Who Would Win a Real Life 2019 NBA Jam Tournament?

Q: Hey Informer have you noticed that every NBA team is now pairing up stars like they are preparing for a real life NBA Jam tournament? We have KD-Kyrie, LeBron-AD, Kawhi-George and now Russ-Harden. So I guess my question is this: Which of these new formed super-duos would actually win a real life NBA Jam tournament?

Before I can answer this absolutely amazing question, I need to ask one of my own: Are we talking about a tournament using the original NBA Jam rules, or one where we use NBA Jam T.E. (Tournament Edition) rules?

This is important because using the original rules means that we only need two players for each team (giving advantage to a team like "The LeBron's" who only have two players to choose from anyways). But if we are using T.E. rules then that means we can use three players (giving a possible edge to deeper teams like Utah & Boston).

Now, since this is very time sensitive (The Informer can't be the only person who thought of this NBA Jam tournament idea for a blog post) and there is no one else around to clarify the rules: I have decided to make an executive decision that this blog we will be using the original NBA Jam rules.

Two players per team.

No questions asked.

Winner takes all.

So with that in mind, here are The Informer's definite "Who would win a real life 2019 NBA Jam Tournament " Power Rankings.

REJECTED: Teams 30-25

Pick an order.

Magic - "Bo Mamba #5" & "Dr. Jonathan Issac Yankam D.D.S."
Hornetts - I honestly don't know two players on their team. Is Kendall Gill still around?
Bulls - Lauri "Markkanen Correction" & Zach "The Vine"
Grizzlies - Ja "Rule" Morant & "Triple J" Jaren Jackson Jr
Knicks -Yikes.
Cavs - Hella Yikes!!!

Remember in NBA Jam when you would play their version "season mode" it always started out with you playing against the worst teams and then the more you won the harder teams started showing up?

Well, if this were real life season mode -- which it is -- the Cavs, Knicks, Hornets, Magic, Bulls and Grizzlies would absolutely be your first six games.

RAZZLE-DAZZLE: Teams 24-20

24. Suns - Devan Booker & DeAndre Ayton
23. Hawks - Trae Young & John Collins
22. Kings - Buddy Heild & Marvin Bagley
21. Mavs - Luka & Porzingis
20. Pelicans - Zion & Jrue Holiday

Two thoughts here:

1) I agonized for at least seven seconds over who should be the Kings Top 2. I literally could not decide if the proper move was to go Heild-Fox, Fox-Bagley or Heild-Bagley. In the end, after some very intense soul searching, I realized the seven people reading this blog could care less about the Kings; so I decided to go with Heild-Bagley because they are my two favorite Sacramento players.

2) This is the "Razzle-Dazzle" group because while ranked low all five of these teams would be entertaining as heck in a real life NBA Jam tournament. But alas, unless Zion really is the second coming of Michael LeBron Bryant -- I am not ruling this out -- I don't think any of these teams would actually win said tournament.

UGLY SHOT: TEAMS 19-18

19.Pacers - Victor Olandipo & Myles Turner
18. Heat - Jimmy Butler & Justise Winslow

Nothing personal, but goodbye Pacers and Heat. Y’all ain’t winning.

WHAT WAS HE THINKING: Teams 17-15

17. Timberpups - Townes & Wiggins
16. Pistons - Blake Griffin & Andre Drummond
15: Wizards - John Wall & Bradley Beal

I put the Timberpuppies this high because Karl Anthony Townes is that good. But they ultimately are not winning without a second star.

Moving along: Am I nuts or would a Blake Griffin and Andre Drummond team be really tough to beat? I mean their lack of 3-point shooting would most likely be their down fall, but their "Monster Dunks" that broke all of the backboards would be worth the price of admission.

As for the Wizards, I am planning this tournament under the notion that everyone is healthy (keep that in mind as we go on); which means a Wall-Beal tandem would be a tough out. But when it was all said and done I  threw the Wizards in the middle of the pack because I don't remember what a healthy John Wall even looks like.

I have a lot of no regrets with my decision.

IS IT THE SHOES: Teams 14-13

14. Spurs - LaMarcus Aldridge & Demar DeRozan
13. Thunder - Chris Paul & Danilo Gallinari

If Duncan, Parker or Ginobili are not walking through that front door; then the Spurs are not winning this tournament.

If KD, Russ or Harden are not walking through that front door; then the Thunder are not winning this tournament.

HE JUST GOT HIS DEGREE FROM DUNKIN ON U: Teams 12-10

12. Raptors- Pascal Siakum & Kyle Lowry
11. Jazz - Donovan Mitchell & Mike Conley
10. Celtics - Jayson Tatum & Kemba Walker

If you are Utah would you take Conley over the Stifle Tower? What about Joe Ingles? Wouldn't Ingles be a modern day Chris Mullen (Jam fans know what I am talking about)? I honestly think I could do a whole other blog about the Utah Jazz's real life NBA Jam team. Sadly, if I am writing a whole other blog trying to figure out who your Top 2 is for an NBA Jam tournament; that probably means you are a team that would have benefited more from NBA Jam T.E. Rules.

Also, anyone looking for an in depth Celtics breakdown, please re-read the Jazz blurb. You have many very very good players. But do you really have 2 great players that would win you an NBA Jam tournament? I don't think so.

Finally, I put the Raptors in the Top 12 because they are the defending NBA Champions and that has to count for something.

HEATING UP: Teams 9-2 

9. Denver Nuggets: The Joker & Jamal Murray 

No matter what you think about Nikola Jokic (I think he is great, but I do wonder if his talents would translate to NBA Jam) I don't think Jamal Murray is good enough to be on a NBA Jam team ranked any higher than ninth.

8. Portland Trailblazers: Dame Lillard & Steve Urkel

Hey Portland fans would you rather have Dame Lillard and CJ McCollum representing your team in this real life NBA Jam tournament? Or if you could: Would you use a time-machine to bring back the original team of Clyde Drexler and Terry Porter?

7. 76ers: Ben Simmons and Joel Embiid

I wonder if the "NBA Jam rule" where everyone can make three-pointers will apply to real life Ben Simmons? Because if that rule does applies then Philly might actually become my pick to win the entire damn thing.

6. Milwaukee Bucks: Giannis & Kris Middleton

Could you imagine putting Giannis in sixth place for a fictional 2 on 2 basketball tournament? I mean seriously, who the hell is guarding "The Freak of Greek" in a 2 on 2 game? I am starting to think the author of this blog is a moron.

5.  Houston Rockets: Russ & Harden

Fictional NBA Jam tournament aside: Is anyone else really excited to see all of the media members who love Daryl Morey -- and thus have been "dogging' Russ ever since Russ won MVP over Harden -- completely flip flop their take and start talking about how great of a fit Westbrook is for the Rockets?

I for one can't wait.

4. Los Angeles Kawhi's: PG-13 & Leonard

I will not lie. I am not going to pick Kawhi to win my fictional tournament because he did not pick the Lakers for his real life team so now I hate him again.

3. Brooklyn Nets: KD & Kyrie

Remember we are basing this on the fact that everyone is 100% healthy. So that makes KD the undisputed best player in the world again. Sadly, I can't pick him to win this tournament because I think Kyrie is the worst player of anyone in the Top 5.

2. Golden State Warriors: Steph & Klay

Before you start saying things like "what about size" just remember that this is NBA Jam. Which means after three made shots Steph -- or Klay -- will be on fire and then their size won't matter. Because any real gamer knows that when you are on fire in NBA Jam that person can block/goaltend every shot not matter how tall, short or fat they are.

Speaking of being on fire . . .

HE'S ON FIRE: #1 Los Angeles LeBron's 

With these current NBA rosters nobody is beating LeBron and AD in a real life NBA Jam tournament.

That does it for me sports fans. If you like what you read today then please note that on Saturday 7-13 I am going to start Twitter Poll Tournament asking this very question. So if you don't already do so, start following @therealinformer on Twitter so that you can partake in the festivities.

On that note: BOOMSHAKALAKA!!!!

The 10 Greatest Kobe Bryant Facts Ever

Since tonight -- April 13th, 2016 -- is going to be the last NBA basketball game Kobe "The Black Mamba" Bryant is ever going to play; The Informer thought now would be the perfect time to share with the world his Top 10 All-Time Kobe Bryant facts.

So without any further, let's talk about the Mamba.

10A. Kobe scored at least 60 points on five different occasions, including one game where he scored 62 points in three quarters against the Dallas Mavericks.

10B. Also, just for the sake of being factually correct, the only other player in NBA history to have more 60 point games than the Mamba is Wilt Chamberlain; who had 32 such games.

10C. Finally, since we are being factually correct, it should be noted that during his 62-points in three quarters game, the Dallas Mavericks as a team scored 61 points. That is right, Kobe Bryant single handedly out scored an entire NBA team. 

9. Kobe scored 50+ points on 24 different occasions. To put Kobe's scoring in perspective; that is more than Steph Curry, LeBron James, Kevin Durant, Magic Johnson and Larry Bird combined.

8A. Kobe was the first player in NBA history with 30,000 points and 6,000 rebounds.

8B. It should also be noted that he is currently 3rd all-time on the NBA career scoring list behind only Karl Malone and Kareem Abdul Jabar.

8C. Oh and don't forget, his 81 points in a single game against the Toronto Raptors in January of 2006, is the most points scored by any NBA player not named Wilt in the history of basketball.

7. Kobe once led the Lakers to the playoffs despite the fact that Kwame Brown was his starting center. The Informer is not making this fact up. There is video evidence on the internet and everything.

6. He was drafted by the Charlotte Hornets with the 13th overall pick, and was then traded to the Lakers for the one and only Vlade Divac.

5. Kobe Bryant nicknamed himself "The Black Mamba". I mean seriously: How awesome do you have to be to give yourself your own nickname and then have the rest of the world not only accept it, but love it?

4. Kobe Bryant -- the musician -- released the single greatest rap single in the history of music featuring Tyra Banks called K.O.B.E.

3. One time Kobe Bryant committed a homicide on Steve Nash.

2A. Kobe is one of only three players in NBA history to average at least 40 points per game for an entire month. In case you were wondering; he accomplished this feat four different times.

2B. Speaking of 40 point games: Did you know that Kobe scored at least 40 points against every single NBA team at least one time in his career?

And finally, The Informer's favorite Kobe fact of all-time is . . .

1. During the 2005-06 season Kobe joined Michael Jordan, Wilt and Rick Barry as the only players in NBA history to average at least 35 points per game for an entire season.

Honestly, there is no other way to say it other than: "Kobe Bryant is, was, and always will be 'The Mamba'.

#ThankYouMamba #GOAT!!!

Kobe Bryant's 60 Point Final Act

The Informer: “Did you see what Kobe just did?”

Friend: “No what happened?”

The Informer: “The Lakers were down 10 points with about 2:16 seconds left in his last game ever and he scored 13 straight points and the Lakers won. It was awesome. Oh and he also finished the game with 60 points.”

Friend: “Bull f*****g shit!!!”

The Informer: “Seriously, I couldn’t make this up if I had to.”

That is the text exchange I had with a friend last night after watching Kobe Bean Bryant, playing in the final game of his illustrious 20 year career, score 60 points while willing the Los Angeles Lakers to a 101-96 victory over the Utah Jazz.

I am sharing this exchange for two reasons 1) Who in the hell was not watching Kobe last night? 2) The “bull f*****g shit” line is the perfect way to describe what took place last night in Los Angeles.

Kobe Bryant was ridiculous. He was amazing. He was larger than life. He was whatever word you can think of that basically means “bull f*****g shit there is no way that actually happened”.  

Now, The Informer knows exactly what you are all thinking right now because I am thinking the same exact things: How does a 37-year old man score 60 points in his last NBA game (P.S – it was his sixth career 60 points game which is the second most in NBA history)? And how does a 37-year old man shoot the ball 50 times in a single game? Most importantly, how in the blue hell did the Lakers actually win a game when a 37-year old man shoots the ball 50 times?

The last question is what gets me the most about last night’s game. To quote Herm Edwards: “The Utah Jazz were playing to win the game.” They were not rolling over and letting Kobe Bryant do this. No, they were trying to win this game. They wanted to win this game. And for most of the night, they were on pace to win this game. 

The only problem was, Kobe freaking Bryant gave absolutely zero f***s about the Utah Jazz’s desire to win. 

Nope, in the end April 13th, 2016 was Kobe Bryant's night.

And by Gawd he was not going to let the Jazz, or ESPN (who moved his final game to ESPN 2), or the Golden State Warriors, or Father time take it away from him.

Hell, even when the Lakers were down 10 points late in the fourth quarter there was a sense that Kobe was going to do something magical. 

Then he scored his 50th point to make it a six point game on a shot that had The Informer reminiscing about 2006. Then he hit a pull up jumper from 15 ft. Then there was the fade-away three that had no business actually going in to pull the Lakers within one. 

We were all witnessing Kobe having a nam-like flashback to his “Black Mamba” days and somehow the Lakers were within reach of actually winning this game.  

And then the flashback became a reality.

Kobe drained a jumper from the top of the key to give the Lakers their first lead of the fourth quarter. He followed that up by making two more free throws to push his total to 60 and the Lakers lead to three. Finally, Kobe threw a perfect full court pass to Jordan Clarkson which ended with a dunk (making Kobe’s last NBA stat ever an assist #IsntThatIronic?)

After that Byron Scott decided Kobe had done enough, so he substituted "White Mamba" Ryan Kelly into the game enabling Kobe the chance to walk off the court with just four seconds remaining in his career. Of course, this was done so the stunned/excited/joyous Staples' Center crowd could serenade our hero one last time with chants of "Kobe . . . Kobe . . .  Kobe!!!"

And man was it awesome.

Honestly, it was a performance that The Informer will never forget.

And in the end, there really is only one word to describe what took place in Los Angeles on April 13, 2016: “KOBE!!!”

#ThankYouKobe #LegendsNeverDie #MambaOut

(The Informer after the blog note –  In the spirit of never forgetting Kobe's great night, here are The Informer’s favorite tweets/reactions from last night’s Kobe game.)

Lol pretty funny #HatersGonnaHate pic.twitter.com/p5WtmrHLrm

— The Informer (@therealinformer) April 14, 2016

60 in his final game?! 81(on me)in his prime. Incredible. Insane discipline! Congratulations @kobebryant.

— Jalen Rose (@JalenRose) April 14, 2016

I can't even take a real picture. Whoever made this so fast ... my cap is tipped pic.twitter.com/Y17vghx7nn

— Marc Stein (@ESPNSteinLine) April 14, 2016

I'll remember this night forever #MambaOut

— LJ (@KobeB_fan24) April 14, 2016

Just texted my wife and asked if we could change The Informer Jr. Name to #Kobe #He is the man #I'm not joking

— The Informer (@therealinformer) April 14, 2016

Great tweet right here pic.twitter.com/d8kUiTaeUy

— The Informer (@therealinformer) April 14, 2016

It's a heckling fan when you're already pissed
It's a 60 point game that ends with an assist
Isnt it ironic, doncha think

— Patrick Vint (@HS_BHGP) April 14, 2016

"Kobe doesn't pass."

The last stat of his career was an assist."

— Nim Possible (@nimmy_turner) April 14, 2016 

And finally . . .

Just when you thought Kobe gave you a lifetime of memories, he reached down one last time. pic.twitter.com/M3gVzCKozI

— CBS Sports (@CBSSports) April 14, 2016