Sunday, October 13, 2019

The Informer's 2019 NFL Picks: Week 6


Here are The Informer's Week 6 2019 NFL Picks. As always, please remember to use these picks for degenerate and illegal purposes only. 

I hope you all enjoy (and win).

 New York Giants @ New England Patriots (-17)

The Informer’s Proof of Thursday Night Pick Tweet:

Before we move on I would like to point out that there was no mention of the 1st half under in Primetime in the above tweet. This was done because for the foreseeable future I am no longer making the 1st half under a guaranteed great bet. So, until I say otherwise, the 1st half under in primetime -- while still my favorite bet of all time -- is not something I recommend on an automatic basis. It is now a case by case bet that I will make closer to kickoff depending on the points, teams and circumstances around the game.

Pick: Pats (-17)

Carolina Panthers @ Tampa Bay (+2.5)

Finally, The Informer has a Bloody excuse to start Hoovering down Pale Ale’s while the Buggers are still Kipping. 

Excellent. 

As for the Match itself; The Informer is putting a double Tenner on the Dodgy Bucs because London games tend to be Wonkier than a Bespoke Wanker Chatting Up an Up for It Scouser. Just make sure you have a Bog Roll in case the Bucs Shamble the bed, or that Knob Head "Run CMC' Throws a Spanner in the Works like a Plastered John Thomas Seeing a Man About a Dog. 

Either way, it will not matter if you have Twigs & Berries or a Fanny; if the Bucs can break Mike Evans out Of Her Majesty’s Pleasure -- and a few other Bits n Bobs go our way -- I think we will all be Starkers Daft Cows eating Bangers and Chips while counting our Dobbers’s before going Off to Bedshore.

Shag Strawberry Creams and Arse. Easy Peasy One off Across the Pond wagers are Wicked Cool on Sundays.

Bob’s Your Uncle.

Pick: Tampa (+2.5)

Seattle HGHawks @ Cleveland Browns (+1)

85% of the public is betting against the home underdog who is due for a bounce back game after Taking the Piss on Monday Night Football. To answer the next question: Yes, The Informer is one of the 85 percenters.

Pick: HGHawks (-1)

Houston Texans @ Kansas City Chiefs (-4)

Patrick Mahomes is sort of injured. The Chiefs defensive sucks more than a hooker eating an extra large black licorice lollipop. And finally, Kansas City is 2-3 against the spread on the year including three straight no-covers.

What I am trying to say is: "I am obviously betting Patrick Mahomes and the Chiefs". 

Pick: Chiefs (-4)

Washington Redskins @ Miami Dolphins (+3.5)

Hahahahahahahaha.

I love a good dumpster fire of a clogged toilet abortion joke. 

Well played NFL. Well played.

Pick: Dolphins (+3.5)

Philadelphia Eagles @ Minnesota Vikings (-3.5)

I’m supposed to bet Kirk Cousins as a 3.5 point favorite over the team many expect to be in the Final Four NFC teams come January?

In the words of Marsha Brady: "Sure Jan".

Pick: Eagles (+3.5)

New Orleans Saints @ Jacksonville Jaguars (-2.5)

Ladies and gentlemen here is the Blimpies Best Meme of the Week:


#MakesSense #ClassicMilksteak

Pick: Saints (+2.5)

Cincinnati Bengals @ Baltimore Ravens (-11)

I took the “every person in the history of NFL suicide polls is picking the Ravens” in my NFL winner pool today.

So naturally, that means the Bengals are going to come out and play their best game of the year. I am just hoping their best game is not enough to win on the road. But just in case it does mean they can win this game; The Informer is going to hedge with a Bengals +11 bet. 

Pick: Bengals (+11)

San Francisco 49ers @ Los Angeles Rams (-3)

Gambling rules clearly state: “A gambler should not get enamored with a road team coming off of a Monday Night Football win where they looked like the best team in the history of the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE!!!”

Pick: Rams (-3)

Atlanta Falcons @ Arizona Cardinals (+2.5)

I have never been a crackhead, but I assume that the cravings I get every week to bet the Falcons -- despite the thousands of dollars and teeth they have caused me -- is the same craving those heads of crack get when they go 24 hours without the rock pipe.

#Why can’t I quit you Matty Ryan?

Pick: Falcons (-2.5)

Dallas Cowboys @ New York Jets (-7)
Tennessee Titans @ Denver Donkeys (-1.5)

I am betting both the home teams. Feels like I am betting 0-2. #Yolo.

Pick: Jets (+7) Donkey’s (-1.5)

Pittsburgh Steelers @ San Diego Chargers (-6)

This game sucks, so instead of wasting my time pretending like I care what happens, here is an impromptu Twitter mailbag.
Is Captain Morgan Rum? If so it makes my Top 3. My list actually goes: Vodka, Captain Morgan and Goldschlager.

(PS-Chup and well done steak is the only way to go through life my friends.)
Answers in order:
  • Of course the moon landing was filmed in Hollywood. If you see it on TV then it is either fake, staged, rigged, scripted or all of the above. In this case; the government needed to keep the Flat Earth a secret so they hired Hollywood to fake a moon landing in order to keep the masses from knowing the truth. 
  • Did Harry Stamper save the world from a giant asteroid? Is The Informer 14.5 beers deep at 8:30 in morning? Is Cocaine a hell of a drug? Does Tom Brady have six Super Bowl rings? Does The Informer put cottage cheese on his lasagna? Is Pussy Control Prince’s best song? Is The Informer losing an NFL Picks contest to a 9-year old prodigy? Does Ketchup belong on steak? Are you picking up my answer through all of these cryptic questions?
  • Is it 14? I honestly don’t know.
The dinosaurs did not die, or go extinct. You know how I know? Because dinosaurs never really existed. They are a figment of Al Gore's imagination that Hollywood then used to make billions of dollars selling movies. Just like they did with Aliens, Predators, Sylvester Stallone and 1984 Delorean's with Lamborghini doors.

The answer to “why did you put the same movie into two different polls”, or "why did you spell 'insert any word' wrong in this tweet is simple: The Informer is an alcoholic.


The first Lord of the Rings (I have not seen the other two). I just did not like it so I skipped the next two.

I find it interesting that Smackdown has now become the A show after USA treated the WWE so well over the past 26 years. With that said; I stopped watching wrestling full time because they diluted the product to the point that I now settle for reading recaps and listening to podcasts over actually watching. So definitely take my thoughts on this matter with a grain of 1980s WWF cocaine. 

And finally, I was asked by a private account (which means I can't use their tweet as proof) to name my favorite kid movies I have watched with my children. To answer this question, I decided to make a list to show me and my children's actual favorite movies to watch together. Then I made a second list to show actual kid cartoon movies that we enjoy.

Here is our actual Top 5:
  • The New Power Rangers Movie
  • The New Ghostbusters movie
  • The Parent Trap
  • 3 Ninjas
  • The Original Ghostbusters movie
And here are our Top 5 kids (aka cartoon) movies:
  • The Lego Movie
  • Toy Story
  • Frozen
  • Moana
  • The Lion King
Speaking of The Lion King: The San Diego Chargers are The Informer's Lion King Lock of the week. The reason for this bet is because I have no idea who in the bluest of blue Hells the Steelers QB is. So I’m definitely not betting on him to play well in his first NFL start, on the road, and in Primetime.

Pick: Lion King Lock of the Week Chargers (-6)

Detroit Lions @ Green Bay Packers (-4)

Everyone grab your "mid-evil times" religious flogging device and repeat after me:

I will not bet against Aaron Rodgers at home in Primetime . . . I will not bet against Aaron Rodgers at home in Primetime . . . I will not bet against Aaron Rodgers at home in Primetime . . . I will not bet against Aaron Rodgers at home in Primetime . . . I will not bet against Aaron Rodgers at home in Primetime . . . I will not bet against Aaron Rodgers at home in Primetime . . . I will not bet against Aaron Rodgers at home in Primetime . . . I will not bet against Aaron Rodgers at home in Primetime . . . I will not bet against Aaron Rodgers at home in Primetime . . . I will not bet against Aaron Rodgers at home in Primetime . . . I will not bet against Aaron Rodgers at home in Primetime . . . I will not bet against Aaron Rodgers at home in Primetime . . . I will not bet against Aaron Rodgers at home in Primetime . . . I will not bet against Aaron Rodgers at home in Primetime . . . I WILL NOT BET AGAINST AARON RODGERS IN PRIMETIME!!!!

Are we all on the same “I will not bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime” page?

Good. Great. Grand.

Pick: Packers (-4)

That is it for this week’s blog. I truly hope your Week 6 is filled with winning bets, covering teasers and all of the Natty Lights your liver can filter.

See you next Sunday.

Informer out.

THE INFORMER'S 2019 NFL PICKS RECORD

 Overall: 43-34-1

 Last Week: 8-6-1

 Overall Winning Weeks ATS : 4-1
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Sunday, October 6, 2019

AC "The Prodigy" vs The Informer 2019 NFL Picks Challenge: Week 5

So here is the deal; the title of this blog has officially been changed from "The Informer vs AC NFL Picks Challenge" to AC "The Prodigy" vs The Informer's 2019 NFL Picks Challenge.

Why the change you ask?

Because when a 9-year old wunderkind is kicking your but up and down the street and twice on Sundays (aka straight up and against the spread) The Informer has no choice but to acknowledge that this blog no longer belongs to me.

So from here on out this is the AC Show and we are all just here to watch and win with his expert advice.

With that said -- and without any further ado -- Mr. AC take it away.


The Prodigy's Straight UP Picks: Rams, Bills, Texans, Ravens, Pats, Cards, Jags, Saints, Eagles, Vikings, Bears, Chargers, Packers, Chiefs and 49ers

The Prodigy ATS: Rams, Bills, Texans, Ravens, Pats, Cards, Jags, Saints, Jets, Vikings, Raiders, Chargers, Packers, Colts and 49ers.

THE PRODIGY's 2019 NFL PICKS RECORD

Straight UP: 44-18-1

ATS: 36-27

(The Informer's Straight UP Picks: HGHawks, Titans, Falcons, Ravens, Pats, Bengals, Panthers, Saints, Eagles, Vikings, Bears, Chargers, Packers, Chiefs and Browns)
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The Informer's 2019 NFL Picks: Week 5



Los Angeles Rams @ Seattle HGHawks (PK)

The Informer’s proof of pick tweet:


Pick: HGHawks (PK)

Baltimore Ravens @ Pittsburgh Steelers (+3)

I think the Ravens win this game. So I will be betting them. With that said, after back to back losses, I have decided Lamar Jackson is no longer in The Informer’s “expert opinion” Top 5 MVP rankings.

Speaking of which: Here are The Informer’s “expert opinion” Top 5 MVP rankings:
  1. Patrick Mahomes - The reigning 2018 NFL MVP had one of the worst games of his professional career last week and still ended up with 315 yards passing, 54 yards rushing and a 34-30 road victory. So yea, he is stays at number one for me.
  2. Russell Wilson - The HGHawks leader gets the benefit of already having won his Week 5 game, but even with the one game advantage it is hard to argue against Wilson -- and his 12-0 TD-INT ratio through five games -- being in the MVP talks.
  3. Tom Brady - One bad game (which the Pats won) does not take the great Tom Brady out of The Informer's MVP race. I am just saying; when the season ends and the Pats are 15-1 do you really think the voters are going to be talking about a Week 4 game against the Bills?
  4. Dak Prescott - I got Dak ahead of Aaron Rodgers for now.
  5. Aaron Rodgers - We will find out Sunday if it stays that way.  
Pick: Ravens (-3)

Chicago Bears @ Oakland Raiders (+5.5)

Normally The Informer would be a Skive Toff and put a Fiver on the Chav home underdogs. But wouldn’t you know it; this Bloody Match is taking place Across the Pond in Wembley Stadium. So the normal gambling Rubbish doesn’t count, even if It’s Monkeys Outside. So with that said; I like the Meat and Two Veg Chicago Bears to get Plastered and put the All to Pot John Gruden’s Into Her Majesty’s Pleasure. Obviously this bet won’t Horses for Courses. But if a few Bits n Bobs go Anorak, The Informer’s John Thomas will be going Off to Bedshore with an On the Pull Punter whose nice Strawberries and Cream are looking to get Up the Duff.

What The Informer is trying to say is grab some Fish n Chips, grill up the Bangers and turn the Telly on. Because on Sunday this Daft Cow is gonna Do Starkers like a Blighty Smeg creating a Dog’s Dinner for everyone.

Seriously you Wankers, this pick is Dog’s Bollocks.

Bob’s your uncle.

Pick: Bears (-5.5)

Arizona Cardinals @ Cincinnati Bengals (-3)
Jacksonville Jags @ Carolina Panthers (-3)

I am betting the two home teams. I literally have nothing else to add to this section of the blog.

Pick: Bengals (-3) Panthers (-3)

Minnesota Vikings @ New York Giants (+5.5)

Other than Dalvin Cook -- and maybe Evan Engram -- this game completely bores me. So instead of giving you hard gambling statistics as to why I am betting the Minnesota Vikings, here are three of The Informer’s favorite Draft King lineups for Sunday.

QB- Matty Ice
RB - Dalvin Cook
RB - Run CMC
WR - DJ Charks Jr
WR - Mohammad “What’s” Sanu
WR: Courtland Sutton
TE - Evan Engram
Flex - Miles Sanders (breakout week I think)
Defense- Panthers

QB - Thomas Brady
RB - Jordan Howard
RB - Run CMC
WR - DJ Chark Jr
WR - Courtland Sutton
Wr - Golden Tate
TE - Evan Engram
FLEX - Phillip Linsey
Defense- Patriots

QB- Lamar Jackson
RB - Leonard Fournette
RB - Derrick Henry
WR - Phillip Dorsett
WR- Mike Evans
WR - Courtland Sutton
TE- Austin Hooper
Flex - Mark Andrews
Defense- Pats

Pick: Vikings (-5.5)

New England Patriots @ Washington (+15.5)

Last night I had a dream The Informer was very upset that the Washington Redskins scored a last-minute touchdown to back door cover the spread and help Vegas screw 85% of the public who were betting the Patriots.

So obviously, since dreams are for suckers and never come true, I am going to be betting the Pats on Sunday.

Pick: Pats (-15.5)

New York Jets @ Philadelphia Eagles (-15)

Ladies and gentlemen here is the Blimpie Best Garner Milksteak meme of the Week:


#TheLegendContinues

Pick: Jets (+15)

Tampa Bay @ New Orleans Saints (-3)

My hard hitting gambling analysis is this: I am going to bet the Saints at home because I don’t see Tampa Bay beating the Rams-Saints on the road in back to back weeks.

Pick: Saints (-3)

Atlanta Falcons @ Houston Texans (-4)

I think this tweet pretty well sums up how I feel about this game:

Pick: Falcons (+4)

Buffalo Bills @ Tennessee Titans (-3)

Has anyone mentioned that this is a rematch of the “Music City Miracle” game? No? Just me? I am the only person in the entire internet who remembers the "Music City Miracle"?

That is strange.

Anyways, which means please don’t make me bring up Frank Reich’s comeback as well, I am betting the Bills because I love Josh Allen.

Pick: Bills (+3)

Denver Broncos @ San Diego Chargers (-5.5)

Me: The Denver Donkey’s really suck at football. I mean they are total garbage trash sh*t.

Also Me: Give me a unit on the Donkey’s +5.5. I got a good feeling about them this week.

Pick: Donkey’s (+5.5)

Green Bay Packers @ Dallas Cowboys (-3)

Aaron Rodgers getting points in Dallas is a bet I am willing to wager on.

Pick: Packers (+3)

Indianapolis Colts @ Kansas City Chiefs (-12.5)

I have decided that I am going to bet on Patrick Mahomes every single game from now until the day he reitres. I don’t care the points, the teams, or the situation: If Mahomes is playing The Informer is betting his side.

Pick: Chiefs (-12.5)

Cleveland Browns @ San Francisco 49ers (-3.5)

Before we get to my Monday Night football pick -- and wrap this blog up -- I thought we could do a quick impromptu Twitter mailbag?

Doesn’t that sound fun?

Okay, here we go:

The Joker, Darth Vader, Kate from Titanic and Danielson.


You mean where a disgruntled team owners drops all of his players and totally Throws a Spanner in the Works for the entire league? I absolutely f***ing hate it. If your team sucks, or a guy gets injured, or you didn't know the rules and drafted like a Tosser; don't be a Knob Head by "sabotage dropping" your team so that the entire league is ruined. Accept the fact that you are a Fanny Arse and take your beating like the Bugger you are.



I once ate a footlong Blimpe Best with an 8oz "well done" ribeye steak on the side --with ketchup of course -- and washed it down with a tall boy Natty Light. That's gonna be pretty tough to beat.

There has literally never been anything truer in the history of the flat Earth.

I have no idea what in the blue hell QBR is. So I don’t really know how or what they measure it by. But I will say if Patrick Mahomes is the current QBR leader then they are probably doing it correctly.

I haven’t seen Joker yet, but it looks like a movie that I will probably watch when it comes available on DVD.


I had trouble narrowing it down to just five things, so instead I went and bought a bigger time capsule box and put all of these items in.
  • My Randy Moss Vikings #84 jersey I’ve had since 1998.
  • A Blimpie’s free sandwich punch card.
  • An Armageddon BlueRay disc.
  • A Twinkie (since they don’t expire)
  • A 40oz of Natty Light.
  • My PlayStation3 (I’m not giving up my PS4 for a time capsule).
  • This link to the “One Night in Paris” X-rated movie.
  • Tom Brady
  • A Nickelback greatest hits CD.
  • A VHS tape of the Nebraska Cornhuskers winning the 1996 Fiesta Bowl.
  • The October 1989 edition of Playboy magezine.
  • A bottle of Heinz 57 ketchup (just in case they still have steak in the future).
  • A pair of Allen Iverson “The Answer 3” shoes.
  • A log of Skoal Mint long cut.
  • It’s Always Sunny complete seasons DVd set.
  • A box of Magnum condoms.
  • Bill Simmons’ Book of Basketball
  • A pack of Pall Mall reds.
  • Rollerblades.
  • And finally, this picture of Alex Rodriguez and Derek Jeter shirtless.


  1. Twix and Scream - Twix is my favorite candy and Scream is my favorite scary movie franchise. So obviously they go together like lamb and tuna salad.
  2. Milky Way and Ernest Scared Stupid - When I think about my childhood I think about Milky Ways and Ernest (that’s not really true, but it sounds good so I'm gonna leave it in the blog).
  3. Snickers and Friday the 13th - Snickers and Jason have been haunting camp counselors since they were invented.
  4. P.B. Cups and Halloween- I feel like PB cups are the original candy of the world and Michael Myers is the original Horror movie villain. So naturally they have to be paired together.
  5. Skittles and A Nightmare on Elm Street - Skittles have five flavors and Freddy Kruger has five knives as fingers? Does that work? Or is The Informer drunk again? Maybe we should move on?

I searched the internet for at least six minutes and I could not find any scientific evidence, or Al Gore quotes, that would disprove the theory that Chicken Nuggets are the perfect food.


Thank you for the great tweet and the many great questions. I really appreciate it. As for the answers: Miami. You misspelled Blimpies. Yes. All in the Family is not in my Top 10. And finally, Natty Light is not beer --it is the nectar of the Tim Tebow’s.


Yes the Browns will make the playoffs. In fact, not only are the Browns going to make the playoffs, I think they are going to beat the 49ers outright on Monday Night football. Which of course means I have not choice but to make the Browns (+3.5) The Informer's Week 5 Lion King Lock of the Week.

Pick: LKLOTW Browns (+3.5)

 That is a wrap for folks. Once again I want to thank everyone on Twitter who took the time to ask me a question and helped make this blog great again.

I really do appreciate you all.

And finally, I hope everyone reading this has a happy Sunday filled with winning parlays, backdoor covers, Patrick Mahomes touchdowns and all of the Natty Lights your liver can handle.

Informer out.


THE INFORMER'S 2019 NFL PICKS RECORD

 Overall: 35-28

 Last Week: 8-7

 LKLOTW: 2-2

 Overall Winning Weeks ATS : 3-1

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