Indianapolis Colts @ Houston Texans (-3.5)
Normally I would share my
proof of Thursday Night Football pick tweet, but let's be honest: What is the point of sharing a proof of loss tweet? That's like when Wells Fargo asks me to verify who I am when I call in to give them money to pay for my student loans. I mean seriously, are random strangers actually calling Wells Fargo and saying: "Hey I need to pay this dudes loan off"? Because if they are, please contact The Informer. I will gladly hand you all of my personal information without any questions asked.
Anyways, which means brace yourself folks there is a lot of ranting and very little sports or gambling insight in today's blog, what I am trying to say is I bet the Texans. The Texans didn't cover. So I am not going to go back through thousands of tweets (yes I know I tweet to much, but y'all should follow me anyways) just to prove that I was wrong.
You can either trust that I am not lying, or add another win to my winners column at the end of the year.
It is your choice.
Pick: Texans (-3.5)
Detroit Lions @ Washington Redskins (+4)
As I sit on hold for the fifth straight day trying to get a representative from Disney + to actually answer the phone and tell me why my Disney + does not work, I can't hep but wonder: Who is the bigger dumpster fire of an abortion?
Disney + and their customer service, or this absolute abomination of a clogged toilet that the NFL is masquerading as the Washington Redskins?
Well, after hours of deep intense thought (literally been on hold for hours), I have decided that Disney+ is the winner. Not because Washington isn't complete hot garbage -- they are -- no Disney + is the winner because they took my money while not providing a service. And then when I tried to call and ask them about said "taking of money with lack of service", instead of sending me to a representative, their automated system doubled down and routed my call to a place where the f***** Star Wars theme song plays on an endless loop and no customer service rep ever answers the phone (I am not kidding, they do not ever answer the phone).
So congrats Disney plus. You are this week's biggest dumpster fire of an abortion. You should be very proud. Your commitment to non-service truly is magical.
As far as the gambling goes; I am betting Washington because as we all just learned from the Disney plus story, The Informer love spending all his money on useless trash.
Pick: Washington (+4)
Miami Dolphins @ Cleveland Browns (-10.5)
Denver Donkey's @ Buffalo Bills (-4)
New York Giants @ Chicago Bears (-6)
Betting three road dawgs against teams with playoff aspirations (yes the Bears & Browns are delusional, but they do still think they can run the table and make the playoffs) may not be the smartest move. But then again, neither is drinking 15 Natty Light's while writing a blog at nine o'clock on a Sunday morning.
And yet, here we are.
Pick: Dolphins (+10.5) Donkey's (+4) Giants (+6)
Oakland Raiders @ New York Jets (+3)
My initial reaction was to say when two bad teams play you should always take the points. But after my initial reaction wore off, I thought to myself that I kind of think the Raiders maybe a good football team. So then it turned into a case of a good team playing a crap team with said good team only laying three points; which means the rule says it is actually smart to lay the points here.
Does that make sense?
Pick: Raiders (-3)
Carolina Panthers @ New Orleans Saints (-9.5)
The Informer: You would have to be an absolute drunken moron to bet Kyle Allen on the road against the red hot New Orleans Saints.
Also The Informer: Hey bookie, give me the Panthers (+9.5) . . . I got a
drunken gut feeling on this one.
Pick: Panthers (+9.5)
Tampa Bay @ Atlanta Falcons (-3)
I really wish I could quit the Atlanta Falcons. Oh well, maybe next week.
Pick: Falcons (-3.5)
Jacksonville Jaguars @ Tennessee Titans (-3.5)
Pittsburgh Steelers @ Cincinnati Bengals (+6.5)
I am taking the Jags and Steelers in these two contests.
Okay, now that we have that out of the way, here is The Informer's smoking hot wife's Blimpie Best Meme of the Week:
I am not gonna lie that one is funny. And she is smoking hot.
Pick: Jags (+3.5) Steelers (-6.5)
Dallas Cowboys @ New England Patriots (-6.5)
I took the Dallas Cowboys in my "pick a team to lose" survivor poll. I also picked the New England Patriots for this blog, with my bookie and in my Super Picks contest. So I guess you could say I am going to be rooting pretty hard for the Tom Brady's today.
Pick: Pats (-6.5)
Seattle HGHawks @ Philadelphia Eagles (PK)
This lined started at Eagles -2.5 and has moved 2.5 points in favor of the HGHawks. What that means is Vegas is going to be rooting very hard for the Eagles to win. So if you are picking Seattle, be prepared for multiple "defensive holding penalties" on third down and an egregious amount of "there was nothing egregious about that obviously egregious pass interference" calls going against Seattle.
That's just the way Vegas does business when they need a team to lose. I just hope that Russ is able to get over the Vegas roadblock and continue his MVP push with a win.
Pick: HgHawks (PK)
Green Bay @ San Francisco 49ers (-3)
Everyone repeat after The Informer:
I will never bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime . . . I will never bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime . . . I will never bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime . . . I will never bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime . . . Drink more Natty's . . .
I will never bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime . . . I will never bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime . . . I will never bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime . . .
I will never bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime . . . I will never bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime . . . F*** Disney + . . . I will never bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime . . . I will never bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime . . . Blimpies is the Best . . . I will never bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime . . .
I will never bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime . . . I will never bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime . . . I will never bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime . . .
I will never bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime . . . What Would Harry Stamper Do . . . I will never bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime . . . I will never bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime . . . I will never bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime . . . I will never bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime . . .
I will never bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime . . . I will never bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime . . . I WILL NEVER BET AGAINST AARON RODGERS IN PRIMETIME!!!!
We all on the same page here?
Pick: Green Bay (+3)
Baltimore Ravens @ Los Angeles Rams (+3)
Update on the Disney + fiasco - As I was finishing up this blog, they finally answered and advised me that a ticket has been submitted to look into my issues. For fun, here is our exact conversation:
Disney: We have submitted a ticket. It usually takes 2-3 days for them to resolve the issue.
Me: So if it is not fixed in 3 days do I call back and wait on hold for another 1.5 hours to let you know it didn't work.
Disney: Well it has already been submitted so calling back to re-submit the same problem will do you no good.
Me: Okay, so if it is not fixed in 3 days what should I do?
Disney: Well, if it is not fixed in 3 days you can definitely call us back and let us know.
Me:
On the plus side Disney now has my IP Address. So I am sure nothing bad is going to happen to my computers, credit cards, dogs, social security number,
porn internet search history, banking information or devices after I called their service a dumpster fire of an abortion.
So at least I got that going for me.
Pick: Ravens (-3)
That is it for this week y'all. I hope everyone has a wonderful Sunday filled with winning parlays, footlong Blimpie Best, ice cold Natty Lights and the ability to watch unlimited Disney movies without getting a mother ******* error code #83 server down message.
See you next Sunday.
Informer Out.
THE INFORMER'S 2019 NFL PICKS RECORD
Overall: 88-72-3
Last Week: 10-3-1
Overall Winning Weeks: 8-2-1
