confused to what I am talking about, please check out @therealinformer on Twitter to get an understanding of what a Twitter Poll Tournament is.)

Q: How many fantasy football teams have you drafted so far? And what are the most important things you have learned from each draft?

I have drafted 19 "paid" teams so far and the most important thing I learned from each draft is to make sure you know your leagues rules/settings prior to the draft.

You need to know if you are in a points per reception league? What is the roster size? Is this an auction or a snake draft? How many quarterbacks can you start? Is a QB TD pass worth 4 or 6 points? How many WR do you start? Are defensive players apart of the league? Is this a points per first down league? 

I can't  state this enough: Knowing your settings/rules is literally the most important thing you need to know heading into a fantasy football draft. 

Q: Informer I accidentally (and regrettably) read one of your fantasy football preview articles and I gotta ask: Why do you hate mock draft articles so much?

It’s not that I hate them, it’s that I don’t trust them to give me accurate data. I mean what’s the point of reading a "mock draft article" where so called experts refuse to draft Tyreke Hill because they don't want to root for him? Or some guys picks Patrick Mahomes 5th overall in a standard 10 team league because he "just wanted to have Mahomes"? These are things that actually happened in some "Mock Draft Articles" that I have read on the so called "expert sites". So again, I am not saying they are completely worthless; I am just saying if you are relying on a mock draft article to give you a good representation of what will happen in your fantasy football draft you are going to be in for a major surprise when your actual draft starts.

Q: What is the best food to eat with ketchup?

Oh man, and I thought the Mount Rushmore speed round question of tough. Okay, here goes. My Top 5 foods to eat with ketchup are:
  1. Steak
  2. Cheese Burgers
  3. French Fries
  4. Hot Dogs
  5. Scrambled Eggs
Q: Are you serious Informer? Only a psycho puts ketchup on steak. You know you are going straight to Hell for this take, right?

Listen, I will not tolerate any steak & chup slander on this blog. You can take that nonsense somewhere else, because it does not belong here.

#Chup&Steak4Life

Q: Two Weeks into the NFL Preseason who are your favorite rookies/sleepers?

I really like N’Keal Harry, Alexander Mattison, Devin Singletary, David Montgomery, Darwin Thomas, Mecole Hardman and for some reason I’m intrigued by Hakeem Butler.

Also for the sake of making a bold hot take prediction: I think that Courtland Sutton is a 1k receiver this year. #Take that for data.

Q: Informer what’s the most annoying thing about fantasy football?

I really hate when people join a Yahoo Cash league but don’t click the “pay before joining button”. It’s literally only $10 Karen, just pay the gosh damn fee so you aren’t holding the rest of the league hostage.

Q: What is your favorite story of the preseason?

With all due respect to Antonio Brown trying to become Encino man, I really love the Browns signing a homeless dude who also happens to be Devin Hester's long lost twin brother. I mean that’s pretty freaking cool.

Q: Seriously though Informer: Do you really put ketchup on your steak? Or are you just trolling the internet?

I am being serious. There is nothing wrong with a little ketchup on a steak. Do I always do it? No. Do I do it at times? Yes.

Q: Informer do you have any cool NFL stats you want to share with the six people who were able to ignore your absolutely garbage ketchup take while trying to finish this blog?

Ummm . . . That kinda sounds like chup & steak slander, and I am pretty sure I just said there would be none of that on this blog. So watch yourself guy. But since you brought it up, I do have 10 pretty cool stats I found interesting heading into the 2019 NFL Season.

Here they are:
  1. Adrian Peterson needs one rushing TD to move into the Top 5 all time. 
  2. Frank Gore needs to 521 yards to pass Barry Sanders for the 3rd most rushing yards all time.
  3. Cam Newton needs 121 yards rushing to break Randall Cunningham's NFL record of 4,928.
  4. Larry Fitzgerald needs 23 receptions to pass Tony Gonzalez for second place all time.
  5. Larry Fitzgerald needs 247 receptions to pass Jerry Rice for first place all time.
  6.  Matt Stafford is 1,474 yards away from becoming the 21st player in NFL history to throw for 40,000 yards in a career.
  7. Joe Falco is 1,755 yards away from becoming the 22nd player in NFL history to throw for 40,000 yards in a career.
  8. Drew Brees needs 19 touchdown passes to surpass Peyton Manning for most career TD passes.
  9. Tom Brady needs 22 touchdown passes to surpass Peyton Manning for most career TD passes.
  10. If Mike Evans reaches 1k yards receiving, he will join Randy Moss as the only WRs in NFL history to start their career's with six straight 1,000 yard seasons. 
Q: Hey Informer what’s the better day: Super Bowl Sunday or NFL Sunday Week 1?

The answer is Week 1 NFL Sunday. And to be honest I don’t think it’s that close.

Q: What is better for fantasy football: A snake or auction draft?

You show me a person who says “snake draft” and I’ll show you a person who has never done an auction draft. Also, if you have never done an auction draft, go to yahoo and do one right now. I promise your fantasy football life will be changed forever.

Q: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck would?

Seven . . . Is the answer seven?

Q: Is it weird for adult men to take baths?

We are kind of going off the rails here, but the answer is yes. It is showers only once you become a teenager.

Q: Okay Informer, final question: What are your favorite over/under bets for NFL team win totals?

I am going to do a full fledged gambling article later this month -- so I don't want to step on that to much -- but just scanning the odds the five bets that jump off of the page are:

Atlanta Falcons over 8.5

Carolina Panthers over 7.5

San Diego Chargers under 9.5 (Lock Lock Lock)

Cincinnati Bengals under 6 (remember exactly 6 is a push)

Minnesota Vikings under 9 (again exactly 9 is a push and there is no way this team wins 10 games)

And finally, as a bonus, I am going to load the farm on Nebraska over 8.5. They are my college football Lion King Lock of the year.

Q: I swear to God if you just jinxed the Huskers season I am going to hunt down your overweight alcoholic ass and stab you in the d*** with a soldering iron. I’m being serious you f******* moron. Take back your stupid f***** prediction or else Informer. Do you hear me? I SAID OR ELSE!!!!!

Ok then. I guess that means we are officially done for the day. Thanks to all the real people who asked questions on the Twitter. I really do appreciate you making this blog better. As for the made up readers who are trying to slander my chup takes -- or threatening my man hood with soldering irons -- y'all can go **** yourself.

Now if you will excuse me, I got a fantasy football draft to do and Natty Lights to drink.

#GoBigRed #NattiesUp #ReadShareInform

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