Sunday, December 29, 2019

The Informer's 2019 NFL Picks: Week 17 (Aka the last blog of the decade)


Before we get to the Week 17 NFL Picks, I figured we would close the decade out by answering a few twitter questions. As always, please remember that all of these questions came from an actual "Informer burner account" on Twitter.

I hope you are entertained.

My awards are:

MVP: Lamar Jackson - Anyone who does not vote Lamar the NFL MVP this season deserves to loose there ballot.

Coach of Year: John Harbaugh - When you have the best record in football because you design a system around your players -- instead of trying to make players fit "your system" -- then you automatically get to be The Informer's COY.

Rookie of the Year: AJ Brown - With all due respect to Josh Jacobs, Kyler Murray, Danny Dimes, Gunner Milksteak and the other great 2019 rookies; AJ Brown has the resume to win ROY and he is actually playing on a playoff team. So he gets my vote.

Offensive Player of the Year: Michael Thomas - Anytime you break Marvin Harrison's NFL record for most catches in a single season you are going to win The Informer's Offensive Player of the Year Award.

Defensive Player of the Year: Ummm . . .I don't watch defense so I guess I'll go with one of the Bosa brothers or a Watt. You guys pick.

NFL Handicapper of the Year: I don't want to toot this guys horn to much, but The Informer is currently 136-99-5 against the spread (which according to NFL pick watch dot com makes him #1 on the internet amongst all experts). So I guess I really have no choice but to give The Informer "The Informer's handicapper of the year" award.


I have five:
  1. Drink all the Natties
  2. Eat all the Blimpies
  3. Put Ketchup on my steak
  4. Write more blogs
  5. Post more Twitter Poll Tournaments.  

Sure why not.

Mount Rushmore of Movies:
  • Fast & Furious 5
  • Fast & Furious 6
  • Fast & Furious 7
  • Fate of the Furious
Movies not named Fast & Furious:
  • The Town
  • Warrior
  • The Dark Knight
  • Super Troopers 2
Fast Food Places
  • Blimpies
  • Casey's Pizza
  • Taco Bell
  • Jersey Mike's
TV Shows:
  • Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia
  • Blue Bloods
  • Chicago PD
  • Gotham
Songs:
  • Miley Cyrus- Nothing Breaks Like a Heart
  • Florida Georgia Line - May We All
  • Brantley Gilbert - Bottoms Up
  • Cole Swindell - You Should Be Here
And Finally, The Informer's NFL All Decade Team:

QB: Tom Brady
RB: Adrian Peterson
RB: Marshawn Lynch
WR: Julio Jones
WR: Calvin Johnson
Slot WR: Julian Edelman
TE: Gronk

Defense: Again, The Informer don't watch no defense. You guys can pick.



I can't see the future, but sadly this feels about right.

(My Super Picks as of writing this blog - Bears, Titans, Eagles, Packers, 49ers. Just know these picks will probably get changed to Ravens, Rams, Eagles, Packers, 49ers. Or maybe Ravens, Rams, Colts, Pats, Packers. Basically I have no freaking clue what to do. I just know if I go 5-0 and I am going to make money. #DefGonnaChoke #ClassicInformer)



Good gosh man. Why don't you just say I can never drink Natty Lights again. At least that wouldn't be so painful.

(The Informer note - I take Mahomes because I love Mahomes, but f-word that is a tough call. )


Ummm . . .Did you all see that Burrow guy throwing the football for LSU yesterday? Heck no I don't want AJ to leave the Bengals. He is about to be playing with the greatest quarterback in NFL history not named Mahomes. That has to be a good for "The Sickness".


QB:
  1. Mahomes
  2. Lamar Jackson
  3. DeShaun Watson
  4. Matt Ryan
  5. Kyler Murray/Russ Wilson
RB:
  1. Run CMC
  2. Saquon Barkley
  3. Alvin Kamara
  4. Derrick Henry
  5. Nick Chubb
WR:
  1. Michael Thomas
  2. Julio Jones
  3. DeAndre Hopkins
  4. AJ Green
  5. Tyreke Hill
TE:
  1. Travis Kelce
  2. George Kittle
  3. Zack Ertz
  4. Hunter Henry
  5. Noah Fant

In no particular order (I love them all equally like one loves their children equally):



This was one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make. I am not kidding. In the end I went:
  • Ken Griffey Jr Baseball (SNES)
  • Tecmo Super Football (NES)
  • Madden (PS3 & PS4)
  • NCAA College Football (PS2 & PS3)


With all due respect to the time my brother Matty was born on December 29th, I am going with Randy Moss doing Randy Moss things while leading the Pats to a 16-0 record and breaking the NFL record for touchdown catches in a season.



As you can see The Informer only needs four wins to reach 140 correct picks on the season for the second time in his career. The Informer also needs to go 5-0 in his Super Picks contest to win money to buy the wife's mini van a new transmission. So needless to say, we might as well just go 16-0 today. Seems like that would be the perfect solution to The Informer's problems.

So with that in mind, here are The Informer's Week 17 NFL Picks. As always, please remember these picks are only to be used for illegal gambling purpose. Any other use without the express written consent of The Informer is totally not strictly prohibited because this is a blog and no one is reading anyways.

#Yolo

THE PICKS:

Titans (-8.5)

Bengals (+3)

Bears (-3)

Colts (-6.5)

Falcons (+1)

Redskins (+13)

Panthers (+14)

Eagles (-4)

Ravens (PK)

Jets (PK)

Patriots (-16.5)

Packers (-12.5)

Chargers (+10.5)

Rams (-7.5)

49ers (-3.5)

Raiders (+3.5)

That is a wrap on another winning season. Good luck Week 17 y'all. I hope your Sunday is filled with Natty Lights, winning parlays, Super Pick Contest wins and all the illegal gambling money you're heart desires.

In the words of Bill Belichick: "We are on to 2020".

Informer Out.


 2019 NFL PICKS RECORD

Overall - 136-99-5
Last Week - 8-7-1
Winning Weeks - 12-3-1


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