Saturday, November 10, 2018

The Informer's 2018 NFL Picks: Week 10


Seeing as how The Informer's NFL Picks blog keeps getting fewer and fewer readers as the weeks (and wins) add up, I thought we would try something a little different this week. That is why on Wednesday night I sent out the following tweet . . .


Now, as you can probably imagine, I got quite a few responses from people asking:

To be honest, I have no idea why I am doing this. Or why I think it would be a good idea/fun blog article. I guess I am just hoping that by trying something new maybe a few more people will click on the link and get access to the best NFL picks free money can buy (The Informer is 34-8 against the spread in the past three weeks). 

 Moving along, I also got a few questions that confused me . . .

I mean don't get me wrong, I loved that you participated Mr Dawson, but telling me you have a question and then not actually asking a question makes it very tough for me to give you an answer. So sadly all I can say is thanks for playing the game, unfortunately at this time I am unable to answer your un-asked question.

 And finally, I also got a number of very important questions that I will now answer before we get to the Week 10 NFL lines. 

In January of 2004 I wrote my first college newspaper column as The Informer. At the the time I was what people these days would call a Bill Simmons "STAN"(psycho obsessive fan), and since Bill had a writing nickname -- The Sports Guys -- I felt like I needed to have one for my column in order for it to become a huge global phenomenon like "The Sports Guy" did. As for why it has stuck with me for 14 years? Mostly because I hate change -- so even if I didn't like the name I would never change it - - and for the fact that whenever someone calls me "The Informer" it brings me an unwarranted sense of pride and achievement.

In order: 

 1) I would stagger the starting times for all Sunday games. We would have games starting at 10am, noon, 2pm, 4pm, 6pm and 8pm. This way there would be constant football all day and it would get rid of the horrible Sunday afternoons when the NFL has 10 games going at once (Seriously have you ever tried watching 10 NFL games at once? It is flipping annoying.).

 2) I would legalize all HGH, steroids and marijuana. The thinking is simple: They are all "allegedly" taking these drugs anyways. So we might as well legalize it and let the doctors prescribe the stuff. All I am saying is that if players are going to do these things anyways, isn't a doctor giving them prescriptions and schedules while monitoring the athletes vital signs safer than a dude shoving a needle into another dudes buttocks while smoking reefer out of an aluminum Pepsi can?

 3) I would move overtime back to 15 minutes and then say that no games can end in a tie. If for some reason no team scores in the first overtime, then we go to a second overtime until someone does score. I don't care if we have twelve overtimes in a single game, there will be a winner. Because under The Informer's watch there will be no more incest in the NFL.

I mean Drago probably trained smarter -- using the doctors and steroids -- but Rocky climbing to the top of a mountain in the middle of a Russian winter was definitely harder. 

 As for the second question, at least one. 

In my world, in order for it to be considered a sandwich, you must be able to put mayonnaise on it. And, well, if you are putting mayonnaise on your hot dog then I need you to DM me right away because I want your drug dealers phone number.
I don't like the rule where Vegas is allowed to tell the officials how to referee a game. I think that is shady business by the NFL and really not fair to the average gambler out there. I also think the new rule where you are not allowed to make eye contact with the quarterback is bullshit. 

I have done no research on this (other then the clue Jerron gave me that the player played for both the 49ers & Cowboys) but I am going to say the answer is Terrell Owens. 

Again no research whatsoever, but I am pretty sure the answer is Mohammad Sanu. 
Oh man, this tweet did not age well. Maybe we should just move onto The Informer's Week 10 NFL Picks?

 As always, please remember these picks are only to be used for illegal debauchery things such as online gambling, parlays, teasers and Super Pick contests. Any other use of this blog, its accounts or any information provided without the express written consent of The National Informer League is strictly prohibited.

 Carolina Panthers @ Pittsburgh Steelers (-3)

 Here is The Informer's proof of pick tweet:

PICK: Steelers (-3) 
Atlanta Falcons @ Cleveland Browns (+4)

 Cleveland is back to being Cleveland (aka they suck again), but for some reason Vegas is still giving them credit for how they played earlier in the season (when they were actually a competitive and somewhat resembled a NFL team). This means that we as gamblers need to load up on the Falcons this week and make as much money as we can before Vegas figures out that the Browns are once again the Browns.  

 Pick: Falcons (-4)
New Orleans Saints @ Cinncinati Bengals (+5.5)
New England Patriots @ Tennessee Titans (-6.5)
Miami Dolphins @ Green Bay Packers (-9.5)

 I am betting on three of the greatest quarterbacks to ever play the game. That is my ultra-wise expert analysis for these three games. 

 Pick: Packers (-9.5) Patriots (-6.5) Saints (-5.5)
Jacksonville Jaguars @ Indianapolis Colts (-2.5)

 Most places you are going find the Colts are favored by three points. Well here I am going to buy a half point from my bookie (which means I pay more but the line goes down to 2.5) because I think the Lion King Lock of the Week is the Colts winning by three points on a last second Adam Vinatieri field goal. 

 Pick: Colts LKLOTW (-2.5)
Washington Redskins @ Tampa Bay (-3)

 Honestly, if I was not so certain that the Colts were going to win on a last second Vinatieri field goal, then Washington would have been my Lion King Lock of the Week. Instead, the Skins will just have to settle for being one of my five Super Picks contest selections and one of the teams I use to make loads of illegal gambling money.

 Pick: Washington (+3)
Buffalo Bills @ New York Jets (-7.5)

 I could say all the derogatory words that I normally say when it comes to games like this (abomination, abortion, dumpster fire, garbage, trash, week ass shit, gross, etc), but instead I am just going to say: "Here is the Blimpie Best Meme of the Week":


Pick: Bills (+7.5)
Detroit Lions @ Chicago Bears (-7)

 Did you know the Lions have won 9 of the last 10 games in this rivalry? And now Vegas is giving us seven points for the team that has won 9 of the last 10 games in this series? I mean, I may not be the smartest man living on this flat Earth, but even I know getting seven points with the team that always wins seems to be a trend worth riding. 

 Pick: Lions (+7)
Arizona Cardinals @ Kansas City Chiefs (-16.5)

 NFL gambling rules say you should bet the Cardinals and grab the points. So if you are someone who wants to follow the rules that is the bet to make. As for me, I love watching and rooting for the Kansas City Mahomes, so I am definitely not going to bet against them (because that would mean I would have to get pissed every time Mahomes shows off his laser rocket cannon arm). 

 Pick: Chiefs (-16.5)
Los Angeles Chargers @ Oakland Raiders (+10)

 Home underdog getting 10 points against a team that is playing their fourth straight road game is the only reason I would ever recommend  a person put their hard earned money on the Oakland trash. 

 Pick: Raiders (+10)
Seattle HGHawks @ Los Angeles Rams (-10)

 NFL rules say to pick the double digit underdog no matter who is playing. That is why I am going to bet the double digit underdog HGHawks this week. I am strictly following the rules and hoping Russell Wilson can score enough garbage time points to cover the spread. 

 Pick: HGHawks (+10)
Dallas Cowboys @ Philadelphia Eagles (-6.5)

 I am betting the Eagles, taking them in my Super Picks contest, picking them in my suicide wins poll and putting them in every single teaser/parlay I am going to make on Sunday. 

 In other words, you are welcome Dallas. 

 Pick: Eagles (-6.5)
New York Giants @ San Francisco 49ers (-3)

 Here is a fun story: The first NFL bet The Informer ever made was on the New York Giants @ the San Francisco 49ers Monday Night Football game during Week 13 of the 1990 NFL Season (I won one dollar from my dad when the Joe Montana led 49ers won 7-3). Now, 28 years later, The Informer has the chance to bet the Nick Mullens led 49ers and hope history repeats itself with a very entertaining 7-3 San Fran victory on Monday Night Football.

 In the words of Hank Williams Jr: "Are you ready for some football?" 

 Pick: 49ers (-3)

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