Friday, April 21, 2017

The Informer's All NBA Playoffs Mailbag: Part Deux

As always, please keep in mind that all of these questions came from actual made up readers.

Q: Dear Informer, what has been the most compelling moment of the 2017 NBA Playoffs thus far? Is it LeBron’s record setting come from behind victory? Joe Johnson’s game winner? Lance Stephenson? TNT trolling Shaq by interviewing JaVale McGee? Russell Westbrook’s 50 point triple-double and fourth quarter meltdown? Giannis An******? The “TNT Bulls”? Choose one Informer. 

As much as I loved TNT trolling Shaq with the JaVale McGee interview, Joe Johnson turning back the clock, the return of Lance, the “TNT Bulls” and Giannis A****** blossoming into a super-duper star right in front of our eyes; the answer has to be King James coming back from down 26 points while single-handedly killing Indiana as a team, a franchise, and an American city.

Q: Speaking of King James, will you please spend a few moments slobbering all over LeBron for his incredible Game 3 performance. 

How about instead of slobbering, I just provide eight absolutely true facts that came about as a result of Game 3?
  1. "LeBron King James" final stat line was 41-13-12. For LeBron, it was his 17 career playoff triple double; which is the second most in NBA history behind only Magic Johnson
  2. "King James" has now scored the third most points in NBA Playoff history.
  3. "King LeBron" has made the fourth most three pointers in NBA Playoff history.
  4. "LeBron Emperor James" led the Cavs back from an NBA record 26 point deficit.
  5. "The King of Cleveland" has now won 19 straight first round playoff games. 
  6. "King LeBron James" has never lost a first round playoff series.
  7. The last team to beat “His Majesty” LeBron James at least one time in the first round was the Mike Bibby/Baron Davis led New York Knicks.
  8. And finally, “The Ruler of Worlds” LeBron James now has the record for greatest comeback in a Finals series (down 3-1) and the greatest single game comeback in NBA playoff history (26 points).
Q: Informer what is the Blimpie Best Meme of the Week?

I drank at least nine Natties while searching the internet for this week's Blimpie Best Meme of the Week, but eventually I came up with this . . .

Q: Hey Informer, which one of the first-round upsets is actually going to happen? Bulls over Celtics, Jazz over Clippers, Bucks over Raptors, or Thunder over Rockets?

Sadly, because of the Rondo injury, I do not think the Bulls will complete the upset. Also, I still think the Clippers’ playoff experience is going to win out against Utah (even with the possible Blake injury). So my answer would be that I believe the Bucks and Thunder are both going to complete their upsets, while the Clippers and Celtics will eventually make the second round.

#InRussWeTrust #ThunderUp #GreakFreak #ThonMakerIsMyFather

Q: What is your favorite 2017 NBA Playoff conspiracy?

You mean other than the fact that I think Thon Maker is my father? I guess I would have to say the one that makes the most sense to me is that LeBron purposely tanked the #1 seed to the Celtics because his friend D-Wade asked him to. You know, because Wade knew there was no chance the Bulls could beat LeBron, but there was at least a punchers chance of the experienced Bulls upsetting the young Celtics.

Q: Are you ready to proclaim LeBron James as the greatest of all-time?

As I have always said when it comes to ranking LeBron’s all-time greatness, let’s let him finish his career first before we start crowning his ass. With that said; if LeBron retired tomorrow he would most definitely be in the conversation.

Q: Was LeBron bringing the Cavs back from a 26-point deficit the greatest comeback in NBA Playoff history?

Without doing any research, and going completely off my drunken memories, the greatest NBA Playoff comebacks I can remember are:
Q: Are you worried about Kevin Durant’s latest injury?

Yes and no. Yes because you never like to see a guy coming off of a lower leg injury get hurt with another lower leg injury. No because he is going to come back fully healthy and still lead the Golden State Warriors to an NBA Championship.

Q: Speaking of championships, let’s say KD can’t stay healthy and has to sit down for the rest of the playoffs: Do you still think the Golden State Warriors can win the NBA Championship?

I think in that scenario Golden State would still be the favorites to win the Western Conference, but I do think a KD injury would open the door for the possibility that LeBron would be able to lead the Cavs past the Warriors in the Finals for the second straight year.

Q: Okay then, let’s say Durant comes back Game 3 and stays healthy: Do you think Golden State could finish the NBA Playoffs 16-0?

If any team in NBA history was ever going to finish the NBA Playoffs undefeated, it would be the 2017 Golden State Warriors. They are that damn good. Ultimately though, I would bet they go 14-2 or 15-1. I just can't see a scenario where "The King" gets swept in the NBA Finals. 

Q: Do you have any thoughts on the Wizards-Hawks?


Q: You know Informer I have seen you do some horrible things in your lifetime. For example; being an advocate for binge drinking Natty Lights, talking about X-rated pornos, objectifying the ladies of the night, neglecting your kids, being grossly overweight, claiming Nicolas Cage is the greatest American actor alive today; but never once did I think you would turn out to be a no good lying cheater. I mean honestly Informer, can you explain this tweet?
Ummmm . . . I am sorry, but this question has nothing to do with the NBA Playoffs; so unfortunately at this time I am unable to respond with a logical answer.

Q: Seriously Informer, how could you cheat on Blimpies so openly and with absolutely no regard for their feelings? What kind of person are you? It is like one day you woke up and Blimpies never even existed? I am being for real this time Informer, you either make this right by explaining yourself, or else I am going to stab you right in the d**k with a soldering iron.

Okay . . . Okay . . . There is no need to get so specifically violent . . .  I'll answer the damn question. First of all, my twitter account was obviously hacked, meaning that tweet is “Fake News”. Secondly, the “Fake News” tweet was taken out of context. And finally, the only reason why I am eating sandwiches from Jersey Mike’s every single day is because I am an hour away from the closest Blimpies. So therefore, it is not cheating, it is out of necessity.

Q: So what you are saying is that whenever your wife goes out of town it is okay to go to a hooker-house and buy a prostitute because of necessity?

Come on now, you can’t compare the sanctity of marriage with buying a sandwich. That is asinine.

Q: Okay Informer, if you don’t want to compare sandwiches to marriage that is fine, but how about you do us all a favor and answer this question: When the liquor store is out of Natty Light, what do you do? Do you stay true to the Natties and go to the next store, or do you buy Busch Light out of necessity?

I mean I do what any rational human being who wants to get hammered wasted would do . . . I buy the Bush Lights and go on about my business.

Q: O.M.G., YOU ARE A F*****G MONSTER INFORMER!!! How could you preach about the greatness of Blimpies and Natties for the past ten years and then just throw it all away on a whim to satisfy your so-called “necessities”? You make me sick. I hope you f***ing die of gonorrhea and rot in hell with Dan Marino. Seriously go f*** yourself you motherless mother f*****.

And on that completely un-related to basketball note: How about we wrap up today’s NBA Playoff mailbag with one last gambling question?

Q: Since Vegas just released the lines for Week 1 of the 2017 NFL Season, I thought that maybe you would want to give us your Week 1 picks right now. So how about it Informer? Are you ready to predict the future?

Sounds like the perfect way to end an all-NBA Playoffs mailbag. So with that in mind, here are The Informer’s way to early Week 1 of the 2017 NFL Season picks:

Pats (-7) over Chiefs

Jets (+6.5) at Buffalo

Falcons (-5.5) at Chicago

Texans (-4.5) over Jacksonville

Eagles (+2.5) at Washington

Titans (PK) over Raiders

Tampa Bay (+2) at Dolphins

Steelers (+9.5) at Cleveland

Bengals (-1) over Ravens

Colts (-3.5) at Rams

Packers (-2.5) over Seattle

Panthers (-4 ) at 49ers

Giants (+6) at Cowboys

Saints (+4) at Vikings

Broncos (-3.5) over Chargers


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