Who Would Win a Real Life 2019 NBA Jam Tournament?

Q: Hey Informer have you noticed that every NBA team is now pairing up stars like they are preparing for a real life NBA Jam tournament? We have KD-Kyrie, LeBron-AD, Kawhi-George and now Russ-Harden. So I guess my question is this: Which of these new formed super-duos would actually win a real life NBA Jam tournament?

Before I can answer this absolutely amazing question, I need to ask one of my own: Are we talking about a tournament using the original NBA Jam rules, or one where we use NBA Jam T.E. (Tournament Edition) rules?

This is important because using the original rules means that we only need two players for each team (giving advantage to a team like "The LeBron's" who only have two players to choose from anyways). But if we are using T.E. rules then that means we can use three players (giving a possible edge to deeper teams like Utah & Boston).

Now, since this is very time sensitive (The Informer can't be the only person who thought of this NBA Jam tournament idea for a blog post) and there is no one else around to clarify the rules: I have decided to make an executive decision that this blog we will be using the original NBA Jam rules.

Two players per team.

No questions asked.

Winner takes all.

So with that in mind, here are The Informer's definite "Who would win a real life 2019 NBA Jam Tournament " Power Rankings.

REJECTED: Teams 30-25

Pick an order.

Magic - "Bo Mamba #5" & "Dr. Jonathan Issac Yankam D.D.S."
Hornetts - I honestly don't know two players on their team. Is Kendall Gill still around?
Bulls - Lauri "Markkanen Correction" & Zach "The Vine"
Grizzlies - Ja "Rule" Morant & "Triple J" Jaren Jackson Jr
Knicks -Yikes.
Cavs - Hella Yikes!!!

Remember in NBA Jam when you would play their version "season mode" it always started out with you playing against the worst teams and then the more you won the harder teams started showing up?

Well, if this were real life season mode -- which it is -- the Cavs, Knicks, Hornets, Magic, Bulls and Grizzlies would absolutely be your first six games.

RAZZLE-DAZZLE: Teams 24-20

24. Suns - Devan Booker & DeAndre Ayton
23. Hawks - Trae Young & John Collins
22. Kings - Buddy Heild & Marvin Bagley
21. Mavs - Luka & Porzingis
20. Pelicans - Zion & Jrue Holiday

Two thoughts here:

1) I agonized for at least seven seconds over who should be the Kings Top 2. I literally could not decide if the proper move was to go Heild-Fox, Fox-Bagley or Heild-Bagley. In the end, after some very intense soul searching, I realized the seven people reading this blog could care less about the Kings; so I decided to go with Heild-Bagley because they are my two favorite Sacramento players.

2) This is the "Razzle-Dazzle" group because while ranked low all five of these teams would be entertaining as heck in a real life NBA Jam tournament. But alas, unless Zion really is the second coming of Michael LeBron Bryant -- I am not ruling this out -- I don't think any of these teams would actually win said tournament.

UGLY SHOT: TEAMS 19-18

19.Pacers - Victor Olandipo & Myles Turner
18. Heat - Jimmy Butler & Justise Winslow

Nothing personal, but goodbye Pacers and Heat. Y’all ain’t winning.

WHAT WAS HE THINKING: Teams 17-15

17. Timberpups - Townes & Wiggins
16. Pistons - Blake Griffin & Andre Drummond
15: Wizards - John Wall & Bradley Beal

I put the Timberpuppies this high because Karl Anthony Townes is that good. But they ultimately are not winning without a second star.

Moving along: Am I nuts or would a Blake Griffin and Andre Drummond team be really tough to beat? I mean their lack of 3-point shooting would most likely be their down fall, but their "Monster Dunks" that broke all of the backboards would be worth the price of admission.

As for the Wizards, I am planning this tournament under the notion that everyone is healthy (keep that in mind as we go on); which means a Wall-Beal tandem would be a tough out. But when it was all said and done I  threw the Wizards in the middle of the pack because I don't remember what a healthy John Wall even looks like.

I have a lot of no regrets with my decision.

IS IT THE SHOES: Teams 14-13

14. Spurs - LaMarcus Aldridge & Demar DeRozan
13. Thunder - Chris Paul & Danilo Gallinari

If Duncan, Parker or Ginobili are not walking through that front door; then the Spurs are not winning this tournament.

If KD, Russ or Harden are not walking through that front door; then the Thunder are not winning this tournament.

HE JUST GOT HIS DEGREE FROM DUNKIN ON U: Teams 12-10

12. Raptors- Pascal Siakum & Kyle Lowry
11. Jazz - Donovan Mitchell & Mike Conley
10. Celtics - Jayson Tatum & Kemba Walker

If you are Utah would you take Conley over the Stifle Tower? What about Joe Ingles? Wouldn't Ingles be a modern day Chris Mullen (Jam fans know what I am talking about)? I honestly think I could do a whole other blog about the Utah Jazz's real life NBA Jam team. Sadly, if I am writing a whole other blog trying to figure out who your Top 2 is for an NBA Jam tournament; that probably means you are a team that would have benefited more from NBA Jam T.E. Rules.

Also, anyone looking for an in depth Celtics breakdown, please re-read the Jazz blurb. You have many very very good players. But do you really have 2 great players that would win you an NBA Jam tournament? I don't think so.

Finally, I put the Raptors in the Top 12 because they are the defending NBA Champions and that has to count for something.

HEATING UP: Teams 9-2 

9. Denver Nuggets: The Joker & Jamal Murray 

No matter what you think about Nikola Jokic (I think he is great, but I do wonder if his talents would translate to NBA Jam) I don't think Jamal Murray is good enough to be on a NBA Jam team ranked any higher than ninth.

8. Portland Trailblazers: Dame Lillard & Steve Urkel

Hey Portland fans would you rather have Dame Lillard and CJ McCollum representing your team in this real life NBA Jam tournament? Or if you could: Would you use a time-machine to bring back the original team of Clyde Drexler and Terry Porter?

7. 76ers: Ben Simmons and Joel Embiid

I wonder if the "NBA Jam rule" where everyone can make three-pointers will apply to real life Ben Simmons? Because if that rule does applies then Philly might actually become my pick to win the entire damn thing.

6. Milwaukee Bucks: Giannis & Kris Middleton

Could you imagine putting Giannis in sixth place for a fictional 2 on 2 basketball tournament? I mean seriously, who the hell is guarding "The Freak of Greek" in a 2 on 2 game? I am starting to think the author of this blog is a moron.

5.  Houston Rockets: Russ & Harden

Fictional NBA Jam tournament aside: Is anyone else really excited to see all of the media members who love Daryl Morey -- and thus have been "dogging' Russ ever since Russ won MVP over Harden -- completely flip flop their take and start talking about how great of a fit Westbrook is for the Rockets?

I for one can't wait.

4. Los Angeles Kawhi's: PG-13 & Leonard

I will not lie. I am not going to pick Kawhi to win my fictional tournament because he did not pick the Lakers for his real life team so now I hate him again.

3. Brooklyn Nets: KD & Kyrie

Remember we are basing this on the fact that everyone is 100% healthy. So that makes KD the undisputed best player in the world again. Sadly, I can't pick him to win this tournament because I think Kyrie is the worst player of anyone in the Top 5.

2. Golden State Warriors: Steph & Klay

Before you start saying things like "what about size" just remember that this is NBA Jam. Which means after three made shots Steph -- or Klay -- will be on fire and then their size won't matter. Because any real gamer knows that when you are on fire in NBA Jam that person can block/goaltend every shot not matter how tall, short or fat they are.

Speaking of being on fire . . .

HE'S ON FIRE: #1 Los Angeles LeBron's 

With these current NBA rosters nobody is beating LeBron and AD in a real life NBA Jam tournament.

That does it for me sports fans. If you like what you read today then please note that on Saturday 7-13 I am going to start Twitter Poll Tournament asking this very question. So if you don't already do so, start following @therealinformer on Twitter so that you can partake in the festivities.

On that note: BOOMSHAKALAKA!!!!

The Informer's 2017 NBA Finals Instant Reaction: Game 3

Here are 10 things I think I think after watching the Golden State Warriors 118-113 victory over the Cleveland Cavaliers in Game 3 of the 2017 NBA Finals. 

10. First things first: I want to mention that I watched the entire Game 3 with no sound. So if some of these points were made on the broadcast I apologize. I did not hear them, I am not trying to steal them, and in no way shape or form would I ever use someone else's opinion about NBA basketball as my own (Unless doing such things meant I would get paid millions of dollars, but that is another story for another time). Okay, now that we are all on the same page that these are my thoughts and my thoughts alone --let's do this.

9. As a fan of the NBA -- and also someone who loves watching LeBron James do super human things on a basketball court -- I was very sad the LeBron's did not win Game 3 and make this an actual series. With that said; as someone who "max bet" the Warriors (-3.5) in Game 3, I am absolutely ecstatic right now that Kevin Durant cemented his new role as the best basketball player alive by hitting a game winning 3-pointer right between LeBron James' eyes.

8. My favorite part of any "Klay Thompson is on fire" game is the fact that I get to send out tweets like this as it happens:

It's been awhile since I was able to do this, but here is live actual footage of Klay Thompson walking into halftime #NBAFinals pic.twitter.com/9S6fjLXLgV

— The Informer (@therealinformer) June 8, 2017

7. To answer the next question: Yes I send out this exact same tweet every single time Klay, or anybody playing basketball, gets heated up. And no I don't apologize for re-using the same tweet because it is hilarious each and every time.

6. I should probably make a bigger deal about the fact that the Cavs lost despite LeBron James putting up 39-11-9, and Kyrie Irving adding in a spectacular 38 points, and the refs giving them every single home-town-home-cooking call they could possibly give. But honestly, my biggest question from the Cavs Game 3 loss is this: Why did LeBron stop scoring points in the second half? Don't get me wrong, I love the fact that he makes the smart basketball play nearly 100% of the time. But man, every once in awhile the smart basketball play is for LeBron to score every time he touches the ball. Game 3 was one of the those times. LeBron realized this in the first half (27 points and on pace for his first career 50-point playoff game), but for some reason he forgot this in the second half. To me that is the biggest reason why the Cavs lost.

5. Since I am writing this "instant reaction" article before the regular "hot take" media wakes up, I figured I might as well share with you all five of the hottest "hot takes" you can expect to hear the "expert hot takers" give you on Thursday.

1. At least every single one of the "hot take" shows will ask this question: Would the Golden State Warriors beat the 1996 Chicago Bulls. Not to spoil the future, but one of the analyst is going to argue there is no way they could beat the Bulls, while the other analyst will argue they would definitely beat the Bulls. 
2. LeBron James is a choke article who is scared of the fourth quarter (P.S. - If you subscribe to this theory you are a moron and need to delete your account).
3. Is this now Kevin Durant's team? (Here is a hint: The answer is no it is the Golden State Warriors team. That is why this group is so damn successful. Everyone plays for each other, not for "this is my team" status.)
4. If LeBron gets swept for the second time in the NBA Finals does that ruin his legacy? (Again, the answer is no.)
5. And finally, my personal favorite: Michael Jordan never would have been down 3-0 in an NBA Finals. 

4. There is at least 10% of my brain that believes LeBron James purposely went down 3-0 just so he could come back from a 3-0 deficit to win the NBA Finals.

3. There is at least 90% of my brain that believes that is the most absurd thing I have ever said and that the 2017 Golden State Warriors are the greatest basketball team ever assembled that did not involve the words "Olympics" and "Dream Team".

2. Remember last article when I said that I thought Kevin Durant was the best "pure" scorer I have ever watched play? Well, when I said that, I was not saying he is the greatest scorer of all-time -- or that he is in some way a better scorer than Michael Jordan (Tebow forbid someone make an argument like that) -- what I was trying to say is that Kevin Durant can score 30-points easier than anyone I have ever seen play basketball. Hence the word "pure". And to prove my point; Durant went out and scored 30 points on 10-18 shooting. I mean seriously, it is absolutely remarkable the ease at which he scores buckets. That was the point I was trying to make when I said Kevin Durant is the best "pure" scorer in NBA history. And also, I was also totally trying to be a hot-taker who says things like "Kevin Durant is a better scorer than Kobe Bryant and Michael Jordan combined" because it leads to tons of extra clicks.

1. And finally, I think I think that I need to end this article by simply saying: "KEVIN F****ING DURANT!!!" In the words of Mark Jackson: "Mama . . . There goes that man."

The Informer's 2017 NBA Finals Instant Reaction: Game 2

Here are 10 things I think I think after watching the Golden State Warriors 132-113 victory over the Cleveland Cavaliers in Game 2 of the 2017 NBA Finals. 

10) I know this is the exact same hot take everyone in the world is going to have on Monday morning, but I am going to make it anyways: Cleveland can't beat the Golden State Warriors playing run & gun basketball. Sure, they can hang close for a half, or maybe even three quarters, but eventually Steph is going to Step, the Warriors are going to Warrior, and the Cavs are going to get run off the court like every other NBA team in 2017.

9) Did you all know that Kevin Durant joined Michael Jordan and Shaquille O'Neal as the only players in NBA history to score at least 25 points in each of their first seven NBA Finals starts? For those wondering how far KD needs to go to break the record; Shaq scored 25+ in each of his first 16 NBA Finals games, while Michael Jordan scored 25+ in each of his first 20 NBA Finals games.

8) Speaking of Durant's historically great scoring, I think it is time that I say this out loud: Kevin Durant is the best pure scorer in the history of the NBA. Now, I know everyone is going to say "but Jordan or Kobe" (and those are valid points), but my response to that argument would be that I have never seen anyone get buckets with the ease that Sniper Jones is able to get buckets. I mean the dude literally rolls out of bed and has 30. Its unreal. And it is awesome to watch.

7) Is there a funner (Is funner a word?) person to watch play basketball than Steph Curry? I assume this is what people who got to watch Pistol Pete Maravich must of felt like every single game. You know, watching a guy do stuff on the court with a basketball every single game that should not be humanly possible?

6) I am not sure what this has to do with anything, but I honestly think 1999-02 Shaquille O'Neal would average 50 points per game in the 2017 NBA Finals.

5) Here are five random things I think inside of my 10 things I think I think article:

• I have a completely made up source who has confirmed that Chuck Norris has nightmares about playing a 3rd quarter against the Golden State Warriors. 
• As someone who loves all things JaVale McGee, I truly hope he yells "hows my ass taste Shaq" after every alley-oop dunk he gets during these NBA Finals? 
• Welcome to the NBA Finals Klay Thompson's jump shot. My bank account is glad to see you alive and well over 2.5 3-pointers made. 
• When is the "Super LeBron" who puts up 40-18-15 stat lines going to show up? Will it be Game 3? Game 4? Did "Super LeBron" retire after coming back from a 3-1 deficit in 2016? I honestly don't know the answer, but if the Cavs are going to have any kind of shot to win this series they need it to be sooner, rather than later.
• And finally, after two games, who is the 2017 NBA Finals MVP: Steph Curry (who had a 30-11-10 triple double) or Kevin Durant (who had 33-13-6 with LeBron James guarding him)? Feel free to share your answer on my twitter page. 

4) LeBron James' NBA Finals record is 16-25. Now I am not going to make the "MJ would never have lost 25 NBA Final games" argument, but I am going to say at some point being the greatest player in the world has to lead to some victories, right?

3) In Jack McCallum's must read book about the Barcelona "Dream Team", he has a story about Magic Johnson and Michael Jordan arguing over who the greatest player alive was. Now, at some point during the argument, Larry Bird came over to Magic and basically told him their time was past and that the best player in the world was the same guy who just beat Magic Johnson in then 1991 NBA Finals --Michael Jordan. Well, I am starting to think we are seeing history repeat itself in 2017. Because while LeBron has held that title for at least the past 7-10 years, I think we are seeing in these finals that the proverbial "best player alive" torch is being passed to Kevin Durant.

2) So, the Golden State Warriors are about to have 2 NBA championships, the regular season record for most wins in a season (73), the best record ever for an NBA postseason (15-1, or 16-0), and possibly the first ever "Fo-Fo-Fo-Four" in NBA Playoff History. In other words; it is definitely time to put them in the discussion as the greatest basketball team of all-time.

1) And finally, since this article has been full of hot takes; I am going to leave you all tonight with one of the most scorching hot takes of my entire life. Here goes . . . I think if the Cleveland Cavaliers do not win at least one of the next two games, they are not going to have a chance to win this series.

#HowsThatForDataHotTakes?

The Informer's All NBA Playoffs Mailbag: Part Deux

As always, please keep in mind that all of these questions came from actual made up readers.

Q: Dear Informer, what has been the most compelling moment of the 2017 NBA Playoffs thus far? Is it LeBron’s record setting come from behind victory? Joe Johnson’s game winner? Lance Stephenson? TNT trolling Shaq by interviewing JaVale McGee? Russell Westbrook’s 50 point triple-double and fourth quarter meltdown? Giannis An******? The “TNT Bulls”? Choose one Informer. 

As much as I loved TNT trolling Shaq with the JaVale McGee interview, Joe Johnson turning back the clock, the return of Lance, the “TNT Bulls” and Giannis A****** blossoming into a super-duper star right in front of our eyes; the answer has to be King James coming back from down 26 points while single-handedly killing Indiana as a team, a franchise, and an American city.

Q: Speaking of King James, will you please spend a few moments slobbering all over LeBron for his incredible Game 3 performance. 

How about instead of slobbering, I just provide eight absolutely true facts that came about as a result of Game 3?

1. "LeBron King James" final stat line was 41-13-12. For LeBron, it was his 17 career playoff triple double; which is the second most in NBA history behind only Magic Johnson
2. "King James" has now scored the third most points in NBA Playoff history.
3. "King LeBron" has made the fourth most three pointers in NBA Playoff history.
4. "LeBron Emperor James" led the Cavs back from an NBA record 26 point deficit.
5. "The King of Cleveland" has now won 19 straight first round playoff games. 
6. "King LeBron James" has never lost a first round playoff series.
7. The last team to beat “His Majesty” LeBron James at least one time in the first round was the Mike Bibby/Baron Davis led New York Knicks.
8. And finally, “The Ruler of Worlds” LeBron James now has the record for greatest comeback in a Finals series (down 3-1) and the greatest single game comeback in NBA playoff history (26 points).

Q: Informer what is the Blimpie Best Meme of the Week?

I drank at least nine Natties while searching the internet for this week's Blimpie Best Meme of the Week, but eventually I came up with this . . .

😂😂😂😂👏👏👏👍🏽👍🏽 #LeBron never gonna let GS forget #ClassicInternet pic.twitter.com/q1UyP5yKu0

— The Informer (@therealinformer) April 21, 2017

Q: Hey Informer, which one of the first-round upsets is actually going to happen? Bulls over Celtics, Jazz over Clippers, Bucks over Raptors, or Thunder over Rockets?

Sadly, because of the Rondo injury, I do not think the Bulls will complete the upset. Also, I still think the Clippers’ playoff experience is going to win out against Utah (even with the possible Blake injury). So my answer would be that I believe the Bucks and Thunder are both going to complete their upsets, while the Clippers and Celtics will eventually make the second round.

#InRussWeTrust #ThunderUp #GreakFreak #ThonMakerIsMyFather

Q: What is your favorite 2017 NBA Playoff conspiracy?

You mean other than the fact that I think Thon Maker is my father? I guess I would have to say the one that makes the most sense to me is that LeBron purposely tanked the #1 seed to the Celtics because his friend D-Wade asked him to. You know, because Wade knew there was no chance the Bulls could beat LeBron, but there was at least a punchers chance of the experienced Bulls upsetting the young Celtics.

Q: Are you ready to proclaim LeBron James as the greatest of all-time?

As I have always said when it comes to ranking LeBron’s all-time greatness, let’s let him finish his career first before we start crowning his ass. With that said; if LeBron retired tomorrow he would most definitely be in the conversation.

Q: Was LeBron bringing the Cavs back from a 26-point deficit the greatest comeback in NBA Playoff history?

Without doing any research, and going completely off my drunken memories, the greatest NBA Playoff comebacks I can remember are:

• LeBron James down 26 points
• Reggie Miller 8 points in 9 seconds
• Reggie Miller down 12 scores 25 4th quarter against the Knicks
• Kobe Bryant and the Lakers down 17 in the fourth quarter against Portland in the Western Conference Finals
• LeBron James down 3-1 in the NBA Finals and winning the series

Q: Are you worried about Kevin Durant’s latest injury?

Yes and no. Yes because you never like to see a guy coming off of a lower leg injury get hurt with another lower leg injury. No because he is going to come back fully healthy and still lead the Golden State Warriors to an NBA Championship.

Q: Speaking of championships, let’s say KD can’t stay healthy and has to sit down for the rest of the playoffs: Do you still think the Golden State Warriors can win the NBA Championship?

I think in that scenario Golden State would still be the favorites to win the Western Conference, but I do think a KD injury would open the door for the possibility that LeBron would be able to lead the Cavs past the Warriors in the Finals for the second straight year.

Q: Okay then, let’s say Durant comes back Game 3 and stays healthy: Do you think Golden State could finish the NBA Playoffs 16-0?

If any team in NBA history was ever going to finish the NBA Playoffs undefeated, it would be the 2017 Golden State Warriors. They are that damn good. Ultimately though, I would bet they go 14-2 or 15-1. I just can't see a scenario where "The King" gets swept in the NBA Finals. 

Q: Do you have any thoughts on the Wizards-Hawks?

NO!!!

Q: You know Informer I have seen you do some horrible things in your lifetime. For example; being an advocate for binge drinking Natty Lights, talking about X-rated pornos, objectifying the ladies of the night, neglecting your kids, being grossly overweight, claiming Nicolas Cage is the greatest American actor alive today; but never once did I think you would turn out to be a no good lying cheater. I mean honestly Informer, can you explain this tweet?

Dear Jersey Mike's, what is the record 4 Giant Sandwiches eaten in a single month? Would 21 set therecord? #MyCurrentPace #SoManySandwhiches

— The Informer (@therealinformer) April 22, 2017

Ummmm . . . I am sorry, but this question has nothing to do with the NBA Playoffs; so unfortunately at this time I am unable to respond with a logical answer.

Q: Seriously Informer, how could you cheat on Blimpies so openly and with absolutely no regard for their feelings? What kind of person are you? It is like one day you woke up and Blimpies never even existed? I am being for real this time Informer, you either make this right by explaining yourself, or else I am going to stab you right in the d**k with a soldering iron.

Okay . . . Okay . . . There is no need to get so specifically violent . . .  I'll answer the damn question. First of all, my twitter account was obviously hacked, meaning that tweet is “Fake News”. Secondly, the “Fake News” tweet was taken out of context. And finally, the only reason why I am eating sandwiches from Jersey Mike’s every single day is because I am an hour away from the closest Blimpies. So therefore, it is not cheating, it is out of necessity.

Q: So what you are saying is that whenever your wife goes out of town it is okay to go to a hooker-house and buy a prostitute because of necessity?

Come on now, you can’t compare the sanctity of marriage with buying a sandwich. That is asinine.

Q: Okay Informer, if you don’t want to compare sandwiches to marriage that is fine, but how about you do us all a favor and answer this question: When the liquor store is out of Natty Light, what do you do? Do you stay true to the Natties and go to the next store, or do you buy Busch Light out of necessity?

I mean I do what any rational human being who wants to get hammered wasted would do . . . I buy the Bush Lights and go on about my business.

Q: O.M.G., YOU ARE A F*****G MONSTER INFORMER!!! How could you preach about the greatness of Blimpies and Natties for the past ten years and then just throw it all away on a whim to satisfy your so-called “necessities”? You make me sick. I hope you f***ing die of gonorrhea and rot in hell with Dan Marino. Seriously go f*** yourself you motherless mother f*****.

And on that completely un-related to basketball note: How about we wrap up today’s NBA Playoff mailbag with one last gambling question?

Q: Since Vegas just released the lines for Week 1 of the 2017 NFL Season, I thought that maybe you would want to give us your Week 1 picks right now. So how about it Informer? Are you ready to predict the future?

Sounds like the perfect way to end an all-NBA Playoffs mailbag. So with that in mind, here are The Informer’s way to early Week 1 of the 2017 NFL Season picks:

Pats (-7) over Chiefs

Jets (+6.5) at Buffalo

Falcons (-5.5) at Chicago

Texans (-4.5) over Jacksonville

Eagles (+2.5) at Washington

Titans (PK) over Raiders

Tampa Bay (+2) at Dolphins

Steelers (+9.5) at Cleveland

Bengals (-1) over Ravens

Colts (-3.5) at Rams

Packers (-2.5) over Seattle

Panthers (-4 ) at 49ers

Giants (+6) at Cowboys

Saints (+4) at Vikings

Broncos (-3.5) over Chargers

#TheInformerOut

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The Informer's All NBA Playoffs Mailbag

Raise both your hands if you are the 2017 NBA MVP.

As always, please keep in mind that all of these questions came from actual made up readers.

Q: Hey Informer did you retire from writing? I mean you have not published an article in over a month. So what gives man? Did you finally realize it is pointless for you to put out articles because there is not a single person in the world who gives a sh*t about your opinion? Or, are you just a lazy, fat, alcoholic who has been slacking on his duties?

Honestly, I think it is probably a combination of the two. But hey, since we are here, how about The Informer breaks out an All-NBA Mailbag for his readers? Would that make up for a month’s long absence?

Q: Okay Informer if you want to make it up to us, how about you answer the most important question of 2017 right of off the bat: Who is the 2017 NBA MVP?

Russell Westbrook is the 2017 NBA MVP. The reasoning is simple; you don’t become the second player in NBA history to average a triple-double for the entire season while leading your team to the playoffs without Kevin Durant and not win the NBA MVP Award. 

That would be asinine.

Q: But Informer, what about the fact that the Thunder only won 46 games? That has to matter right? I mean no MVP in the last 30 years has won the award on a team that has won less than 50 games.

Sure, no one in the past 30 years has won the MVP while also playing for a team that won less than 50 games, but you know what else has not happened in the past 30 years? A f**king dude posting 42 triple-doubles while averaging a triple-double for an entire season.

Q: Come on Informer all the advanced stats show that James Harden had a more impressive year and his team won more games; therefore he is the MVP. Why can’t you just admit you are an overweight alcoholic who is wrong about the 2017 NBA MVP.

Did James Harden lead the league in scoring, finish in the Top 10 in rebounding while also averaging double digit assists and scoring 30 points a night? Did James Harden become the only player in NBA history to score at least 57 points while also posting a triple-double? Did James Harden become the first player in NBA history to record 42 triple-doubles in a season? If the answer is no to any of these questions; than that means he is not the MVP because there is a guy in the NBA who did in fact do all those things.

Q: Wins have to count for something Informer, and the fact is James Harden’s team had more wins than Russell Westbrook’s. So your “triple-double argument” is a mute point you moron. Again, no one is saying Russ was not spectacular this season, what we are saying is his numbers don’t mean as much because his team only won 46 games. Sorry bud, but your boyfriend is going to lose.  

So based on that argument, what you are really saying is that either Steph Curry, Klay Thompson, Draymond Green, Kevin Durant or Zaza Pachulia should win the 2017 NBA MVP. You know, because they were starters on a team that won 66 games? Honestly, I’m actually okay with that. From now on no one can be the NBA MVP unless their team has the most wins. Stats, game winning shots, advanced metrics, hot takes; none of that matters anymore. The best player on the team with the most wins always gets the MVP no questions asked. 

Q: Zaza Pachulia as the MVP? Now you are just being petty and ridiculous Informer. I mean seriously, why can’t you admit that James Harden’s historically great season produced more wins than Russ’s historically great season and that is why he is the MVP?

As I just said, if the number one argument you have contains the words “more wins”, than you have no choice but to pick someone from the Warriors to be your MVP. Just saying, you can’t sit here and argue that Harden should be the MVP over Russ -- with lesser stats -- because his team has more wins without saying Curry should be MVP over Harder -- with lesser stats -- because the Warriors have more wins than the Rockets.

Q: Fine Informer, you are correct. Russell Westbrook should be the unanimous MVP. I sincerely apologize for doubting you. Please forgive me. Also just in case you were wondering, I am totally lying. I am not going to ever agree with you, because you are nothing but a fat drunk sack of human waste who probably didn’t even watch the Rockets play one basketball game this year so you have no clue how valuable James Harden was.

That is where you are wrong sir. I clearly remember watching at least three James Harden games this year where his team lost to the Golden State Warriors. 

Q: I hate you Informer.

I know, but your feelings toward me have nothing to do with the fact that Russell Westbrook is hands down the 2017 NBA MVP.

Q: Hey Informer can we please stop talking about regular season awards and start focusing on the fact that the best two months of the years are about to begin? With that in mind, what is your favorite first round playoff match-up?

Well, obviously I can’t wait to watch Russ destroy James Harden in the Western Conference. So that would be number one on my list. And as far as the Eastern Conference goes, I am excited to see if Giannis “The Greek Freak” Ant******* can be the best player in four of seven games and lead the Milwaukee Bucks to a first round upset over the Toronto Raptors. 

Now, with all that said, this is the NBA Playoffs, which means every game is going to be freaking awesome (excluding any games involving Dwight Howard of course).

Q: On a scale of 1 to 10, how much slobbering over LeBron James are we going to have to read about from you in these playoffs?

I would say it is at least going to be an 8 out of 10. But that could change if/when Kevin Durant, Stephen Curry and Russell Westbrook get eliminated. But make no mistake about it, I will be paying homage and speaking the praises of King James every chance I get.

(P.S. - For those wondering, my NBA Playoff rooting order goes: Durant, Russ, Steph & then LeBron. Also, it should be noted that coming in dead last for umpteenth time is Dwight Howard.)

Q: Do you have any Playoff bets for the degenerates out there who are reading this?

I sure do, but before I give them away I feel I should explain to anyone reading that these picks are to be used for recreational purposes only. In no way shape or form does The Informer condone the practice of illegal gambling with websites like Sportsbook.ag, Bodog.eu, or any other online website that lets you place illegal wagers.

Okay, now that we have the disclaimer in place, here are a five prop bets I would be putting money on if betting were legal and I hadn’t just bought my bookie a brand new lawn mower.

• Warriors to win Championships (-220)
• Spurs to win Championship (+900)
• Wizards to win Eastern Conference (+1000)
• Cavs to win Eastern Conference (-260)
• Thunder over Rockets (+360)

Q: Speaking of predictions Informer, who is going to win every first round series and why?

EASTERN CONFERENCE

Cleveland vs Indiana: The Cavs will win this series because they have LeBron James.

Milwaukee vs Toronto: The Raptors are probably going to win, but my gut feeling says the “Greek Freak” is going to be out of this world great pushing this series to seven games.

Atlanta vs Washington: Washington wins because I hate Dwight Howard.

Chicago vs Boston: I think the veteran Chicago Bulls squad will be able to win two, maybe even three games, but in the end the Celtics will avoid the upset and move on to round two for the first time since the “Big 3” era.

WESTERN CONFERENCE

Portland vs. Golden State: Warriors in five.

Oklahoma City vs. Houston Rockets: I am taking OKC because Russell Westbrook is the 2017 NBA MVP.

Utah Jazz vs. Los Angeles Clippers: I got to go with the Clippers experience here.

Memphis Grizzlies vs. San Antonio Spurs: As the old saying goes; death, taxes and the San Antonio Spurs making the second round of the NBA Playoffs.

Q: Last question Informer: Who is going to win the NBA Finals?

I have the Golden State Warriors beating the San Antonio Spurs in the Western Conference Finals and the Cleveland Cavaliers beating the Washington Wizards in the Eastern Conference Finals. Then in part three of the Warriors vs LeBron trilogy; I have the 2017 NBA Finals MVP Kevin Durant leading the Golden State Warriors to a 4-1 series victory.  

Final Answer: The Golden State Warriors will be the 2017 NBA Champions.

Can anyone stop Kevin Durant, Stephen Curry and the 2017 Golden State Warriors?