Friday, July 12, 2019

Who Would Win a Real Life 2019 NBA Jam Tournament?



Q: Hey Informer have you noticed that every NBA team is now pairing up stars like they are preparing for a real life NBA Jam tournament? We have KD-Kyrie, LeBron-AD, Kawhi-George and now Russ-Harden. So I guess my question is this: Which of these new formed super-duos would actually win a real life NBA Jam tournament?

Before I can answer this absolutely amazing question, I need to ask one of my own: Are we talking about a tournament using the original NBA Jam rules, or one where we use NBA Jam T.E. (Tournament Edition) rules?

This is important because using the original rules means that we only need two players for each team (giving advantage to a team like "The LeBron's" who only have two players to choose from anyways). But if we are using T.E. rules then that means we can use three players (giving a possible edge to deeper teams like Utah & Boston).

Now, since this is very time sensitive (The Informer can't be the only person who thought of this NBA Jam tournament idea for a blog post) and there is no one else around to clarify the rules: I have decided to make an executive decision that this blog we will be using the original NBA Jam rules.

Two players per team.

No questions asked.

Winner takes all.

So with that in mind, here are The Informer's definite "Who would win a real life 2019 NBA Jam Tournament " Power Rankings.

REJECTED: Teams 30-25

Pick an order.

Magic - "Bo Mamba #5" & "Dr. Jonathan Issac Yankam D.D.S."
Hornetts - I honestly don't know two players on their team. Is Kendall Gill still around?
Bulls - Lauri "Markkanen Correction" & Zach "The Vine"
Grizzlies - Ja "Rule" Morant & "Triple J" Jaren Jackson Jr
Knicks -Yikes.
Cavs - Hella Yikes!!!

Remember in NBA Jam when you would play their version "season mode" it always started out with you playing against the worst teams and then the more you won the harder teams started showing up?

Well, if this were real life season mode -- which it is -- the Cavs, Knicks, Hornets, Magic, Bulls and Grizzlies would absolutely be your first six games.

RAZZLE-DAZZLE: Teams 24-20

24. Suns - Devan Booker & DeAndre Ayton
23. Hawks - Trae Young & John Collins
22. Kings - Buddy Heild & Marvin Bagley
21. Mavs - Luka & Porzingis
20. Pelicans - Zion & Jrue Holiday

Two thoughts here:

1) I agonized for at least seven seconds over who should be the Kings Top 2. I literally could not decide if the proper move was to go Heild-Fox, Fox-Bagley or Heild-Bagley. In the end, after some very intense soul searching, I realized the seven people reading this blog could care less about the Kings; so I decided to go with Heild-Bagley because they are my two favorite Sacramento players.

2) This is the "Razzle-Dazzle" group because while ranked low all five of these teams would be entertaining as heck in a real life NBA Jam tournament. But alas, unless Zion really is the second coming of Michael LeBron Bryant -- I am not ruling this out -- I don't think any of these teams would actually win said tournament.

UGLY SHOT: TEAMS 19-18

19.Pacers - Victor Olandipo & Myles Turner
18. Heat - Jimmy Butler & Justise Winslow

Nothing personal, but goodbye Pacers and Heat. Y’all ain’t winning.

WHAT WAS HE THINKING: Teams 17-15

17. Timberpups - Townes & Wiggins
16. Pistons - Blake Griffin & Andre Drummond
15: Wizards - John Wall & Bradley Beal

I put the Timberpuppies this high because Karl Anthony Townes is that good. But they ultimately are not winning without a second star.

Moving along: Am I nuts or would a Blake Griffin and Andre Drummond team be really tough to beat? I mean their lack of 3-point shooting would most likely be their down fall, but their "Monster Dunks" that broke all of the backboards would be worth the price of admission.

As for the Wizards, I am planning this tournament under the notion that everyone is healthy (keep that in mind as we go on); which means a Wall-Beal tandem would be a tough out. But when it was all said and done I  threw the Wizards in the middle of the pack because I don't remember what a healthy John Wall even looks like.

I have a lot of no regrets with my decision.

IS IT THE SHOES: Teams 14-13

14. Spurs - LaMarcus Aldridge & Demar DeRozan
13. Thunder - Chris Paul & Danilo Gallinari

If Duncan, Parker or Ginobili are not walking through that front door; then the Spurs are not winning this tournament.

If KD, Russ or Harden are not walking through that front door; then the Thunder are not winning this tournament.

HE JUST GOT HIS DEGREE FROM DUNKIN ON U: Teams 12-10

12. Raptors- Pascal Siakum & Kyle Lowry
11. Jazz - Donovan Mitchell & Mike Conley
10. Celtics - Jayson Tatum & Kemba Walker

If you are Utah would you take Conley over the Stifle Tower? What about Joe Ingles? Wouldn't Ingles be a modern day Chris Mullen (Jam fans know what I am talking about)? I honestly think I could do a whole other blog about the Utah Jazz's real life NBA Jam team. Sadly, if I am writing a whole other blog trying to figure out who your Top 2 is for an NBA Jam tournament; that probably means you are a team that would have benefited more from NBA Jam T.E. Rules.

Also, anyone looking for an in depth Celtics breakdown, please re-read the Jazz blurb. You have many very very good players. But do you really have 2 great players that would win you an NBA Jam tournament? I don't think so.

Finally, I put the Raptors in the Top 12 because they are the defending NBA Champions and that has to count for something.

HEATING UP: Teams 9-2 

9. Denver Nuggets: The Joker & Jamal Murray 

No matter what you think about Nikola Jokic (I think he is great, but I do wonder if his talents would translate to NBA Jam) I don't think Jamal Murray is good enough to be on a NBA Jam team ranked any higher than ninth.

8. Portland Trailblazers: Dame Lillard & Steve Urkel

Hey Portland fans would you rather have Dame Lillard and CJ McCollum representing your team in this real life NBA Jam tournament? Or if you could: Would you use a time-machine to bring back the original team of Clyde Drexler and Terry Porter?

7. 76ers: Ben Simmons and Joel Embiid

I wonder if the "NBA Jam rule" where everyone can make three-pointers will apply to real life Ben Simmons? Because if that rule does applies then Philly might actually become my pick to win the entire damn thing.

6. Milwaukee Bucks: Giannis & Kris Middleton

Could you imagine putting Giannis in sixth place for a fictional 2 on 2 basketball tournament? I mean seriously, who the hell is guarding "The Freak of Greek" in a 2 on 2 game? I am starting to think the author of this blog is a moron.

5.  Houston Rockets: Russ & Harden

Fictional NBA Jam tournament aside: Is anyone else really excited to see all of the media members who love Daryl Morey -- and thus have been "dogging' Russ ever since Russ won MVP over Harden -- completely flip flop their take and start talking about how great of a fit Westbrook is for the Rockets?

I for one can't wait.

4. Los Angeles Kawhi's: PG-13 & Leonard

I will not lie. I am not going to pick Kawhi to win my fictional tournament because he did not pick the Lakers for his real life team so now I hate him again.

3. Brooklyn Nets: KD & Kyrie

Remember we are basing this on the fact that everyone is 100% healthy. So that makes KD the undisputed best player in the world again. Sadly, I can't pick him to win this tournament because I think Kyrie is the worst player of anyone in the Top 5.

2. Golden State Warriors: Steph & Klay

Before you start saying things like "what about size" just remember that this is NBA Jam. Which means after three made shots Steph -- or Klay -- will be on fire and then their size won't matter. Because any real gamer knows that when you are on fire in NBA Jam that person can block/goaltend every shot not matter how tall, short or fat they are.

Speaking of being on fire . . .

HE'S ON FIRE: #1 Los Angeles LeBron's 

With these current NBA rosters nobody is beating LeBron and AD in a real life NBA Jam tournament.

That does it for me sports fans. If you like what you read today then please note that on Saturday 7-13 I am going to start Twitter Poll Tournament asking this very question. So if you don't already do so, start following @therealinformer on Twitter so that you can partake in the festivities.

On that note: BOOMSHAKALAKA!!!!


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