Here are The Informer's Week 5 NFL picks. As always, please gamble with reckless abandon.
NEW ENGLAND @ TAMPA BAY (+4.5)
My proof of Thursday night pick Tweet:
My proof of Thursday night pick Tweet:
I’m taking New England (-4.5) for the game & Pats (-3) in the 1st half #TNF— The Informer (@therealinformer) October 5, 2017
Pick: Pats (-4.5)
ARIZONA CARDINALS @ PHILADELPHIA EAGLES (-6.5)
I am going to bet the Philadelphia Eagles on Sunday because the gambling rules state a person is always supposed to bet against the West Coast team flying to the East Coast and playing an eleven o'clock game.
Now, just to show this bet is strictly business and nothing personal against the Arizona Cardinals and their fans, I figured I would share two fun Arizona Cardinal facts that everyone should know heading into Week 5.
I am going to bet the Philadelphia Eagles on Sunday because the gambling rules state a person is always supposed to bet against the West Coast team flying to the East Coast and playing an eleven o'clock game.
Now, just to show this bet is strictly business and nothing personal against the Arizona Cardinals and their fans, I figured I would share two fun Arizona Cardinal facts that everyone should know heading into Week 5.
- Larry Fitzgerald is 66 yards away from moving past Steve Smith for the seventh most receiving yards in NFL history.
- Carson Palmer needs two TD passes this week to pass Warren Moon for 11th all-time, and just 10 more TD passes to pass John Elway for 10th all-time.
Pick: Eagles (-6.5)
TENNESSEE TITANS @ MIAMI DOLPHINS (+3)
I know everyone wants to make fun of Jay Cutler for taking a smoke break in the middle of the game last week. But before you start making those disparaging remarks about a man exercising his rights to free smoking, I want you all to remember this: Jay Cutler has more career touchdown passes than Troy Aikman, Kurt Warner, Phil Sims, Joe Theismann, Roger Staubach and Tim Tebow.
As far as the gambling goes; it is literally against my religion to illegally bet Matt Cassel as a road favorite over a desperate team playing their first “real” home game of the 2017 NFL Season.
Pick: Dolphins (+3)
NEW YORK JETS @ CLEVELAND BROWNS (PK)
Here are The Informer’s “Im going to make fun of the Browns for sucking” jokes of the week:
Q: Did you hear about the Cleveland Brown’s football player who fell from his horse and was nearly trampled to death?
A: Luckily, the manager of the WalMart was able to come to the rescue and unplug the horse.
A: Luckily, the manager of the WalMart was able to come to the rescue and unplug the horse.
Q: How are the Cleveland Browns like a possum?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
And finally,
The other day my wife was crying because the vacuum cleaner stopped working. Through the hysteria I did the only thing I could think of; I put a Browns jersey on the vacuum and wouldn’t you know it the damn thing started to suck again.
via GIPHY
Pick: Jets (PK)
SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS @ INDIANAPOLIS COLTS (-1.5)
On Sunday Frank Gore needs four yards rushing to reach 13,256 career yards. If he accomplishes this feat, he will move past Eric Dickerson for 7th all-time in NFL history.
Now, I don’t know what the official gambling rule book says about this situation, but my personal philosophy is that whenever Frank Gore is going to make NFL history the same day as the Colts franchise unveils a statue of Peyton Manning --I have no choice but to bet the Colts.
Now, I don’t know what the official gambling rule book says about this situation, but my personal philosophy is that whenever Frank Gore is going to make NFL history the same day as the Colts franchise unveils a statue of Peyton Manning --I have no choice but to bet the Colts.
Pick: Colts (-1.5)
BUFFALO BILLS @ CINCINNATI BENGALS (-3.5)
LeSean McCoy needs two rushing touchdowns this week to pass Ahman Green, Terrell Davis, Herschel Walker and the newly freed O.J. Simpson for career rushing touchdown.
In the semi changed words of Forrest Gump: "That's all I have to say about that."
In the semi changed words of Forrest Gump: "That's all I have to say about that."
Pick: Bills (+3.5)
CAROLINA PANTHERS @ DETROIT LIONS (-2.5)
Here are three fun facts about Panthers quarterback Cam Newton:
- Last week Cam Newton become the first quarterback in NFL history to rush for 50 career touchdowns.
- With two more rushing touchdowns, Newton will move into a three way tie for the 65th most rushing touchdowns in NFL history.
- And finally, if the former NFL MVP runs for 10 more touchdowns in his career, he would move into the Top 50 all time.
Pick: Panthers (+2.5)
JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS PITTSBURGH STEELERS (-7.5)
Sticking with facts about great quarterbacks in the NFL: Here are five absolutely made up facts inspired by the awesome “Blake Bortles Facts” twitter account:
- Blake Bortles once beat "Drunk" Jay Cutler in a beer drinking contest.
- Blake Bortles is Chuck Norris' biological father.
- Blake Bortles and Batman have never been seen together in the same room. Coincidence?
- Blake Bortles watched an entire season of 24 in 6.5 hours.
- Blake Bortles has never lost a game in Pittsburgh by less than 8 points (his only game against the Steelers he lost 17-9).
Honestly, as great as the great Blake Bortles is (watching a full season of 24 in 6.5 hours is f*****g impressive), I just can't bring myself to look past the fact that he has never lost a game by less than 8 points against the Pittsburgh Steelers.
Pick: Steelers (-7.5)
LOS ANGELES CHARGERS @ NEW YORK GIANTS (-3.5)
Ladies and gentlemen, it is officially time to skip over this week’s dumpster fire of atrociousness the NFL is calling a football game in order to hand out the Blimpies Best Meme of the Week:
Pick: Giants (-3.5)
SEATTLE HGHAWKS @ LOS ANGELES RAMS (-1.5)
I have absolutely no way to verify the accuracy of this statement, but I am pretty sure that this is the first time in his career (this will be the 11th game) that Russell Wilson has been an underdog against the Rams.
Well, because the Rams have not been here before (being favored over a good team), I am going to stick to the "let's let them prove it before we Denny Green their asses" NFL gambling rule and take the HGHawks.
Well, because the Rams have not been here before (being favored over a good team), I am going to stick to the "let's let them prove it before we Denny Green their asses" NFL gambling rule and take the HGHawks.
Pick: HGHawks (+1.5)
BALTIMORE RAVENS @ OAKLAND RAIDERS (-3)
The Ravens suck. The Raiders without Derek Carr suck. In turn this NFL contest literally sucks.
And since that is all of the expert analysis I am prepared to give on this game: How about we use this section to hand out The Informer's Week 5 NFL Super Pick Contest selections and 10-point teaser of the week?
Super Picks Contest Selections:New England (-4.5) Bills (+3.5) Packers (+2.5) Seattle (+1.5) Chiefs (PK)
And since that is all of the expert analysis I am prepared to give on this game: How about we use this section to hand out The Informer's Week 5 NFL Super Pick Contest selections and 10-point teaser of the week?
Super Picks Contest Selections:New England (-4.5) Bills (+3.5) Packers (+2.5) Seattle (+1.5) Chiefs (PK)
4 Team 10-point Teaser (all teams must cover to win): Steelers (+5.5) Panthers (+15.5) Packers (+15.5) and Chiefs (+13) . . . Bet $70 to win $50.
Pick: Ravens (+3)
GREEN BAY PACKERS @ DALLAS COWBOYS (-3)
Did you know Jason Witten is fourth all time in NFL history with 1,108 catches (trailing in order: Jerry Rice, Tony Gonzalez and Larry Fitzgerald)? Did you also know that Witten needs just six yards to move into the Top 25 for most career receiving yards?
Speaking of elite receivers and weird stats that I find interesting: Did you know heading into this game Dez Bryant has one more career touchdown catch than Packers great Jordy Nelson (69 to 68)? For the sake of clarity, it should be pointed out that Bryant has only played 101 career games compared to Nelson’s 125 games.
Putting the obscure receiving stats aside and getting back to gambling business; on Sunday I will be following the NFL gambling rule that says whenever Aaron Rodgers is getting points against the Dallas Cowboys, I have no choice but to make Aaron Rodgers my Lion King Lock of the Week.
Pick: LKLOTW Packers (+3)
KANSAS CITY CHIEFS @ HOUSTON TEXANS (PK)
The Kansas City Chiefs are 4-0 straight up, 4-0 against the spread and 4-0 in games that Kareem Hunt reaches 100 total scrimmage yards. Now, I can't speak for anyone else, but this "Chiefs being 4-0 thing" seems like a gambling trend I want to partake in.
Pick: Chiefs (Pk)
MINNESOTA VIKINGS @ CHICAGO BEARS (+3)
Here is The Informer’s final fun fact of the day:
Back in 1999 Cade McKnown -- the first bears quarterback drafted in the Top 15 since the Jim McMahon era -- started his first NFL game on October 10th during Week 5 of the 1999 NFL Season. In that game, the McKnown led Bears defeated the Minnesota Vikings 24-22.
Back in 1999 Cade McKnown -- the first bears quarterback drafted in the Top 15 since the Jim McMahon era -- started his first NFL game on October 10th during Week 5 of the 1999 NFL Season. In that game, the McKnown led Bears defeated the Minnesota Vikings 24-22.
Fast forward 18 years and Mitch Trabanski -- the first Bears quarterback drafted #2 overall since the George Halas era began -- is starting his first NFL game on October 9th during Week 5 of the 2017 NFL Season against the Minnesota Vikings.
So either this is the biggest coincidence in the history of the world (I don't believe in coincidences), or we are about to see NFL history repeat itself on Monday Night Football with a Chicago Bears rookie QB getting his first win, in his first start, against the Minnesota Vikings.
#TheTrabanskiEraBegins #DABEARS
Pick: Bears (+3)
