The Informer's 2019 NFL Picks: Week 4

 

Q: Nice call on the 1st half under in primetime last night Informer. And by nice call I obviously mean total sh**. Seriously, you follow up a 7-9 Week 3 with an under bet that was damn near covered by both teams individually? Is it hard to suck that bad at life? Or do you come by it naturally? Honestly, I would call you trash, but that would be an insult to trash. Why don't you do the world a favor and delete your blog already?

Well, I sure am glad I decided to start this week's article with some emails from the made up readers. That looks like it was a real smart decision. On the bright side, at least I was not called fat or ugly this time.

Q: One more thing Informer, you are an ugly overweight wilderbeast. 

I walked right into that one. But for real, are there any actual sports or gambling questions?

Q: I got one Informer: What is the one thing you hate the most about the 2019 NFL Season?

The thing I hate the most about the 2019 NFL Season -- other than Andrew Luck retiring -- is the new pass interference challenge rule. The thing is an absolute disaster. The refs apparently have been told to not change the call on the field unless one of three things happens 1) Vegas needs the team who would benefit from the challenge to win/cover. 2) A murder, rape or shooting takes place. 3) The refs missed an egregious pass inference call (whatever the f*** that means)?

Just look at what happened on Thursday night. The refs had three chances to change obvious pass inference missed calls and each time they totally ignored the video evidence and stuck with the non-call on the field.

So my question becomes: Why the hell do we even have the new rule if they are not going to use it to get the call right?

And don't give me this "it has to be egregious" (seriously I don't even think that is a real word) crap. If there is an obvious pass interference -- like the Eagles defensive player grabbing, hitting, punching, impeding, holding, inappropriately touching and obviously interfering with the receiver -- then use the technology to make the right call.

I guess my point is this: If they are not going to change these calls when its obvious, then why even use the technology? Just go back to the old way and we can all live with the bad call on the field. At least that would be better than getting boned over by the call a second time when the refs see the video evidence and still refuse to admit they f***ed up.

Q: Okay Informer, what is the one thing you love the most?

I will give you two: Tom Brady and Patrick Mahomes. They are awesome and my favorite thing about every NFL football Sunday.

Q: Is Felix Hernandez a Hall of Famer?

Ummm . . .Wrong blog dude (my answer is no though).

Q: Who are your Top 5 MVP candidates through three weeks?

1. Patrick Mahomes - No one has been better then Patrick Mahomes through three weeks. 
2. Tom Brady - No one not named Patrick Mahomes has been better than Tom Brady through three weeks.
3. Lamar Jackson - Losing a shoot-out against Patrick Mahomes doesn't drop Lamar out of my Top 5 MPV rankings. But I am watching to see how he responds in Week 4 against the Browns. 
4. Dalvin Cook - Cook is on pace for 2,400 total yards from scrimage on a team that is going to be fighting for a playoff spot. Sounds like an MVP candidate to me. 
5. Aaron Rodgers - If Aaron Rodgers is going to lead the Packers to the NFC North Championship (which I am predicting) he is going to be in the MVP conversation.

Q: How can you call yourself an expert at making NFL picks when you are getting smoked by a nine year old? You are a fraud Informer. You somehow tricked people into thinking you knew something when the reality is anyone can do what you do. Even a kid.

Have you ever heard of Bobby Fisher? Or Adam Banks? Or MacCaulley Culkin? Or Young Sheldon?

Those "kids" as you call them happened to be prodigies. You know what a prodigy is? Its a person who is a genius even though the outside world would call them a "kid".

Well guess what, I am starting to think "Young AC" is a prodigy when it comes to making NFL picks.

So yea, I take absolute no shame in getting beat by a genius. Furthermore, if being a fraud means I am going to keep my six games above .500 record (27-21 ATS) throughout the season -- along with my "winning 80% of the time" first half under in Primetime bets -- then please sign me up as the biggest fraud on the internet. 

Because if being that fraud means winning, I am happy to keep up the act.

And on that note, here are The Informer's Week 4 NFL Picks.

As always please remember that these picks are only to be used for shady illegal bets made with guys named "Slim", "Suds", "Big Tuna", "Jim" or anything that rhymes with the words "Slick Willy", "Big Wussy" or "Small Rick".

Philadelphia Eagles @ Green Bay Packers (-4)

The Informer's proof of Thursday Night Football Pick:

Give me Eagles +4.5 and 1st half under 22.5 #TNF

— The Informer (@therealinformer) September 26, 2019

Pick: Eagles (+4)

Carolina Panthers @ Houston Texans (-5)

Is a guy named Kyle really going to win back to back NFL road games? Just seems far-fetched to me.

Pick: Texans (-5)

Cleveland Browns @ Baltimore Ravens (-7)

I have zero scientific logic, theories on the flat Earth, or gambling statistics to back up my pick; but I am grabbing the points and betting the Browns. 

Pick: Browns (+7)

Washington Redskins @ New York Giants (-3)

When two crappy teams are playing against each other the rules clearly state one must always take the points. Even if that means betting the Redskins on the road.

Pick: Washington (+3)

San Diego Chargers @ Miami Dolphins (+15.5)

Normally, since I took the Chargers in my winners suicide poll, I would bet the Dolphins as a just in case hedge bet. But I am not going to do that today and here is why: The Miami clogged toilets suck donkey rectum and I refuse to put money on them.

How’s that for scientific gambling data.

Pick: Chargers (-15.5)

Oakland Raiders @ Indianapolis Colts (-7)

They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again with the same results. Yet here I am, totally not insane, once again betting the Oakland Raiders as a heavy road underdog.

In the words of the great Roy Munson: "Who you calling a psycho?"

Pick: Raiders (+7)

Kansas City Chiefs @ Detroit Lions (+7)

For fun here is one of the DraftKings lineups The Informer set up for today:

QB: Mahomes

RB: McCoy
RB: Williams (the non injured one)
WR: Sammy Watkins
WR: D. Robinson (from Chiefs)
WR: Mecole Hardman
TE: Travis Kelce
Flex: D. Freeman (Falcons)
D: Chiefs

I guess what I’m trying to say is I think the Chiefs are about to have a huge day.

Pick: Chiefs (-7)

New England Patriots @ Buffalo Bills (-7)

The Buffalo Bills are 3-0 when I use their section of the blog to hand out the Blimpie Best meme of the week. So for the sake of trying to help the Billsmafia out here is the Blimpies Best meme of the Week: 

Picks: Pats (-7)

Tennessee Titans @ Atlanta Falcons (-3.5)

Here are 10 random stats that I found interesting heading into the Week 4 season.

1. The New England Patriots defense is on pace to only give up 90.6 points this season.
2. The NFL record is currently held by the Chicago Bears who in 1985 gave up 198 total points.
3. Tom Brady needs 414 yards to pass Drew Brees for third place all time.
4. Tom Brady's career high for passing yards in the city of Buffalo is 466.
5. Larry Fitzgerald needs five receptions to pass Tony Gonzalez for second place all time.
6. Julio Jones needs four more yards to reach 11,000 career receiving yards.
7. If Jones surpasses the mark today, he will have accomplished the feat in just nine season and 114 career games.
8. For comparison sake: It took Jerry Rice nine seasons and 133 games to surpass 11k.
9. Speaking of milestones and records -- AC the Gambling Kid Prodigy -- is currently 35-12-1 with his straight up NFL picks and 29-19 against the spread. 
10. To put that in perspective: According to NFL picks watch dot com his 29-19 record ATS is the third best of any expert on the internet. 

As for this game, The Informer is completely stealing AC's pick and laying the points #As the old saying goes: "If you can't beat the prodigy, use his picks to make yourself look better and make money".

Pick: LKLOTW Falcons (-3.5)

Tampa Bay Buccaneers @ Los Angeles Rams (-10.5)

Sticking with "AC the Prodigy" here are his Week 4 picks. If you would like to get his reasoning behind the picks please click this link and go watch his YouTube video. I am not lying when I say the kid has massive talent.

AC against the Spread: Packers (-4) Falcons (-3.5), Giants (-3), Chargers (-15.5), Raiders (+7), Texans (-5), Chiefs (-7), Pats (-7), Rams (-10.5), Hawks (-5.5), Bears (PK), Jags (+2.5), Cowboys (-2.5) & Steelers (-3)

AC straight up to win: Packers, Giants, Chargers, Raiders, Texans, Chiefs, Ravens, Pats, Rams, Hawks, Bears, Jags, Boys & Steelers

Pick: Tampa (+10.5)

Seattle HGHAWKS @ Arizona Cardinals (+5.5)

Minnesota Vikings @ Chicago Bears (PK)

Two road teams that the majority of the public betting money is backing.

What could go wrong?

Pick: Vikings (PK) HGHawks (-5.5)

Jacksonville Jaguars @ Denver Donkeys (-2.5)

10 random Gardner Milksteak facts:

1. When "The Milksteak" gives you the finger, he is telling you how many seconds you have before he throws a touchdown pass.
2. Gardner Milksteak can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade you have ever tasted.
3. There is no play clock in games involving Gardner, because "The Milksteak" decides what time it is.
4. Gardner Milksteaks real name is Gardner Minshew.
5. Gardner Milksteak tells Simon what to do.
6. Gardner Milksteak refers to himself in the fourth person.
7. Every time Gardner Milksteak throws an interception a Unicorn is born. It's just to bad that the Milksteak never throws interceptions.
8. Gardner Milksteak can throw a football right between a cyclops eye.
9. Gardner Milksteak can cut a butter knife with a football.
10. And finally, Gardner Milksteak eats pieces of Denver Donkey's for breakfast. 

Pick: Jags (+2.5)

Dallas Cowboys @ New Orleans Saints (+2.5)

The Saints backup quarterback tricks were fun for a week, but I don't think they can do it two weeks in a row.

Pick: Cowboys (-2.5)

Cincinnati Bengals @ Pittsburgh Steelers (-3)

Nope. Not doing it. Next.

“Informer you can’t do the next gimmick, this is the Monday night football game.”

Wait, again? Are you serious? What did ESPN do to make the NFL so mad at them?

Yikes. 

Well, I am obviously not going to waste any time talking about the Steelers or the Bengals, so how about I just remind everyone that the 1st half under is 21.5 and wrap this blog up.

Is that a good plan?

Awesome.

Pick: Steelers (-3)

That’s it for Week 4. Good luck to everyone reading. I truly hope your Sunday is filled with Natty Light, winning parlays and enough back door covers to build your own Blimpies sub shop.

See y’all next week.

Informer out.

THE INFORMER'S 2019 NFL PICKS RECORD

Overall: 27-21

Last Week: 7-9

LKLOTW: 2-1

Overall Winning Weeks ATS : 2-1

(The Informer after the blog straight up to win picks: Packers, Falcons, Chargers, Colts, Chiefs, Ravens, Pats, Rams, Hawks, Vikings, Donkeys, Boys, Steelers)

The Informer's 2019 NFL Picks: Week 2

Here are The Informer’s Week 2 NFL Picks. As always, please remember that these picks are only to be used for reckless and illegal gambling purposes.

Tampa Bay @ Carolina Panthers (-6.5)

Proof of Thursday night pick tweet:

I’m taking the Panthers (-6.5) and the thing I said I would no longer talk about under 24 #TNF # pic.twitter.com/Qm8xAJ5MTZ

— The Informer (@therealinformer) September 12, 2019

Pick: Carolina (-6.5)

San Francisco 49ers @ Cincinnati Bengals (PK)

Me: Okay Informer, if you are ever going to be taken seriously as a writer you need to cutdown on the bull crap. That means no more random out of context tidbits, stories or rants. I’m being serious Informer. From this point forward useless facts and tangents are strictly forbidden.

Also me:

Did you know the 49ers and Bengals have a total of 34 combined letters in their names (17 for each team)? Did you also know that is not the most combined letters for two teams playing against each other? Nope there are actually four NFL combinations (all involving the Jacksonville Jaguars) that have a total of 37 combined letters.

Those matchups are

Jacksonville Jaguars and Pittsburgh Steelers
Jacksonville Jaguars  and Washington Redskins
Jacksonville Jaguars and Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Jacksonville Jaguars and New England Patriots

#TheMoreUselessStuffYouKnow

(The Informer actual gambling note of the day- This line has moved from Bengals -2 to a pick’em; which means all of the public money is currently on the 49ers. So keep that in mind when you are building your brand new Casino placing your bets.)

Pick: Bengals (PK)

San Diego Chargers @ Detroit Lions (+1.5)

I don’t really care about these two teams, so instead of talking about them how about we discuss The Informer’s “After Week 1” MVP rankings?

1. Lamar Jackson - A right handed Michael Vick. I honestly think if he stays healthy Baltimore is gonna be  right there with Kansas City and New England come January.
2. Patrick Mahomes - Remember when all the experts said to wait on a quarterback because Mahomes was going to high in fantasy drafts? Yea those people were wrong. I mean seriously, the dude had 315 yards passing in the first half. He is amazing.
3. Tom Brady - That’s What I love about these Tom Brady football games: "I get older and he stays the same age."
4. Sammy Watkins - If he catches 3 TDs a week I think he will have a shot to win the award.
5. Dak Prescott - If the Cowboys win the NFC East, then Dak will be in the MVP conversation.

Pick: Lions (+1.5)

Minnesota Vikings @ Green Bay Packers (-3)

That whole Top 5 ranking thing was kind of fun. I think we should do some more of that. So here are five more random lists of "Informer Top 5 Favorite Things."

NFL  nicknames

1. Josh “The Cannon Missile” Allen
2. Gardener “Milksteak”
3. AJ “The Sickness” Green
4. Mitch “Trabanski”
5. Marlon “Return of the Mack”

2019 TV Shows

1. It’s Always Sunny
2. Yellowstone
3. BH90210
4. Blue Bloods
5. NFL Primetime #ItsBackBaby

Sub Sandwich Shops

1. Blimpies
2. Jersey Mike’s
3. Firehouse Subs
4. Which Wich
5. Jimmy John’s

Keno Number Combinations

1. 17-52
2. 2-13
3. 6-17
4. 1-69-80
5. 2-4-6-13-17-20

Fast & Furious Movies

1. Fast & Furious 1
2. Fast & Furious 4
3. Fast & Furious 7
4. Fast & Furious 5
5. Fast & Furious 6

Pick: Packers (-2.5)

Indianapolis Colts @ Tennessee Titans (-3)

I may not be a scientist, but even I am smart enough to know that there is no way on Tim Tebow's Green Earth the Tennessee Titans are going to lose at home on the same day they retire Steve “Air” McNair and Eddie George’s jerseys.

Go ahead and Lion King Lock this in as a Titans win and cover folks.

Pick: LKLOTW Titans (-3)

New England Patriots @ Miami Dolphins (+19)

75% of the public is betting against an 18.5 point double digit home underdog.

Tom Brady is 1-5 in his last six games in Miami.

The Patriots under Bill Belichick  are 0-5 against the spread when the line is over 18 points.

“Informer are you seriously trying to make a case for betting the Miami Dolphins against Tom Brady? Man I think you have finally drank yourself stupid. Seriously, there is not enough gambling rules in the world to entice me to place hard earned money on the clogged toilet of a dumpster fire piece of s*** Miami Trash.”

Did you just say "clogged toilet of a dumpster fire piece of s***? That's a weird use of the English language flex, but ok. I like it. As far as the gambling goes; I am just letting you know what the rule book says. And in this case the rule book clearly states you have no choice but to bet the Miami clogged toilets.

Pick: Clogged Toilets (+19)

Buffalo Bills @ New York Giants (+1.5)

As long as Josh “The Cannon Missile” Allen keeps winning, I have no choice but to keep using his section for the Blimpie Best meme of the week:

I don't care who you are, that is freaking hilarious. #SugeBelichick

Pick: Bills (-1.5)

Seattle HGHawks @ Pittsburgh Steelers (-4)

Dallas Cowboys @ Washington Redskins (+6)

According to my very mediocre internet searching skills, Dallas and Pittsburgh are the two highest betted (Is betted a word?) teams this week; with each team getting 80% of the action in their favor. Well, as we keep saying on this blog, when 80% of the bets are going one way, it is smart for the person to zag the opposite way.

#KeepBuildingThemCasinosVegas #InCaseKeenumWeTrust #HGHawks.

Pick: Washington (+6) HGHawks (+4)

Arizona Cardinals @ Baltimore Ravens (-13)

65% of the public bets are on a rookie quarterback making his first career road start against the Baltimore Ravens? I just don’t like those odds.

Pick: Ravens (-13)

Jacksonville Jaguars @ Houston Texans (-9)

In honor of the Texans being favored by nine points, here are nine random Informer thoughts, questions and hot takes:

1. Despite dropping his first pass since the 2017 season, I still think DeAndre Hopkins is pretty good at football.
2. Josh Jacobs, Miles Sanders, Devin Singletary, Hockinson, Gardner Milk Steak, Kyler Murray and Hollywood Brown are rookies I love.
3. Classic Jets. #Mono? #Really?
4. Adrian Peterson, making his first start of the 2019 NFL season this Sunday against the Cowboys, needs one rushing touchdown to break a 5th place tie with Jim Brown for career touchdowns.
5. Dear NFL, more Monday night doubleheaders and less Thursday night football. Please and thank you.
6. I once said there was no way in the bluest of blue hells that I would ever pay money for the ESPN premium app. So what did ESPN do? They totally made The Informer a filthy liar thanks to their announcement that Chris Berman and Tom Jackson were bringing NFL Primetime out of retirement. It literally took me six minutes after reading the news for me to give you my credit card information. Well played ESPN. Well played indeed.
7. I’m not sure who needs to hear this but I’m going to say it anyways: Julio Jones— aka the guy who never catches touchdowns — has caught a touchdown pass in five straight games.
8. Tom Brady only needs three TD passes to surpass Peyton Manning for second place on the all time career list. Also, Tom Brady plays the Miami Dolphins this week. #ItWasAGoodRunPeyton
9. I think I would not be doing my job as a famous sports blogger if I didn’t point out that the 1st half under in Primetime is 5-0 on the season.

Pick: Jags (+9)

Kansas City Chiefs @ Oakland Raiders (-7)

For fun, let's play a quick game of compare these players at age 26.

Player A: 241 receptions, 3,506 yards & 32 TDs
Player B: 241 receptions, 3,769 yards & 31 TDs

What if I told you that player A went on to become an NFL Hall of Famer who finished his career with 1,101 receptions, 13,899 yards & 130 TDs (Chris Carter), while player B is Chiefs wide receiver Sammy Watkins who still has 15 games left in his age 26 season?

I wanted to bring up this comparison for a few reasons. First, I found it interesting that both guys came into the NFL with huge expectations but only lasted 3-years with the teams that drafted them (Carter & Eagles, Watkins & Bills). Secondly, I wanted to point out that while Sammy's career has not gone the way many experts (myself included) expected, if you look at what Carter did after his age 26 season; then it would appear Watkins still has plenty of time to achieve that greatness.

I for one am 100% rooting (and expecting now that he has Mahomes as his QB) for Sammy to do it. Because the NFL is always better when great players reach their great potential.

Pick: Chiefs (-7)

Chicago Trabanski’s @ Denver Donkey’s (+2.5)

Things I would rather do then bet Mitch Trabanski as a road favorite:

Wash the dishes. Eat asparagus. Crack. Watch Nic Cage’s movie “The Wicker Man”. Go for a jog. Tell my wife she is overreacting. Put goat cheese on my pizza. Drink Coors Light. Lose to a 9-year old in an NFL Picks off. Go scarf/vail shopping with Cam Newton. Order a fake impossible Whopper from Burger King. Bet the 1st half over in Primetime. And finally, I would rather bet Joe Flacco starting his first home game as a Denver Donkey in the stadium that made him a hero.

Pick: Donkey’s (+2.5)

New Orleans Saints @ LA Rams (-1.5)

If the WWE NFL writers really want this Saints-Rams feud to reach its full potential, then they have to put the Rams over on Sunday. And if they are truly looking for“X-PAC” nuclear heat, then they have no choice but to let the Rams win with a questionable penalty call from Earl Hebner the refs late in the game.

Of course, if the writers -- in the name of being best for Fox business -- are going to script the Saints into a “Montreal Screw Job” finish on Sunday; then I have no choice but to load the heels Rams

Pick: Rams (-1.5)

Philadelphia Eagles @ Atlanta Falcons (+2.5)

I’m betting the Atlanta Falcons. I have no good reason or scientific data to support this decision. This is purely an "I want to root for the team I like on Sunday Night Football" so I am going to bet them pick. So please take this selection with a grain of cocaine.

Pick: Falcons (+2.5)

Cleveland Browns @ New York Jets (+2.5 & +7)

I got the Browns at (-2.5) in my Super Picks contest, but I know with Sam "Mono y Darnold" out this line jumped to (-7). I also know since it was announced "The Mono Man" was out, the public has been throwing money on the Browns like they were a rapper at the strip club. And, well, since we keep saying not to follow the public bets; I decided I will be keeping the Browns at (-2.5) in my Super Picks contest, while also betting the Jets (+7) for the cover.

In the gambling world I think this is called having your Blimpies and drinking your Natties to.

Pick: Browns (-2.5) & Jets (+7)

That is a wrap folks. I hope your Sunday is filled with cold Natties, at least one Blimpie Best, winning parlays, backdoor covers, 1st half unders and enough 3-team teasers to kill a small community bank.

Informer out.



THE INFORMER'S 2019 NFL PICKS RECORD

Overall: 11-5

Last Week: 11-5

Lion King Lock of the Week: 1-0

1st Half Under in Primetime: 5-0

The Informer's 2018 NFL Picks: Week 9

Here are The Informer's Week 9 NFL Picks. As always, please remember these picks are only to be used for illegal debauchery things such as online gambling, parlays, teasers and Super Pick contests. Any other use of this blog, its accounts or any information provided without the express written consent of The National Informer League is strictly prohibited.

Oakland Dumpster Fires @ San Francisco 49ers (+1)

Give me Raiders -1 #TNF

— The Informer (@therealinformer) November 1, 2018

Pick: WOOF (-1)


Detroit Lions @ Minnesota Vikings (-5.5)

Blogging really is a funny thing. You see two weeks ago The Informer went 14-1 against the spread (the single greatest gambling weekend of my life) and had a fairly normal views week. Then last week (a week in which I went 11-3 ATS) over 4/5 of my normal reading audience decided to not read The Informer.

Now obviously, with over 80% of my audience disappearing the week after I had the greatest week of my life, I had to ask the question: How and why did that happen?

The problem was I could not come up with any good answers. So that is when I decided to do what any normal adult male with five children and a full time job would do: I got Natty Light wasted until I eventually came up with two reasons why the people stopped reading this blog.

Here is what I came up with:

1 - Everyone who has ever been tricked into clicking on a link to this blog finally decided that they would rather be broke -- and not have the best NFL picks on the internet -- then read one more poorly written blog with lame ass joke about The Informer getting drunk and calling NFL teams trash.

Or . . .

2 - The rulers of the flat Earth -- aka Vegas -- saw that I am the Shane McMahon of NFL Handicapping (25-4 against the spread the past two weeks) and got so tired of losing money that they paid the internet to hide all links to my blog.

Now, call me crazy, but looking at the options I gotta say that I find it hard to believe anyone would voluntarily give up free money just because they don't like my jokes, or my lack of ability to properly use punctuation?

I mean giving up free money for any reason would be asinine, right?

Think about it this way: If someone said "Hey go to this Nickelback concert they are giving out millions of dollars to everyone who listens to all their songs in one night." Would you in turn say "No I hate Nickelback music so I will turn down the free money?"

The answer is hella no.

You would rock your face off listening to How You Remind Me and then spend your free money on Natty Light and hookers (for those not into booze and ladies of the night, maybe you would give some money to charity and then go to church). Either way, you would put your hate for Nickelback aside and go to the damn concert where they are handing out free money.

Just like everyone on the internet would put their hate for The Informer aside in order to get the best free NFL picks money can buy.

So, since option one is not really logical when you break it down, that means the only logical reason a 30 pack of Natty Light has more beers then my blog had views last week; was because Vegas and the internet are determined to keep you the people from seeing these picks and winning free money.

Now, I know what you are all thinking right now: "If Vegas and Sandra Bullock are teaming up to keep these picks from the people then there is literally nothing we can do to stop them."

To that I say "not so fast my friends."

You see, no matter how hard they try, Vegas can't control us if we all work together. Which is why this week after you get done reading -- and making your bets -- please make sure to share the link to this article on Twitter, Facebook, Medium, Pornhub, Linkedin, SnapFace, InstaCocaine and where ever else kids are hanging out at these days.

In the end, if we all do our part we can conquer the evil Vegas empire. And best of all, once we take them down, we will be filthy rich from illegal gambling winnings.

#SpreadTheWord

Pick: Lions (+5.5)


Kansas City Chiefs @ Cleveland Browns (+8)

85% of the people are betting the Kansas City Chiefs on the road a week after they defeated one of their biggest rivals. That means if you want to follow the gambling rules the only bet you can make this week is on the Browns (+8).

Me personally; I am not going to follow the gambling logic. Not because I am some kind of gambling rebel who does things his own way, no the reason I am not following the rules is because after 15 Natty Lights I still couldn't find the courage to type the word "Browns".

Pick: Chiefs (-8)


Pittsburgh Steelers @ Baltimore Ravens (-3)

Baltimore already beat the Steelers once this season, which means it is the Steelers turn to beat the Ravens. That is how the NFL writers say this rivalry works. And since it is the Steelers turn to win, I have no other choice but to grab the points and bet the road team.

Pick: Steelers (+3)


Tampa Bay @ Carolina Panthers (-6)

The Panthers are 4-0 overall and 3-1 ATS at home this season. Tampa Bay on the other hand is 1-3 on the road. In other words; I am using some really advanced metric stats the laymen people would not understand to make this pick.

Pick: Panthers (-6)


New York Jets @ Miami Dolphins (-2.5)

There are a 10 things I know to be 100 percent true facts about this life. 1) Dinosaurs are not real. 2) Al Gore created the internet. 3) The Earth is flat. 4) Natty Light. 5) Blimpies is the only sandwich store that matters. 6) Moss is boss. 7) Tom Brady is Goat. 8) Aaron Rodgers is not goat. 9) ESPN should bring Chris Berman and Tom Jackson back to do NFL Primetime 10) There is no way on Tim Tebow's Green Earth I will watch one single second of this abortion the NFL is trying to pass of as a football game.

And since there is no reason to waste anymore time thinking about the Jets-Dolphins, how about we hand out this week's Blimpie Best Meme of the Week . . .

#You know Jon Gruden definitely tried to trade the short fat kid on the right for a future draft pick.

Pick: Dolphins (-2.5)


Atlanta Falcons @ Washington (-2)

I think the Atlanta Falcons are the better team. I think the Falcons are going to win this game out right. I think I am going to make the Falcons my Lion King Lock of the Week. And I think if you or anyone you know has a problem with that then I got five words for ya: "I DRIVE A DODGE STRATUS!!!"

Pick: Falcons (+2) Lion King Lock of the Week

Chicago Bears @ Buffalo Bills (+10)

Nathan Peterman is starting quarterback for the Buffalo Bills.

Please re-read that last sentence again before gambling today.

Pick: Bears (-10)


Houston Texans @ Denver Broncos (-1)

Los Angeles Chargers @ Seattle HGHawks (+1)

Los Angeles Rams @ New Orleans Saints (-1.5)

My three favorite types of dogs in this world are: 1) Hot dogs smothered in ketchup. 2) Road dogs who are also the better team. 3) Home dogs who play in Seattle.

And I guess, since I am all out of ketchup, it looks like the only dogs I have left to love this week are the two road dogs (Texans & Rams) who are the better team and the one home dog who plays in Seattle.

Pick: Rams (+1.5) HGHawks (+1) Texans (+1)


Green Bay Rodgers @ New England Patriots (-6)

I will not bet against Tom Brady in Primetime . . . I will not bet against Tom Brady in Primetime . . . I will not bet against Tom Brady in Primetime . . . I will not bet against Tom Brady in Primetime . . . I will not bet against Tom Brady in Primetime . . . Bet the first half over . . . I will not bet against Tom Brady in Primetime . . . Follow The Informer on Twitter . . . I will not bet against Tom Brady in Primetime . . . I will not bet against Tom Brady in Primetime . . . I will not bet against Tom Brady in Primetime . . . Julio Jones still has not caught a TD pass . . . I will not bet against Tom Brady in Primetime . . . I will not bet against Tom Brady in Primetime . . . Am I really going to bet against Aaron Rodgers in Primetime? . . . I will not bet against Tom Brady in Primetime . . . I will not bet against Tom Brady in Primetime . . . I will not bet against Tom Brady in Primetime . . . I will not bet against Tom Brady in Primetime . . . I put ketchup on my steak today . . . I will not bet against Tom Brady in Primetime . . . I will not bet against Tom Brady in Primetime . . . I will not bet against Tom Brady in Primetime . . . I will not bet against Tom Brady in Primetime . . . Is anyone still reading this? . . . I will not bet against Tom Brady in Primetime . . . I will not bet against Tom Brady in Primetime . . . I will not bet against Tom Brady in Primetime . . . I will not bet against Tom Brady in Primetime . . . I will not bet against Tom Brady in Primetime!!!

Anyways, just so my intentions are crystal clear Pepsi, I am not going to bet against Tom Brady in Primetime.

Pick: Patriots (-6)


Tennessee Titans @ Dallas Cowboys (-+6.5)

When you have two mediocre teams playing against each other you must always take the points. These are the rules set forth during the 1928 Geneva Gambling convention. Therefore, since the Cowboys & Titans are both mediocre, I have no choice but to grab the points and hope the Tennessee Titans miss another two point conversion with no time remaining to cover.

Pick: Titans (+6.5)

The Informer's 2018 NFL Picks: Week 8

Before we get to The Informer's NFL picks, here are a few things to think about heading into Week 8 of the 2018 NFL Season:

Tom Brady is only four TD passes away from tying Brett Favre for second all-time with 508 NFL touchdown passes. Now for those thinking -- four TD passes against the Buffalo Bills on Monday Night Football in 2018 seems like an absolute lock -- please keep in mind that Brady has only thrown four TDs or more in six of his 31 career starts against the Bills. So, if we are doing simple math, there is only about a 20% chance that Tom Brady ties Favre on Monday Night Football this week.

I guess, what I am trying to say is, Tom Brady is most definitely about to throw five touchdowns against the Buffalo Bills for the second time in his life while moving past Brett Favre for second place all-time.

Congrats Tom Terrific. Next up is Peyton Manning who is sitting at 539.

Speaking of the record books: Did you know Ben Roethlisberger needs two TD passes on Sunday to pass Fran Tarkenton for 8th place all-time for most career TD passes? Did you also know that once Roethlisberger passes Tark the all-time rankings will go: #8 Big Ben, #7 Eli Manning and # Phillip Rivers? Finally, did you know that if you look at career passing yards the all-time rankings go: #8 Rivers, #7 Ben and #6 Eli?

Gotta say, that is not to shabby for the first three quarterbacks drafted in the 2004 NFL Draft.

For those wondering; the last three quarterbacks drafted in the 2004 NFL Draft (Matt Mauck, BJ Symons & Bradlee Van Pelt) combined to throw for 143 yards and zero career touchdowns #TheMoreYouKnow.

This is not really a stat, but please go pick up Ronald Jones in fantasy as soon as you get done reading this article. You are welcome in advance.

AJ Green is four receptions away from becoming the 70th player in NFL history to have 600 receptions.

Adam Thielan -- who has reached 100-yards receiving in an NFL record seven straight games to start the season -- is on pace for 152 receptions, 1,872 yards and 12 touchdowns.

In the words of Forrest Gump: "That is all I got to say about that".

This is my order for 2018 NFL MVP heading into Week 8: Pat Mahomes, Todd Gurley, Tom Brady, Drew Brees & then Adam Thielan.

This is my order for 2018 least NFL MVP heading into Week 8: Jon Gruden, Bills QB #2, Bills QB #3, Derrick Henry & then Eli Manning.

Hey this is kind of fun . . .

Here is a list of 13 NFL players who -- as of November 25th, 2017 -- caught a total of 44 TD passes during their career (aka one more than Julio Jones): Ahmad Rashad (yes that Ahmad Rashad), Reggie Rucker, Webster "My Man" Slaughter, Dave Parks, Lance Moore, Doug Baldwin, Dwayne Bowe, Buddy Dial, Willie Gault, Terry Glenn, TJ HoushmanIdon'thaveanyideahowtospellhisname, Nate Washington and Roy Williams.

And here is a list of 13 NFL players who -- as of October 27th, 2018 -- caught a total of 44 TD passes during their career (aka one more than Julio Jones): Ahmad Rashad (yes that Ahmad Rashad), Reggie Rucker, Webster "My Man" Slaughter, Dave Parks, Lance Moore, Doug Baldwin, Dwayne Bowe, Buddy Dial, Willie Gault, Terry Glenn, TJ HoushmanIdon'thaveanyideahowtospellhisname, Nate Washington and Roy Williams.

I will now once again use a meme for motivation speaker Matt Foley to express how every Julio Jones fan feels about the above stats #

Sticking with Julio Jones touchdowns: Did you know only two of the 42 NFL player to finish a season with at least 1,500 yards receiving scored less than six touchdowns in said season? That would be 2012 Calvin Johnson (who set an NFL record with 1,964 yards receiving but only caught give TD passes) and 2012 Andre Johnson (who racked up 1,598 yards receiving and four touchdowns).

Julio Jones is currently on pace for 1,856 yards and zero TDs.

Still sticking with Julio Jones TDs: Did you know on November 11th, 2007, Randy Moss caught more touchdowns in one half (four) then Julio Jones has caught in the past 23 games?

Listen, I know I am spending to much time on this Julio thing, but I swear my mind is actually flabbergastedly (Is that even a word?) blown by this. Seriously, how can Julio Jones not "accidentally" score at least one touchdown in the last 12 games? I mean for Pete f**king sakes a guy named Marvin Hall caught a touchdown pass for the Falcons last week.

MARVIN FREAKING HALL!!?

And Julio can't get one?

I just don't get it.

Anyways, which means I apologize for melting down about the fact that Julio Jones will literally have zero touchdowns heading into Week 9 of the 2018 season (he has a bye this week), how about we get to The Informer's Week 8 NFL Picks?

As always, please remember these picks are only to be used for illegal debauchery things such as online gambling, parlays, teasers and Super Pick contests. Any other use of this blog, its accounts or any information provided without the express written consent of The National Informer League is strictly prohibited.

WEEK 8 NFL PICKS

Texans (-7.5) WIN

Eagles (-4)

Browns (+8)

Donkeys (+10)

Bears (-9.5)

Washington (-1)

Seattle HGHawks (+3)

Bengals (-3.5)

Panthers (+3)

Colts (-3)

Cardinals (+1.5)

Packers (+8)

Vikings (+1.5)

Pats (-13.5) LKLOTW

The Informer's 2018 NFL Picks: Week 6

Q: Hey Informer do you have any regrets about your 5-10 NFL Picks record in Week 5?

You mean like betting against Tom Brady at home in Primetime while he was playing the Colts? Or losing my Lion King Lock of the Week because the Miami Dolphins couldn't protect a 17-0 second half lead (which means they were up 23.5-0 per the spread)? Or maybe you are asking if I regretted breaking all the gambling rules by betting against three teams that were home underdogs/home teams favored by less than three points (those teams went 3-0, I went 0-3)?

If that is what you are asking, then my answer is no. I don't regret anything. Sure I wish I would have won, but at the end of the day I made my picks based off of years of scientific research  a drunken gut feeling and I have no regrets where that feeling led me to. Even if it was to the post office to mail my bookie a check that could have been used to by all of the Patrick Mahomes rookie cards. 

Q: What about that tweet you sent after finding out your kids soccer game was canceled? Do you regret that?

What tweet? I don't remember sending any tweet out about my daughter's soccer games.

Q: Are you really going to sit there and pretend you don't remember this?

I'm not saying it was my best moment as a dad, but here was live video footage of me finding out my daughter's 2pm Sunday soccer game was canceled due to rain # pic.twitter.com/nJaFRk0w4R

— The Informer (@therealinformer) October 7, 2018

Oh you meant that tweet? Yea, I 100% regret sending that tweet. In fact I am 100% certain that tweet -- and not my drunken gut feelings --  was the entire reason my picks were an absolute dumpster fire of an abortion last week.

Q: Spin it how ever your want Informer,  but the fact remains that you are an utter embarrassment to the internet and you should probably just delete your blogger account. But, because I know you are a stubborn jackass who thinks people actually read this garbage,  could you maybe give us one really cool stat before we get to this week's picks?

Using the word "utter" before calling me an embarrassment seems a bit harsh. But I guess in the end you did ask nicely, so I will answer answer your question with this really interesting and cool stat:

Here are the Top 10 NFL career touchdown pass leaders in 1994

1. Fran Tarkenton - 342
2. Dan Marino - 328
3. Johnny Unitas - 290
4. Joe Montana - 273
5. Sonny Jurgensen - 255
6. Dan Foutes - 254
7. John Hadl - 244
8. Y.A. Tittle - 242
9. Len Dawson - 239
10. George Blanda -236

Here is Top 10 NFL career touchdown pass leaders in 2018

1. Peyton Manning - 539
2. Brett Favre - 508
3. Tom Brady - 500
4. Drew Brees - 499
5. Dan Marino - 420
6. Philip Rivers - 355
7. Eli Manning - 345
8. Fran Tarkenton -342
9. Ben Roethlisberger - 340
10. Aaron Rodgers - 323

Isn't it wild that today seven of the Top 10 greatest touchdown throwers in NFL history are quarterbacks who were not even in the NFL the year Joe Montana retired with the fourth most touchdown passes in NFL history (Brett Favre was finishing his third season)?

Furthermore, how good was Fran Tarkenton? I mean the dude retired in 1978 and yet his passing numbers still hold up today despite the evidence showing us the NFL is now a pass happy league. That is simply amazing.

Sticking with Fran: Did you know that Tarkenton held the TD record from 1978 to 1995 (17 years)? Then Dan Marino held the record from 1995 to 2007 (12 years). Brett Favre then held the record from 2007 to 2014 (seven years). And finally Peyton Manning will hold the record from 2015 until sometime in 2019 when Tom Brady or Drew Brees breaks his record (four years). 

So I guess my point/question is: Will we ever see someone hold this record for 17 years again? Or is it just going to keep changing hands every 2-7 years?

And finally, if this stat  repeats history, that means in 24 years seven of the greatest statistical quarterbacks in NFL history will have been replaced by guys who may or may not even be playing college football right now. 

Think about that for a second. 

Anyways, now that we have all been "informed" about the future of NFL quarterbacks with this week's really cool stat of the day, here are The Informer's Week 6 NFL Picks.

As always, please remember these picks are only to be used for illegal debauchery things such as online gambling, parlays, teasers and Super Pick contests. Any other use of this blog, its accounts or any information provided without the express written consent of The N.F. Informer is strictly prohibited.

Philadelphia Eagles @ New York Giants (+3)

Here is The Informer's proof of pick Thursday Night Football Tweet:

Im taking the Eagles (-1) #TNF

— The Informer (@therealinformer) October 11, 2018

Ladies and gentle people, your eyes are not deceiving you. That is a Thursday night win.

Pick: Eagles (-3)


Seattle HGHawks (-3) @ Oakland Raiders (in London)

Over the past Fortnight I have been Sod Off by the fact that I am a Tosser who has Lost the Plot when it comes to picking Bloody NFL games. Hell, I have been Cocking Up so badly by handing out Crusty Dragon picks that I was actually thinking about quitting in order to become a Chap-Scrubber On the Pull for Starker Daft-Cows who don’t know the difference between their Knackers and Strawberry Creams.

But then I realized quitting would make me a complete Axe Wound who should be forced to Go to Her Majesty’s Pleasure just like all the Pounces that Filch from the Khazi Slappers who give you Nookie for money. So, because I didn’t want to be a complete Areshole Axe Wound, I decided I am going to get back to being Aces by betting against the Chav Knobhead Raiders on Sunday. 

Now, don’t get your Knickers in a Twist Raiders fans, I do think you have an Anorak offense, and that there is a chance I Throw a Spanner in the Works, but the fact remains your defense is going to See a Man about a Dog on Sunday; which means they will not be Up for it against a Seattle offense that just went toe to toe with the 2018 NFC Champions. 

Again, I am not Arse over Tit for this pick, but Before you Bite your Arm off, please keep in mind the Raiders -- who are basically playing their fourth road game of the young 2018 season -- have been All fur coat and no knickers in 2018. So I literally have no choice but to Leg over the points and take the HGHawks while making myself a couple of Easy-peasy Quids. 

Bob's your uncle. 

Pick: HGHawks (-3)


Arizona Cardinals @ Minnesota Vikings (-10)

There is no way the Vikings lay another egg against a double digit dumpster fire . . . Right?

Pick: Vikings (-10)


Los Angeles Chargers @ Cleveland Browns (-1.5)

I am going to keep riding the red hot covering Browns (they are 4-1 on the season against the spread) until they turn back into the Browns and cost me money. 

Pick: Browns (-1.5)


Tampa Bay @ Atlanta Falcons (-3.5)

Here is a meme of motivational speaker Matt Foley expressing my exact feelings on the 2018 Atlanta Falcons:

Pick: Falcons (-3.5)


Carolina Panthers @ Washington Redskins (+1)
Indianapolis Colts @ New York Jets (-2.5)
Pittsburgh Steelers @ Cincinnati Bengals (-2.5)
Los Angeles Raiders @ Denver Donkeys (-6.5)

Remember last week when every home underdog/ home team that was favored by less than three points covered? And then after this happened I got Jay Cutler wasted and swore to Tim Tebow that I would never -- not even if their was a fire -- bet against a home dog/ home team favored by less than three points ever again?

Well, I give you this weeks picks that involve home dogs/ home teams favored by less than three points . . . #I really am a moron.

Pick: Panthers (-1) Colts (+2.5) Steelers (+2.5) Rams (-6.5)


Chicago Bears @ Miami Dolphins (+3)

Speaking of home dogs: Did you know that Ryan Tannehill was downgraded to questionable on Friday with a shoulder injury and may not play in this game? This means that there is a good chance Brock Osweiler is going to start/play quarterback in this game.

Folks please re-read that last sentence. Because it says: THERE IS A CHANCE BROCK OSWEILER PLAYS QUARTERBACK IN THIS GAME!!!

And, well, any time there is a chance for "Brock to Brock", The Informer's gambling rules clearly stat that I have to make the team he is going to "Brock" against the Lion King Lock of the Week.

Pick: LKLOTW Bears (-3)


Buffalo Bills @ Houston Texans (-10)

Abortion. Trash. Dumpster fire. Open Hatchet Wound. Crud. Sewage. Balderdash. Gross. Yuck.

In other words, here is this Week's Blimpie Best Meme of the Week starring the beautiful Selena Gomez:

The Internet can be really mean sometimes #Memes & Words Hurt You Know? 

Pick: Bills (+10)

Jacksonville Jaguars @ Dallas Cowboys (+3.5)

Give me the home dog against a team without a good running back so they have to plan their entire offense around Blake Bortles being a great quarterback. 

Pick: Cowboys (+3.5)

Baltimore Ravens @ Tennessee Titans (+3)

Give me the home dog against a team without a good running back so they have to plan their entire offense around Joe Flacco being a great quarterback. 

Pick: Titans (+3)

Kansas City Chiefs @ New England Patriots (-3.5)

I will not bet against Tom Brady in Primetime ever again . . . I will not bet against Tom Brady in Primetime ever again . . . I will not bet against Tom Brady in Primetime ever again . . . I will not bet against Tom Brady in Primetime ever again . . . I will not bet against Tom Brady in Primetime ever again . . .I will not bet against Tom Brady in Primetime ever again . . . I will not bet against Tom Brady in Primetime ever again . . . I will not bet against Tom Brady in Primetime ever again!!!!!

Just so we are all clear, I am totally betting against Tom Brady in Primetime again. In the words of the great Forrest Gump: "I am not a smart man."

Pick: Chiefs (+3.5)

San Francisco 49ers @ Green Bay Packers (-9.5)

Aaron Rodgers in Primtime. That is my expert opinion as to why you should bet the Packers on Monday Night Football. 

Pick: Green Bay (-9.5)

The Informer's 2018 NFL Picks: Week 3

Here are The Informer's Week 3 2018 NFL Picks. As always please remember these picks are only to be used for illegal debauchery things such as online gambling, parlays, teasers and Super Pick contests. Any other use of this blog, its accounts or any information provided without the express written consent of The N.F. Informer is strictly prohibited.

New York Jets @ Cleveland Browns (Browns -3)

Five things I learned from the Browns first ever NFL victory:

1. The 1st half under in Primetime is back (it is now 6-2 on the year)
2. Hue Jackson has to watch more film before announcing a starting QB.
3. Hue Jackson needs to be fired/drug tested if he watches said film and benches Baker Mayfield.
4. The Browns are a legit playoff contender with Baker Mayfield.
5. And finally, I learned that #ClassicJohnMaddenMemes never get old:

Anyways, putting classic John Madden aside, here is The Informer's proof of Thursday night pick tweet:

Im taking the Browns -3 and the 1st half under 20 points #TNF

— The Informer (@therealinformer) September 20, 2018

Pick: Browns (-3) 1st Half Under 20 (Winner Winner)


Indianapolis Colts @ Philadelphia Eagles (-7)

I am taking the Colts and grabbing the points in this game for a few reasons: 1) The Eagles have zero healthy wide receivers. 2) They are starting someone named Clement at running back. 3) Their QB is playing his first game since tearing an ACL (there will be rust). 4) Frank Reich used to coach for the Eagles now coaches for the Colts (insider information). 5) And finally because I never bet against Andrew Luck when his side arm is locked, healthy and loaded. 

Pick: Colts (+7)


Cincinnati Bengals @ Carolina Panthers (-3)

As a person who would like the Bengals to move to 3-0 on Sunday I am going to do the only logical thing when it comes to this game: I am going to max bet the Panthers (-3). I am going to place the Panthers in every single parlay, teaser and NFL Super Picks contest I am in. And of course I am going to make them my Lion King Lock of the Week (which is 0-2 on the season). 

#How is that for an Informer Jinx? #GoAJGreen #TheSickness #BengalsDey

Pick: LKLOTW Panthers (-3)


New Orleans Saints @ Atlanta Falcons (-2)

Dear Atlanta Falcons coaching staff, 

Julio Jones has went seven straight regular season games without catching a touchdown. Will you please do something to change this?

Sincerely,

Everyone who watches football and is completely flabbergasted by the fact that you can't find a way to get one of the greatest wide receivers to ever play the game of football a touchdown. 

Pick: Falcons (-2)


Denver Donkeys @ Baltimore Ravens (-5.5)

New York Giants @ Houston Texans (-6)

Oakland Raiders @ Miami Dolphins (-3)

The NFL gambling rules clearly say that when you have mediocre/complete garbage teams playing against each other you always take the points. 

Pick: Donkeys (+5.5), Giants (+6) & Raiders (+3)


Tennessee Titans @ Jacksonville Jaguars (-9.5)

My totally fake and made up bookie does not have a line on this game so we are going to have to use the lines from the Las Vegas Super picks contest which was set at (-9.5) in favor of the Jags.

Now, as you are going to see in a few paragraphs with my Green Bay Packers pick, this game is totally contingent on whether or not the starting quarterback plays. So my pick is this: If Marcus Mariota starts I am taking the Titans (+9.5), but if Mariota is ruled out I will be betting the Jags (-9.5). 

In other words, this will be a last minute game time betting decision. Just remember Mariota yes, bet Titans. Mariota no, bet Jags. 

Pick: Mariota Yes Titans (+9.5) Mariota No Jags (-9.5)


Green Bay Packers @ Washington (+3)

Aaron Rodgers yes, bet Packers. Aaron Rodgers no, bet Washington.

Pick: Rodgers Yes Packers (-3) Rodgers No Washington (+3)


Buffalo Bills @ Minnesota Vikings (-17)

I have literally zero logic behind what I am about to say, and I know I am probably going to go straight to hell for doing it, but I am grabbing the points and betting Josh "The Torpedo Missile" Allen and Buffalo Bills on Sunday. 

Pick: Bills (+17)


San Francisco 49ers @ Kansas City Chiefs (-6.5)

Los Angeles Chargers @ Los Angeles Rams (-7)

Chicago Bears @ Arizona Cardinals (+6)

I am going to ride the Chiefs, Rams, Bears heater until she bucks me (fyi - all three teams are 2-0 against the spread this season). And since that is all I got to say about that, how about we hand out this week's Blimpies Best memes of the Week?

Poor Sam Bradford, dude just can't catch an injury break. 

That cigarette 😆😆😆😆😅😅

#ClassicKD #😂😂😂😂 #YesIJustUsedACryingLaughEmojiTwice #YesTheBlogHasReachedANewLow

Pick: Chiefs (-6.5) Rams (-7) Bears (-6)


Dallas Cowboys @ Seattle HGHless Hawks (-1.5)

Since I have nothing to say about this game, here are 14 random facts/tidbits/Randy Moss stats about Week 3 of the 2018 NFL Season that I wanted to share:

1. Eli Manning (52,185) leads Big Ben (51,852) by 333 career passing yards.
2. This week Ryan Fitzpatrick needs 98 yards passing to pass Chad Morton, 118 yards to pass Ken Stabler, 178 yards passing to pass Terry Bradshaw and 380 yards to pass Ron Jaworski on the all-time list. 
3. Tom Brady and Drew Brees both have 493 career touchdown passes. 
4. Brett Favre is second all-time with 508 TD passes.
5. Peyton Manning is first with 539 TD passes.
6. In 49 career games Odell Beckham has 38 touchdown receptions. 
7. In his last 49 games Julio Jones has 13 touchdown receptions.
8. In his last 49 games Matt Ryan has 76 touchdown passes and only 13 of them went to Julio "seriously how can this guy not get a touchdown ever" Jones. 
9. Patrick Mahomes is on pace to throw 80 Touchdowns.
10. For those scoring at home, that would be an NFL record.
11. Raise your had if you thought Matt "Breida Mode", Joe Mixon, Phillip Lindsay, Lamar Miller & James Conner would be the five best "yards per game" running backs through 2 weeks of the NFL season?
12. If your hand is raised you are a liar. 
13. Did you know that on September 23, 2007 Randy Moss caught 5 passes for 115 yards and 2 touchdowns in a Patriots 38-7 win over Trent "The Cannon" Edwards and the Buffalo Bills?
14. And finally, I am going to bet the HGHless Hawks on Sunday.

Pick: Seattle (-1.5)


New England Patriots @ Detroit Lions (+7)

Everyone say it with me,

Tom Brady in Primetime coming off of a loss . . . Tom Brady in Primetime coming off of a loss . . . Tom Brady in Primetime coming off of a loss . . . Tom Brady in Primetime coming off of a loss . . . Tom Brady in Primetime coming off of a loss . . . Tom Brady in Primetime coming off of a loss . . . Tom Brady in Primetime coming off of a loss . . . Tom Brady in Primetime coming off of a loss . . . Tom Brady in Primetime coming off of a loss . . . Tom Brady in Primetime coming off of a loss . . . TOM BRADY IN PRIMETIME COMING OFF OF A LOSS!!!

Are we all on the same page?

Pick: Patriots (-7) & 1st half under (27)


Pittsburgh Steelers @ Tampa Bay (PK)

As the old saying goes: "Fool me once, shame on you . . . Fool me twice, shame on me . . . Fool me three times, then I am just a drunken idiot who lost all his money betting against Ryan Fitz-magic."

Pick: Steelers (PK)